Sweetest Downfall
by Feels-Like-Paradise
Summary: Life for Madeline Wayne hasn't been the same since the Joker. What will life now be like for her dealing with the aftermath of previous events? And with the appearance of an old foe will she surive this time? Sequel!
1. Thanks For The Memories

**I told you all it wouldn't take long! I really hope you all like the sequel as much as you seemed to with the other story. This takes part seven months after the first story, major leap in time I know but I didn't want to focus way too much on the pregnancy, thank you all so much again I hope you like it. **

**Chapter 1: Thanks For The Memories. **

Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us can wants, is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time to forget and move on. But if I have gained anything over these months, it is the knowledge there is no starting over - only living with the mistakes you've made. These mistakes can as they say either make you or break you and once you have put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall. You notice the difference in yourself; you're keeping a secret, a secret which you need to weigh down in your heart and your mind with bricks and rope and hope it can't surface.

In 7 months your stomach can expand so much you can forget what your feet look like, or what it's like to have breasts that are a normal size, or a stomach that seems to scream to everyone 'touch me here.' Seven months seems to have gone by so quickly, James' funeral was just what he would have wanted it to have been; a show, all about him (naturally), even in death James commanded the spotlight and had his own way; right down to the flowers. Afterwards while we held the wake; Helena disappeared upstairs with a bottle of Valium while I sat on the sofa with Bruce and Jane talking to James' colleagues as they reminisced about him. They offered me condolences and commented on how 'they didn't see how this could have happened' a sentence everyone kept on repeating. Stephen, James' new partner looks so like him it was hard to look him in the eye, he'd commented on that and I'd merely smiled; what was I to say- _you remind me of him. I can't look at you without seeing him dying, looking at me in the eyes, the look of disbelief in his eyes._ Helena took the flag that Gordon was suppose to hand to me; I didn't want it at- the end of the day I was nothing, I was no grieving widow we thankfully hadn't reached that part, Helena meanwhile was his mother, I could see she'd wanted it anyway. She'd sat there when Gordon gave it to her and held it up to her nose as though the scent of James would be on it. She's hung it up now in what was his bedroom; nothing's changed in there, even when he was alive she kept it the same for him it always felt strange when we stayed over there to sleep in his childhood bed, thankfully now I don't have to when I visit; my stomach alone wouldn't fit on half of the bed. Ah the baby; how did everyone react? Bruce and Alfred started plans for a nursery straight away, Bruce even joking to me he'd train the baby to be his little side kick, I wasn't amused. Helena was shocked, the day after I told her she came to the manor and hugged me for the longest time showing me once again baby pictures of James and commenting on how if it were a boy he'd look exactly like James; I fixed a smile on my face whilst my head retorted 'no chance'. The press had a field day; one reporter commented on how strange it was I was pregnant after spending time with the Joker, I'd panicked at that until Bruce had stormed into it and straightened things out. They followed me even more so now; and as my bump grew so did the interest questions were constant; what is it, when are you due? I ignored them all and stuck to mine and Jane's 'agreement', Jane bless her has stuck to her word being the only one to look after me, keeping the scan pictures and my details close to her. My baby will be due I'm hoping in a couple of weeks time; I'm hoping the birth will draw Jack out, who has been almost silent since we last saw each other. At the funeral I swore I saw him, Speed and Bozo standing at the back of the cemetery; their faces hidden by the shadows and trees, but as soon as I tried to look again the service was over and I was swamped by people. I hope constantly to see him again; maybe he has no interest in me and our baby?

* * *

"Maddie I was out shopping with Joan, you remember Joan, anyway we saw this divine suit for the baby so naturally I went and brought it! It's up in the nursery; its yellow of course would be easier to shop of course if we knew the sex..." She give one of those looks that she and everyone has been given me for weeks; yet I still refuse to know the sex of the baby; be a surprise at the end of all the pain.

"Well when the baby is born you can buy all the pink" her eyes light up, "or blue you want."

"When I was pregnant with James I would have wanted to have known straight away that's what these type of scans are for! It would make it so much more easier I think you should find out dear"

I roll my eyes subtly at her and Rose her maid hides a snigger.

"Will you be going to the new art gallery opening tonight?" She frowns, she's forgotten once again, the amount of pills she pleads with the doctor for aren't helping her in that way.

"Oh the one that Bruce is throwing! He came here the other day and asked me himself, such a charming man your brother, of course I'll be going!"

God Bruce, what a creep.

"Will you be going dear? When I was as far gone as you were I was practically in bed rest and look at what I have, a healthy little boy..." her eyes grow misty, "look at what I _had" _She squeezes the cross at her neck tightly before letting it go.

"He'd be happy you know, that you're pregnant he would be so happy, a little baby he loved children you know and to have one of his own. My heart breaks when I think he won't see his little baby."

It always comes down to it; we talk about the baby and she brings up James, I can't get away from it, from him; he's still here tormenting me, making sure I won't forget.

"I'm sure he would, he's not here but I think he is thinking about us" She smiles thinking I'm talking about James when it's Jack that's on my mind.

I stand slowly up and she offers her hand to me; I gingerly take it, that's all I need me falling on her she'd snap like a twig.

"Rose will show you out, you take care and I will see you tonight," she bends down and places a kiss on my stomach before rubbing it gently.

"Be safe," she whispers before gesturing to Rose to see me off.

"Bruce is here now Helena, I'll see you later" she smiles and wafts her hand, the drugs kicking in already.

I open the door and Bruce is there; his hand lifted to knock.

"How'd it go? She fuss over you too much?" Bruce has learnt to drive slower, much slower; he no longer has to bribe cops for speeding.

"It was fine, she kept talking about the baby and James, she said she was coming tonight and was making moon eyes about you again" I tease him and he laughs, seriously she'll have one or two whiskeys tonight and be practically dry humping him.

"You got your dress picked out tonight? Alfred picked my suit up today when he was out."

I turn round to face him, my mouth open "Seriously? You sent Alfred out just for your suit? God Bruce what was the matter with you he's an old man! Oh and I've found a dress, the only thing that doesn't make me feel fatter than what I am, so much easier when I just wore my hospital scrubs."

Bruce has the good graces to not burst out laughing; good I'd have probably swung for him. The press are as usual lined up to catch a glimpse, Bruce considered getting me a bodyguard but I was horrified at that, plus it would just gain more attention for me. We walk towards the clinic to Jane with Bruce leading the way; I hold his hand close and keep my head down ignoring the calls.

"_Do you know where the Joker is? Has he made any contact with you?"_

No and no sorry to disappoint, those days I think are long gone.

**Joker's POV**

His been quiet of late, it's taken a while to get use to certain circumstances, even more so the baby. Maddie's baby, _his _baby; he can't imagine himself as a dad not after his own father. He knew that every time they slept together they were playing Russian roulette and now she was pregnant. His seen her in the papers obviously and he went to the cop's funeral, staying a safe distance away of course, he was lucky to not get caught when the cop died, it was only thanks to Maddie that he did. Just like before his been keeping pictures of her; another Maddie file, though this one will definitely be kept away from others. He wouldn't admit it to anyone even his men but he did a job on his own, they all thought he was trying to find Sam but instead he went to Jane, Maddie's friend and as promised she handed over some of the scan pictures. He looks at them now and traces the shape of his... well Maddie didn't want to find out so he didn't asked either. Either way the baby is healthy and growing well that's what Jane said and he doubts she would lie, not that he would kill her, being Maddie's best friend and all. The house he's in now is further from Gotham than he would have liked, he did want to be closer to Maddie and the baby but it was too risky now. He saw her for real at the cop's funeral, a small figure in black being clung onto by his mom. For a moment he thought she'd seen him and had the urge to go to her; screw the consequences, but then it was over and she was gone. That had been some months ago and she was still the first thing he thought of in the morning and the last thing at night; well when he did sleep. His been quiet too long; he needs to make his stand back in Gotham and the world. Bozo walks into the room and acknowledges him with a dip of the head, his been more subdue lately, ever since Dwayne died his lost some of the swagger that he had. Speed is well still Speed.

"Hey Boss Speed said Maddie was on TV".

He eagerly switches on the TV (flat screen of course he still likes the finer things).

"_Gotham is preparing to celebrate the opening of its new art gallery, supported by none other than Bruce Wayne. Wayne and his sister Madeleine are expected to be on the guest list at tonight's event which is expected to bring out the citizens of Gotham in their thousands. Also in related news Madeline Wayne was seen with her brother earlier on going to another hospital appointment. The doctor is expected to be giving birth in just a few weeks time her pregnancy comes of course not long after her kidnapping by the Joker who has been quiet of late, although citizens are advised to still be on the lookout. He is wanted for numerous assaults on the city more recently the death of one of Gotham's top detectives James Henry Dawson who lost his life earlier on this year..."_

Joker licks his lips, a plan already formulating, "Hear that Bozo I think they miss me, think it's time to go and see the people of Gotham, what do you say?"

Bozo nods, "Sure thing boss I'll sort out the men."

The Joker grabs hold of his arm, "No, this will be a little job; we need to warm things up. I'll take just you and Speed. Get ready."

"Oh and Bozo", Bozo turns round to face his boss; "Put on your best suit, I think you'll be needing it tonight."

**AN: So what do you think? This is of course my very first chapter of 'Sweetest Downfall' and I hope it lives up to your expectations and proves as popular as the last! Thank you all so much who have already added this story to your favourites and who are still reading/reviewing 'Deepest Cut'. Any questions/ideas will once again be welcomed. Thanks again! **


	2. With You I'm Born Again

**Hi everyone thanks to those who reviewed, added my story to alerts, added me as favourite author etc you're all amazing. Plus I see new readers; always a pleasure. Ahh my 'his and he's' it's always a problem ha and the worse thing is I actually study English as part of my degree... surprisingly I'm passing, I'll see that this improves thanks for pointing that out those who did! Anyways enjoy this chapter Joker will be making more of an appearance. **

**Chapter 2: 'With You I'm Born Again'. **

We all get surprises at least every day; life as they say is full of surprises. There's always something or someone out there with a surprise or two up their sleeve. I hate surprises; the suspense kills me; it's like at Christmas, I could never wait until Christmas day to open my presents me and Bruce would always try and tear away at little parts of the paper to try and see the gift underneath. We were always caught by Alfred who would chase us out of the room threatening to tell our parents, of course he never did. I'll tell you one thing, one surprise I always enjoy is what I do for a living, there's no substitute for experience. I don't care how long you may have been in this type of work; as a doctor you can depend on surprises. Jack on the other hand loves surprises; he loves it when a 'plan' falls exactly into place, when Batman turns up for him to 'play with'. What he makes of my surprise on the other hand may not exactly be good; but this is life, this is one of life's greatest surprises.

* * *

The red knee length dress is the only thing I can even bear to see myself in right now; I won't go into too much detail but the rest of my closet isn't appealing to me right now. Two weeks left of this two more weeks and I have to learn to look after someone other than myself; I'll be losing sleep over something other than my job. I look into my vanity mirror; looking into it reminds me of when Jack first touched me in the bathroom; his hand touching my skin, the memory of it could almost make my skin feel like it's on fire. I need to get myself out of the notion that he could be coming back; it's been months and no word, I need to move on as much as it hurts. I curse as I drop my earring; struggling to lower myself to the floor. Something under my pillow catches my attention and I pull the material loose; its Jack's shirt, I keep forgetting that I put it under there; Alfred must think it's one of James'. It's not been washed since; if I wash it I know that it will no longer be connected to him, call it freaky or whatever you want but for now this is all I have that's his.

"Maddie, are you ok?"

I turn around as quickly as I can still holding onto the shirt; "I'm fine yeah I was just picking up my earring."

He nods towards the shirt, "Is that one of James'?" We've barely talked about James and for a second I consider telling him everything, "Yeah of course it's James' I've just found it, couldn't even remember I had it here."

He crosses the room and places a hand gently on my arm, "Maybe you should put it away, like in your closet or something?"

I shake my head, "I'll get rid of it later, can we just go now please?" _Coward _my brain hisses at me and I'm tempted to agree.

I'm in too deep now, I can't take everything back; after a certain point, a heart with so many stress fractures can never be anything but broken.

**Bruce's POV**

Lately his been having nightmares about Maddie; it's always the same dream over and over but that doesn't make it any less terrifying. He was back at the Joker's hideout, this time there was no Maddie crying over James, he turned into the bedroom and instead saw a young woman on the floor bleeding; he would turn her over and it would be Maddie; her face younger but she was still dead, still bleeding in his arms and as much as he called for help no one would come. The dream would often change; sometimes he would go there and he would see the Joker cradling Maddie in his arms; he would scream at him to leave her alone, but when he would go to grab the Joker he would just go straight through him. Bruce would wake up sweating and almost in tears; he had to find him, a man like him wouldn't just give something up that he'd coveted for months, he would come back and he needed to be ready for him. He didn't just have Maddie to protect from the Joker now it was the baby too, he didn't want to think that he would harm a new born baby but this was the mass murdering, evil, psychotic clown that had hurt his sister and killed James, he didn't want to take any chances. Maddie had refused psychiatric help; insisting that therapy wouldn't stop the nightmares from coming, that she didn't want tablets that would only give her false feelings of hope. He thought maybe she was right but after seeing her with James' shirt he thought about broaching the subject for after the baby was born. The art gallery is already proving to be a success even despite Helena being attached to him and a sherry bottle for most of the night. As the crowd starts to disperse he continues his small talk with another business associate; Maddie stands alone in front of another... interesting ok awful painting.

"Now Wayne how long will it be before the next Wayne heir is born?"

God what is this guy's name, Hendricks? Henderson? Terry something he knows that much.

"Not long now gentlemen about two weeks to go, I'm already grooming the baby to take over" that gets a laugh from the hangers on, _God to be anywhere but here, _Bruce prays.

"A new man in your sister's life Mr Wayne?" Sandra, Terry's wife is pretty much a twin of her husband bar the moustache and other things...

"No my sister is still single, I think she's just concentrating on the baby right now ma'am."

She giggles and nods her head towards his sister "Oh really? Well who is that devilishly attractive man that she seems to have attracted?"

Crazy drunk woman is probably exaggerating, not that his sister is unattractive but the woman is drunk.

He seeks Maddie out and she is indeed talking to a guy he has never seen before; blonde long hair tied at the nape of his neck, snappy designer suit, hand on Maddie's back, stylish beard... wait hand on her back? Bruce cranes his neck to look closer; sure enough this guy is indeed practically feeling his little sister up...at his opening.

He turns back round to the foaming group of associates, "Excuse me gentlemen, ladies, please continue drinking the free drink."

By the time he makes it over to her, the guy is kissing her hand and has walked off, leaving his sister laughing softly.

"Hey Mads having fun?"

She turns around and looks happier than she has done in months, "Yeah I'm doing great thanks Bruce, I think you can add another great party to your list."

"Thanks, who was that guy?" he nods towards the direction the young man took off in.

"Oh just this guy I knew, he use to work at the hospital."

"Yeah, handsome guy I've never seen him before he sure is attractive."

Maddie faces him and starts laughing, "You like him huh? His single you know I'll put in a good word for you."

They both laugh and Bruce thinks how long it has been since they shared a moment like this, real laughter and real jokes.

"With my luck with the ladies lately I may have to take you up on that."

"Please Bruce you're talking like you're celibate, which I have been practising for months and will do until the kid is eighteen."

They leave the party early, both thankful that nothing went wrong, she looks different Bruce muses, she seems more content... perhaps it's the pregnancy or that guy she was talking to either way it's a good change, he hopes it stays this way.

**Maddie's POV (at party)**

I've always tried to appreciate art, pretty much like what Bruce does but it's not my thing. I twist and tilt my head at the portrait in front of me trying to decipher what it is.

"It's supposed to be a crying woman; I would have thought art would have interested you."

I don't take notice of the voice probably just one of Bruce's so called friends trying to have a a feel or ask questions.

"No it's not my thing it's more Bruce's."

"I guess I never really found out that much about you."

That voice... I finally turn around and frown deeply. The man to the side of me is tall, really tall, with dirty blonde hair tied back, a hint of a beard and a oh so familiar smirk. I put my hand out and verbally hitting myself I pull away I don't know what his feelings for me are now. As soon as I do that, his face darkens and he gently takes my hand, I flex my fingers and touch his beard, his eyes flutter closed briefly while I trace his 'beard'. His hand still holds onto mine while his other hand comes to a rest on my side. I look down and now it's my turn to pull him closer; I place his hand on my stomach, smiling up at him when the baby kicks.

"Knows who I am then huh?" he nods towards my stomach and I laugh.

"How have you been Jack?" I mutter so a passing waiter can't hear me.

"Oh ya know doll little bit of this, thought I'd stay away from you for a bit, didn't know if you still wanted me around" he tries to say it light hearted and jokingly, but I know he is waiting for me to deny his fears.

"I needed you when he died I needed you," I know he doesn't want to talk about James so I direct the conversation elsewhere, "The baby's doing good Jack, I'm doing good, will you come back to Gotham?"

"You know I couldn't have stuck around, I wanted to, I wanted to make sure you were ok. I saw you at the cop's funeral, didn't think it was wise to get closer." I nod, still not believing his here, I frown and look behind his shoulder, "Is that Speed and Bozo?"

He turns round and groans when Speed looks at me and starts waving madly; causing Bozo to shove his orange wig back on quickly.

He turns round and shakes his head muttering; then he focuses his attention back to me, "You're still beautiful you know? Still glowing..." he strokes my lower back and I bring myself closer, relishing in being in his arms again.

"I need to leave now doll, I'll be back soon I promise" he raises my hand to his lips and I laugh at his show. He grabs Bozo and Speed, who turns around and once again waves at me; I laugh and raise my hand to him.

He's still the same, just a little disguised, a little more guarded but he's still my Jack, I hope he stands by what he means as he always does and comes back. Even though he can't really have any sort of relationship with the baby I still want him close by. Seeing him brought back old memories all of our passion and love for one another had to go somewhere; if we couldn't always be with each other, if we couldn't have each other we'd always have the baby. That I suppose is more than some women can even dream of.

**Joker's POV**

He hates wearing suits; naturally he abides by wearing his own costume that's a part of the persona he has created. The facial hair is gonna be a bitch to get off; but he wants to see her. Speed is excited, like a little kid that's been kept inside for too long he is eager to get out. He had to pick out the most garish wig he could find; bright orange and curly, ah well some of the freaks that go to these sort of places are weird themselves, least he's having his fun. He checks out his appearance one last time in the mirror, the suit is stolen of course; the green in his hair is for tonight not making an appearance, _not bad not bad at all,_ he looks like his old self, he was always called a 'pretty boy'. He hopes Maddie will recognise him; he hasn't gone to all this trouble just for her to smack him in the face and tell him where to go. By the time they get there it's late, the party is almost over; luckily for his driver, she's still here. She's alerted slightly, aside from the pregnancy, her hair is now longer, even in her eyes you can see a change; they seem cold, harder now as though the weight of the world is resting on them. _Ah my lady in red_ he thinks as she moves closer to him; titling her head at the portrait, he leaves Bozo and Speed by the food (where else?) and strolls across the room, spying Bruce on the other part of the room.

He clears his throat to get her attention; "It's supposed to be a crying woman; I would have thought art would have interested you."

Instead of bothering to look at him he can almost see her roll her eyes at him, "No it's not my thing it's more Bruce's."

"I guess I never really found out that much about you."

Ah that got her to look. He can see the confusion in her eyes, she is taking in his altered features in. She reaches out a hand to his face, he admits he is more than annoyed when she takes it away annoyed and hurt. Gripping onto her she finally touches him; the electricity between them is still there, he almost moans from her touch and just being near her. He wants to touch her stomach but he doesn't know what her reaction will be; this is her space that he's in, her family, her world. As though sensing his fears she takes his hand and places it on her stomach, he feels... pride when the baby responds to his touch, he wonders if Wayne gets this reaction.

He tries to lighten the mood "Knows who I am then huh?" he gesture towards her stomach and she smiles.

"I needed you when he died..." he zone in more when she says this, he know it's true and isn't shocked when she confronts him, any normal guy would have been there but then again he's no normal guy.

"You know I couldn't have stuck around, I wanted to, I wanted to make sure you were ok. I saw you at the cop's funeral, didn't think it was wise to get closer."

"Is that Speed and Bozo?" he turns around and Speed notices Maddie and waves, he isn't small and Bozo is almost knocked sideways.

He focuses on her again, feeling his stomach clench just be looking at her; "You're still beautiful you know? Still glowing..."

He notices Wayne making his move towards them, his turn to exit stage left, "I need to leave now doll, I'll be back soon I promise", she looks crestfallen but allows him to kiss her hand, he eyes up her bump, right now he still doesn't feel connected to it, maybe that will change later on, maybe it won't. He turns on his heels and grab Bozo and Speed, who shoves a few handfuls of food into his pockets.

"She's looking real pretty still boss" Speed prods him as they set off back to the hideout; they really need to move into the place they have in Gotham soon.

"She's always like that" he reply absentmindedly, the driver, a new guy snorts. He raise an eyebrow but other than that doesn't react, he reminds him of Sam in some ways, a pig that is still out there, free to squeal. He walks upstairs and throws on his paint hazardly, a couple of the guys including the Sam look alike are talking, he creeps closer to listen, leaning against the door.

"I mean I didn't see her, he wouldn't let me in with them but we've all seen her, hell I'd still fuck her even now."

"As if she'd go for you Ed!" Another guy Skinner laughs it off.

"I'd think she's fuck anyone like, especially after fucking him, freak."

_My sign to enter_, he thinks as he straightens his collar, relishing in them all jumping to a stand, knowing he's overheard.

"Fellas," he nods at them, there are at least four of them in the room, all of them look scared, dreading what will happen.

"You know what I hate most in this pathetic city? Low lives like you talking about my woman like that; talking about things you'd never fucking understand. So Ed is it?" he nods towards tonight's driver, the guy looks like he's about to piss himself, "I'd er think before you talk." He shoots him square in the middle of his eyes, "or not."

The other guys stare at him, "Clean that up," he gestures with his gun, great blood on his carpet, he won't be making a habit of that at the new place.

He hadn't killed someone in a while and had the urge (like some do with cigarettes), to satisfy his needs. He walks off humming, who knows he may even teach Junior the tricks of the trade.

**AN: Sorry if the different views at the party annoyed you, I wanted you to see how all three of them reacted at the part scene, no gate crashing just yet! Maybe there will be some to come! Thanks for reading etc, I'll try and have the next one out soon, uni work is getting heavy so I'll see what I can do. Thanks again!**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	3. I Am Whole

**This is obviously the third chapter (already eek) thanks for all the reviews and new readers, adding me to your favourites list etc, you guys really do rock! This is quite a long chapter but you all deserve a little treat, Enjoy! **

**Chapter 3: I Am Whole.**

Life they say begins with birth; apparently every 30 seconds a woman somewhere out there gives birth. As soon as you gave birth, it's as if you finally _get _it- you finally understand what the fuss is about. They become people, not kids. You start to identify with them. You see yourself in them. My mother once said to me that is the strange thing about being a mother: until you have a baby, you don't even realize how much you were missing one, that you're seeing yourself in your most finest. Jane told me that being born, having a child is the purest virtue that can be given by a living being it's one of the greatest achievements we can endure. Birth can bring out the best and worst in women; we turn into screaming, men hating banshees, it's one of the few times we really show ourselves, can express how we feel without being yelled at right back. Birth and death it's all linked, it happens to all of us.

**Maddie's POV**

I am the ultimate cliché right now; standing in my sweats spooning Ben & Jerry's straight from the carton into my mouth, Cookie Dough of course. I roll my eyes as I hear Helena calling for me, I can so not get a break right now from her.

"I'm in the kitchen," pretty hard to yell when you've stuffed another huge spoonful...or two into your mouth.

She walks in all smiles and pearls; happy considering that today is the anniversary of her husband's death.

"Eating that ice cream again Madeline? If you're not careful that baby will come out covered in it." I dutifully let out a laugh and hide the ice cream at the back of the freezer; I've seen the way Bruce is eyeing it up, over my dead body is he getting my last stash.

She rattles my pill box at me and pours me a glass of water, "Come on take your vitamins, you and the baby need them. If we want this precious boy to come out healthy then you'll take them."

"Helena we don't even know that the baby is a boy it could easily be a girl," I hate the taste of the pills; kind of like green tea tablets and if you've ever had them you'll know what I'm talking about.

She eyes me as I take the tablets and down all the water, "Any signs yet? Any discomfort? You know it's the anniversary of Baron's death today, would be nice to have the baby today, make it a special occasion instead of a sad one."

Ew and ew, why would I want my baby A early and B on the day that dick died? Lord knows I'd rather hold out an extra month.

"No, no signs yet I doubt it will happen today maybe tomorrow or on Monday I think I'm having a Monday baby," She looks annoyed at that, _oh yeah sure I'll pop the kid out today just for you,_ I sneer sarcastically. I check myself; god I sound like Jack, I spent way too much time picking up his habits and expressions.

"Well you never know Maddie, you go and get dressed and we'll go and see James shall we? You've not been there since will be nice for him to see you and his son."

I go to snap at her but instead trudge upstairs god I feel right years old again getting told what to do. I really don't want to stand there while she goes to James' grave, how can I turn her down? It's him I'm supposed to be in love with, I have to act the part.

"Don't forget your notes!"

Like I could forget she makes me look at them every day; even shows the women she 'exchanges pills' with.

I snap open my purse; looking for some change, I don't often need change but Helena is so tight fisted it's usually me who ends up paying for the parking. I pull on the photo tucked in a compartment, thinking it's one of my scan pictures I unfold it; it's not, like I said I don't need change so I don't carry my purse with me. The photograph is old; worn down around the edges, it was too big to put in there so I had to force it in; it's a photo of James in his police uniform; looking every inch the hero. I sink down into the bed when I remember the day he officially became a police officer:

_I run over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, admiring his uniform. _

"_You did it babe, you've actually got in!" I'm too happy to notice him grip tightly onto my arm._

"_What the fuck do you mean I actually got in? Of course I was getting in."_

_I shake my head, "James I didn't mean it like that..."_

_He interrupts me, "Shut the fuck up! Now smile and be nice my father's coming over."_

_While James clambers for his father's attention I down another glass of wine, ignoring the looks he sends my way. _

"_James!" I cringe at the sound of his partner Sophia's voice as she walks over, earning a simpering smile from Helena. I walk off as they carry on talking, finding myself next to Stephen. _

"_Hi Maddie, great day isn't it, you must be proud of him? You look great by the way."_

_I flash him a smile at his compliment, he was always a good guy "It is a great day and thanks you're the only one who does think that." I clink his glass next to mine and down another glass of wine, wanting to block it all out. _

_Stephen moves closer behind me and brushes my hair off my shoulder, touching my arm gently he leans into whisper in my ear, "I'm not the only one who thinks it, if I had you to go home to I'd never leave."_

_I turn my head slightly and laugh humouring him, sending up a silent prayer that people are blocking James' view. _

God it seemed so long ago we did that, just even looking at the picture evokes so many emotions in me. I gasp and hold onto my stomach as a slight twinge passes through me; as soon as it's there it goes. I turn my attention back to the photo, ripping it in half and stuffing it back into my bag. I don't need this I don't need him haunting me. I get dressed quickly knowing Helena and above all Jane hate lateness.

"Ah here we are, we'll see James then we shall go and see Jane. I had my driver bring me here so he can take us, Rose is sorting out that ghastly colour that awful decorator said would look good in the nursery, the woman clearly has no style."

I zone out, not paying much attention, I wince again as the baby kicks me in the ribs, like it thinks I'm some kind of football. Helena notices and eyes gleaming she leans forward, "Is that a contraction?"

"No the baby just kicked that's all, I had pain earlier but I've not had any since."

She settles back into her seat looking less than pleased, eyeing me every few seconds for more signs. We pull up to the graveyard, Helena chatting all the way to his grave.

"Here's my boy, look at the state of the grave all these flowers need seeing to."

I jump at the chance to get away from her and him, "I'll go and get some water," I walk off before she can reply and take a deep breath, to be home and relaxing in my scruff. I look around the place as the water fills; craning my neck as I notice a woman who looks like Sophia, I shake my head as the woman turns around, no not her.

Helena straightens up as I come back, dusting invisible dirt off her skirt.

"There, I've had a nice chat with him and we'll go and get you to Jane."

"You go on ahead I want to talk to James," I say it before I really register what I'm saying; she looks surprised but pleased nonetheless.

I wait until she's out of earshot, I trace the letters of his name, it's a simple grave really, nothing but his name, birth and death and the words 'forever loved' are on it, on top of this is the picture of him in uniform, I wince at it.

"Bet you're laughing up there aren't you? Must think this is pretty funny huh? I didn't know that you would die, I'm sorry... You should have stayed away... I didn't think it would happen like this. If you stayed away and let me go you'd still be here, it's not my fault" I let out a sob, damn hormones.

"Maddie?" I turn around scowl, Sophia stands awkwardly behind me, clutching a bouquet of lilies.

"What are you doing here?" I snap, I really have no time for this woman.

"He was my friend too you know, no one told me about him dying I had to read about it in the papers... no one told me" She replies softly not taking my bait.

"Oh friend was that before or after you slept with him?"

She winces at that, clutching the flowers closer as though to shield herself.

"I really want to talk to you Maddie; I think we need to talk."

"No, no we don't I'm leaving now you may as well stay here," I grunt in pain again and grip my stomach...great just great.

Sophia moves closer, supporting my arm, "Are you ok, should I call anyone?"

Helena finally gets her head out of her pill box and walks over, god forbid she runs.

"Maddie what is it? Is it the baby is my boy ok?"

I barely digest what she is saying as more pain shoots through me, harsher this time.

I look through my hair at Helena, "Call Jane tell her to get to the hospital," she nods and turns to go, "Don't leave me!" I yell, stupid frigging woman.

* * *

I'm scared obviously I knew for some months I was gonna give birth, just hopefully not in Helena's car, after she found out I was ok she'd probably send the cleaning bill to me. I want my brother but mainly I want Jack, at the hospital there are so many women with their partners by their side and I'm alone. I can't exactly call him up from taking time out killing/maiming/stealing/ blowing things up to hold my hand. Can you imagine the looks if he waltzed into the hospital in full Joker outfit? That's one way to clear a room.

I puff on another go of gas and air, god this is good stuff, can so see why women can't get enough of this.

"Hey Mad's I got here as fast as I could," Jane is breathless and I'm deliriously happy to see her, god I gotta see if I can buy one of these.

"Janie! It's gonna be early but it'll be ok right? Don't leave me ok, or I may get high and tell everyone that my baby's daddy isn't a cop but a murdering clown, ok?"

"Oww" another wave of pain goes through me and I grip the side of the bed, ok this is not recommended.

"It's ok Mads you're about set but you'll be fine, remember when I had Riana? If I can do it you can, is...is Jack coming?"

Before I can reply Bruce bursts through the door rushing to my side, "Bruce! I could have been not in a good position for you then!"

He wisely ignores me choosing to brush my hair away, "When will it happen?"

Jane looks up "Oww!" Bruce winces as I squeeze his hand, Jane smiles and nods "I'd say now."

* * *

Anyone who has given birth will tell you they'd prefer anything else over it, Jane told me she'd rather have her teeth taken out at the dentists than go through this, great support network I've got here. But the minute that the baby is born everything goes out of the window, everything is forgotten, the pain for once is so worth it.

"Maddie last push come on!"

Seriously it feels like I've been doing this for days, I heave myself up into a sitting position and push down for what will hopefully be the last time. I hear the cry over everything Jane and Bruce say to me, I crane my neck when Jane holds my baby up.

"Congratulations Maddie, we've got ourselves a little boy here."

**Joker's POV**

He doesn't know when the baby is due; it's not something he asked Maddie about, not out of lack of interest but more lack of time. He twirls his knife between his fingers; agitated. He misses her, not just for sex but just for her being...well her, _she's got you well and truly whipped eh Jackie?_ He growls in annoyance at the voice, he's not soft...he's not.

"Boss, turn the TV on!"

He whirls around ready to knife the guy for barging into his room; "Seriously Boss you'll want to see this."

He sighs and switches it on, raking his fingers through his newly dyed hair.

"_The moment we've all been waiting for is now here, that's right just six hours ago Madeline Wayne was seen entering the hospital where our sources say she has now given birth in the earlier hours of this evening. Madeline..."_

Given birth, who was with her when she had his child? Wayne? The old guy? Not good enough, none of them are. He shrugs off his coat, unbuttoning his vest, "Get Bozo and Speed together, tell them to meet me downstairs in ten minutes, got it?" The guy nods and backs out of the room, turning his back at the last second. The Joker rummages through the wardrobe, finally settling on a black top and pants; he needs to fit in if he expects to get into the hospital; he isn't exactly people's favourite person. The hair... ahh could be a problem now it's green; an idea jumps into his head, Bozo's hat, that'll have to do.

"Boss what we doing?" Always to the point is Speed, good guy.

"Hospital Maddie's had mine...eh her baby," he doesn't trust the new guys with any little titbit of information, especially nothing this juicy... this-Maddie their baby is his weakness, he can't risk anymore harm coming to her.

Speed is practically jumping up and down in his seat, the excitement naturally too much, "Will we get to see Maddie and baby boss? A baby sure never seen one of them properly before!"

The Joker looks into the mirror and catches Bozo's eye, the other man is trying hard not to laugh, "Not just yet, I'll ask Maddie then I dunno maybe she'll let you, hell she may not even want me to see the kid..."

"I'll park here Boss, my bro gave me one of them disabled badges," if it wasn't such a pressing situation he would have laughed, maybe slapped him on the back but he needs to get moving, its been a while since he was last in a hospital that he wasn't...well blowing up. He moves silently passed the woman on reception who has a phone pressed to her ear, her back to the doors. A quick view of the patients chart points him to room 3, naturally a private room. No one seems to be in the room, Maddie seems to be sleeping, the bassinet by the side of the bed. The door eases open and yet she still doesn't move; the baby however does. He moves closer, peering into the bassinet at his...well what do you know it? A son he has a son. The baby's eyes flutter open and his breath catches; those eyes so like his own it's unreal, there too dark to be Maddie's, but the exact shade of his. Hesitantly he lowers his hand to his son's, who has so far remained quiet, just simply staring. His grip is surprisingly strong considering he was born mere hours ago, he opens his mouth and let's out thankfully a yawn, right now son or no son he doesn't do screaming babies. Birth is a natural thing, but to a guy who normally takes lives away it's unusual. His son is small, small but still strong; his grip tightens on his hand and his stare remains on his face. He subconsciously rubs at the scars on his face, for now the kid won't be scared, _wait until you hit five kid then you'll be scared, _the thought alone angers him and for a second he wishes he wasn't the Joker. The baby starts fussing and he turns as Maddie gives a sharp intake of breath.

"Jack?" He practically jumps at the sound of her voice, the confusion and tiredness evident on her face.

He moves away from the baby, his screams becoming louder at the loss of the now familiar face.

Maddie moves up off the bed and gathers the screaming new born in her arms, he watches fascinated as she picks up their son, bringing him closer to her chest, the cries instantly settle, the baby at ease in his mother's arms.

For a moment both their gazes settle on the baby, Maddie is the first to look away, smiling up at him, the ultimate picture of contentment.

"I'm really glad you're here," she admits rocking the baby gently.

He moves closer, drawn to them, "I'm didn't know when you were supposed to be having him or I would have tried to get here..." he settles a large hand on his son's much smaller head.

"I know, I wasn't even due today, it kinda sucks, it's the anniversary of James' dad's death today great day for a baby to be born." He tries to ignore the mention of _his _name, its bad enough people will think _his_ son is that dicks.

"Do you want to know what I called him?" He nods; he can't keep calling him 'the baby' or kid.

"I thought Mathew Jack Wayne... do you like it?" He looks down at his son; he _looks _like a Mathew, whatever that means.

"Mathew," he tries it for size, it sounds right.

"Yeah I like it, suits him. His small huh?"

She nods tracing the baby's... Mathew's arms, earning a sleepy smile from him.

She notices him looking at the baby and nods towards him, "Do you want to hold him? You have to be gentle" thanks for the warning.

"Sure," she brings him down into his arms; he brings his son close to him, copying the way Maddie held him, which seemed to settle him. He's almost dozing in his arms, he startles, a reflex. His hands curl closed around his shirt, clinging tightly to the material. He turns around and Maddie is sat there smiling, he can't give her a typical family life, he can't walk into a normal 9-5 job but at least for now they can at least pretend. He leans closer to her and gently brushes his lips to her's, her hand comes up to his face and he surprisingly doesn't flinch when she strokes his scars, she seems to have accepted them. They kiss for a few moments more, he looks down and the baby is sleeping, snoring softly. Wordlessly he stands and places his son back into the bassinet, uncurling his small hand from his shirt.

"I have to go now doll, but I've got a new place in the city, look out for me yeah?"

She frowns but doesn't give much else away; bringing her fingers through his belt loops, drawing him close, before their lips can connect there's a knock on the door, they both groan, annoyed that as always their 'moment' is cut short. He resists the urge to roll his eyes as the Cop's mom walks into the room.

"Madeline...oh who are you?" Normally he likes a woman who gets straight to the point, but she reminds him way too much of the Cop.

"Helena this is Jack he works for the hospital in the business area."

The other woman wrinkles her nose at his out stretched hand...burn.

"Jack is it, I'm Helena the baby's grandmother," _no, no you're not _he wants to knock her out of the way and take Maddie and the baby elsewhere but he knows he has to keep his manners in check.

"I should go, take care Maddie," he reaches over, blocking Helena's view, pressing his hand's into Maddie's. With a nod of his head he walks out of the room just in time to hear Helena moaning that he shouldn't be here and Maddie eyeing up the card he placed in her hand; a Joker card.

**Sam's POV**

If thing's were bad before they're even worse now; he has a hit out on him from the Joker and he's taken to hiding in slums so he doesn't meet a sticky end at the end of the Joker's knife. Before he had James' protection then he went and got himself killed so he has no one to protect him. He scowls as he shoots at yet another rat; this place is disgusting he winces as the old guy next to him chokes up last night's dinner. This underground place is not gonna be home forever he has to keep swapping and moving he daren't stay in one place too long, this has to be the worst of all. He stands next to the bin and roots through it finally locating the newspaper; he has to keep up with the news, news of the Joker etc.

His eyes slowly scan the front page, scowling as he sees the headline _"Wayne gives birth to baby". _

They all still think she is this amazing person; only he knows different, only he knows her little bastard kid could be the Joker's, he just needs the proof. There's been nothing in the paper's lately of the Joker, his been quiet of late, it won't last forever he's planning something big, two can play at that game, the old place is still deserted if he can find just a small bit of evidence then he'll be set, he has to go it alone this time, he looks at the picture of the cop's mom, or maybe not...

**AN: So Sam is back in the mix, he wouldn't be away forever! This one took a while to get out so I hope you all like it, thanks for being so patient and still reading!**


	4. Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

**Fourth chapter already people! I love reading all of your reviews they're always so damn good! Thanks for still reading, reviewing adding to favourites its all kinds of good for me! **

**Chapter 4: Tell Me Sweet Little Lies**

Denial is something humans can do so well; it's what we do even when the truth is right in our face and we want to pretend it's not there. When we start to deny things everything becomes fuzzy; we start to play make believe in the hopes that we eventually hear what we want. Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when that happens, when we can no longer pretend, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, filled with so many people it's hard to breathe at times. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired; we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns deny many things; that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we are hurting, how much we miss that certain someone, how much the lies we keep our tearing us apart. Most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our may give us the feeling we're happy when really we're kidding no one but ourselves.

**Helena's POV**

Finally she can take her boy home, well done on Maddie for giving her the boy back that she so desperately wanted. What a beautiful baby Mathew is; he'll take after his father soon enough, that she is sure of. Maddie and the baby are finally being discharged today; while Maddie took him away from her to sign out and talk to Jane she took it upon herself to start packing the baby bag; which is typically a mess. Her fingers brush against a photograph; it's ripped in half and she quickly locates the other half, putting the two halves together she sees it's a picture of James.

"Maddie, Maddie, Maddie what are you doing?" She was supposed to love her son; she had his baby, why would she destroy his picture? Hearing Maddie and Jane's voices down the corridor she quickly stuffs the torn parts into her bag, turning around and smiling at the last moment.

"And here's my grandson!"

She rushes forward and takes the baby carrier off Maddie, plucking the sleeping baby out of his seat.

"Helena he went to sleep like ten minutes ago!"

She chooses to ignore Maddie, really he is her grandson, she has already raised James practically on her own; what does Maddie know?

"I'm just spending time with my lovely little grandson, yes I am precious." She misses both women roll their eyes at each other.

"Now Maddie what was that Jack man doing here the other day? What business was it of his?"

She is too absorbed in her grandson to see Jane's worried stare and Maddie's slow turn of her head.

"Helena I told you yesterday, he heard I had Mathew and was in the area, I told him he could come, it's up to me who I see and who I don't see."

Helena finally looks up from her grandson, "Really Madeline! Is he safe? You'll confuse the baby if you keep bringing different men round him."

"Yes Helena I'm well aware of how to raise my son," with that Maddie takes the baby off her, Helena's eyes darken at the loss of her grandson.

"Well I've packed up everything we just need to wait for Bruce to come then we can leave. I'll be taking my car back to the house; God knows I need to tell people about my lovely grandson!"

"Ok well thanks for everything Helena; I'll see you soon ok?" They both embrace; awkwardness on Maddie's part.

"Well I can see I'm no longer needed here, Jane," she bends down to face the baby, "Mathew granny will see you soon poppet."

As soon as she steps out of the room she digs into her back and finds the torn picture; she obviously had a reason for doing this, she can't treat her son's memory like this, Madeline my dear I do believe you are hiding something.

**Maddie's POV**

"God she just never quits, I'm considering leaving the city just to get away from her."

Jane laughs and I stroke Mathew's face; his thankfully gone back to sleep after his rude awakening.

"Mads, did he really come and see you and the baby?" I consider my answer; I don't even want to let Jane in on some of the things that have happened between me and Jack.

"Yeah he wanted to see me and Mathew, he even held him for a minute or two, it felt right oddly enough" it felt right but I wanted so much more from him, seeing him with Mathew in his arms just made me want him even more.

"Jane its fine seriously he didn't do anything to me he just wanted to see his son, he was curious I think."

"I'm glad he did... see the baby I mean. Will you see him again?"

Even I don't know that, though Jack did hint to it, I saw the look on his face when he saw Mathew and the look of want in his eyes with me; he must be so confused right now, this has never happened to him, to either of us before, it's strange but so good.

"I just don't want you or this little man to get hurt," she reaches over to rub the side of the carrier, we both laugh as he jumps slightly in his sleep; yet still doesn't wake.

"He's a light sleeper" Jane observes, nodding towards Mathew.

I smile at the memory of Jack, "Yeah Jack was always a light sleeper as well, could never get anything by him."

There's a knock on my door and I laugh as a balloon followed by a bunch of flowers then finally Bruce appears at the door, "Hey look what I got and I got them for free too, with a little help from the woman at the store," I roll my eyes at Bruce, typical using his looks and the 'Wayne' name to score freebies, like the man can't afford them.

"Wow Bruce flirting to score your nephew free gifts, that something you'll be teaching him?"

Bruce raises an eyebrow, "Well someone's gotta teach this little guy the tricks of the trade and that would be me, we guy's gotta stick together."

We step outside of the hospital the back way and thankfully no one is there, I look like shit and feel like it to, so yeah I'm not in the mood. Besides I want to keep Mathew to myself for some time, for now he can just be mine.

"Mad's Gordon is coming by later he has some things for you." I panic instantly I've not really said much to him about Jack and James; I thought he had all the answers he needed.

"Yeah did he say anything about what he wanted me for?"

"No he just said he would visit and wouldn't be long staying, said he didn't want to take up too much of your time."

I settle back into the car, stroking Mathew's car seat, what could Gordon want? If he had found any evidence or whatever he would have said so before now, something isn't right.

I ease the car seat out of the car; Alfred stands on the porch waiting for us, practically hoping from one foot to another in his excitement.

"Miss Madeline I've been expecting you all. Here let me help you," I hand him a few of my bags and head into the living room, Mathew now awake yet still silent. Bruce and Alfred don't follow me; instead they head to the kitchen and I pick my son up; relishing in having him to myself for a moment. I cradle him close and stand next to the large bay windows, laughing as he tries to raise his head, he does so for a second and I marvel at his strength; he's Jack through and through.

"It's been a while since there's been a baby in Wayne Manor, it's a delight I must say," I turn around and Alfred stands behind me, carrying a tray of tea (what else?) and biscuits.

"You think? I hope Mathew's gonna be easier on me than I was on you." Seriously I was awful, such a brat I'm honestly surprised I managed to live.

"You were so much more behaved than master Bruce, now he was a problem, always stealing food off the plates during dinner, going places he shouldn't, you were so much more better."

"Madeline?" Gordon stands awkwardly in the entrance to the living room, Alfred smiles and I instantly panic.

"Hi Gordon, I'll be with you in a second," I lay Mathew down on the floor and he is quite happy to look around his new surroundings, eyeing up the new voice.

"Miss Madeline I'll leave you both to it, Master Jim there's tea of you would like a cup."

"Thank you Alfred I won't stay for long," I gesture for him to sit down opposite and he leans down to view the baby.

"He looks like you Maddie, so much like you" Mathew turns his head at the voice, opening and closing his mouth.

"Thank you, how are things?"

"They're good thanks, we have a new detective in now, we managed to sort everything out and it has been agreed James will be getting a medal of honour for dying in the line of duty." He waits for it to sink in, he so does not deserve this; how can everyone parade him round like he is some God?

I force a smile on my face and look to the baby who has also gone quiet as though waiting for my answer, "That's great really great, he'd like that. When will that be happening?"

"The next week or so, I've told Helena and she said she would probably keep the award if that's alright with you that is?"

"Yeah that's fine I don't want stuff like that, it's better for Helena to keep it, she kept the flag she would want that too."

Gordon nods and sips his tea, it seems he has yet more to say, "There's something else too Maddie, we er have done with certain parts of James' case so I thought I'd give you this back." He reaches into his pocket, grimacing as he attempts to find it, before pulling the packaging free. It's in a police evidence bag, still contained in yellow tape, my ring.

Gordon takes my hand and gently places it in there, closing my hand over it; "Thank you, I didn't think I'd get it back" didn't want it back more like. I fiddle with the bag nervously; I hope he doesn't expect me to wear it. I smile once again and place it in my bag, snapping it shut.

"I didn't mean to upset you Maddie I just thought you would have wanted it back..." he trails off as I squeeze his hand, "It's fine, I know you didn't mean to upset me I just didn't expect it back that's all."

"How is everything going?" I turn round to Bruce, who offers his hand to Gordon and sits on the floor next to Mathew, dangling keys in front of him.

"I should get going now, we're getting new recruits in and I need to be there, I'll keep you posted Maddie," he nods to both me and Bruce in a goodbye and waves slightly to the baby.

"I'll show you out Gordon," Bruce stands up and at the loss of his play toy Mathew starts to cry. I gather him up and my arms and go to the window again, he doesn't deserve this award, it spits on all of the other deserving people who were awarded it.

"What did Gordon want Mads?"

I turn round to look at Bruce, Mathew seems more alert to his presence too, "James is getting awarded a medal for dying in the line of duty, and he also gave me back my ring."

Bruce nods, contemplating, "I didn't think he would get one in all honesty, I didn't even think you'd get the ring back yet, how do you feel about it?"

"I feel fine...I'm fine it's just a ring at the end of the day, I'm fine seriously."

"Mads its ok to be scared and upset you know, especially after all that's happened to you, you've done so good so far but if you ever need anything I'll get it for you, you do know that?"

I turn around and lean against his arm, "I know I don't need help I'm fine."

**Joker's POV**

They've moved into the new place now, it's pretty much closer to the first hideout; perfect for when they want to be in and out of Gotham and in Bozo and Speed's case to see Dwayne. He hasn't been able to see Maddie yet, he even got Bozo to check out her apartment but she has apparently never been back there, she must be at Wayne Manor still. The papers constantly print pictures of her and Mathew; his small face remains constantly calm and unfazed if he really tries to remember he can picture himself as a child; Mathew looks so like him it's a good job no one else but Maddie has seen him without his face paint. He has quite the collection of newspaper clippings now of Maddie and their son, she takes him everywhere with her, he's constantly on her hip; the cop's mom or Wayne usually not far behind. Speed sits near him slowly reading the paper, his mouth moving slowly as he reads the words, the word 'cop' catches his eye and he stalks towards him, Speed looks up, "You ok boss?"

"Yeah let me see the paper," Speed simply nods and hands the paper over, it was usually Dwayne or Speed who read to him anyway.

The title in the paper screams out, 'Dead Cop To Win Award', his eyes flick quickly over the paragraphs, his lip turning in disgust at the mention of the Cop getting a heroes award. If people knew what he had really been like they wouldn't be so quick to hold him in such high regards... it's time people knew, he won't do this for him, like always it's about Maddie, it's what she deserves. Just because the Cop's dead it doesn't mean he is forgotten nor does it mean he can't spread a little anarchy another dirty cop.

"Ya know something Speed; I think it's time we got in touch with the bat..."

**Sorry there wasn't too much of the Joker in this one, he'll feature so much**___** more in the next one. This is just a build up to the next chapter, it's all relevant. Thanks for reading and staying so patient!**_


	5. What A Difference A Day Makes

**As I'm pretty much free and did some of this in class (bad bad girl) I decided to upload this today instead of tomorrow when no doubt I will be busy, there may be a gap from this one to the next one I have to see how work etc is. Thanks for reviews etc guys, glad to see so many familiar and new names. **

**Chapter 5: What A Difference A Day Makes. **

When we hide things there is always a trail left behind; there's always someone to come along and ruin things. Some things are meant to stay hidden it's meant to be. Some things however are meant to be known; maybe it's God's way of getting us to stop. Hidden things always leave a stain; that no matter how hard you try it just won't shift, it's always the worst things that are revealed, it's never simple stuff that we don't mind sharing. It's always things we treasure and hold close that are revealed; it's never stuff like we hate grandmas cooking or whatever but stuff so much deeper; before I only had one secret I kept hidden and now there's so much more to me than that. It's killing me, I no longer feel sane I keep expecting to crack at any moment in time, I should just admit it all but then what happens?

* * *

"Come on sweetie, what, what's wrong?" It's about four in the morning and I'm wide awake, scratch that I've been wide awake for about two hours now, like his father this kid is demanding my attention constantly. It's clearly my punishment. I hold him up to my face and he continues screaming, his small face red and angry, like I've done something to him and he's making me pay.

"Ok I don't know what you want Mat what is it that you want?" I lean my hand against his forehead; he feels fine, I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

"You wanna know something? I bet your daddy is ok isn't he, he'll be fast asleep or out doing bad things but no I'm the one who has to do this on my own while he turns up when he wants."

Jack has started to get himself back into the minds and media of Gotham; he started small you know things like stores but lately it's started to get worse; banks and members of the mob going missing; it's creepy to think this is my son's heritance, my son's genes.

I sit back down on the bed bringing my knees up and laying him on them; he quietens but is still wide awake. I pull out the shirt from under my pillow; raising an eyebrow when Mat's cries stop completely his eyes follow the shirt.

"You wanna try this huh?" I lay him down on the bed; wrapping Jack's shirt around him; he sniffles and rubs his face along the shirt, his cries now stopping.

"That what you wanted huh? You want daddy? Well it's just you and me baby," I look down and smile; he even looks like Jack when he sleeps, you wouldn't think he was my son at all; I hardly got any genes in.

This is tiring; being a parent a single parent, as helpful as Bruce and Alfred are I can't constantly rely on them; besides Bruce is out being Batman tonight. I'm also thinking about going to the Chief and asking to go back to the hospital in a few months time; I need to get my surgeon groove back, I miss the feel of the scalpel and having the satisfaction of saving a life. At the hospital patients don't care who I am, they're there for themselves. I'm also thinking of moving out; not back to my old apartment there's so many bad memories there, I want to look for somewhere I can raise my son; interesting to talk to Bruce about this. I pick Mat up and take him over to the cot; he fidgets and opens an eye but goes back to sleep; his hand clutching the shirt. I groan when I look at the clock it's now five; I need sleep so much, I kick the parenting magazines off my bed and am about to settle down when I hear a crash; I'm instantly on alert; the baby is too. I run out of my bedroom and see Bruce slumped against the wall; I can already see the bruises and blood forming even on his lower jaw. As I go to him he rips off the rest of his mask; he clearly was on the receiving end of a beating this time.

"Bruce what the hell happened to you?" I apply pressure to his chest; checking for any more bruising etc before I move him.

"Joker and his men, they jumped me, didn't see the big guy behind me" he winces as I haul him up, taking him to my room so I can calm Mat down as well. I make towards the cot but Bruce stops me, "I'll go you get the first aid kit or whatever," I nod and go to my bathroom, I feel sick knowing Jack did this to him.

Grabbing what I can I walk back in and he has laid Mat down on the bed beside him; making shapes with his hands.

"How could they do this to you, normally they can barely get to you." I pour the alcohol onto his chest wounds; they're not as bad as they first seemed.

"I heard gun shots from an alley way and when I got there, a guy was lying on the floor I got closer and this guy jumped me, I was only out for a second until he woke me up, he was talking crazy saying things about liars and I shouldn't believe certain things, he wants me to know he's not lying."

Jack what are you up to?

"Did he say anything else?"

Bruce winces again, Mat's grip on his finger tightens as though comforting him. I finish with him and clear away the stuff; when I get back the baby is asleep and Bruce is fingering the shirt.

"It was the only thing I could use to settle him," he turns round, for a moment I recoil at the look on his face; he relaxes and smiles at me.

"What would I do without you Mads? You get back to sleep, thanks for this."

He leaves quickly; I'm puzzled, what made him leave so fast aside from the baby? I lean over and look at him; tugging the shirt around his exposed leg. I lay down; the events of tonight have left me shattered.

**Bruce's POV**

He leans against the wall breathing heavily as Maddie lies back down on the bed, at least he didn't get to them. He trudges to his bedroom, gingerly taking off his clothes; flashing back to what happened earlier.

_It had been quiet so far; The Joker had started terrorising people again, reports of him and his men were everywhere, Gotham was once again under threat. He was just about to head home when he heard the first gunshot, followed quickly by another and then another. It sounded close; only mere streets away, he ran faster than ever, the streets becoming blurs. He soon found the right alley; the man was laid on his face, no one else was around. He stooped down low, kneeling against the man, the dark lighting making it impossible to see any blood; he lowers his hands, smoothing over the body. No blood. The first of the blows hit him from behind; he fell just missing the man. He turned, the blow already causing the beginnings of a migraine; the figure in front hit him again, with more force. As he fell he noted the 'dead' man was now stood up, a figure in black and in a clown mask. Before he passed out he saw the familiar purple suit of the Joker; his face appeared even whiter than before._

"_Bat, Batty...Batman!" The shouts down the ear would have been enough to have woken him; the slaps to either side of his face made him jerk, causing the Joker to giggle._

"_Well it's about time too; we could have done anything to you Bats! Now you best start paying attention I don't like to repeat myself." _

"_What do you want from me? From all these people?"_

_The Joker leaned close clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "Ah ah I'll be asking the questions round here Bats."_

_Bruce watched wearily as he watched the other man pace up and down the alleyway. _

"_I'm guessing you read the papers huh Bat boy? The er Cop who died is getting an award huh? Really not good, I gotta tell you I'm not happy...at all"_

"_Why does that have anything to do with you? Can't you leave the Wayne girl alone? Haven't you done enough to her, his family?" _

_That comment earned him a punch to the face from the huge guy holding him back._

"_Why would I leave her alone, you don't know what I know, you don't know what I've seen. That Cop isn't the guy people thinks he is, hell he's even worse than me..."_

"_No one is worse than you! You've killed people, you're a murderer!" The goons behind him go to deliver another punch until the Joker holds up his hand. _

"_It's er time you got your head outta the clouds, time to er look at the truth and know that I won't be lying. Here's what I'm gonna do I like a good game and we've not played for a while; I'll er leave some clues for you, see if your bat brain can work them out. It's not about him it's about her..." _

"_What do you mean it's about her?" _

"_Maddie, she er means something to me, I'm not about to let her go or anyone else take her, you remember that." _

_With a nod to the guys behind him The Joker turns on his heels and leaves, his men not far behind him. He left him; he could easily have revealed who he was but he didn't, he let him go. Somehow he managed to get back to Wayne Manor, collapsing outside the hall near Maddie's room. She comes to him quickly and helps him to her room; the baby screams loudly, he goes towards him surprised he is swaddled in an old shirt instead of his usual blanket. _

_Maddie cleans him up quick enough; he daren't worry her with new of the Joker, she has enough to worry about, if he could stop her from ever leaving Wayne Manor he would. The shirt wrapped round Mathew has become loose, he unwraps him gently frowning when he sees no tags; James always liked the finer things in life; was never seen without designer clothes on, this shirt doesn't even feel designer. In fact looking closer it doesn't have a mark from the tags, a cold sense of dread washes over him as he recalls Gordon's words: '__Clothing is custom, no labels', no it couldn't be one of the Joker's shirts why would she keep something of his? The Joker's words flash back to him__ 'she er means something to me, I'm not about to let her go or anyone else take her, you remember that.' He knew that he had some kind of thing about his sister but not feelings...never feelings a man like that can't have feelings. And about those clues, what was he up to?_

Bruce listens in at Maddie's door, certain now she is asleep. He walks in, checking up on her, brushing her blonde hair from her face, tucking her leg under the covers. He walks over to Mathew, whose sleeping in the exact same position as his mom; he eyes the shirt again, not wanting to believe that anything could have happened with Maddie and Joker. _She never really told you what happened though did she? Anything could have happened between them, _he curses softly at having such thoughts in his head. Fair enough she has never spoken of what happened but he understood that; he could never begin to understand.

**Sam's POV**

The old hideout is still very much vacant; the cops still keep an eye on the place; the Joker wouldn't dare come back here, he isn't that stupid to risk it. He cuts through the yellow police tape that still remains over the door; the place is dusty, the floor covered in footprints. He sticks to the side not wanting to alert anyone to his visit. He nudges open the bedroom door the room Joker and Maddie shared. Like the rest of the house it's been cleared out; the only sign something happened is the dark stain on the floor; James' blood. Thank god he did die, if he hasn't he would have been pissed with him for not watching his back properly, but as soon as he saw the Joker get out of his grip he was off, even more so at the gunshots.

"_This is it, fancy place huh?" He was the designated driver that day, the Cop sat by him, his gun firmly in his hand, eyes glued to the road. _

"_I wouldn't get too excited he probably killed someone for it, bastard." James spat angrily at the floor by his feet. _

_Both men work to get the weapons out of the van; Sam nods towards the bullet proof vest, "You wanna be taking one of those? He uses knives sure but his got guns so have the guys."_

"_No I'll be quick five minutes tops I'd say, I won't need that, I'm a cop what training has he got?"_

"_Alright don't say I didn't warn ya."_

"_Alright I'm good to go, set yourself up near the window and if I need help give it to me."_

_With that he was gone, they both knew there wasn't many men in the house with the Joker and Maddie; it was pretty safe to just go walking in. By the time he gets set up James is already there, he is pretty damn surprised when James manages to grab the Joker, it won't be for long though, he needs to get in there quick, he reaches the van when he hears the gunshot. He doesn't hang around long to find out who died, the other cop's should be along soon and he can't risk that, especially if the Cop is dead. _

Of course it was soon over the paper that it was James who died, murdered they said by the Joker, who was now on the run. Ransoms had now been put out for him by some, then it came out that Maddie was pregnant, public outrage at the Joker grew. He doesn't want to avenge the Cop's death; why would he? He's aiming for something so much more better than that; he nearly gives up looking until he leans against the window and looks down behind the heater; something is caught in it; the cops would have easily missed it, he pulls it loose, an envelope and letter. He begins to read the letter smiling at noticing Maddie's handwriting:

_Jack,_

_I know this isn't the best way to end things and if I could I would do it so differently. We both know I need to leave here; I can't risk the chance that James could come here and get you; and we both know he's coming. Don't get pissed at Speed, it's no one's choice but mine, I have to do this, you have to let me go. I'll keep safe I promise you, I know you hate liars and secrets and I just want you to know I never intentionally kept this from you; there was just never the right moment to do it. The truth is Jack that I'm pregnant and before you start getting pissed it's yours; I'm keeping it and if you want to be involved that would be great too. I feel like a coward for just writing this to you but like I said there was never the right moment. This doesn't change anything I still love you and always will; I just couldn't handle it if you got killed or anyone else because of me. Look after each other,_

_Love Maddie. X _

Lowering the letter he grins, oh this is so much more than what he expected he quite literally hit the jackpot here. So her son is the Joker's, which means he has something on both of them; a weakness for them both. He needs to act this out carefully; he doesn't have any allies anymore this he needs to work on. Getting to Maddie and her brat will be hard; getting to the Joker harder. He needs to get to the people closest to Maddie before he can work on her; she's just as bad as he is. He knows exactly where to start.

**Oh damn! Where will this story go? Who is Sam going to? Well if you get it you get it if not I'll have the next chapter out soon to wet your appetites. Thanks for all reviews again! **

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	6. Why Am I So Blind With My Eyes Wide Open

**Thank you; thank you all who are still reading my story! This is kinda long, I just had the urge to keep writing so I did, there is some with Helena in it, I know she's a tool, but she may be gone soon! I really hope you enjoy this chapter; the next one will hopefully be out sooner than this one. **

**Chapter Six:****Why Am I So Blind With My Eyes Wide Open?**

Bad luck; it can happen so many times in a lifetime we begin to think we're cursed. Lightening they say doesn't strike in the same place twice. It's apparently a once in a lifetime thing; we all know that's not the case. It can feel like all that's happening to you is shock; over and over, you start to feel frazzled. Eventually the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself. To recover from something you never saw coming. But, sometimes the odds are in your favour. If you're in just the right place at just the right time you can take a hell of a hit. And still have a shot at surviving. Shock and bad luck it all means the same thing; how are we supposed to handle life if all we get is shocked?

**Helena's POV**

The worst thing about drink is the morning after; the pain that follows is never a good things, it almost makes you want to give up drink- almost. James' presentation for his medal will be today; it's about time too, no one deserves this more than James. Baby Mathew at one month is still lighter than James ever was but he is still her boy. Madeline... she is still a question mark; the ripped picture is still a question mark. She must be going crazy, that's it; all she had growing up was an old man looking after her what good can that cause someone? The baby cries in the next room and she waits for Rose to go to him; it was hard enough to actually get Maddie to agree he could stay over here.

"Miss Helena? There's a young man at the door for you," it must be Bruce naturally Maddie must have got him to pick up the baby; like she couldn't have made the effort herself.

The young man in the living room is definitely not Bruce Wayne; in fact she's never seen this man before. He stands up and offers her his hand; "Mrs Dawson it's a pleasure to finally meet you, your son told me so much about you."

"James you knew my son?" She gestures for him to sit back down; he does so with ease, looking like he belongs there.

"I knew James and ma'am please believe me when I tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I was one of James work friends, I was at the funeral but I don't think you were there to see me, I did talk to Maddie though."

"Thank you...I'm sorry I didn't catch your name?"

"Oh Brandon my name is Brandon. I just wanted to let you know they assigned James' case to me."

She takes a gulp of 'plain' orange juice; "Case, what case?"

He sighs deeply, showing her the folder he held in his hand; "What case? James was murdered by the Joker, it made a lot of press, important people want answers."

Rose appears in the living room. Holding the gurgling baby; "Oh should I leave you and come back?"

"No, come here, give me Mathew" the maid crosses over the threshold of the door, lowering the baby into her boss's unsteady arms.

"This must be...James' son?" He reaches forward to look at the baby, petting the baby's hand.

"Yes the last memory of my son I have left, such a happy little boy he's one month old now you know. May I ask you what you have regarding James' case?"

He opens the folder; "Commissioner Gordon hasn't really been pro-active in this case, he has yet to properly interview Miss Wayne so I have some questions that need to be filled. Can you tell me anything? Did Madeline speak of the Joker anything that happened with him?"

She struggles with the squirming baby; beckoning Rose over; "She's barely said anything, we've all asked her and nothing. Why would she not say anything about that madman?"

"I don't know ma'am, maybe some things aren't so clear until we work them out." She leans forward now, enjoying the attention "Do you know I even found a photo of James ripped up in her bag? Can you imagine that, my poor boy?"

The man opposite tuts and shakes his head; she likes him more than ever now.

"Perhaps Miss Wayne would benefit from some help? It's clear she may not be capable of looking after your grandson and James' son..."

Now to anyone else this would have seemed crazy, but Helena Dawson has never really been 'all there'.

"You could be right but she has so much power behind her you see... I'm sorry what else do you have to tell me?"

"I have reason to believe that Miss Wayne and the Joker were..." He moves away from the sofa near the photos on the wall. "I'm sorry I could be wrong... but then again I could be so right." Ah that got her attention more, she turns round to face the maid; "Rose go and get Mathew ready for Bruce to pick him up."

Helena speaks up when the maid disappears around the corner; "What, what do you think happened?"

Brandon speaks grimly now, "I haven't spoken of this to anyone, I mean I don't want to drag Miss Wayne's name through the mud, these kind of accusations could get me fired also. I think that they had a consensual relationship if you get what I mean..."

"How can you think this?" Helena demands, "What is it in that freak that would have driven her to that? How could she do that to my son? His son?"

Brandon's eyes side-look to the photo of Mathew on the table, Helena's eyes follow, "No, no not my grandson! He's James' through and through you can tell...you can..."

She collapses onto the chair; "What should I do Mister Brandon? If you can find proof of this then what? She'll take my baby away from me, I can't let people find out he isn't my son's."

He steps forward, the plan working so well; "I have an idea that could put both the Joker away and allow you to keep your grandson. I'm close to finding the Joker and when I do I've been ordered to kill on the spot, as for Maddie if it could be proved she wasn't stable..."

For once she catches on quick; she has to do this for her grandson, "I'll do anything you tell me to."

**Sam's POV**

That was way too easy she was eating out of the palm of his hand, so easy to lead astray and manipulate. The love she has for her grandson and drugs were twisting the truth; she would be so valuable to him. Dumb bitch didn't even check to see if he was an actual cop; even if she did tell people he visited they wouldn't believe her. Wayne's car sped by him, _ah out in time, _maybe the Joker will even turn up at the award presentation today; make the old lady even more madder than before. Now he had her on his side and her thinking Maddie was going insane...oh boy this was gonna be damn good. There's so much more to it than meets the eye; they're all hiding something and he wants to find out; that bitch ruined his life and now he has to fear the Joker's wrath. This is no way to live hell he didn't even get all the money off the cop she owes him that; the other money is long gone, spent on drugs, drink and women. Who knows he may even turn up to see some of Gotham's finest himself.

**Maddie's POV**

Today is gonna be hard; personally I've been praying constantly that Jack will turn up and ensure the ceremony won't go ahead, or I could easily make out that Mat's not settling and high tail it outta there quick. Both pretty damn good options, I know using the baby as an excuse what a cliché etc but hell he's my son! I've never really been to one of these things before so I've just dressed simply in a black dress; I mean it's a sad occasion right? He's dead so I can't exactly turn up in bright colours like Jack and expect everyone to be cool. Mat spent the night at Helena's last night in all honesty the only reason I said was a- she caught me when I had just woken up and b- she wouldn't actually look after him Rose would and considering she's raised eight kids I know I'm leaving my son in good hands. Afterwards I'm gonna try and see the Chief; I'm being driven crazy by staying inside all the time, don't get me wrong I love Mat but this stay at home mom thing is so not me; I want to work I always have done and always will want to.

"Maddie guess whose back?" I can't help the smile on my face as I rush downstairs to see them; god one night away from me and already I miss being away from him. Right now said baby is frowning furiously at the toy attached to his carrier; it's purple and green (trust me the irony was not lost on me) and he's obsessed with it, seriously.

"Hey baby how was spending the night at grandma's? She tried to feed you vodka yet?" He glances at me and pouts, more focused on his game.

"Look not even a year old and already ignoring me" Bruce laughs and pushes a bag towards me, I frown thinking it's some kind of present; "You buying me presents now Bruce?"

He rolls his eyes and mutters something about 'magpie' "No, this is your son's blanket which he apparently threw up all over and refused to settle much afterwards."

I laugh, I can't help it, at least people know I'm not making his tempers up; "What did I tell you? I actually feel bad as we all know it was Rose cleaning him up," I grab Jack's shirt off the chair and place it near Mat, for the moment he is distracted, almost smiling at the familiar shirt.

"He really likes that shirt huh?" Bruce nods towards it and I smile; I'm trying to get him used to Jack's scent incase he ever comes visiting again.

"I told you he did, it's the only thing that he really settles with now, I think it's comforting to him." He yawns and his hand curls around the fabric; pulling it close to him.

"How about Alfred stays here with him and just you, me and Helena go to get James' award? I mean he's practically asleep," Ok fine my idea of an exit goes but as long a Bruce is there... "Yeah that's fine as long as Alfred doesn't mind."

"Doesn't mind what Miss Madeline?" We all turn round at the sound of his voice; he has the knack of just appearing out of nowhere.

"If you could look after Mat while we go to the presentation, I don't think it's really any place for a baby," while he says this Bruce throws the changing bag at me, I luckily catch it, rolling my eyes at yet more vitamin tablets inside that Helena insists I should take.

"Of course Miss Madeline, I would be honoured to do so, he's so well behaved, nothing like Master Wayne he was," Bruce about chokes at the sly look Alfred give us both, "I was behaved, I was..charming!"

"Sure you were charming Bruce that's exactly why you always got yelled at and not me," Bruce sticks his tongue out at me, _child_ I think as he turns his attention to Mat who has followed the exchange from person to person with a turn of his head.

"We should get going anyways, Helena will freak if we're late and I have to get back on time." None of us ask why; he's going back out again as Batman; I'm still scared for him, if Jack knew he was my brother I'm now pretty sure he wouldn't hurt Bruce anymore.

"Stephen said he would meet us there and that he'd save us some seats or whatever," I try to say it casually but I can see the glint in Bruce's eyes.

"What?" I ask defensively, "He's just a friend ok he was James' partner for the last couple of years, I've known him a lot longer than that."

Bruce holds his hand up, "Did I say anything? FYI though I like Stephen."

"Oh yeah? Well if you like him so much you sit with him," I just miss the cushion he throws at my head.

**Joker's POV**

It's useful having Bozo's brother on the force; useful like when you need to 'borrow' a few uniforms to melt in with the others. For once though he's not playing dress up; as soon as he gets the signal...Boom! He does love fireworks and so will everyone else, especially Maddie, he doubts she'd take Mathew to this so he won't get to see him again, once again he had to go to Jane for updates. The van pulled up; Bozo's out of control driving getting them there in record time, he gestures towards the sets of men, "You lot go into the back of the room, make sure no one can get out, Speed and Bozo you're with me, everyone knows what they're doing..._don't _screw it up." The threat was heard loud and clear, the boss was not in a good mood, he hasn't since he heard about the Cop. He doesn't get the chance to see Maddie, she's probably already in there, _not for long doll you may think you belong there but I know exactly where you belong._

"Boss, we got the signal," he turns round to see Bozo dangling his phone in the air, he licks his lips it's...delicious really. He presses the button and the small explosion sounds in the alley way; it's enough to cause panic but not enough to sadly kill anyone. He strolls over to the front door; kicking it open and inhaling the people's fear inside.

"Ladies and Gentlemen I'd calm down if I were you," the room has almost emptied bar a few people; Maddie stands side by side with Wayne and... he curls his lip in disgust another cop.

He walks towards her, ignoring everyone around them; she's put on weight, good the last picture he saw of her she'd gotten worryingly thin he doesn't want her hurting anymore.

"Well, well this is my lucky day what's say you boys?" Maddie looks completely calm, the other cop and Wayne look pissed.

He reaches for her, intent on stealing her away for a few moments; he's soon stopped by a hit to the jaw from Wayne; who knew the playboy could punch so well? Speed steps forward, behind Wayne and delivers a well aimed hit to the jaw; the playboy yelps in pain, his eyes narrow at the injuries he has... injuries the bat has...

"Now look what you've gone and done... _Bruce_, I wasn't gonna hurt her! Can't have anyone hurting what's mine, can't take her away from her kid now can I?" Maddie looks torn between them both; yet she still stands and holds Wayne's jaw in her hands.

"I er told you I'd be back," he directs this at Maddie who almost nods in understanding.

He turns around to the Commissioner, "Well, well Gordon I hear your best buds with the bat so share this with him, have er fun." He throws the envelope at Gordon's feet, kneeling down to pick up the Cop's award from where it fell, he eyes it, it disgust him, this whole thing does. _Looks breakable, _he muses he drops it back on the floor, feeling satisfaction when it crunches beneath him.

"Can't you leave people alone for once? We're celebrating a good cop today, what's wrong with you?" Gordon's outburst stops him in his tracks, he turns slowly Maddie shakes her head 'no' at him, _relax doll._

"Good cop huh? I don't think you'll be talking like that much longer, Jimmy boy. Just do as you're told and we'll get along just great!"

He looks at Maddie again, so beautiful, she belongs to him, he always holds onto what's his. Titling his head in farewell at her he leaves, the rest of his men will give him a moment before they follow. He needs to start seeing her more; for two months they were inseparable nothing can change that now.

**Maddie's POV**

Seeing him in action, like for the first time ever was interesting; on one hand I wanted to scream at him for what he did to Bruce but on the other hand the way he talks and acts...so charismatic, so in control, yeah I'm practically drooling here. Gordon wouldn't reveal to us what Jack had given him, Bruce may tell me later though I highly doubt it, anything to do with the Joker and he wraps me up in cotton wool. The hospital car park still creeps me out, I stay in my car for a few moments more; breathing deeply, there's nothing to be scared of it's stupid. Who is out there to hurt me now? I look out of my window and my breath catches as someone walks by me; it's James. I undo my seat belt and run, he goes around the corner to the lifts and I follow, I round the corner and he's gone. There's no way he could have gotten into the lift in that time. _He died, it couldn't have been him, he died. _Even repeating that it doesn't settle me; it was him I swear it was, it could have been no one else.

"Maddie..."

I whip around; almost losing balance; once again no one is there, I'm so tired that must be it, I've not slept properly since before Mat was born. I walk back to my car, my bag poised should anyone come up behind me. My car has been left alone thank god I did run away without locking it, I check the ignition for my keys; they're not there. I look around, they must have fallen out, they have my house keys everything attached to them. I try to calm myself down; I must have taken them with me without knowing and dropped them, Bruce will flip. I pull out my cell phone; I can't just leave my car here forever on its own. I text Bruce, I'm not having him yell at me it's not like I've written the car off. The security guards hut is thankfully on this level; I know Brian well he'll look after the car.

I knock on the door, looking down at my phone when it goes off, "Hi Brain, I lost my car keys before I could lock the door can you watch it for me before Bruce gets here?"

"Sure thing Maddie, you er miss me?"

I look up and stumble back; James' hand reaches towards me, "No!"

"Maddie you ok darling?" I look at him again, this time I actually see Brain's face.

"Yeah...yeah I'm fine sorry I was just..." I trail off, what the hell is going on?

Thankfully he smiles at me instead of whipping out his stun gun, "I bet you're tired huh? My wife was the same when she had our daughter, it gets better Maddie. I'll wait here for Bruce ok? You take care." He grips my hand and I clench onto it; I'm freaking out right now.

"You say Hi to Katie and the kids for me ok?"

"I will do darling you carry on doing great with that little man of yours ok?"

I smile and walk off, my heart hammering, I could have sworn I saw James, I heard him and I saw him. I even smelt his cologne that he always insisted on wearing; everything I've ever known about him I felt today.

I push the button to go down turning to ask the man next to me what floor he wanted, "I think we're both going to the same place."

His hand goes to my much smaller one and twists the wrist; he forces me to look at him, I can feel the hot tears welling up in my eyes, "Maddie, Maddie what am I gonna do with you? You deserve this."

"Leave me alone!" I cry throwing James away from me; I open my eyes and the old man next to me runs off. I slid down the wall; this isn't me, why do I keep seeing him?

_Guilt is a cruel mistress... _

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**Oh my, don't worry I have much going on with this story; it's hopefully gonna be all kinds of good. Any questions etc will be answered, reviews are as always welcome! I hope you're all still enjoying my story thank you to all of you!**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	7. Let This Dark Night Be Done

**Apologies for this taking a while to get out, I've had things to deal with so I've not been as quick as usual, thank you for being patient. There's a little bit of Maddie/Joker here for you all and Joker's plan gets put into action...oo er. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 7: Let This Dark Night Be Done. **

We can all go a little bit crazy some times; life gets on top of us and this is how we react. Sometimes your grip on reality can slip even for just a second and you get a glimpse of what life would be like if that could really happen. Some people are just so blind to what they could become; there's a stigma in being 'crazy', in this world it's not acceptable. Sometimes we reach the boiling point before we realize that the stove is on. Become aware of your feelings – keep your eye on the stove or get burnt.

"It's gonna be ok right, the Chief he does want me back right? I mean it's not like I killed somebody at the hospital so I should be allowed back yeah?"

Jane and me decided to meet up at the front of the hospital so I didn't have to walk in alone, I feel like a kid on its first day of school.

"Mad's you'll be fine, I talked to him today and he was in a good mood, ok so his wife is leaving him but he looks happy today, if you get what I mean..."

We step outside his office; he luckily has his back turned so I can still decide whether or not to run.

"I look good right? Nothing in my teeth, hair and outfit look good? I don't wanna look like I'm coming on to him though right?"

She gives me a once over and smiles, "Yeah you look good, remember you were always his favourite," I scoff, "Ok I was always his favourite but you're my best friend so if you think about it you're his favourite too."

He turns around and I almost duck; instead I settle for a smile and watch anxiously as he gets out from behind his desk.

"Maddie, it's good to finally see you here, I was hoping you'd be back soon," we embrace and I suddenly have the urge to cry; I'm still shaken from earlier.

"Should we go into my office? We can talk better in there, Jane I'll be down in a minute can you tell Doctor Clark if he doesn't sort out his interns, I have a mountain of paper work on my desk he can do instead."

He holds the door open for me and I feel like an intern again; stepping into this hospital for the first time was nerve wracking and yet so exhilarating. He pulls out the chair for me and I smile gratefully at him.

"You're looking good Maddie, I'm glad, I know it's been hard for you and I'm sorry you didn't deserve what happened to you. How you holding up?"

"I'm fine you know, Mat's doing good he's such a happy baby, I just miss work I need to you know get back into it, I'm seriously ready to get back to work and I know it's been almost a year since I was here but I swear to you, I'm ready" I can feel the lies stick to my tongue, looking at him even he knows it's all lies.

"Maddie, you got kidnapped by the Joker, your fiancé got killed, you've had a hard time lately. My wife is leaving me; she finally had enough of this job and me so she's packed her bags, gone to live with her sister, I am not fine, we are not fine so don't sit in my office and tell me everything is fine when it's not, don't you be the one to lie to me, not you Maddie."

"You're right it's not fine but it will be, I need to come back to this job Max."

He leans back contemplating his answer, "You're a great doctor, and you have a fantastic future ahead of you. But, you've gotta step up and start taking care of yourself. You've gotta calm down, I can't have you jumping in at the deep end and have you get hurt. You've gotta pace yourself and not stay on your feet all the time. We'll take it slow at first ok; any hours you want you can have them."

I'm instantly relieved, for a second I thought he wouldn't let me come back.

"Thank you Chief, I don't know how to...thank you. I have to show people that I'm not gonna freak out and go crazy on their asses. But I will if I sit alone in that manor for one more minute. Then I am gonna freak and go crazy or I'm gonna die of boredom. I am sorry about your wife by the way; maybe she'll come back to you? Maybe she just needs time."

He smiles, I've never seen him looking so defeated before, "Yeah maybe she will or maybe she feels like I've already chosen my career over her and our girls? How about you come in for your next shift in...shall we say two days time?"

"That'll be so great thank you Chief," I stand up and shake his hand, I get up to leave turning around when I reach the door, "My er dad was never really there when I was growing up, he died before I could learn what a father was; and then I met you and now I kind of get what it means to have a father, just because you're not there it doesn't mean your girls or wife think you don't love them."

I smile and walk off, my own life may be screwed up but that doesn't mean I can't help him.

**Bruce's POV**

As soon as he could he left the manor and went to meet with Gordon; he had to know if Maddie and the baby are in danger, if that is the case he has to get them out of town.

"Gordon I would have got here sooner, what has he left for us this time?"

Gordon looks up wearily, confusion evident on his face; "He left something at the presentation for James today he has something against that man and I want to know what. Here take a look see what you think."

He catches the envelope in his hands, easing the picture out; it's an x ray picture of someone's back injury, an object gorged in the back of it.

"So he sent someone a picture of someone he has killed or is going to kill?"

Gordon shrugs, "I don't think it's someone his killed, I actually don't think this is something to do with him, I think we need to go to the hospital and check this out, it's an old date about a couple of years back there's clearly no name we'll have to get them to check the patient number."

"Ok, I'll meet you there...What did he do to the Wayne girl?"

"See that's the funny thing if he wanted to hurt her he could easily have done, in fact he seemed insulted when we suggested he could hurt her, something doesn't sit right."

"He's a mad man, the things he does sometimes doesn't make sense."

"I'll call Jane Stevens, she can meet us at the hospital, and I'll see you there."

He knows that isn't right, there is something so much more beneath the surface than the Joker just screwing with them, this isn't one of his 'normal' games. He wants to prove James was a bad guy; what does he get out of it?

The drive to the hospital for him is quick; naturally he is there before Gordon.

He nods towards Jane and she seems to understand, not that she knows who he is, but she's assisted them before.

"Listen this isn't such a good time ok, I have back to back surgeries in half an hour and I need to prep for them ok? So whatever help you need let's make it quick." Jane is normally so...neat so to see her looking stressed is an entirely new thing.

"Joker gave something to Gordon, we need you to take a look at it for us," he passes the file to her; she frowns and tilts the picture.

"No name but I can enter the patient number into my computer for you and then you can see who this is. The Joker gave this to you?"

"To Gordon yes, he said he would start leaving clues around, he's messing with us. I just don't want this to be someone his hurt or something he's planning to do."

"Ok, I'll check for you, I may have to leave in a minute but when this is done it'll just flash up on the screen you don't need me here for it."

There's a knock on the door and Gordon appears, none too surprised he is here late.

"Hi Jane how are things?"

Her beeper sounds and she flips it out, "Great my patient is ready I need to go, I'll talk to you later Jim."

Gordon nods towards the computer, "I thought these were supposed to be fast? How long does it take?"

"Jane said it wouldn't be long, it's just checking the numbers properly."

They stand in silence for a while, both of them staring at the screen willing it to hurry; it beeps indicating it's done startling them both.

Gordon is the first to read it; his mouth dropping to form an 'o'.

"Gordon what is it, tell me what's wrong?"

Gordon flashes the results; he reads closely, careful not to show his shock, "its Madeline Wayne's spinal scan from when she hurt herself, I should have known this. What's the Joker doing with this?"

"He said he wanted to show us the Cop was a bad guy, maybe this is the first step."

**Maddie's POV**

It's dark and late and Bruce still isn't back; he usually does waltz in at all hours but this time I'm still concerned, Jack is up to god knows what and doesn't know that hurting Batman would hurt me. I frown at the baby monitor when I hear that sounds like a door opening; more than likely its Alfred checking on Mat. I wake up when someone shakes me awake for a second I think I see James, I go to push him away; but then Bruce's face comes through the blur and I throw my arms around him.

"Bruce how come you're back so late?"

His changed out of his 'bat gear' and is in regular clothes; "Sorry I had some things to deal with; everything's fine though, you don't need to worry."

"What happened with Gordon and the Joker?"

"Nothing, there was nothing really to see," normally I'd be able to tell when Bruce is lying but right now I'm so tired he could hit me round the head and I wouldn't blink.

"I'm going to bed now ok, you coming up?"

I nod and he helps me to stand; out of the blue he embraces me, I hold him back and for a moment everything feels like it should, but then of course we wake up.

I walk into Mat's room and check in on him; smiling down at him, I reach down and stroke his face, his blonde hair is longer now; darker than Jack's shade but he still has his eyes. I look closer into his cot, instead of just being covered in Jack's shirt he now has a forest green blanket covering him; I lift it off him; hoping he doesn't wake or fuss. I squint at the blanket in the dark lighting; it smells of Jack, of the aftershave he wears, just generally him. _He _was here I realise, looking around he's gone now, he probably didn't want to wait around on me. I'm pleased though; that he came to check in on his son, I just wanted to see him too. I gently lay the blanket back down, making sure he is covered. I switch the light on in my room; groaning when they don't turn on.

"Great," luckily it's my room so I can easily navigate my way around it; I sit down on the bed alarmed when I feel someone underneath me.

"Go away!" I punch down hard on the person beneath me; they yelp and I quickly realise it's not James but Jack.

"I've heard about being excited to see someone but that's taking it far," he sits up and rubs his chest where I hit him, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Jack what are you doing here? Wait how did you even get in?"

He smirks, "Easily I'm the Joker and you're brother isn't all that safety conscious as he seems, it was easy doll."

I reach out and grip his hand; bringing myself close to him, wanting to know he is real, _this _is real, that it's not one of my phases. "I've missed you so much Jack," he moves his hands up and down my back in a soothing manner; his gloves apparently are off.

"Me too doll, it's er not the same without ya, and the kid is doing good as well I see."

I nod into his chest; knowing that as soon as I let him go, he'll have to leave and right now I can't handle that.

"Stay," I demand, pulling myself away from him, he frowns and looks to the door unsure.

"They won't come in here and you can leave without getting seen, but please stay here tonight. Will you just hold me?"

Instead of questioning me, he nods, pushing me back down on the bed, laying me down; supporting himself with his elbow and hand he kisses me; as though to reassure me he won't be leaving me. I'm the first to pull away; slightly breathless, I look up at him and he has his head tilted slightly; the moonlight highlighting his paint and green-golden hair.

I trace his makeup, wiping some of it off with my finger tips; "Take it off," I order him and as always he answers with a smirk, holding his hand up for me to wait as he disappears to my bathroom, surprisingly doing as I say; coming out moments later minus his paint and clothes; clad only in his boxers. He has new injuries I note as I trace a fresh cut to his shoulder; kissing it softly; he inhales heavily and kisses my forehead.

"Get some sleep doll before little man wakes up, I've got er plans for you later, don't want you falling asleep on me."

I laugh, settling into his arms; this is what I've been missing out on, what I need and most importantly what my son needs.

**I know it's quite short but hopefully the next one will be longer for you all, thanks for those who have continued to read my story/added me to their favourites list and to all those who have carried on reviewing. Thank you! **


	8. Put An End To My Suffering

**I really hope you all like this one better than the last; that one wasn't my best and was really just a build up to the other chapters. The stress of doing this one, my laptop deleted the original copy so I had to start from scratch, eurgh! I could have almost killed the bloody thing, anyways, I hope you all like this, please enjoy! **

**Chapter Eight: 'Put An End To My Suffering.'**

Sometimes in life we do bad things and we let others take the fall for it; we do it and we let it happen but afterwards we always feel regret at our actions. When we were younger Bruce broke one of my mother's vases and I took the blame; he'd already been in trouble that day and I looked at the panic and fear on his face and took the fall. I was eventually forgiven but not before being told off for throwing in the house. I never told anyone about this; to me it's no big deal, I doubt Bruce even remembers it happened. When I took the blame for that I was protecting Bruce; this is what it boils down to at the end, we always look after the ones we love, yet we forget about what will happen to ourselves.

* * *

Today will be my first day back at work in ooh about a year, am I nervous? Yes, scared? Hell yeah. It's all part of the process though; I wouldn't be human if I didn't feel like this. Helena went mental when I said I was going back; actually accused me of not wanting to be with Mat; I've not spoken to her properly for about a day. I could literally kill her; its times and episodes like this when you can tell she is James' mother. Bruce and Alfred where both concerned and in a way excited for me; they knew I was being driving insane by being stuck in the manor constantly and if I ever went out it was always with an aide; the recent guy is about 6 foot 6 and never lets me out of his sight; he's a good guy just suffocating. I woke up early this morning; even way before my mini alarm (Mat) woke up; Bruce had gone to Wayne enterprise, whilst me and Alfred had cooked breakfast together; Alfred insisting I needed a good meal. Now I was relaxing in the shower; I hadn't 'seen' James for a while; tiredness can make you see crazy things, I've seen it happen before. I start to hum a song; lord knows what it is I must have heard Jack sing it before; I get a lot of things off him.

"So this is your little bastard then? His not mine is he darling, no he's yours and the Joker's little bastard."

No, not again, I turn around slowly, seeing James' outline outside of the shower; he leans against the door holding Mathew in his arms.

"Put him down now, please he hasn't done anything to you," I'm not scared for myself I'm protecting my son as well.

"Relax I won't hurt him; though he should have been drowned at birth really Mads. What do you think he's gonna be like when his older? A doctor like you, or do you dream of him being a lawyer? No, he'll be a psychotic murdering bastard, just like daddy. Hey he may even get his own set of scars, and then people would know for sure where he came from! Or maybe _I _should give him some scars hmm?"

I ignore him, closing my eyes and praying him away; I jump when he raps on the glass, almost slipping.

"Don't you dare ignore me, don't you dare," he breathes heavily through his nose, he seems so real, so hideously real.

"I've been so patient Maddie so very patient but now it's time for you to get what you deserve," he attempts to slide the door open and kicking into action I clench onto the door, pushing myself against it to block his attempts. He groans and steps away; thinking he's gone I move away screaming in fear when his foot connects with the glass door.

"Maddie!"

I look around gasping as Stephen stands in the doorway; his gun raised, "Are you ok?"

There's no James and no Mathew, "I don't know, I really don't know."

He lowers his gun and I'm thankful that the shower glass is stained so he can't see anything; "I'll wait for you downstairs."

I climb out of the shower; tracing the glass there's no sign that he kicked it or that anyone else has even been here, but I know that he was here... I know it don't I?

I dress quickly in my hospital scrubs, drying and plaiting my hair; "How you gonna explain this one Maddie?"

"Shut up James," he lets me push by him as I walk out of my room; going downstairs to face the music.

Stephen and Alfred look up at me when I walk into the room; baby Mathew raises his hand as though to wave at me, I smile weakly and cross over to him, picking him up and inhaling his baby smell; rubbing my face into his blonde curls, comofrted by knowing James can't hurt him.

"Maddie you wanna tell me what all that was about?"

I put the baby on my hip, placing my hand on the nape of his neck, tracing it like I use to his father, he smiles and buries his head into my chest, "I had soap in my eyes it scared me."

Stephen shakes his head at my lie; "That wasn't pain on your face Maddie that was fear." I mutter 'no' and he sighs, standing close to me, "Ok so you won't let me in, I came here because I heard you were going back to the hospital and wanted to wish you good luck...Maddie if there is anything I can do tell me, I like to think I'm your friend and you help friends right? Just let me help you..."

"I told you I'm fine, thank you for your concern, but I need...I need to get to the hospital." I walk away from him, kissing Mathew on the head and whispering 'I love you' to him, before handing him to Alfred. I leave them in the living room staying long enough to hear Alfred state, "She's leaving an hour early..."

Luckily for me Bruce had a spare key to my car; the original pair must have fallen down the lift shaft. Today the car park is packed and I stop to say Hi to several nurses; leaving with one nurse, Abby, to head towards the lifts.

"Do you know what interns you've been assigned yet or is the Chief just waiting to spring that on you?"

I laugh, I hadn't actually expected to get interns, "He hasn't said yet, I think we're just taking it slow and then maybe I will, I usually take some off the residents at the end, how are the interns this year?"

She groans, "Don't even get me started some of them are ok, willing to learn and whatever but then there's this one guy Chris who is a complete jerk, I heard he's interested in your speciality though," we step into the lift and I contemplate taking on this guy, "Really cardiothoracic surgery huh? I'm surprised he didn't want to go into something else you know involving breaking bones or whatever." We both laugh, until the lift plunges into darkness, I start to panic, pressing myself up against the wall, "Not again, not again please."

"Maddie, I can't see where the alarm button is, can you come over here and like shine your phone so I can see?"

"Go on Maddie be a coward, that's what you are," I can't see him but I sure as hell can hear him.

I whimper, caressing the lift walls to make my way to Abby, "Thanks, god this is freaky huh?" The lights flicker on again and the lift starts moving again. I breathe in and out slowly, lifts don't normally bother me but on the occasions when they stop and I start seeing dead people then they do, I'm starting to feel like something out of the Sixth Sense.

"You ok Maddie, you look really pale," I forgot she was even in here with me, "Yeah I'm fine it just scared me that's all."

I push my way out of the lift as quick as I can, going to my office at break neck speed with a quick 'bye' to Abby. I've not been to my office for a while; I still have old pictures on my desk; including many of James that he brought for me. I start clearing them off my desk, taking the pictures out and crumpling them into balls. A Joker card drops into my lap and I laugh, when I woke up this morning he had already gone; the space he had rested in was still warm, his clothes from the bathroom gone.

"Knock knock, hey Maddie you ready for this?" The Chief and Jane stand in my office door; I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

"You're diving straight into it today, a woman came in asking for you, I think her name was Karen...Karen Dawson, do you know her?" God I know her well the amount of times she has spent on my medical table, with me healing her husband's handy work.

"Yeah I do know her, I'll go now and check up on her, what room is she in?"

Max looks to Jane and she glances down at her folder, "She's in room 2, she came in on her own." It doesn't take a genius to work out that his hit her again; I can feel my fury mounting at him. I knock on the door, leaning in to hear her letting me in.

She looks up at me and I almost recoil, her face is a mess; she has cuts and bruises on her face; her lip is split, still bleeding, she is hunched over on the bed, holding tight onto her ribs.

"Karen what happened?"

She looks up at me smiling weakly, struggling to sit up properly, I grab a sit and sit in front of her; taking a swab to her lip. I finish with her face and raise her shirt, touching the flesh beneath, "Good news is it's bruised and not broken, this time." She looks down at me guiltily; chewing on her ruined lip.

"How are the kids?" At the mention of her children her face brightens up, "As fine as they can be Lucy and April are at school, Billy stays home with me, his at the neighbours right now, I didn't want him seeing me like this."

"How's your little boy by the way, you'll have to bring him over for me to see him." She winces as she slides off the bed; I hand her the leather jacket on the pillow.

"He's fine thanks, you know Karen you don't have to go back to him, I can get you help," she shakes her head, looking bemused, "He'll find me he always does, it's getting better you know, this was just me being stupid, he is getting better."

I say no more, merely writing my number and address on a scrap of paper handing it over to her, "Call me or visit me whenever you want, with the kids or without just don't be afraid ok?"

"You think I'm selfish don't you? I have kids and I stay with him, I will get out I just can't right now, but I will I swear."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, its fine, I get it." We embrace gently and I watch her walk away, knowing it could quite possibly be the last time.

"Maddie you doing ok?"

"Why is it you always know when I'm miserable?" He laughs and I turn round to look at him, Jack stands behind me in jeans and a sweater, his scars covered once again, his hair hidden by a cap.

He embraces me from behind and walks backwards into the room Karen was just in, turning me around so he can kick the door closed behind us.

"She's getting beat up by her husband you know, I managed to get the cops here once and then she dropped the charges, but he still does it, he still hurts her Jack," he watches me intently, those dark eyes so like our son's. He plays with the top of my scrubs, walking closer towards me; I step back and fall back onto the bed.

"It's not your fault ok, she chose to go back and drop those chargers, you're doing all you can to help her, _you _can't do much else."

In response to what I view as him lying to protect me, I kiss him, desperate for his touch. He goes to pull away to talk some more, but I refuse him, grabbing his hair and tugging him back to me.

"I don't have long ok, but I really need this ok so don't tell me it's wrong or it's not my fault ok?" I tug at his jeans; for once he has no belt on and they come down easily; leaving him in black boxers. He quickly catches on and throws my scrub top to the side; I feel paranoid; I've not been with anyone since Mat and my body has obviously changed. As if sensing my thoughts he trails his hand across my stomach, caressing it in one of the most pleasurable way.

"So beautiful, so so beautiful," his lips come to mine again and we struggle to lie down on the bed.

He kisses my neck, beginning to suck on it; I guide his head further down; how am I suppose to explain love bites to Bruce? He practically snarls as he understands my meaning, returning his head to my neck, biting down hard; hard but not enough for me to feel pain. I tug down his boxers; leaving them to rest on his ankles, he eases down my scrubs and underwear. Using his hand he spreads my legs slightly; he looks at me and I nod, thrusting my hips to meet his fingers, "Do you like this?" I clench onto his shoulder, careful to avoid his injuries.

"Scratch me, draw blood," if anyone else had asked me this I would have questioned them but he is after all the Joker; he wants pain. My nails are quite short but they still do the job; leaving a trail of blood running down his back. He removes his fingers from me; reaching into his pants pocket for a ...condom. I frown at him, I didn't think he actually would use one, but then again I'm pretty sure I don't want Mat to have a brother or sister anytime soon.

"Put it on me," I take the package off him, slowly putting the condom on him; he thrusts into my hand and I shake my head, scratching him more, "Wait."

When I'm finished he thrusts into me; harder than he has done before, I know I'm quickly running out of time, "Faster," I urge him he responds by kissing me, placing my hands above my head.

I go to look away, he lets go of my wrists with one of his hands; "Look at me Maddie, look me in the eyes now," at his tone I turn my head and look at him full on, he bits my lip and this time I don't refuse him. I twist my hand out of his hold and press him further into me as we reach our climax; careful not to make too much noise. We cling onto a few moments more, it's been so long since we've been together I forgot what he felt like, my beeper goes off as though to remind us where we are, he sighs and pulls away, looking less than pleased. I'm quicker to get dressed than he is, pulling on his pants I notice the blood from where I scratched him has reached the top of his pants; I trace it, some of the blood coming off in my hand, he stops dressing and inhales deeply as I touch his injured and broken skin.

"I'll clean this up for you, it could get worse," he nods and sits down facing away from me, "You should have been there when I got these," he gestures to his scars and I laugh, soothing some cream onto the scratch marks. I kneel on the bed behind him, placing my hands on his shoulders, right now it seems like nothing can get to me; I have my son and I have Jack, James can't get to me when I'm like this.

"What are you thinking about?" His question breaks the comfortable silence and he kisses the edge of my fingers; it's a tender and loving act from someone who people believe is so evil.

"I'm just thinking about stuff, it doesn't matter, it's not important."

He finishes dressing and turns towards me, gesturing for me to do his tie, "Maddie everything you think about and do is important, it's important to me what's going on with you." My beeper sounds again, I heck it, it's not an emergency but the Chief probably telling me I can go home now.

"I have to go, I need to finish up here and then I'm going to the apartment. Have you seen my shoe?"

I look under the bed and he comes around behind me dangling my shoe in front of me, I smile and go to grab it off him, he pulls away at the last second, "Jack come on seriously I have to go, I have to get to the apartment then I've gotta get home to see Mat," at the mention of his son's name his eyes seem to brighten, he hands me my shoe and I sit down to put it on. "I'll come with you, if you want, to the apartment?"

"Yeah, I'd like that, I need to get some of my stuff back, I told Bruce I was going for it so he knows where I'll be."

"You er sure Brucey-boy won't follow us there?"

I turn around and start fiddling with my hair; "No he won't he has stuff to do at home." He nods accepting my answer, not probing any further.

"Wait for me at reception; I need to talk to the Chief ok?" We walk out of the room, I almost walk into the Chief, "Maddie I paged you like three times, how have you been?"

"I'm good thanks yeah first day back was steady but good, I'll stay for longer tomorrow."

"No, not tomorrow come in the day after we may have a surgery for you." I hug him and turn to Jack who is standing at reception talking to Abby.

I gesture towards my office and turn to get my things, I pick up my bag, thinking I'd left it on the table I frown when I don't see it, turning around it's hanging on the door, I laugh, thinking it had been taken. I reach inside for my keys, my fingers brush some photos, I pull them out; there the pictures I threw away of James, I threw these away! I put my hand to my mouth, looking around my office to see if anything else is out of place, I have the sudden urge to get out of here. I walk quickly out of my office, bumping into Jack on the way out, "Hey everything ok in there?"

I look at him, his brown eyes crinkle in amusement at me, "Yeah I'm fine I just need to get going quickly."

We walk through the hospital, Jane is in surgery so I can't stop and say bye, perhaps its best when I have Jack with me.

It's strange coming back to the apartment; it's not exactly my favourite place anymore, I need to get rid of it quick and move on. I can see Jack walking around taking in the floor length windows and the expensive furniture; all of James' choice mainly.

We've only been here for a few minutes before there's a knock at the door; Jack instantly goes into 'Joker' mode, pulling a knife out of his pants.

"You er expecting someone Maddie?" I shake my head no, crossing the room to look through the 'peep' hole, it's Sophia, _what does she want?_

"It's ok Jack I know who it is, can you wait in the bedroom please? I need to talk to her alone." He looks put out by my request, merely turning and walking away, I'll be paying for that later.

I brace myself and open the door, "Hi I didn't think you'd let me in," I lean against the door, she towers over me but I can easily intimidate her.

"Can I come in please I still need to talk to you?" I nod, if it's so damn important she may as well come out with it.

I guide her to the sofa not bothering with formalities such as drinks, "What, what's so important you felt you needed to come here?"

"I need to talk about James and I know you don't like me even saying his name but I do need to talk."

I nod and she continues; "I know you hate me, you have every right to, I'm not innocent but then neither is James. I'm not here to hurt you or ruin your image of James but I see the headlines all the time and it sickens me that he gets all this good attention when all he deserves is peoples hate."

I reel back from her outburst, I thought everyone especially her adored James.

"I was pregnant, I was pregnant and James made me have an abortion, even went with me just to make sure I had it done, he was so scared of losing you again I'd never actually seen James scared but at the thought of losing you he was. But he went with me, not out of love, I don't think he ever loved anyone but you..."

I interrupt her; "You think this will make me give him pity by saying he loved me? He doesn't deserve my pity!"

She smiles sadly at me, "He hit you to huh?" She nods to me, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." She stands and raises her shirt, showing the angry mark on the side of her body.

"He came out me with a broken bottle because I dared question that he loved you, even though he was having this affair it was so wrong of me to question his love for you. When you hurt your back that time I never thought it could be him but it wasn't it?"

I refuse to answer, I'm too busy staring at her scar, her scar that so resembles mine it's uncanny; "When he did this he left me, when you got hurt he stayed with you, when I got hurt he took one look at me and ran. That's why I left the force; not because of our seedy love affair but because he wanted to kill me and almost did."

I stare behind her, taking it all in; James stands near the window clapping his hands together and laughing, I squeeze my eyes at the thought.

"I'm happy now though and I think you are, I've got a new guy and he treats me right. Have you got someone new?"

Without realising I think of Jack and smile, "I think so" I reply, today I'm seeing her in a whole new light, I will never forgive her for the affair but right now I can look past that and I can see the broken woman James made her become, just like me he wowed her then slowly chipped away, out of both of us Sophia was the only one to say 'no'.

"I should go now, I just thought you should know what he did and how I'm glad he died, maybe now he can leave you alone."

"Thank you..." I call to her, she turns back and smiles at me, this will probably be the last time we see each other, I'm content to leave it like this.

I hold my head in my hands, "I tried to be your friend Maddie, I tried loving you, but all you could do was complain about me and my affairs and how I didn't compare to your beloved Bruce."

I look at him and he nods towards a picture of Bruce and Alfred; "What would they think of you if they found out all the things you've done? Hmm? You're no different from me, that's why we belonged together. Why we still belong together." He places his hand on my bare shoulder and strokes slowly down my arm; instead of feeling pleasure I feel sick. "You see, I've always loved you, even that whore said it, all the things I did for you that I didn't with her, I could have left you to die but I didn't I saved your worthless life."

He brushes the tears that fall from my face, "That's it cry, we both know I love it." I tear myself away from him; grabbing a picture of him I raise it, "Leave me alone!" I throw the picture and he disappears when it hits him, I crumble on the floor, supporting myself with the glass table. He had it fixed as though warning me what he could do.

"Maddie, whats the matter?" Jack I had forgotten he was here, he comes up behind me and I turn and practically throw myself at him, clinging onto his broad arms.

"I heard some of what she said; I couldn't help but over hear. Is that whats got you upset?" I nod right now I can't explain what I don't know.

He looks at the coffee table we're leaning against, "Do you have a tool kit doll?" I nod confused, he kisses me on the forehead and walks in the direction I pointed to.

He comes back brandishing the hammer, "You er may wanna move out the way Maddie it could get a little messy." I obey and walk near the door, watching as he brings down the hammer onto the table, the table breaks sending glass flying everywhere. He finishes breathing heavily; I walk over to him and careful not to lie in any glass bring him down to lie next to me; revelling in his strength and comfort.

"Jack do you ever feel like you're going crazy?" he rolls over and looks at me smirking; "Doll the question should be when do I not feel crazy?"

I laugh hitting him slightly on the arm, "I'm serious, do you ever feel like you're losing touch; like you're seeing things that you shouldn't be seeing? That you can talk to things that shouldn't be there?"

I have his attention now, "Maddie whats the matter?"

"I feel so lost Jack, I keep thinking I see James and then it's not him or it is him and he talks to me he yells at me for what happened."

Jack leans on his elbows and looks down at me, he traces my arm in the same way that James did but this time I don't recoil, "Maddie how have things been since you had Mat? I mean you all ok up there? I can get you any help you want doll, I told you I would do anything for you."

I nod, I know it's not that it's nothing to do with having Mat, "It's not that I don't know what this is but it's not that. I think someone's trying to hurt me and right now they're doing a pretty good job."

"No, no one wants to hurt you, sometimes these things happen you saw him die and the things he put you through..."

I push myself away from him, I stand up and run my fingers through my already tangled hair, I must look like a crazy woman but isn't that what I am? "Yes he does I did a bad thing Jack and he's making sure I don't forget it."

He stands up, taking my hands into his, "Now you listen to me Maddie ok and you listen good. You didn't hurt anyone that's the truth."

"The truth," I let out a sound mid way between a sob and a laugh, "The truth is Jack that I killed James and let you take the fall... that's the truth."

**Oh yeah, I went there! I'm hoping this has wet your appetites and makes the story that more interesting, the next chapter I assure you will explain it all; I'll have it out as soon as I can. In the mean time thank you for everything guys! **

**Yours**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	9. Opening Pandora's Box

**Hi, I'm sorry this has taken a while to get out; uni has been loading the work on me so I've been concentrating on that. Thanks for everyone's reviews and all those who are still reading/reviewing etc. This one carries on from where the last chaptered ended; thanks for staying so patient!**

**Chapter Nine: 'Opening Pandora's Box'. **

Lies, we all tell them; white lies, little lies, big lies we can all say we've been there and done that. The problem with lies is they always catch up on us; little lies can get bigger and bigger until there's no way out. We lose track of the amount of lies we tell, who we tell them to and what these lies involved. Lies; so small yet they hurt so much.

**Flashback to James' death. **

He just kept talking and talking; his words that I had once flinched from seemed to cut even deeper this time; this time it wasn't just aimed at me he was insulting Jack too. The gun Jack had left was still on the bed, I knew that if I flexed my fingertips I would be able to reach it. I knew just by looking at him that Jack couldn't get to him without something happening to me; or James' threat of someone being outside being true. I focus on James; titling slightly to the side to get closer to the gun; his eyes are unfocused, he's usually like that when really drunk or high.

"I'll just have to kill you then, or maybe lover boy here. Didn't know you had a thing for freaks Maddie? Think how good it would be to see him dead and gone, have Bruce crying over your dead body..."

"I'm so sorry to do this..." I mutter; wincing my hand closes around the gun; he's too busy ranting to see me raise the gun; Bruce showed me how to fire a gun once, always mindful that someday I would need to protect myself.

I pull the trigger; the gunshot sounds and James looks around; his eyes try to zone in on the gun that's fallen to my side. "What the fuck was that?" He opens his mouth to say more, but the gunshot is clearly fatal; as his body collapses on the floor and I let out the sob that I've been holding in; I never thought I could kill someone especially James, even after everything we'd been through I could never picture me killing him, I always thought it would be the other way around. I look over to Jack who has his own gun in his hand; I let mine fall back onto the bed, he stares at me and back at the gun. I knew there and then he had to get out of there or he would be sent to Arkham or worse; the cop's that would follow could easily extract their own form of 'justice'. I may have killed James but I couldn't let Jack die too; so I let him go, I knew I wouldn't be blamed, but at the same time I knew that Jack would be blamed for it. What kind of person does that make me?

* * *

_He stands up, taking my hands into his, "Now you listen to me Maddie ok and you listen good. You didn't hurt anyone that's the truth."_

_"The truth," I let out a sound mid way between a sob and a laugh, "The truth is Jack that I killed James and let you take the fall... that's the truth."_

He throws himself away from me, shaking his head, "No, you didn't do anything wrong, anyone would tell you that. And if you hadn't killed him I would have done; it's just one more murder to my name, I don't care. Do you understand me? I don't care!"

"You think that makes it any easier? I killed him Jack and I know that he deserved it but I still killed him, how can I come back from that?"

The speed in which he moves towards me is faster than I've ever seen him move before; he stands before me and shakes me; digging his fingers into my arms, "It was an accident ok? He got what was coming to him; you killed him because there was no other way he would have killed both of us, you wouldn't have been here to have Mat, so don't stand here and start telling me you want to admit to it, because I won't let you do that, I won't let you destroy your life or our son's life."

I sniff and laugh at him; the glass crunches beneath my feet, "It wasn't an accident nothing just happens, I knew as soon as I saw the gun I was gonna kill him and I did; it might not matter to you but I still have to live with it, I still have to see him every day. He doesn't haunt you, he doesn't come to you threatening you or your son, you don't see what I see."

He brings me closer to him, still gripping onto me arms, "His not real ok, he's dead you went to the funeral you saw his body he's dead. What's happening with you...I don't know ok, maybe you've taken too much on having Mat then going back to the hospital. But this is between me and you, as far as people are concerned I killed the Cop ok? You don't have any proof that you did it; how do you think I feel knowing people think that Mat is his son? I want to tell everyone what really happened but I keep my mouth shut and so should you. Don't ruin yourself; people will never look at you the same again."

I walk away from him, avoiding my reflection in the mirror; "I can't look at myself again; I can't look at Helena without seeing her pain and without remembering what I did. But that's all this is to you just another dead body, you can't understand how this is killing me!"

His stance changes and he rolls his neck; he knows I hate that, "Well why don't you explain? Why don't you explain to me why you still have feelings for him huh? After what he did to you, after what he almost did to our son?"

He crosses over to me and shoves me in front of the mirror; brushing my hair from my back and exposing my scar, "Look at what he did to you, he could have killed you and that woman, he left her to die and he could have done the same to you! I get you're scared and afraid you think you'll end up like me, but you won't I won't let you. It was self defence Maddie, if people found out they'd say the same thing."

We both look into the mirror breathing heavily; he makes so much sense but he doesn't feel James and he feels so real right now. As though sensing I need his comfort he pushes me into him; so I'm standing with my back to his chest.

"How were you after you killed someone?"

My question shocks him and for a moment he ponders my question, "It was quick, I did it as quick as I could, I was...scared, there was people watching me do it and all I wanted to do was throw up and get the fuck outta there, but I stuck it in and afterwards it got easier. I remember all their names you know, every single person's name I've killed I remember them."

The young man behind me right now doesn't look like a killer, the man I know, the man I first saw in those pictures, the person he is with me and Mat isn't the killer; I wish more people would see that side of him. I trace the scars on his face, he doesn't flinch or move my hand away, he rarely does now.

"How did you get the scars?" I've not asked him this since we first met; there never seemed to be the right time, why now is any different I don't know.

"I er fell into the wrong crowd, I wanted out and they didn't like that, cut up my face and er left me for my mom to find me, some present huh?" He forces out a laugh and I take his face into my hands, caressing the scars, I almost feel like crying for him, though I get the feeling he wouldn't appreciate that.

"What happened...?" He shakes his head as though trying to rid himself of the bad memories, "What happened to the guys who did this to you?"

"I got them, took me a while, had to wait for a few months to get back on my feet but I found them, they all screamed like girls when I gave them smiles to match mine."

"Jack," this time I can't hide the pity from my voice; he notices and gives me a small smile, "That's life doll, see I fixed my little problems and now I'm gonna help fix you."

"What if he gets taken off me, what if I screw up more in front of people and Mat gets taken off me?"

"No he won't, Bruce and the old guy wouldn't let that happen, you're a good mom, a good person anyone can see that, stop thinking like that, ok?" I don't answer nor do I meet his gaze, he sighs frustrated at my lack of response, he shakes me slightly, "Ok?"

"Yeah...everyone's acting like I need a babysitter and I don't know I'm just scared and confused and I just want to feel normal again; I don't get that at home and even at the hospital I'm working pitiful shifts because the Chief thinks I can't cope and maybe he's right, I almost left today when Karen came in. If she dies that's it I'm finished, I don't wanna be a surgeon anymore."

"I'll help you Maddie and I'll help her if I can," he brings me closer to him again and I grip tightly onto him; ignoring the sight of James standing in the kitchen shaking his head at me.

**Joker's POV**

He didn't want her going home on her own so he took her; before though he went through her address book, she can't quit the hospital; if she does she's giving into whatever's happening with her. He's had eyes on the place since he told Speed where the address was; according to him and Bozo the woman and kids aren't there and looks like they won't be for hours. It's a small job; he'll be in and out, he just needs to make sure everything is set; the next piece of the puzzle has been put into place. This guy sure is a piece of work, the lowest of the low and so like the Cop it's uncanny; it's time he got what he deserves, what's been long overdue. The house is in the Narrows; naturally the security on the place was nothing; easy enough for Bozo to disable the alarm and have the guy inside not even bat an eyelid. Kid's toys and broken bottles of beer and cigarette butts litter the floor of the otherwise clean house. The snoring from inside the living room suggests the guy has passed out; probably drunk himself to that state.

"Huge guy boss, sure we can take him?" He turns round to face Speed and smirks into the darkness, "Can't be no bigger than you Speedy."

The guy barely feels the prick of the needle in his forearm; he leans closer now, getting a good look at him now the lights are on; he has the same dark hair set in the same style as him, the same features, build yeah he picked good. He needs to be quick and he needs the guy to be quite; the kids won't eb back until the morning, he'll have been found way before then, no need for them to see him like that.

"Shallow cuts boys, shallow cuts," Bozo and Speed nod and set to work, piercing the guys over sized muscles, the blood leaks onto the chair arm.

He walks idly over the wall; the pictures of his kids line the walls; he appears by his wife, always with his hand on her shoulder as though preventing her from running. By the time they've finished with him, his body he worked so hard to get; used so much to punish his wife is barely recognisable. He waits a few moments more; smirking as the guys eyes flutter open and he grimaces from the drink and the pain from the wounds.

"What...the fuck man?" He ignores him and nods for Speed and Bozo to step aside, the light bounces off his knife; the guy notices and tries to move in his chair; his pathetic attempts futile.

"This is only gonna hurt a little, you think this is bad this is nothing compared to what I had in mind for ya, now hold still or it could end up worse." The guys eyes widen in fear and as he steps closer he sees the telltale signs of urine on the floor, he tuts "Big bad man afraid of the little Joker huh?" He digs his knife into the man's throat and slices through it; the blood showers over him and he tilts his head; basking in the glow of the kill. He looks down at the now dead guy and picks up the phone; dialling for the Cop's; "911 what's your emergency?" He drops the phone; leaving it on the call, the cops will be here soon enough to find his gift, really he has been generous lately; the Bat best be paying attention.

Mac Dawson thirty five...another one bites the dust; like he said to Maddie he remembers all their names.

* * *

As it turns out, in some cases, it's a lot easier to say that someone deserved to die for what they did than it was to take the responsibility of the kill.

**I hope you all liked this chapter it took me long enough to get it out so hopefully I'll have the next one out sooner. I've got a good few ideas were this story is heading and I've been planning and working it out; stay with me to find out what tricks I've got up my sleeve!**

**Thanks guys! Take care**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	10. Look Closer Commissioner Gordon

**Finally I'm free! Sorry this has taken so long; uni work is being a beast and I've had to see FIVE (yeah that's right) FIVE theatre productions and do certain thousand word essays on them all. My poor fingers; this also took ages to get out as I sometimes write how I talk ie not good so I have to sort out my writing loads...anywho here's chapter 10 for you, thanks for all alerts/reviews/favourites etc. Still nice to see people reading this and The Deepest Cut. Thanks a lot!**

**Chapter 10: 'Look Closer Commissioner Gordon.' **

When we want people to find something out we leave clues behind; pretty much like in that fairy tale Hansel and Gretel; you know the one where their parents leave them in the woods and they try and they try to find their way back home with breadcrumbs. Life can pretty much be like that; we leave clues when we want people to find things out that sometimes we can't say out loud. It's like putting the pieces of a puzzle back together; sometimes it takes a while but always at the end you get the full picture.

* * *

Gordon's POV

He was tired; the Joker was once again running circles around them and they still hadn't found a proper replacement for James; (say whatever you want about the guy and most people had a lot to say) he was a good cop. Stephen of course was more than capable of doing the job but he was still one cop down and in a place where you can't be sure which men are really your guys, then you're stuck fast. His family had also been put to the side once again whilst he was working the case; the kids for now would understand but he knew if he cancelled one more weekend with them they wouldn't be so forgiving. Both he and Batman had been freaked out by the scan picture; they hadn't informed Bruce or Madeline Wayne about the find; Batman insisting it would only be added upset. Maddie... so far she was doing well, even after all she'd been through, a lesser person would have been sent to Arkham for a while after spending time with the Joker, but no not Maddie. It's been a little over a year since James died and she's never really spoken of him to anyone; the flowers that once adorned his grave have wittered down to a mere couple ever so often and by all accounts Maddie has never been to it. He personally never liked James; he was always a good cop if not on the odd occasion slightly rough but it was just the aura he gave off; like he was better than anyone else; that cockiness developed when he met Maddie, even before the first date everyone knew they were seeing each other. He shook his head slightly he was being overprotective; Maddie is a big girl who is more than capable of taking care of herself. He jolts practically out of his chair when his phone goes off; sounding loudly in the dark, quiet office.

"Gordon," he frowns at the unrecognised number, his confusion breaking when Stephen answers, "Hey Gordon you may wanna get down to the Narrows, we got a phone call from the place and when the first few cops arrived on the scene they found the guy; he's in pretty bad shape."

"I'm kind of busy Stephen can't you take this one tonight?" bed and sleep that's all he wants, two things he rarely gets and he has a funny feeling he won't be getting them tonight.

Stephen sighs down the phone, yelling something inaudible at another cop, "Trust me Gordon you'll wanna see this; his left you a calling card."

Gordon feels his blood run cold; the only 'he' Stephen can be referring to is the Joker and by the sounds of it whatever he did to this guy isn't pretty.

"I'll be there when I can, give me the address and make sure no one else gets near the crime scene. Especially that news reporter Maisy whatever her name is, this is the last thing we need if this is his work. I'll get Batman to meet me there."

He wasted no time in what he said; that he'd be leaving them clues, clues for what though and why does every corner they turn end up at Maddie's front door?

It might not be the Joker's work; the Narrows is a dodgy place at best, people turn up there murdered all the time. He grabs everything he needs and high tales it out of the office; it shouldn't take him long to get there; Batman possibly longer.

Although the Narrows is hard to work out he doesn't need directions tonight to see where he's going; police cars block the streets, a few park on the lawn in front of the house. Officer Clay; a rookie officer stands near one of the cars and is too busy emptying his guts to acknowledge him; what exactly is in there?

The house is neat and well looked after; as well as it can be in a place like this; where the police are on speed dial.

Stephen is crouched down on the floor; swabbing at something underneath the corpses chair that he is strapped to.

"Hey Gordon, glad you could make it thanks for doing this."

He tilts his head in acknowledgment, "its fine you said I was needed, what do we know?"

"Guys name may ring a bell; Mr Mac Dawson, his wife and a few other people have reported him for domestic abuse over the past few years yet she always ended up dropping the charges."

"I remember now; they have three kids right? Where are they and Mrs Dawson?"

Stephen checks his notebook, scanning the words on the page, "According to our friendly neighbourhood watch man she usually takes herself and the kids to her mother's on Friday nights, gets her and the kids away from him I suppose."

A crime scene guy examines the swab he has taken from the stain on the floor, doesn't take a college degree to work out what it is, "It's urine, the chairs soaked with it still and so is our guy."

Stephen laughs slightly at the guy's obvious disgust, "Yeah well you try holding it together when the Joker is coming at you with a knife and a glint in his eyes, let's see how well you do."

"Stephen you wanted me to see something?"

His prompt brings the other mans attention back to him and he nods at the body, "Check the body out, the torso is of particular interest."

He gingerly makes his way over to the body, snapping on a pair of latex gloves as he does; now that he can see the man properly he can tell the full gravity of what has be fallen him in his last moments; the cuts that cover his body were meant for torture not to kill; the coup de grace is the cut to the throat; so deep that he never would have survived such a savage beating. He looks back to face Stephen who nods, gesturing for him to lift up the man's shirt; he really doesn't want to do this but he does so and peers at it, etched onto the man's once toned stomach are the words, 'Look closer Commissioner Gordon,' he blinks and moves quickly away, desperate to get away from the man.

Stephen steps closer, nodding as Batman appears, late it would appear as ever, "Gordon what happened here?"

"We got the DB of a white male victim, positive ID on him matches that of Mac Dawson, we've had trouble with him in the past; he's not a guy that would have taken this lying down, use to be a boxer in high school by all accounts went undefeated for years. Known for taking steroids as well as other drugs; we've never been able to catch him with the drugs but everyone knows what he does. Met Karen Hill as she was once known in high school also; married just a year after he graduated; she dropped out of school to have the eldest daughter Georgina, then Megan and finally Billy the son, he's about eight months old now I reckon. We have more evidence on the walls also that you need to check out; we've not finished figuring it out yet."

Stephen gestures to the far wall; the three men step closer, reading the words. "Jesus," Gordon murmurs, "Is that..." "Blood?" Batman finishes, "I think it is our victims by the look of it." The blood is still drying; yet the words are still terrifyingly clear; they appear so jumbled at first it's hard to make out what until you look closer.

"Are they lists of injuries?" Stephen points out to one of the words, 'lip' and the word jumbled next to it, 'split'.

"Are these the injuries the victim received?" they both turn at Batman's gruff voice; the shock evident in his voice as it is in their faces.

"No, by the looks of your victim it appears not, of course I'll know more when I get down to the autopsy," the coroner, David Pearson hobbles next to them at the wall; the guy is thankfully due his retirement soon.

"Can you get it done for us tonight David?"

The old man grimaces at Gordon, "Sure can, it's been pretty slow down there lately good sign I suppose means the Joker and the others are behaving... or should I say were behaving? Bad sign for me, puts me outta business, I gotta lot of spare time on my hands, been planning that retirement."

"We'll meet you there," they all turn at Batman's gruff order, almost forgetting he was still there.

The old man takes it with a good natured laugh and nods to his assistant who is standing by with a body bag.

"Have the family been notified, he has a wife and kids right?"

"No not yet, we don't have the mothers address so we'll have to call around or have someone wait here for her come home in the morning, not the best idea or way to find your husband's dead but it's all we can do."

Stephen's phone rings loudly and another cop laughs at the ringtone; he smirks and glances at the screen, "Sorry I've gotta take this, I'll meet you at the morgue and look into the injuries on the wall, crime scene photographers have already done this entire room. Maybe Maddie or Jane can help id whoever got these or whatever see if they were admitted to the hospital recently."

"No," the whole room turns at Batman's loud order, his breathing heavy, his anger clear though most of his face is hidden, "We don't need to involve the Wayne girl I don't need to tell you again. Let's go Gordon," he sweeps out of the room in an instant, the chatter starting up again only when the edge of his cape disappears from view.

Batman has already gone by the time he reaches his own car; old trusty he calls it slapping the car bonnet fondly, he steps inside rubbing his cold hands together in a pathetic attempt at getting warm. This whole night has left him spooked; the murder itself was bad enough but the message etched on the guy's chest and the injuries written randomly on the wall as though they have to match them to their partner; it was all the games of a mad man. Batman naturally arrives first at the morgue leaving him to trail down to the coldness of the morgue; Doc Pearson always likes it cold in there reckons it helps him concentrate and that his old hips don't seize up; but either way it's cold. The cloaked figure of Batman and the much smaller one of Pearson's crowds round the dead body; the surgical equipment already lain out.

"Ahh Commissioner how nice of you to finally join us; we already have the victim prepped, his clothes are on the side there I'll get them sent to trace see if anything comes up."

"You won't, this is the Joker's work he won't have left anything behind he never leaves anything behind. He's too smart for that, he leaves behind only what he wants." Gordon glances down at the other man's hand as the caped crusader grips the side of the basin.

"Even the cleverest of men slip up sometimes Mr...er Batman. Even he must have a breaking point, a weakness if you will." Batman nodded at the Doctors words; though all of their eyes remain trained on the man lying in front of them; his chest now further exposed to reveal the message beneath.

"Your victim must have suffered terribly before death; and the answer to why he didn't fight back is simple; he couldn't. I found a needle mark on his right bicep looks recent as though he was sedated before hand and then attacked; it is possible he could have been very much aware of what was happening although he would not have woken. I'll have Richard run some tests see what he can find, and then we can determine what kind of drug was used. The cuts have clean edges to them; no jagged marks nor can I see any hesitation wounds; whoever did this knew what they were doing and knew exactly what to do to keep your vic from screaming out and alerting people." He lifts the man's arms and holds them towards his audience; "These marks don't need any explanation; track marks, they're present on both of his arms, some old ones are present but these on the side however appear more recent; look only a few hours old, must be one of the last things he did before he was killed. Was there any presence of drugs at the scene?"

" Not that we stuck around to find out much; I'll have to ask Stephen when he gets back; but if you said the marks are fresh it could be a possibility either he did it in the home or elsewhere. What can you tell us about the scratch above his eye? It looks different to the rest of them."

"I'm glad you noticed that Gordon, it is most irregular and you're right it is different to the rest of them. It looks like it was done prior to death, I'd say a good few hours; whoever killed your guy did not make this wound; and likewise with whoever made the wound they did not kill him either."

Batman finally spoke up; nodding to the scratch; "So what you're saying is that we are looking for two attackers? The Joker and then someone else who managed to at least claw the guy."

Pearson nods; "Exactly, I would look into possibly his wife for the scratch, by all accounts he was a nasty piece of work. And before you ask no, she couldn't have done this to him; I'd estimate her height to be only five foot and weighing in at I'd say ten stone, whoever did this to Mr Dawson here who we weighed to be seventeen stone of pure muscle and over six feet tall, would need to be the same height or strength as him, especially when he woke up and found himself like this. Of course as always I'll know more when the autopsy is fully completed."

Gordon pats him on the back, any harder and the guy would surely fall clean over, "Thanks doc you keep me posted and we'll see where this leads us."

Both men turn to leave the older man and walk out of the room, Stephen walks triumphantly towards them, brandishing some paper, "hey so I looked into records for the injuries that we managed to unscramble upstairs and there are more injuries on the list than what we thought; but we narrowed it down to a least of eighteen women; though if we had more to go on as its still researching we would be able to find out exactly who the injuries belong to, right now we can't cross reference them to anyone; interesting fact though; Karen Dawson's name came up on the list as a possibility; she had five of the possible ten injuries that was copied on the wall,. You think we should talk to her Gordon? Oh and her mother's address was finally found; the old lady next door gave it to us; it's a short distance away from the station, pretty close to Wayne Manor actually."

Gordon turns slightly when he hears the sharp intake of breath from Batman at the sound of the name 'Wayne'. "Good job Stephen, hopefully we'll have the full results soon; we need to stop him now before he kills more people in his sick little game. I'll interview Karen alone, she trusts me, I'll go to her mother's. But listen to me when I say this; Karen Dawson is not a suspect, Doc said someone heavier and stronger would have needed to lift Dawson's body."

"Did you get a good luck at his face?" Both Stephen and Gordon turn to face Batman, who is leant against the wall chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"What his face? Batman I was too busy looking at the little message he left for me, why what was wrong with his face?" "That's just it; there was nothing wrong with it, but he looked pretty similar to James Dawson. Same build, height, features, hell they even weigh the same practically!"

Gordon and Stephen exchange worried glances at this, "It could mean nothing..." "Yeah but then again it could mean everything!" both men flinch as Batman's voice sounds in the dark corridor.

Gordon wearily runs a hand through his hair; taking his glasses off he cleans them, this was gonna be a long shift; "Ok, you both stay here and see if any more matches come up I'll interview Karen and meet you both back here in my office."

He stalks off before either of them can utter another word; even before the autopsy was done he knew that Karen was not responsible. Despite her daughter living in squalor; a practical hell on Earth; Teresa Hill lived a life of high class comfort, that few in Gotham could afford. It was going to be hard to tell her this; even though she lived in fear of him he was still here husband; the father of her three children. If he was a drinking man he would have some right now for dutch courage; James always kept a flask of whiskey in places he thought it would be kept well hidden...he allows his thoughts to be taken back to Batman's earlier observation; now that he mentioned it there were similarities to that of Mac and James; they even shared the same last name. He pulls up to Teresa's house; he would dwell on James later. Even from out here he can hear the cries of Billy; he stiffens as the child's cries get louder; almost shrinking from view when Karen actually turns and looks him full on; waving a spare hand at him and disappearing from view to open the front door.

"Jim Gordon this is a surprise! How are you? Please come in, I've gone slightly more up market from our home back in the Narrows."

He steps awkwardly into the impressive hallway; this house is definitely an improvement from her own home; he feels significantly scruffy in this pristine house.

"Can I talk to you please Karen, in private?"

"Yeah sure Jim, anything for my favourite Commissioner, we'll go into the living room." She sits down and gently lowers her young son to the floor; he swallows as he notices that the young child has taken after his father in looks.

"Karen, there's been an accident at your home, we got a phone call this morning and when we got there... it was too late. I'm so very sorry but Mac was killed, we couldn't make it to him in time." He watches the woman's face; she merely inhales deeply and looks at her young son, "Thank you for letting me know. Can I ask what happened to him please?"

"He had his throat cut Karen. I do have some questions to ask...if that's ok?" The young woman merely shrugged her shoulders as an answer; her eyes focusing more on her son.

"At the scene painted on the walls were a list of injuries we cross referenced them and your name came up as a possible victim... I understand you have been to the hospital for a split lip, broken ribs, bruised cheek bones, black eyes and a dislocated shoulder yes?"

"Yes that's what my daughter when through at the hands of that mad man and now thankfully he is finally dead, about time too I say." His eyes double in size at the sight of her mother; in many ways she reminds him of Helena Dawson.

"Oh Commissioner don't act so surprised! You all knew what he was doing to her yet you never stopped him; the amount of times I had her up here and he'd drag her back as soon as I was gone. At least my grandchildren will never properly know him, they would be ashamed!"

"Mother please, can you take Billy and leave me and Jim to talk please? I'll tell you everything from what you've not been listening into later on." She pursues her lips and nods, scooping the wiggling child off the floor, much to the amusement of them both.

Karen turns her focus back to him, rubbing subconsciously at the marks on her wrists; "I may have been in the hospital with those injuries yes, why Gordon am I a suspect? I can tell you exactly where I have been; here all night and all of yesterday with my children; Megan has a cold and has been kept off school and Billy is teething, I did not want to leave my children like this so I stayed here with them. I did not kill my husband, but I will help in any way with your investigation."

"I never thought of you as a suspect but the injuries you had they did match some that was left I just wanted to know if you could shed any light on them. I didn't come here to upset you Karen it wasn't my intention."

"I don't know who it could be; I've not exactly joined any group or anything to talk to anyone about this. Who did this to him and Jim please don't lie?"

He clears his throat, he was wondering when she would ask that; "We believe the Joker did it; we may be connecting this case to the murder of Detective James Dawson as well, we need more evidence but we think the cases are more linked than they appear."

"Thank you Jim, I suppose I'll have to tell my girls when they wake up," she leans forward and grips his hand, "Thank you for being the one to tell me, I hope you soon find what you're looking for." They both stand and awkwardly embrace; she pulls away quickly and smiles, walking him to the door. As he reaches his car she calls back to him, "I'm glad you know that someone killed him, now maybe I can have a life and get away from here." He freezes and looks behind him; she gives him a sad smile and waves before stepping back indoors.

**Bruce's POV (as Batman)**

After Gordon had left they wondered back upstairs to Stephen's office to narrow the search down; something about this was oh so familiar. He steps forward to the board; eye balling the picture of Mac Dawson... Dawson...James Dawson... "Of course that's why."

The computer beeps indicating it's find, Stephen turns in his seat, "We er...we have a match." He crosses the room in an instant and, not for the first time. His sister's name flashes back before him. "You're... you're sure this is right, do you need to check again? Stephen shakes himself out of his trance, "No, this is right she's the only one with all the injuries listed, what the fuck is going on?"

"He wants us to see what he sees," they both turn to face Gordon, he walks over to the board slamming his hand down on it, "First he trashes James' award ceremony, then we get the scan picture and now this; Mac's last name being Dawson was no coincidence; he planned this all right down to every detail and it's fallen right into his hands. These injuries...I've seen Madeline with them, that's why the case is so familiar; she had a split lip, broken and cracked ribs, bruised cheek bones, black eyes, a dislocated shoulder, broken fingers, a superficial stab wound and the glass in the back. This is what it all boils down to; the Joker thinks that James attacked Maddie."

"Do you think he's right, I mean why do all of this if it means nothing? He's taken the time to do this I don't think he's lying." They all ponder Stephen's question; not wanting the possibility of what James was be true.

Gordon speaks up, attempting to gain control of the increasingly dire looking situation; "OK say it is true we don't have enough to prove this; it's just based on what one man thinks happened. Even if it were true this would mean getting Maddie involved and would she want to be? James is dead after all. And the only people who know truly what happened are James and" "Maddie," Stephen finishes.

* * *

**Phew so glad I got this chapter out and it's a big un; it's about damn time I know, I'm off anywho for a caffeine fix at Starbucks (well Caramel Cream Frappacino, incase you're interested...oh and a Mc Donald's I've got the major urge for one.) I've not ate for most of the day...anyone want to diet? Go to uni seriously I rarely eat properly! P.S any Britney fans should check out her new album...seriously it's freaking amazing even caught my brother 'Dwayne(yes I named my character after him in The Deepest Cut, he's the brother I actually like and get on with, harsh I know but my other brother's are major tools, ok I'm going off topic here, no one wants to hear this!) I don't like Britney Spears' music' rocking out to it on my pod...nice bit of blackmail right there. Anyway enough of my rambling I need food and you've probably fallen asleep. Toodles and much Joker love!**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	11. Forgive What I Have Done

**Hello my fabulous readers! I've had little work to do for now so I thought I'd get this one out fast. There is a bit of 'background info' for James and Maddie in this part, I just thought I'd add it to the story for Maddie's reactions to him to make more sense. Thanks for all the reviews they're like my candy!**

**Chapter 11: Forgive What I Have Done.**

What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom; it's the remission of sins. Forgiveness means letting go of the past. 'Forgive and forget' that's what they say, it's good advice some people follow it; me? I'm not quite so forgiving, in this world where we get back stabbed practically every day it's hard to imagine who we can trust. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to correct that; we want to be the one to wrong them back and be the one who is right. When someone hurts someone we love we want that person to feel our wrath. Without forgiveness old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal, we remain so bitter so consumed by what we could have done or what we didn't do that we become twisted and bitter. But we don't want to become those people so the most we can hope for is that one day...we'll be lucky enough to forget. Some people deserve not to be forgiven; they are the lowest of the low; their lies and torment of us can never be forgotten and can never be forgiven; and this is where the rules change; they deserve our hate and never our pity. Genuine forgiveness doesn't deny our anger but faces it head on; the best remedy possible.

**Maddie's POV**

I don't trust Bruce; I know something is happening but he won't let me know. Unlike some I know when my brother is lying and for the past week or so my brother has been lying to my face. He keeps his office door locked; trust me I've already tried getting in to it; like with hair pins and even my credit card, sly I know but I did learn a few things off Jack; besides he never use to keep the door locked. And I know the old saying; curiosity killed the cat' but didn't satisfaction bring it back? I turn round to see Mat who is laughing away at some cartoon on the TV; oh great Tom and Jerry and Tom just tried to kill Jerry; my son is laughing at death...thanks Jack. I sit down cross legged on the floor next to his rocker; his attention shifts to me and he smiles and laughs when I stick my tongue out at him. I'm looking forward to when he starts speaking and walking; though with the amount of doors and stairs in the manor we'll be spending a ton on safety equipment. He chatters 'baby talk' at me and reaches his arms out to me; I pick him up and settle him against my chest and stomach, he squirms and settles against me with ease, apart from Bruce, Alfred is the only male face he has interactions with; I'm worried about when Jack next shows up and goes near him; what if he freaks out and cries, how is Jack gonna react? He's already pissed off that people think James is his father; how is he gonna react when Mat starts crying when he goes near him? He'll brush it off like it means nothing but I know him better than what he thinks. I bounce my knees gently up and down and he shrieks with a childlike innocence; pulling none to gently on my long hair, I wince and try to pry his hands away, he grips on tighter and starts to fuss. I give it up as a bad job and wince every time he pulls on it; he turns around and wipes his face on my hair; I groan and he peers up at me from behind my hair; I laugh and he mirrors it; blowing raspberries at me as he does. The alarm to the front door sounds and both me and Mat frown; if it was Bruce he'd have just walked in.

"I think Uncle Bruce has forgotten his keys baby," Alfred went into town to shop so it's just us in the manor, "Bruce why is it you who always loses the keys?" I look up and see him, Gordon and Stephen on the door step; their faces grim.

I paste on my face what I hope is a convincing smile, whilst Mat reaches for Bruce, who is still in disguise and clearly a welcoming sight for a baby; "Hi, what's the problem guys is everything ok?" I curse myself as my voice shakes and changes volume.

"Maddie is it alright if we come in, we don't mean to intrude we just need to ask you some things, if that's ok with you?" I look to Bruce for guidance and he nods his head 'yes' slowly, not wanting Gordon or Stephen to notice.

I step away from the door and stand to the side; my grip on Mat becomes harder and he squirms in agitation, I loosen my grip slightly as a million thoughts face through my head; god what is it they want with me now?

"We can go into the living room; Bruce and Alfred have both gone out so they won't be back for a while." Stephen smiles at me and steps closer, bringing his hand to my shoulder and giving it a soft squeeze, I smile at his offer of reassurance. The cartoon is still playing and Bruce smiles at it; Mat notices and once again stretches his hands out towards Bruce.

"What's happened Gordon that all three of you need to come here?" All the focus in the room goes to Gordon who shifts in his seat, grasping the folder in his hands, I zone in as I see my name written on it.

"Do you know Mac Dawson Maddie?"

"Yeah I do Karen Dawson's husband right? Sure I know him; she's been on my table enough times when his broken another bone in her body. Why is that why you're here is it Karen, is she ok?" I knew it I failed her; and now she's dead.

"No Maddie Karen's doing ok considering. Last night we got a phone call and found Mac; he was murdered by the Joker." I inhale; at least she is ok, but Jack, what is he doing and why does my name always end up involved?

"Thank God she's ok, but what does that have to do with me?"

"Maddie, this is awkward for us, but at the scene the Joker left...messages on the wall, different injuries and they all match ones you have had in the past. We think that he's trying to tell us that James hurt you...Did he?" It's my turn to shift in my seat now; he promised he wouldn't say anything, he promised. He stood in front of me and swore he wouldn't say anything.

"Yeah but technically he actually hasn't said anything Maddie; he's having fun with the cops leaving little clues and body parts lying around everywhere."

"Not now James," I mutter under my breath urging him away.

"Maddie?" I look up as Stephen prompts me; sat next to him is James, mimicking him as they both sit forward, hands clasped.

_Ok Maddie now is a good time to say it...come on say 'yes' one little word_; "No, no he didn't hurt me. I don't know where Ja... Joker got that from because I said nothing to him, he's lying I never talked to him about things like that." _And the major bitch and liar award goes to me._

"Maddie it's not looking good for you though; I mean why would he do this if something hadn't happened?"

I stand up and move away from them, attempting to dig my way out of the hole Jack has created for me; "Jesus guys I don't know! Why are you even asking me these questions when it seems to me you've already made your assumptions? Why do you believe him over me?" At least all three of them have the decency to look ashamed.

"Lying isn't the answer Maddie. Didn't you're mother tell you lying was bad, here was your chance to tell them and you couldn't; I'm ashamed of you, this was probably your last chance to tell on me and you did nothing."

"There wasn't much point," I mutter softly to James.

Stephen touches my arm; tracing it down from the elbow to my wrist and then touching my finger tips; "Maddie we realise this is a hard topic but these injuries; there's too many of them to be an accident. I've seen cases like this before we all have; your case looks so familiar it's like all the others I've seen before. He's dead Maddie it's not like he can come back and get you, you're perfectly safe."

"How many times do I have to say it? He didn't hurt me! Why is this so hard for you to understand? James...he liked it rough ok? He liked it rough so that's what we did..." They all look startled and Bruce winces; hell I'd rather them think I was some kind of sexual pervert than the truth.

Bruce steps forward and I resist the urge to run to him; "We should leave you to it then Madeline, if anything else comes up though we will have to come back. We didn't mean to pry," I shake hands with them all confused at their early departure.

I go to run after them when I see Gordon has left the file on the table; I flip it casually open, "Well what does it say? How are they trying to ruin my career and my memory huh? This is a downer isn't it; from model cop to dead cop, then award ceremony all for me and now what? What will I be known as, woman beater? Dirty cop?"

"It just says what they've found...I told him not to say anything, why would he say something James?" I'm desperate to actually have some form of comfort from him; his the only one around right now.

"Hmm, just what they've found, like it's no big deal? And how the hell should I know what to do? They didn't believe you anyway Maddie and you best have something sorted when they come back, Gordon left the folder here on purpose then as soon as your back is turned Bruce will go and give it back to him. Then you'll crack and everyone will know that you're crazy and you'll just have me. The way it's supposed to be, remember how good it was Maddie? Remember when we first met and how much you use to love me? Remember our first holiday together?"

I wipe the tears harshly away from my face and nod clutching onto his hand that he rests on my shoulder.

"Tell me how you remember it..."

_He wasn't that hard to miss; against the older figure of Gordon he stood out and he knew he did. The gang of nurses, interns and doctors had practically gathered round to see him. Jane had dated him before and was quick to tell everyone who he was; his smile...god his smile when he did smile properly, a proper honest to God real smile; he would have stood out even next to Brad Pitt. He was guarding an inmate who had tried to kill himself and his roommate; he seemed so care-free and easy, a new cop obviously but he knew what he was doing. I stood next to the board sorting out the day's surgeries when he came and stood next to me, trying to catch my eye._

"_It's a busy day today for you huh?" I rolled my eyes at his pathetic attempt at a pick up line; but he knew he didn't have to rely on his personality to gain favour._

"_Yeah I guess it is Officer..."_

"_Dawson, I'm Officer Dawson and you obviously need no introduction Miss Wayne." He purred my name out like he was feeling pleasure just by saying it. _

"_Of course I don't Officer, if you excuse me I have to go and see to my patient."_

_He glanced at the board noting I was heading to see his guy; "I'll er walk you to the room, I think we're going to the same place." I had smiled not understanding what he was meaning, but secretly loving the attention this sought after man was giving me. _

_He had opened the door for me and allowed me to step in first, stepping in behind me and closing the door; I had turned round and laughed; the guy was knocked out and James had stood behind me laughing at his cleverness. _

"_Told you we were going to the same place Miss Wayne." _

_And after that he never left my side; I should have noticed the early warning signs but for the first few months no alarm bells rang. In the village where he grew up he knew of an old woman, a somewhat mother figure for him whilst growing up who had a crooked back after a bad fall. She was skilled in making poises and corsages from silk flowers and ribbon. He took me to her once and we sat in front of her log fire and drank hot chocolate watching the snow fall while she sat in the corner; her work hidden from my view. I remember looking out of the window and tracing the window pane as the snow fell; my fingers tapping gently on the window. James had stood behind me and stroked my arm turning me around slowly and covering my eyes._

"_Don't look, even when you feel me put it on you don't look until I say." I had nodded and closed my eyes in clear interest and excitement; he gently grabbed my wrist and closed the silk over my wrist. _

"_Open your eyes Madeline."_

_The corsage was made up of the softest of orange silk, shaped into roses; white pearls and smaller pieces of white see through ribbon joined them together. I smiled and kissed him gently; the old woman stood behind us and nodded._

"_Thank you so much for making me this," I embraced them both; she refused to take my money; instead insisting my happiness was all the payment she needed. _

_It was just three months into us dating when he took me there; he would often introduce me as 'wife' to the townspeople who smiled and commented on how well we both looked. Here no one knew my name and I melted in as easy as I would do abroad. He promised me he would marry me as soon as he could; telling me over and over how proud he had finally made his father and by marrying me would make him prouder. I told him I was the luckiest girl in the world; I taught him how to dance and we would dance slowly to nonexistent music. He would lift me up and gently guide me back down the full length of his body; repeating over and over again 'what would I do without you?' I would always smile and reply 'Let's hope we never find out'. And he would kiss me so gently at first like he was scared I would break apart in his arms. _

_As a police officer he would often have to leave for days, sometimes weeks at a time to complete his training. He would always call and after the second day of being away I was called down the stairs by Alfred who handed me the orange coloured envelope; I had known instantly it was from him. I had ran up to my room to read the letter in privacy; saying the words in the letter over and over until I was word perfect and could tell what was written on the next page before I got to it. When I was at work I would repeat over in my mind the words on the pages; hearing his voice as I did so. My favourite letter of his was one of the first he sent me; I had been ill and could barely speak so I couldn't come to the phone. He had written the letter it would appear instantly, most likely after hearing I was unwell and when it came in the post Bruce had been the first to get there; I had to wrestle it off him as he tried to read it out;_

'_My dearest Madeline' I had snatched it out of his hand before he could read further, reading the words out loud only when I was sure Bruce had gone._

_My dearest Madeline,_

_Not being able to speak to you and hear from you is one of the worst feelings I can go through. I heard from your brother that you were sick and have never wished so much to see someone. I wish I could be with you now so I could talk with you, lay with you and kiss you. Mrs Hope once made me some of her homemade soup when I was ill and I will soon write to her and get her to make you some. It makes my heart ache that I cannot always be in your presence. I'll make sure soon that I am with you once again, the training is going well and I will soon be finished._

_Yours,_

_James. _

"I meant it you know; you are mine for eternity, me being dead doesn't change that. You're just kidding yourself with that guy; he doesn't love you like I could. Be honest with yourself if you saw him walking down the street you wouldn't twice at him; he had to kidnap you and beat you for you to notice him."

I have to defend Jack he doesn't deserve this; "It wasn't like that and of course I would never had looked at him; he's a well known killer. Anyone with some sense about them wouldn't look at him in the street. You don't know him how I know him; I may have memories with you but now I have better ones with him," I nod towards Mathew who is settled in his rocker, "And now I have his son and maybe that's not ideal but I could never wish I hadn't met him."

"We could have that back Maddie, you don't need them you just need me. The Joker is like a dog Maddie that you can't train, you may think you have him tame but the minute you think everything is ok he'll kill you. I would never have killed you, I knew my limits."

"When you love someone, when you create a child with him, you don't just suddenly lose that bond. He's like that because he has been hurt so many times in life it's hard for him to trust people. But he let me in you only pretended to. You never knew your limits that what always the problem with you among other things."

He digs his sharp nails into my shoulder and I wince as they cut through the thin material of my top; I go to loosen my hold on his other hand but he grips painfully onto it.

"No one would believe me with anything anyway even if I told them how I was feeling, what do I do? I don't know what to do. Should I tell Jane?"

He sniggers behind me and sniffs my hair; the blonde waves pouring through his fingers like gold; "Yeah sure tell her, why are you asking for my advice anyway? You weren't bothered by it when I was alive why bother now when I'm dead? You just ignored me then Goldilocks, why should I care what happens?"

"I'm asking you because right now you're the only one who isn't denying anything is wrong with me. Why do you keep agreeing with everything I say?"  
He scoffs at me and I feel the vibrations echo through my body; "Because I am you. I'm your brain, your mind everything. You're talking to yourself and imaging the things you think I would say; this is your reaction it doesn't have anything to do with me, I'm six feet under Goldilocks."

"Don't call me that name you know I hate it. You're real I know you are I can feel you right now." I turn around so we're face to face, "Touch me! Go on do it! I felt you just then, I feel you every time you touch me. That has to mean something right?"

For a second I think he won't do it; but slowly he reaches towards me and grabs me; pulling me sharply to his chest; I wince and look down when I feel wetness; his blood is all over my stomach it's like a haunting premonition of what's to come, I pull away, stumbling and fall back onto the seat. "See Goldilocks, you may think you're touching me but I'm nothing, I'm not here."

I let out a cry; closing my eyes from what he has finally given me; the truth. and Mat starts fussing and I open my eyes, peering out from behind my fingers; James is gone and once again it's just me and Mat. I pick him up gently and rub his leg; he settles and rubs his eyes. I wordlessly start walking upstairs; settling him in his cot and turning on his mobile. The jungle animals spring to life and he reaches up to them, grabbing for their shadows on the wall next to him.

"Mommy will be back in a minute baby." I walk into my room and stand in front of my dresser; pulling at my hated hair; this is what always set me aside from Bruce when we were growing up, this is the hair that caused people to question my mother's fidelity, my birthright. I open the drawer and my hand closes around my scissors, I hold them up to my hair and hack at it; feeling nothing as the hair falls to my feet, I don't even blink. I stop when I am satisfied; I'll need a professional to finish it off, but I can't leave the house looking like this. I throw the scissors onto the floor next to my hair and grab the hat from my wardrobe. It fits just so onto my newly cut hair and I grab my bag and turn to leave, not bothering with whats left of my long, blonde hair.

**Stephen's POV (after they leave manor)**

"So did anyone believe her, or did you all think she was doing some first rate acting?" Batman refuses to answer and Gordon still looks troubled; he left the folder there and hopefully this will awaken some sense into her.

"Not for one minute and I don't think she did. She's scared and upset; I think she's been living in fear for so long that when he finally leaves her she doesn't know how to act. This could be why she never left; it's like when someone's trying to give up drugs and they're worried about the person they'll be without them."

"I don't... I just don't understand why she felt like she had to hide it...if it happened. She could have told m... she should have told her brother he could have helped her. She should have gone through this alone, what can of person deserves this pain? She was always welcomed back at the manor...she always had somewhere to call home" Batman's voice is wavering with the shock; he sounds like a heart broken man; the case has hit them all hard.

"Trust me it happened, what I want to know is, is how did the Joker get it out of her? How did he find out? She didn't have any fresh injuries when we picked her up so apart from the first night she was with him he hadn't laid a finger on her, nor had he let anyone else."

Gordon speaks gravelly behind him; "That attack where she had the glass in her back that would have left scarring. Unless that is if she hadn't seen a plastic surgeon, we could always ask her about that, maybe if we bring that up we could get her to start talking about it."

"So what we're supposed to get a warrant to see a scar on her back that may or may not be there? We'll be laughed right out of the judge's office Gordon, give me a break."

Gordon turns; his coat billowing behind him; "We have to do something! What do you think the Joker will do if we don't do anything? His already blown up a hospital full of innocent what do you think he would do with us? Something has happened with him; it started when Maddie was with him and it's not ended just because she's gone."

Stephen winces and draws his finger across his neck; the full impact of what would happen settles over them.

"I could talk to the Doc see what he says; see what the difference between rough sex is and being attacked. I mean how rough do you have to be to dislocate a shoulder and break a few ribs?"

Gordon nods; "Right and I'll keep an eye out for anything else; I'll check James' cases see if anything stands out; something might come up."

"I'll be around, I'll look after the Wayne girl," Batman's voice seems to have recovered, though said man still looks ghastly pale beneath his black armour.

Stephen waits for them both to leave Wayne manor before leaves; he admits it he likes Maddie, she always deserved much better than James; of course she only sees him as a friend and while he was content with that a while back now he isn't so sure. He yawns, he's been up for hours he realises; he needs sleep and food; he can always call the Doc on the way back home. He dials and waits for the doc to answer; he does so after the fifth ring; his voice lagging and tired.

"Hey doc it's me Stephen, we've just finished interviewing Maddie Wayne and I have a few questions to ask you if you could help?"

"You caught me just before my shift ended, how can I be of service?"

"You've dealt with a lot of dead body's right? What's the difference between rough sex and abuse?"

"Simple, especially in the case of miss Wayne; a dislocated shoulder during sex would be quite hard to manage, as would many of her other injuries; if she has no scaring nor bruising on her body I would scratch that out straight away. I looked at the files you left me on her and this isn't rough sex; this is abuse, it's way too much of a coincident for it not to be. Besides the injuries during rough sex would be around the wrists, ankles and vaginal area. Does this help you out Stephen?"

"Yeah doc thanks and you take it easy."

He ends the call and shakes his head; James wasn't supposed to be like this; the people who looked up to him. Yet instead of telling them she told the Joker; something must have happened between them for her to have revealed something so big like this to him. She clearly made an impression on him; it's not every day the Joker goes round trying to help the cops and other people. He remembers how fast Sophia left; did James get to her too?

**Maddie's POV**

"I think this would suit you Miss Wayne, what do you think?" I look up and turn to the mirror; the excited woman behind me ruffles my chin length brown hair artistically. _No more Goldilocks now James. _

"I think the colour is amazing I'm so glad you decided to have a new look! Brown is such a good colour on you and the style of the hair; it's a totally new look, a complete reinvention!" I smile at her words; this is what I wanted a reinvention, a fresh start. I stand up; dusting the hair off me and grabbing my coat and Mat off my aide.

He nods and smiles at me; he still doesn't talk much but it's better than nothing. "It's nice," my head shoots up to look at him and he tries again, "It's nice ma'am you look nice." "Thank you" I utter back as soft as he did.

The young woman behind the counter can barely hold her excitement as she takes the money off me; "Will Bruce Wayne be coming to pick you up?" Of course, it's all about Bruce, no such luck today girl.

"No sorry, though maybe I'll bring him back here soon. You can keep the change...Adele." She gushes and holds the door open for us. I look into a passing mirror and smile; I don't recognise myself; good right now I'd rather be anyone but me.

* * *

**Ohh the drama! I'm really glad I got this chapter out fast to you; it's freezing where I am so I'm wrapped up in my pjs, ugg boots, my friends jumper and scarf...oh the life of a poor student but at least my fingers are warm with all this typing! thank you all so much for staying with me and for all your messages/reviews. Hopefully I'll be quick to update again soon!**

**Yours,**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **

**P.s Tom and Jerry is a really old cartoon is England, I dunno if it was broadcasted anywhere else but I loved it a as kid I use to sit there for ages watching it; it doesn't sound as bad as it does, honest, it was like 'slap stick' humour but so funny when you're four years old and easily pleased!**


	12. Stop And Listen To Your Tears

**Chapter 12: Stop And Listen To Your Tears. **

Does anyone ever feel like they're cursed? Like you've walked over one too many cracks in the road, or walked under a ladder or maybe one too many black cats crossed your path? We all have days where we feel like someone's cursed us; that every move we make we have to check over our shoulder to make sure we're not going to get hit by a bus. Some of the hardships of life are dealing with your curse; dealing with the cards you were given that aren't so great, that are made to sting. Gifts can be curses in disguise; it's always half-and-half. Whatever brings you the most joy will also probably bring you the most pain. Always a hefty price to pay.

**Bruce's POV**

How do you ask someone when they're hurting, how do you ask them what you can do to make it better? To erase the pain completely from their minds? That somehow, miraculously you could switch places with them so you could be the one in pain and not them. Maddie is smart; she doesn't need the doctor's certificates to prove that; she's always had a level head, always been the one to go to with a problem. Yet she was suffering alone; he gets it now, he gets why she always wanted to help Karen out more than what her job required of her. And now he gets why Jane hated James; it seems everyone was in on the secret but him; he was looking at her but not seeing her, talking to her but not really listening. How was he supposed to approach this, how could he look his little sister in the face and confess he let her down? At first like Stephen and Gordon he wanted to believe that it was just another one of the Joker's games; he was messing with them and couldn't leave Maddie alone, she was happy and he didn't like that; she had moved on and left him behind and he couldn't stand to see her happy; but now seeing this evidence mount up it was like a slap in the face. A slap he deserves. She was gone when he got back to the Manor; no note that he could see, nothing, Alfred still hadn't come back either so it was just him. The folder has been moved from the coffee table to the sofa; Maddie like they all thought has clearly read it. He picks it up now; fingers tracing the scan picture; she'd stuttered, when she said the Joker's name she stuttered, it was barely noticeable at the time but now looking back she had, 'Ja' that was all, a tiny slip but still something nonetheless. How close can you get to someone who could kill you, how do you become so close that you're practically one? That the other person would risk being called 'soft and could stand to lose everything he worked for; all the chaos and destruction' to ensure that justice was done? Joker and Maddie. Maddie and Joker. Normally the two names should only have 'hates each other; in between them, but what if that changed what if they... had feelings for each other? Joker loves Maddie. Maddie...loves Joker. Joker's declaration of him caring for her is more pronounce than Maddie's; he is causing chaos for so many different reasons; but this time it's personal for Bruce, it's personal for them all. He once thought he knew the real Maddie; the woman who can lift her legs onto her shoulders, who has dimples in her cheeks, who gets stressed at TV shows and yells at them, who is tone deaf yet will still sing out loud in the shower. Little things like this that he thought made him know his sister so well; now he realises he barely took the time to know her; to ask her how she was, what she wanted, what she was going through.

"Master Wayne, Miss Madeline are you here?" He perks up at the sound of Alfred's voice; rushing to the kitchen to see him.

"Ahh Master Wayne I didn't expect to see you here, I presumed you were working on the Joker case."

"We did, Stephen matched up the injuries and it was her Alfred, it was Maddie, James and her it all makes sense now. We came here and she denied everything and now she's gone and I don't know what to do. I don't know how this is fixable; I want to know the real Maddie, the human behind the mask."

Alfred stops in his actions; his smile cynical; "Like pulling back the curtain to reveal the true Wizard of Oz? I'm afraid it wouldn't be as easy as that Master Wayne."

"I have to do something about this Alfred! I can't just stand back and watch her pretend that everything is ok. I want to know her reality; what she's been living with for the last five years."

"Master Wayne, if I may be frank?"

Bruce merely grunts; unscrewing the lid off a drink and slumping in his seat, "She was living in two worlds; she had the world she shared with us and the artificial world she shared with James who made her believe that was normal. Outside of that who knows what is happening, she seems to me to be lost; totally and completely lost. I would advise not to stir up old wounds Sir, it may be too much for her; she is getting questions from every angle, I must stress how careful you should be when you talk to her."

Bruce leans forward, he doesn't know how to do this; this is way out of his comfort zone he's more at home keeping up the pretence of a playboy lifestyle.

"I need to get my foot in her door; in her life, I need to understand her like how he does. And I know I should go careful with her, I just don't know how vulnerable she is."

He runs his hands through his hair, a few strands fall onto his face; he hasn't slept in days and when he does the nightmares just keep coming. "I still have those nightmares about her, the ones I told you about her. She's dying in his arms and I can never get to her, I just stand there and I can't move or help her. Last night I dreamt she was yelling at me for not saving her, that I took her away from Mat. I only woke up when she was trying to kill me; I know they're not real but it feels like it; it feels like I'm losing her all over again."

"Master Wayne I think it's the time to talk to her; or maybe have Helena or Jane do it if you're unsure. She needs us now more than ever she may find it hard to express herself in words but her recent actions are speaking for her."

The two men look around the vast kitchen; the unnatural silence causing a rush of anxiety in both men; "You're right I'll talk to her now...Alfred, where is Maddie and the baby?"

They both look around as though expecting her to appear from thin air; just like that, "I'll go and check her bedroom she must have left a note somewhere."

Her room as always is a mess; for a surgeon she sure doesn't keep a clean room. Bruce squints at the gold ribbon on the floor near the dresser; he steps closer and his stomach drops as he notices what it is; hair, more precisely Maddie's hair he stoops to the floor and cradles what's left of her shoulder length golden locks. Her hair was always one of her finer points; so blonde and bright and now what; what's left of it? He dreads to think in her state of mind.

"Master Wayne, what is it?"

He doesn't speak, merely shows Alfred the ruined remains of her hair; clutching tightly onto the strands not wanting to let them go.

"Alfred Bruce what are you doing in here, you ever heard of something called privacy?"

**Maddie's POV**

It was different... I look and feel different. It's strange that something so small like cutting your hair can change the way you look and feel. I'm nervous; it seems I'm always in an anxious state lately; I know that when I get back Bruce will be asking question, questions I can't avoid forever. I enter the Manor quietly; noting that Bruce and Alfred must be back; Mat I carry in his carrier; he sleeps soundly clutching onto Jack's shirt; a much welcomed replacement for my hair. I hear the low voices upstairs; Alfred's softer British tones against Bruce's deeper voice. I abruptly stop at the top of the stairs. I feel a sudden surge of apprehension, startled by the depths of my fear. It swirls around me like the smell of death; surely they can't smell the fear and death radiating off me? I grip Mat's small hand tightly, unnerved by my emotions and the knowledge if whose room they are in. I startle at the sight of Bruce crouched on the floor; my hair spilling through his fingertips; Alfred's hand resting on his shoulder.

"Alfred Bruce what are you doing in here, you ever heard of something called privacy?" It was mean to lighten the mood; but my tone is anything but joking.

They both look at me as though a stranger has walked in through the doors; they've seen me briefly with brown hair but that was years ago and only lasted a couple of days at best. Bruce stands up and leans heavily on my shoulder; he still has my hair in his hands. I feel the weight of him get heavier as he wraps his arms around me; lowering Mat gently to the floor. I circle an arm around his shoulders and another around his waist; barely registering when Alfred moves behind me; his hands rest on my waist.

"I just wanted a change so I thought I'd test it out myself, I didn't mean to freak you both out" my voice is muffled against the fabric of Bruce's jacket.

"I know it looks good, I'll miss the blonde though," he says wistfully, almost to himself, as he reaches up and tugs on it gently.

"Does it make you feel better?" I realise how hesitant and scared Alfred sounds. We all know I'm not doing so good; but the acts of asking and confessing are not easy for any of us; it's like a bitter pill that takes all you're effort and determination to swallow.

"James is the voice in my head that keeps telling me that I'm hurting people not helping them. That I'm causing pain and trouble wherever I went. That it's all my fault. It feels like I'm cursed." I say this softly, as though unsure of whether I should speak out.

Bruce inhales and drubs his face into my newly cut hair; "You're a good person; you're loving, kind, courageous, and smart. You posses all the traits, morals and characteristics that any parent dreams of their child having; mom and dad would have been so proud of you; you're the one they would be proud to say was theirs . You have never disappointed or failed in my eyes, so don't stand there and think you have. I can't think of a time when you have ever given up; you were always the best out of me and you; I won't ask you anything you don't want to talk about; when you're ready you come and talk to us."

"I'm just tired Bruce...I'm really tired, I think...I think maybe I should sleep... I just need to sleep then I'll feel better; I promise you I'll be ok."

"Ok, I'll get you a drink yeah? Do you remember when I use to do that when you were a little girl and sick?"

I nod and laugh "Yeah I remember; you would always stay in my room until I fell asleep and try to sing to me if I remember right." He laughs and leaves, leaving me and Alfred to it; Alfred supports me over to the bed, I'm already feeling restless "You'll be fine Miss Madeline, I'll take the baby and you can be alone for a while."

I must have stayed in bed for all of five minutes; these days I can rarely sleep; my mind is always turning always thinking about one thing and then another. My hair is still on the floor and I swing my legs out of bed and start picking up the pieces; some of it has caught in the door to my wardrobe and I slid the door to free it; eyes widening as I see the dress in front of me. I blink and close my eyes willing it to be gone when I open them. I open one eye first then the second; the dress in its packaging is still there; it still looks the same as the last time I saw it. I ease it out of the wardrobe and its cover; I hold it up to me and take off my top and jeans; slipping the dress over my head. It's beautiful; a white strapless corset beaded silk gown by Giorgio Armani; my wedding dress. It's surprisingly loose; I didn't realise I'd lost that much weight.

I soothe my hands over the fabric; circling the beads; "Do you think I look pretty?"

"Always, I just wish we could have reached this day."

I look at him leaning against my bed; he's wearing his uniform this time; a red rose caught in the button hole.

"What else do you have hidden away in there, anything interesting?"

I kneel down and pull out a shoe box; it's battered and old; I lift the lid and hear him shift behind me. I didn't keep many things of his why would I? But I kept my corsage; the colour has faded and the 'petals' wilted but it's still perfect, I pull out a ticket to a theatre show; "Do you remember this? It was the time you first said you loved me, do you remember?"

He laughs and touches the ticket; "Didn't I say it in the toilet at the Manor? Your face, you looked at me like I'd announced I was gay and in love with your brother."

I nod, letting him have his moment before pulling out a red stained dress; he soon stops laughing; "What the fuck is that huh Maddie?"

"You should know James, it's the dress I wore when you pushed me into the coffee table; I kept it because I was so sure that one day I would look at it and come to my senses and leave. I was planning on leaving you know, before Jack took me I wanted to leave, I had it all planned out, but then things changed…"

"Fuck you Madeline, keeping this! We both know you didn't have the backbone to leave me, who else would have wanted you?"

"Did it hurt?"I disregard his question and rants', wanting to know what has been gnawing away at me for some time.

His blue eyes go wide, filling with shock and incomprehension, and his hand pulls back from my ruined dress. I draw mine back and force them to cling to the white fabric of my dress instead of the solid black of his uniform. I bite my lip in my nerves, meeting his eyes I am determined to know, "Did it?"

He stares at me, his eyes going blank, before he turns to focus once again on my wedding dress. "Honestly?" His voice sounds muffled; even in the quiet of the room, "I don't really remember," he sounds like a dream, confused and hazy, "I think there was pain, but I honestly don't know, it was fast didn't last for long, it was sudden."

"You were shot, how could you not remember?" I prompt him, nodding my head at his stomach where the bullet entered.

"Pain," he agrees with a short nod, startling me when he touches my tear stained face; "I could still taste your tears, when you come over to me, I was dead but I could taste them, I could taste you."

"Is it strange for you being here?" He stares at me again; those blue eyes so big and sad.

"Strange? Yes, I suppose it must be, yes strange" he replies lost, lost I realise for the first time since his father died.

"Could you have survived? Being shot I mean, if Gordon got to you in time?"

"The bullet got me good, you've got a mean shot on you, my arteries were torn and it was a through and through shot; even if you hadn't hit me that bad I would have died from the shock." He says it so casually, like we're talking about the weather or what's for dinner.

I shake remembering the hole in his stomach and back; the amount of blood that came out there was no chance he would have lived.

"What did it feel like for you; when you got hurt?"

I frown then realise what he is talking about; "Pretty much the same; I don't remember even when I woke up in the car I didn't feel anything; it felt like I was looking down at my body and just watching...I was peaceful..."

"I should have died right?"

He nods, shrugging his shoulder; "Sophia probably would have died to if her mom hadn't gone round to see her, how could you just leave her?"

He practically snarls at me; baring his teeth in a way reminiscent of Jack; "You and that mouth of yours Maddie; I can only be pushed so far."

"Do you believe in heaven?" He stops his rant and stares at me, not answering; "I believe in heaven and I believe in hell. I've never seen either but I believe they exist, I may be a scientist but that doesn't mean I don't believe. But I do because I have to believe in something; that something comes after all this. They have to exist. Because without a heaven, without a hell, we're all just gonna be hanging around doing nothing and still believing we're alive. Is this what happened to you? You can't get over you dying so you're in some freaky limbo where you haunt me because I killed you is that it?"

He stares at me for what feels like the longest time; me standing here in my wedding dress, him in his uniform; he clears his throat, pulling the rose out of the hole; "I did love you, in my own way, maybe for you this is hell and maybe for me it's my limbo. But this isn't my doing; you've put your trust in the wrong people and now you're hurting. I'm not here to help; I'm here for a purpose. I'm not prophesying; I'm just being me; how you remembered me, do you not listen to anything I say? You can cut and dye your hair as many times as you like; it changes nothing."

I clench my hands, forming a fist; "I'm sick... I'm sick aren't I? Instead of helping me and making me understand you stand there and tell me lies like you always did! Do you think I'll end up in heaven after this? Do you think I'll be allowed or will I just be hanging out in limbo with you, cause let's face it you're not going anywhere. You always have to drag me down with you; always have to keep me close, I'm through with it, I'll take whatever pills I need to get rid of you."

**Helena's POV**

She hasn't been round much lately; she's been preoccupied with other...things shall we say? She pulls up to Wayne Manor; she already knows Maddie is there, she likes to keep tabs on her ins and outs.

The old butler opens the door; she narrows her eyes at Mathew being in his arms; "Hello Alfred where is she then, clearly not with her son?"

Alfred merely nods, his good nature often pisses her off royally when he doesn't rise to the bait; "She's up stairs at the moment Helena; she's having a nap I believe she needed some rest so me and Bruce took Mat for a while. I think I heard her moving around if you would like to see her?"

"Thank you Alfred, I'll make my own way up, there's no need for you to follow." She hears Maddie before she sees her; the door is open slightly and she is pleased to see her in the dress; though slightly confused as to who she is talking to, no one else appears to be in the room.

She has to lean in closer to really hear her words; only catching the last part of the sentence; "You can't get over you dying so you're in some freaky limbo where you haunt me because I killed you is that it?"

James...who else would she be talking about? The proof she has wanted for months is right here in front of her; she's talking to a dead man; she actually believes he is stood there! She could almost laugh out loud; she didn't think his plan would work at first but now it has it is so wonderfully hilarious.

Madeline begins to talk and she focuses once again; "I'm through with it, I'll take whatever pills I need to get rid of you."

Oh Madeline...poor sweet lost Madeline.

**Joker's POV**

He circles his eyes carefully in the black paint; dipping his finger in the darkness of the pot; his been so busy lately that he hasn't had time to see Maddie and the kid. The TV is switched on in the background; the practically under-dressed woman preens herself as she recites the so called 'breaking news'.

"_The Joker has still not been found and his whereabouts still remain unknown; the recent murders including that of Mac Dawson have once again left the citizens of Gotham fearing for their lives. Calls for the Batman to unmask himself seem to have fallen on deaf ears."_

He giggles and throws the black jar hazardly into his cupboard not caring where it lands; stupid woman, stupid Gotham always trying to guess him. He puckers his lips in the mirror and smack them together; rubbing the red paint in order to smudge it.

"_Meanwhile what a difference five months make! Madeline Wayne took her son out with her for the first time in four weeks and as you can tell by our exclusive pictures the little boy takes after his mother in good looks. Madeline was seen entering a hair salon where she came out one hour later with a shorter, darker hairstyle..."_

He zones the woman's voice out as he stares at the footage of Maddie; the hair he would ruffle and tug so often has now been severed to her chin; the blonde now a dark shade of brunette. It suits her, anything would suit her but it still surprises him nonetheless. Mathew is dressed for the heat in shorts, a plain white top and converse, for once he is asleep and leans his face against that of his mother's. In one particular shot she stares directly into the camera; he feels penetrated by her eyes; the dead orbs stare back at him and he inhales deeply; he should go to her, she hasn't had the support from him that she needs. She looks pretty much defeated; he hits pause on the TV crossing the room and idly tracing her face and the kids; the black and red leaves a trail along their faces; he promised her he would keep in touch and so far he hasn't kept up his part of the deal. He switches over the TV he raise son eyebrow when yet another member of the Wayne family take up more news time; this time it's Bruce. He goes to switch over until he sees the cuts on Wayne's face.

"Speed, Bozo!" The shuffling from the next room moves closer to his and Bozo then Speed walk in; sleeves rolled up and various oil stains cover them. He stands with his back to the TV; arms crossed behind his back, rocking on the heels of his feet.

"Brucey Wayne; I want you both to find out whatever you can about him; what else he does, what he does to get such...interesting marks on his face. I wanna know everything there is to know about Brucey, got it?"

"Sure boss we'll get right on it, can't you er ask Maddie?" He smirks at Bozo's question, resisting the urge to roll his eyes; "She's private when it comes to her brother, what I want to know, what I think I know she won't tell me."

"Sure thing boss," he nods to Speed and then Bozo, watching them leave, he turns and fumbles with his jacket, he needs to make the effort with her; he needs to or he'll turn his back and that other cop will slime his way in..._not good._

**Maddie's POV**

He leaves quickly, quicker than he ever has done; he left me all alone standing in my wedding dress looking every inch the jilted bride. I snort and I suddenly realise how much I hated the idea of this dress; I would have settled for something less heavy; the beads weigh me down and rub against my skin; the last time I wore it I had two cuts either side of my hips. I grab my scissors once more and starting from the bottom I cut the dress; it's beautiful it really is but I don't want it here; I've never seen it in my wardrobe before now. I resist cutting the top, I look down not even registering the blood on the dress.

"Maddie?"

Jane stands half in and half out of my door; tuning and stooping slightly to Riana; "Sweetie you go downstairs and see Alfred ok? Mommy and Auntie Maddie will be down in a minute." The little girl turns and goes; holding tight onto her dolly.

"Well this is one way of getting rid of a wedding dress," I laugh at her humour, placing the scissors in her outstretched hands.

"Come on let's help you out of this," she handles me gently; like she would do Riana; easing the dress up over my head; I shiver when the cold hits me; wrapping my arms around my body.

She tugs a shirt over my head; and I step into some sweats; she sits me in my seat in front of the mirror; taking a brush in her hands; I tilt my head back at her gentle strokes; "You always had such lovely hair Maddie; all soft and sleek like a race horse's mane." I wince as my hand hits the fresh cuts on my thigh. "I'll take a look at those for you Mads, just pull them down a bit and I'll look at them, I don't want them getting infected."

She dabs some ointment onto the cuts, I wince and curse under my breath; "Not that I'm complaining but why are you here?"

"Oh yeah, the Chief was talking to me and he wants you to get ready for a surgery, this guy has finally moved up on the donor list and he wanted you to be the one to do it. Came all the way from New York for you as well, you sure you'll be ok?"

"Seriously all the way from New York? Hell yeah I'm ready! I've gotta do something with my interns instead of hanging around the clinic and treating people with hangovers or whatever."

"Good you can tell him tomorrow when you're in, that Chris guy from you're interns is still asking to study with you, he seems keen on your speciality, couldn't have care less about mine today."

I laugh and think; I need these surgery, I need to show everyone I can still do my job; that I've still got it. I know people would kill for my position at the hospital and the perks of my job; I need to remind the Chief why he hired me.

**Helena's POV**

"You put the dress in her wardrobe, she er find it?" She nods at the man, pouring both of them a vodka.

"Yes I saw her when I went to the Manor, she was talking to James I presume, she said about killing him, you were right. What do you have planned for her next?"

He doesn't answer her; she doesn't see the flash of joy at her clear pleasure of her naivety; "How is her behaviour? Anything happening yet, any freak outs or whatever?"

"I presume so; Bruce and Alfred appear worried about her; its working all of its working." She eyes him like he is some kind of God, some God she is more than willing to bow to.

"Good get more proof if you can; wind her up some more ok? She'll get worse soon before she can get better. Here take this, give it to her when you can."

He throws the packaging at her and leaves; leaving a trail of cheap aftershave in his wake. She never questions his intentions; he needs her as much as she needs him; there need not be questions. She heaves herself up off the couch; unlocking James' bedroom door and stepping into it. The once bare walls are now covered in pictures of James; newspaper clippings of him; his arrests and reports on his death, even his obituary. She picks up the black framed photo frame that still holds the picture of James and Madeline at their engagement party;

"I'm doing this all for you, you and your son." She holds the package tightly in her aching hands; the next step of the plan will start soon.

* * *

**Oooh what's the plan? Well you'll find out soon, I know there was a lack of Joker/Maddie lately but there will be in the next one...promise! I'll hopefully have another chapter out soon as I'll be visiting my dad soon so I'll be away from my computer. Thanks for all the reviews/alerts and favourites; you guys deserve an award! It never fails to amaze and delight me when I open my email and find your reviews or PM's or even that someone has added me to alerts or favourites. Thanks! **

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	13. Revival

**Eurgh I've been bad at updating this I know; stuffs been happening and I watched the Royal Wedding; London was packed and you could honestly barely move; but it was so good! Anyways I hope you enjoyed this one and I'll try and sort the next one out quicker. Thanks for being patient!**

**Chapter 13: Revival. **

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is try and make the present worth remembering. Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past; that it changes everything we know about the present. What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything change; make it right.

* * *

**Maddie's POV**

In some cultures they believe in order to exorcise your demons and let go of the past you should burn whatever it is that ties you to that person. Which is the exact reason why I have the fire burning in the living room...in summer. I burn everything; even the theatre tickets and corsage I burn; my ruined wedding dress goes in last and I watch as the fire rapidly burns it; the ring, my engagement ring I pawned in some back street shop in town. I sigh sitting back resting on my heels; staring into the fire; "Little too early for fires don't you think?" This time it's a welcoming voice I hear; Stephen's, I stand and we embrace; he smells different to what I'm use to with Jack...Jack, my heart pangs when I think of him, if he were dead I would have known about it, it's been so long since I've seen him; but like I said if he were dead the whole town would have put on some kind of parade.

"I thought I'd come back for the folder and see how you were, you are ok Maddie?"

"Yeah I'm doing good thanks... I have a major surgery coming up soon, guy needs a transplant and he asked me to do it. I've been winding Alfred and Bruce up by practising my technique on chicken breasts."

He laughs and looks at my hair; his hand reaching for it, our eyes meet and he pulls his hand back, gripping onto the folder instead; "You're hair looks good, I remember you being dark a few years back, I always thought it suited you. Long hair gets in the way right, with the baby; my sister had the same problem when she had her two."

I nod and smile, "Yeah that was it; it was getting way too long anyway; he's always pulling on it, I'd have had no hair left by the time he'd finished with it."

He laughs; pulling on his collar, slightly sweating at the heat; "Maddie, if there is anything you can add to the case we would be most grateful, it would help catch the Joker once and for all, even if it's something little it could help out a lot."

"I don't have much else to say; if this is all you're gonna do every time you come here you needn't bother coming at all, I'm sorry but if I do think of anything I'll call you," I don't bother hiding the distaste in my voice.

"We er as a force, we don't exactly have much favour with people; people prefer to handle whatever problems they have themselves instead of coming to us; not that I blame them we don't exactly have a great track record; we lost Harvey Dent and we lost Rachael Dawes. I don't blame people for giving up on us."

"I've not given up on some of you it's not about that, you shouldn't think like that Stephen; you're actually one of the good ones."

He laughs and looks awkwardly around the room; wringing his hands; "Would you...would you like to go to dinner with me?"

I go to laugh, actually laugh, until I see the look on his face..._ohh snap_ my mind races, _you've got to be kidding me? _

"I er I can't, thanks for the offer but I really can't do that right now; sorry Stephen."

"It's fine Maddie it wouldn't have been anything, you know just friends, I just thought you'd wanna get out of the house and everything, not to say you don't get out or anything. I should before I dig myself into an even bigger and deeper hole; I got what I came for and you're busy so I'll see you later."

He practically runs out the room; "_oh god_, _if Jack finds out he will kill me_" I mutter to myself, rounding the corner and beating him to the front door. "Stephen I'm sorry that was rude of me, I'd like to go to dinner with you; I'd like that a lot actually; me and Bruce and one of his friends...well actually she's not a friend more of a date we're going out tonight if you'd like to come with us?"

He looks relieved and pulls a card out of his pocket; "You don't have to pity me you know Maddie."

He laughs at my stuttering and places the card in my hand; "Here, here's my proper number and everything; I'll meet you here at should we say eight? I know what your brother's like for getting ready."

I lean against the door frame waving him off as he pulls out of the driveway; closing the door behind me I lean back on it looking at the card in my hand; is this an actual date? I mean I've not actually properly dated for years; it's not like me and Jack could date properly; even when he is disguised I can tell he is fed up and desperate to feel 'normal'. I'm suddenly angry at him, isn't that what I want too; a normal boyfriend or whatever he is; I want to be able to go into restaurants without people thinking he's going to pull a gun out on them or tell someone how he got his scars.

"What's this then Maddie; Alfred said you'd let Stephen in so what's up?" I smirk and face Bruce; Mat is clinging to him and observing me in the same way; his eyes narrowed, small hands clinging to Bruce's fingers.

"I invited him out to dinner if that's alright with you?"

He leans down and places Mat in his play den; coming slowly towards me eyeing the card in my hand; "Ohh I don't think that was it Maddie..."

Before I can blink he grabs the card off me and runs to the living room; I curse loudly and chase after him; scrambling onto the sofa whilst he lays on it; reading loudly from the card; "Whoa so you have his fax number, his email address, his home address, his cell number, his house phone and his officer number..."

He looks at me; resisting my attempts to get the card from his hands; "Seems someone is into you Maddie, is this all just incase all of the technology in the world goes down? Well if that happens you'll have no trouble in reaching him then. And what does this say on the back?"

"Maddie call me..." I launch myself at him and finally the card is mine, I clench it tight and shove it down my bra, I raise an eyebrow as though daring Bruce.

He winces and holds his hands up in retreat; "Ok you win, I mean we're close but er let's not go that far. So Maddie has a date huh?"

I mimic his childish, teasing voice; "So Maddie has a date huh? Yes I have a date...thing. I had to invite someone to dinner, I didn't wanna be the third wheel with you and whatever her name all over each other and her spoon feeding you."

He smiles and ruffles my hair; I clamp my hand down and smooth it back; "This one's name is Fiona, she's a model from Miami, she has some er interesting factors that Wayne Enterprise may be into."

I playfully hit his arm; "Pervert, imagine how different Wayne Enterprise would be if I ran it? I thought you were dating Chloe anyway, what happened to her?"

He rolls his eyes at me and laughs; "Chloe had to go back to Italy so I couldn't full well go to this restaurant on my own could I? You're getting your groove back with this new surgery, I have to keep up my image can't have people second guessing me can I?"

I snort and tilt my head away from him; pushing myself up off the sofa; "I should get dressed, oh and if Fiona is staying round here tonight I'd prefer she didn't go near Mat; the last one tried to cut his hair and paint his toenails; he's a _boy _Bruce."

"I think this one will be more interested in how big and deep my wallet is than Mat; plus I'll just use the penthouse instead of coming back here."

He winks at me and I open my mouth and tut loudly; "Real romantic Bruce and you wonder why you're single and will have to live with me and Mat until you die."

He points a finger to his chest jabbing himself with it; "Me alone? Like that will happen, I'll stay here with you and we can grow old and bitch about who it was who peed on the carpet or whatever this time."

I wrinkle my nose in disgust; "Pee on the carpet? I'm thinking Mat will kick us out of here and shove us in an old people's home; together in the same room..." I allow that to sink in; examining my nails before casually adding; "Together forever Brucey." He winces and I walk off laughing leaving him with that nice mental image.

" Oh and don't I know Mat is a boy, he did pee on me yesterday!" My laughter sounds around the manor and he yells over it; "You won't be laughing when I send you the dry cleaning bill!"

"You're a multi billionaire Bruce, pay for it yourself, or I'll give you the fifty dollars or whatever myself" I call back over my shoulder; smiling at the sleeping Mat; clutching his teddy. I lean into his play pen; stroking a blonde curl from his face and peeling the blanket off his bare feet; it's boiling tonight welcome to Gotham in the summer.

"Dress up nice for lover boy Maddie!"

I refrain from answering instead I flip him the finger; even though he can't see me it still gives me a slight tint of satisfaction.

**Stephen's POV**

When he became a Cop he made a vow to protect and serve; many including James, took that oath lightly, they were more drawn to the drugs, drink, money and women that the Mob could offer them in exchange for them to 'look the other way', for evidence to end up being lost. But not him; he knew from an early age that he would be a cop; his father, grandfather and great grandfather had been cops and there was something about seeing his father dress in his freshly pressed uniform every day that he knew he wanted to recapture. He knew from the first moment he walked into the precinct that he was different from most of them; he genuinely wanted to be there; he wanted to protect and help people, even though most of Gotham was a lost cause. The others knew he was different; he swept through the ranks quickly; usually shadowing Gordon until Sophia left that is; then he was partnered with James. Sophia...they weren't exactly close and if he is honest with himself he knew about the affair between her and James; the whole precinct did and whether Gordon knew about it or not he never said. She never left a forwarding address for any of them; she left that fast never really explaining anything; James told everyone that she was a dirty cop and before she was kicked off the force she left. He nods his head up to Charlotte as she passes by his desk; his concentration fixed on his notepad; idly doodling with his pen. He flushes red as he notices he has been tracing the name 'Maddie' over and over. He rips the page off and aims for the trash; failing miserably. He groans not bothering to pick it up; leaning back in his swivel chair; throwing his hands up in the air to cover his eyes.

"You ok in there Stephen?"

He prises his hands from his eyes; looking at Charlotte standing in his office door; her body half in and out; biting on her lower lip.

"Yeah I'm good thanks this case is just getting on top of us all; just needed to air some frustration."

"Tennis," he frowns and she quickly continues, her hands wringing her white skirt; "You should play tennis it helps me when I'm feeling like this. I play it down near the new gym that Bruce Wayne built; it's really good, you're friends with Maddie right? You should get her to show you around."

"Maddie and me? There's no Maddie and me; I mean we're friends but that's it, right that's all that's happening here..." He stops, realising his ramblings all too late; "Listen we're er just friends, I'm going to dinner with her, Bruce and his new fling tonight. It's just strictly friendship."

He expects her to turn and walk off; warning everyone not to approach the mad cop in Stephen's office. Instead she steps in and closes the door; smoothing down her skirt; picking a loose thread off her jacket.

"It's hardly friendship if you're in with the brother as well; remember how long it took James to meet Bruce? Practically a year, I mean it's not like you're close to him or anything, this is a pretty good sign. It's about time you both started dating, I read in one magazine that she's not been with anyone since James and god knows what the Joker did to her." Her voice lowers as she says the Joker's name; as though she expects him to appear from thin air with a knife in one hand and a gun in the other.

"She didn't wanna go out first; it's probably just a pity date but thanks for the vote of confidence."

She smiles, leaning her neck to look at his thankfully blank notepad; "Not coming up with anything new on the case then?"

He looks down, as though Maddie's name will still be on the page in front of him; "No not really, it's getting bad and people will want answers soon; especially Bruce Wayne and you piss him off then you may as well get the hell outta this city, cause you sure won't be working again."

The phone at her desk starts ringing and she regretfully pulls open the door without so much as a backward glance; but a mere flick of her fingers she hurries down the corridor; her high heels clicking on the floor. Sweet girl, stupid as sin sometimes but still sweet girl. Her and Sophia always seemed to get on...his eyes widen and he laughs loudly; of course how stupid could he get? He forces himself out of his chair; grabbing his pen and notepad; he almost slips on the wet floor; eyeballing the sleeping cleaner who is currently slumped along three seats. Staff these days...

Charlotte is still on the phone; curling one strand of hair around her finger; her legs crossed, skirt riding up. He slides to a stop at her desk; gasping for breath, Gordon was right, maybe he should leave off the cakes.

"Charlotte," he gasps, clutching his side.

She smiles and holds up one finger; silencing him, "Uh huh, well Gordon is off tonight for once thank god, he wasn't looking so good, he was hardly eating, I mean I bring in food for him but what else can I do? Like I said he's taking the night off, then he's back again tomorrow...hold on."

She pulls the phone from her ear, one hand over the mouth piece; "Stephen what is it?"

"You and Sophia you were close right?" She raises a perfectly groomed eyebrow; "Yeah, well close-ish I mean I was sad to see her go...why?"

He slams his hand down on her desk, she jumps; dropping the phone and grabbing the vase. "You are a life safer, so you were close, which means that she must have given you her new address right? Right?"

He peers over her desk; as she scrambles to pick up the hanging phone; she surfaces hitting her head; "Ow! Yes she did actually, why you want it?"

"Yeah, god Charlotte I swear to god I will do anything for you now, you want Bruce Wayne naked and delivered to your front door? I got it covered!"

She laughs and writes it down neatly; the address he realises being only fifteen miles away in the country. "There and thanks to you he hung up!"

He leans over, pecking her cheek, she flushes and laughs loudly, causing the cleaner to snore and stir slightly. "I'll check this out with Gordon tomorrow now but you are amazing, just don't tell her we're coming ok? I don't want her getting spooked and leaving or we'll never find her."

He walks back to his office; neatly side stepping the vacuum; first a date with Maddie then a new break on the case, can it seriously get better?

**Joker's POV**

"Whatcha find out for me then boys?" He claps his hands together; rubbing them gently; surveying his men; some are new but others; like Speed and Bozo are obviously more seasoned.

Bozo steps forward clearing his throat; "Boss we found what we could on Wayne but there's not really a lot to find, for someone in the public eye he sure is private. Average grades at school; seemed to skip it a lot..."

He wafts his hand lazily towards him; "On with the good stuff Bozo."

"Er right boss, we can't account for the cuts he had on his face; he doesn't box he engages in no other physical combat so we're pretty stumped...it's not like it's Maddie giving him a good kicking."

The men's laughter bellows around the room and he sits back on his seat and considers; sucking on the inside of his cheek. "You've er...you've done good guys, how are things doing at the Manor?"

Speed as usual bursts into the room; his over excitement reminiscent of a puppy; "Boss we got something at the Manor, Charlie said that the cop went in and a few minutes later Maddie, Wayne, him and this red head came out, looked all fancy too boss, like real nice."

He grips his knife hard, his knuckles turning pure white, Bozo notices and smiles reassuringly not wanting to clean up another guy's brain or other body parts; "She's out with the cop huh? Can't seem to get enough of them can she boys?"

They remain quietly; unsure of his mood; "CAN'T SHE?" His voice breaks them into loud voices; all of them desperate not to be his next target practise.

He stands; running his fingers through his hair; his anxiety showing through, his ramblings becoming more coherent; "Fucking bastard...what she doing...makes me feel like this...said she was mine." He laughs suddenly; his movement stops; his shoulders hunched.

He turns to them, laughing like his heard the best joke of his life; "Get dressed in your best boys, I'm taking you to dinner!" They hoot and cheer; only Speed and Bozo eye him and each other with apprehension.

He continues to laugh, shaking his head now and again as he does so; "Ahh it's a good one...such a joker Maddie...my Maddie..." He turns to them, his laughter stops; "What you waiting for boys? Go put on your best! Can't be seen in a swanky place without looking good can we?"

They both mumble their answers; he comes up to them; his hands on their shoulders; "Don't look so worried boys, we're just gonna have some fun! I'm not gonna hurt her! Not her, now before I get real mad...Get...Dressed."

He watches as they leave; eyeing his reflection in the mirror; suddenly more aware of his scars. He slams his knife into his reflection; shattering it, causing shards of glass to dust the floor at his feet; he shakes his battered brown shoes; straightening his jacket as he does so.

**Maddie's POV**

I sit and fidget in the car in between Bruce and Stephen; Bruce taps me on the side, a silent order to keep still. I fiddle with my clutch instead; pawing at the red beads, careful not to pull them off; it's a $4000 purse that Bruce brought me; he would go mental.

"You look really nice," I turn round, Stephen leans closer to me; his nervousness apparent.

"Thank you, you look good as well, who knew you cop's could scrub up so well?" He laughs; his minty breath tingles with his expensive aftershave.

He nods towards Bruce and Fiona who have clearly found something very interesting in each other's mouths. "Do they ever come up for air?"

I snort and disguise it with another laugh, shaking my head, "We've been in here for about ten minutes and so far they've hardly moved. We're in for a long night." "Speaking of which," he points as the restaurant comes into view; it's been open a couple of months already but Bruce has to make an appearance every now and again.

He grimaces as he sees the waiting photographers; I switch my bag into my right hand and grab his hand closer to mine, he looks up startled; until he relaxes into my grip. "Just smile and keep your head down, they're like sharks, they can smell your fear."

Bruce guides Fiona out first; his hand on the small of her back; I squeeze Stephen's hand once more, before slowly slipping out of the car; thank god my dress is long; no one wants to see that. I pull him quickly along; flashing a quick smile, not paying much attention to the van on one side of the road nor the dark car on the other. Bruce turns around once more and offers them another blinding white smile; sending them and the women in the restaurant into a frenzy. We sit down at 'the best table in the house' according to the hostess; Stephen pulls out my seat and I hide a laugh behind my menu when Bruce totally ignores Fiona's yet lets a nearby waiter pull his out.

"Everything looks so good!" He exclaims, wafting his menu about, I laugh and bash him gently with mine, my smiles falters when I look behind him and see Bozo, I close my eyes and open them; gone. Nobody there. Though it beats seeing James around every corner.

I look over to Bruce and Fiona; who seem to have found the appetizers in each other's mouths. Stephen frowns beside me; his eyes darting across the pages; "The chicken's really good and so is the fish but I'd go for the chicken," he looks at me relieved; downing his glass of water.

"I'm er, I'm glad you decided to come to dinner, even if we are getting a show," he looks pointedly at Bruce who takes the hint and shrugs his shoulders; Fiona turns to me and winks.

We all order; Bruce for Fiona who actually orders a larger meal than me and Stephen. He closes his menu and gestures to Stephen with his glass; "So Stephen how is your investigation going? You close to getting him yet?" By 'him' he means Jack, he thinks that by talking in code it'll be alright.

"We're getting there, it's screwing with all of us, Gordon final took the day off; his wife had to come in and drag him home, but it's progressing."

"See that's why I hate Gotham for, there's so much crime and no one knows what to do about all these criminals! Portugal is so much more better; it's so beautiful as well!" Bruce nods in agreeance with Fiona; Stephen stares at me and I smile.

"Do you travel Mr Stephen?" Stephen swallows his drink and shakes his head; "No ma'am, being a cop takes up a lot of my time; I'm saving up for my retirement; then it'll be off to somewhere by the sea."

"The sea? That's a big change from Gotham" I comment, the idea sounds so good right now, a nice beach, hot sun and a cocktail or two by the sea...bliss.

"See I like Gotham, aside from the crime it's still a good city at times, I mean who can say they have a what, superhero protecting them?" I laugh at Bruce's cockiness; whilst Fiona looks irritated.

"See that's what I mean, we have actual police and zero crime and what do you have? Some guy in latex or whatever running around scaring people...we have a word for that in my country; freak."

"Actually," I interrupt Bruce before he can say anything, "He's so much more than that, his one of the best people in this whole city and if you can't see that or you hate this place so much, you may as well leave." I stand up, pushing my chair back, "Excuse me."

I walk towards the bathroom; breathing deeply as I go, what I said was probably a thousand times nicer than what Bruce would have done. I search in my bag for my lipstick; my back to the door; it opens and I think nothing of it; until the lock turns. I flinch and turn round; clenching my bag.

"You know doll, you really should have that guy of yours follow you around more often, I mean who knows who you could meet."

I smile at seeing him; almost rushing to him until I think of something; "Did you kill him?" He frowns, for once looking puzzled; " Did you kill him? Can you give me a straight answer, did you kill Mac Dawson? "

He laughs, idly examining his knife; his gaze on me is one filled with hunger and lust; "What would you say if I did? Too late to take it back now Mads, deal is done now, even I can't bring people back to life. I'm good but not er that good."

"Jack just answer the question please."

He eyes me wearily, as though his confession will send me running for the hills; "Yeah I killed him so what? One less low life in the world, I thought you'd be happy?"

_Unbelievable_... "You did this for me? You thought I'd be happy with you killing someone for me? You're crazier than I thought..." We both freeze at that; I can barely speak again before he charges at me; slamming me into the wall; I flinch out of habit more than expecting a blow.

He stares at me, lifting my chin up to his, separating my legs with his knee; "I wouldn't do it. Maddie I would never hit you, not me, you do know that right? I may yell at you but I'd never hurt you; fuck I hate it when I do lose my temper with you, but you have my word that I'd never raise a hand to hit you or hurt you like that in any way.."

I nod, clenching his coat, bringing him closer still; "I know you wouldn't Jack, it just scares me still." I lean into his chest; inhaling the smell of gasoline and smoke; his fingers trail along my back, calming me down, he pulls back and I look into his dark eyes.

**Joker's POV**

She looks so beautiful; so tempting...god she could even tempt the devil himself. He steps back and eyes her out; a floor length dark pink gown; his never seen her in it before; the plus side of being rich and having unlimited money at your fingertips. He traces some of the bare skin on show; causing her to inhale deeply.

He suddenly remembers the real reason for his visit...damn her for distracting him..again; "Tell me about this _other cop_ you've been, seeing, you know the one who's sat out there right now...waiting for you" his tone of voice is conversational, friendly almost; the tone hides his true feelings about this.

She frowns and attempts to push herself away; he catches her wrists and puts them above her head; "What's there to tell?" she answers cautiously; eyeing him to see his reaction._ Oh Maddie I have been watching you...you can't lie to old Jacky. _

"Just making conversation with my most favourite person in this hell hole of a world," his teeth bare in a taunting smile, nothing like the one he usually uses when he's round her. "Just wondering if you're ever going to tell me the truth. I see the way he looks at you...you're not his to touch!"

_She huffs at his change of topic; clearly she's move comfortable when she's the one in control; _"I don't know what you want me to say because there is nothing to say. He's a friend ok, I don't know nor do I care what he thinks about me. I am allowed friends right?"

In a split second the space he allowed between them was gone and he was right up against her; his crotch pressed as close to hers as he could; his breathing haggard, hers not far behind.

"Oh no, see Mr Cop thinks it's more than that, especially when you held his hand! I mean what's a guy to think? Who knew you could be such a tease?"

He pauses, his finger pressed against his lip; a broad smile appearing on his face; "Oh wait I do! See we both fell for you, but I'll win Maddie, one way or another I will win. He. Has. Nothing. On. Us" He strokes her face gently when she doesn't answer, at the same time he thrusts his crotch into hers; making his _situation quite clear_.

"So let him flirt with you all he wants, let him buy you all the pretty flowers he wants. But I'll always go one over him; he doesn't have what I have with you and you know it doll. It doesn't matter how bad he wants you, how much he begs," he thrusts his hips again, they both moan heavily; her face is flushed and he's pretty sure his doesn't look much better.

"He can follow you around as much as he wants. I know who you belong to. You know it too, don't you? No, no one can compare to me and no one can compare to you...so you're stuck with me Maddie whether you like it or not, cause I ain't going nowhere."

As if to drive the point home he thrusts once more, capturing her lips roughly; hitching her dress up and raising one of her thighs to wrap round him. She is the first to break apart and her hands grab at his belt buckle; easily undoing it, she pulls down his pants and boxers in one gone; he groans into her shoulder. She undoes a few of his buttons, tearing slightly at the material; he urges her on, gently rubbing her thighs.

"You're mine," he growls at her; with that, he raises his head and kisses her with earnest, silencing all argument.

They kiss until he starts to feel light-headed, regretfully he pulls away. Even then he stops only long enough for them to catch their breath before he finally thrusts into her and captures her lips once again. He allows her control over the kisses for a while before seemingly to coming to life; taking control and returning Maddie's kisses with eagerness that bordered on desperation. Even his thrusts hint at his desperation; normally he takes her as gentle as he can manage but tonight he has no time for that; and judging by Maddie's response he chose right. Her fingers entwine in his hair and he grunts in ecstasy when she pulls sharply on his green locks. He tightens around her; the sweat from his hard labour drips off his forehead; he knows he looks a mess; his hair damp with sweat hangs over his forehead; Maddie reaches with one hand; the other clutching and turning at his coat; and brushes a strand from his eye.

He grins and after a particular hard thrusts moans her name loudly; "Maddie, my Maddie."

He nips at her throat; her head falls to one side and she allows his assault to continue.

"Jack," he realises he loves her saying his name; especially when he's inside of her; bringing her to this state. She is a vision and he knows that for as long as he lives he will never forget the image of Madeline Wayne; her head thrown back and lips slightly parted in pleasure; pleasure he is giving her. He can feel the familiar rush of an orgasm approaching; his thrusts angle at the right degree to deliver one to Maddie. She calls out his name and she finishes; he keeps moving until he follows suit; panting harshly he drops his head to her chest; resting his ear against her heart.

"I can feel your heart beating," his speech is muffled but she understands him and laughs tiredly.

"What's it saying?" he breathe feels like the wind across his neck and he shivers; delicious.

He leans closer and tilts his head; pretending to be listening; she laughs and her heart rate increases; "Hmm well I'm not surprised, even your hearts at it."

She laughs and caresses his neck; "My hearts at what?"

"Thinking about me. All I can hear is 'Joker, Joker'. Looks like I got your heart."

She snorts and shifts slightly; he clenches her closer and winces at the scene; him practically admitting his love and giggling like a lovesick school boy after his first shag.

"Why?" He growls, wanting answers only she can give; he isn't use to this.

"Why what?" she asks tracing his brow and looking into his dark eyes.

"Why... why must you make me do this...feel like this?" He asks with a hint of pain in his voice.

"Do what?" she replies trying to catch her breath, talking to him in a tone he imagines she would with Mathew.

"Things I don't want to." he growls linking his fingers with hers; holding her hands tight, he rests his forehead on hers; breathing in the scent that is just Maddie.

"Because I love you and you help the people you love." Her answer doesn't startle him; he knows of her feelings; hell he feels the same he just can't express it. He pulls away from her; giving them both time to straighten their clothes before he recaptures her in his arms; resting his chin on her head.

"I saw a shooting star out tonight, real good one out by the docks; you should have seen it."

"What did you wish for?" She asks gently kissing his adam's apple; his breath catches and he sighs in pleasure.

"Something I can't have," he answers truthfully case hell there is no point in lying to her.

She laughs, tracing his bicep; seemingly aware of the large cut he recently acquire;"What's that then? He pulls away again; looking her square in the eyes;"You always you, I shouldn't be fucking you in restaurant bathrooms, I should be at home with you and the kid but it doesn't work like that does it? I gave up the right to have a family a long time ago."

She tuts, he knows she can't deny it, but she sure as hell will try; "Don't talk like that, I love you and want you! God you don't even have to look at Mat to know his yours; every time he looks at you, you can tell he misses you when you're gone."

He laughs; feeling a surge of pride at her confession, suddenly becoming all too aware of their surroundings he looks to the door; jerking his thumb at it; "What do rich people not pee?"

She too looks around and laughs as well; shrugging her shoulders; "Oh you know we just pay people to pee for us, with our bags of money."

He laughs, glancing at the watch at his wrist; he curses and looks back at her walking quickly over to her and kissing her, more slowly this time. "When I'm old and dying and can't get it up, I still wanna be here with you...just like this." He sways them gently, as if they're being led by an invisible band.

He pulls away, regretfully, though god knows what games Speed is getting Bozo to pay to keep him occupied while he got his rocks off. "You er, you bring the kid next time ok? I'd like to see the little guy."

She nods and her notices her eyes have taken on a sadder look to them, he isn't the only one suffering. He turns and unlocks the door; glancing around the empty foyer; "I love you Jack," she calls, almost inaudibly, he turns and nods mouthing 'me too', before straightening his collar and leaving. Tonight has been...productive.

**Maddie's POV**

I attempt to smooth my 'sex' hair as best as I can, before giving up and hoping no one notices. I slink back to the table; the food has yet to arrive and I realise I've been gone nearing half an hour.

"Hey Maddie you ok, you lose your way or something?" I laugh at Bruce and settle once more in my seat, turning to talk to Stephen.

"You've smudge your lipstick here Maddie," he reaches towards me and wipes it off with his napkin, showing me the stain. I frown and look at it; my lipstick isn't red...

**Sam's POV**

He stands with his back to the room; preferring the light from the bay windows to Helena's company. She doesn't know how to approach him at times; she will often stand in doorways, hovering awkwardly in her own home, unsure of her next move. Her home is a shrine to the long dead James; pictures of Madeline have been taken down; the areas on the wall light from where the frames once hung. Affairs with Madeline appear to be progressing well; he has her running scared and by all accounts no one has yet helped her. Everything is all working out so much better than he even anticipated; despite peoples misgivings he is a planner; he likes to arrange things just so and see them through until the end; and in this he will succeed. A floorboard behind him creaks and he rolls his eyes and continues looking out into the woods.

"I envy her. Isn't that the strangest thing to be feeling, envy? They say we all feel it at some point but at this moment in time I never thought I would."

This catches his attention; yet still looking out the window he tilts his body towards hers, showing her his attention is on her; "Well, it does throw me a tad, Helena. I mean, she's just… well barely living; we got her freaking out all over town. And you? Well you got the world at your feet and pretty soon you'll have even more. What she got? Blood on her hands and a psychotic clown as her baby's daddy. It's nauseatin' really, when ya think about it."

In the reflection of the glass he sees her reach out to him; her fingertips barely graze his bicep; they come to a reach on his shoulder.

"Will she see it, will she see the blood?"

He smirks deviously at her tone; the excitement passing from her to him; "She could do soon anything's possible right now, you sure you wanna go this far with her?"

He almost winces from her sharp talon like nails digging into him; "Yes, I want her to know pain and fear, like my son did in his last moments. I... I sometimes want to wrap my hands around her throat and feel it cracking beneath me."

He turns now, capturing her hands in his own; "Amen to that darling."

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**There, at last it's finished! I've been such a slacker with this and have had zero inspiration at all. It's been hair pulling out frustrating! Thank you for being so good to me, I'd have kicked my arse into gear before now but like I said I had things that needed sorting out before this; family stuff etc. I really hope to get the next one out sometime this week, thank you again for being so patient!**

**Cookies and Joker love all round,**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	14. Note from me

**Hi guys,**

**I've had a few emails saying its not happening when you go to review my last chapter so I thought it was because I got rid of my last authors note... anywho I thought I'd shove this little note to you all so you were able to review! Thanks to (ThinkinOfU, I think!) for bringing that to my attention. **

**Also some good news I've started my next chapter so I hope to get that out soon. Apologies for the mess about!**

**Feels-Like-Paradise**


	15. Inside I'm Screaming

**God I've been slow with this; I've no excuses I've just had zero motivation and have been staring blankly at a computer screen for a while...well it wasn't always blank sometimes I did write on it...then deleted it. Thank you to those who are still reviewing and my god the amount of people who have added both my stories to their favourites list! I could literally not believe it! Thank you all so much you guys are my inspiration!**

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** Chapter 14: Inside I'm Screaming. **

I once heard that character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trail and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. We're supposed to suffer because if we don't how can we go through life without learning? How can we be strong and learn to defend ourselves and know whats right and wrong without being tested? Maybe that's what life is; one big test and when we die and you've suffered, you've been hurt, your heart stomped on and nearly destroyed, then you know you've passed your test. You've survived the worst this world can throw at you and you lived; you're still standing. Character isn't something you were born with and can't change; it's not like your fingerprints or your DNA. It's something you grew up with and adapted to; that's stitched on you and you carry around with and must take responsibility for forming. We can be who we want to be, act how we want, desire things we want, make mistakes as we choose and learn from them. Hard times are a test to help us become stronger; it shows us we can be strong even when we think we are worthless. We all, everyone one of us in the world, needs to be tested, needs to prove themselves.

**Maddie's POV**

"So how was your night apart from the disappearing for half an hour and leaving me small talking to Stephen?"

I roll my eyes and dig my spoon into my cereal; holding up my hand to signal my full mouth; "It was good thanks yeah and I already told you I saw some nurse from the hospital so I stopped to talk to her for a while. And I really don't think I need to ask how your night went."

I gesture with my spoon to the love bite on his neck; he coughs and pulls his collar up, hiding it from view, he smiles sheepishly at me. "Which nurse, the hot one I saw the last time?"

"Bruce! I can't believe you said that!" I think for a moment and he waits for me to continue; "yeah it probably was to be fair, though I'm thinking all the women in your life just look the same now don't they?"

He flicks a spoonful of milk at me and I splutter as it goes down my top; Mat shrieks with laughter while I root down my top; cursing and flicking the cornflakes off me.

"Real mature Bruce, didn't you start doing that when you were like ten? And kept getting told off for it?"

He reaches for my spoon and grabs the bowl; feeding himself and then offering me the spoon. We sit in silence; the only noise comes from Mathew who repeatedly tries to roll over; getting only halfway before he can go no further. I focus on his face; the look of concentration; the way his tongue sticks out and licks his lips.

Bruce's voice breaks me out of my haze and I frown at him, he scowls "I said Helena hasn't been around much has she? Before we couldn't get rid of her and now she's hardly ever around, not that I'm complaining but I was talking to Rose and she said there's a guy who comes round loads, weird looking guy she says, doesn't look like the type Helena usually hangs with."

"I don't know Bruce, she hasn't said anything and to be honest I really don't care about her sex life...that's just something I don't even wanna think about let alone know that it's happening."

Bruce chokes on a mouthful of cereal and grins at Mat; "To think Mattie, grandma is having more sex than mommy; you know times are hard when that happens!"

I swipe at Bruce's arm; Mat crowing with laughter; "I can't believe you Bruce! I could be having sex thank you, I could have had sex last night for all you know!"

He looks at me; edging further away from any more of my hits; "Yeah but did you? I mean the only person you were alone with was me or that hot nurse...and I really don't wanna think about that. I mean a little doctor /nurse action is all good but when it involves my sister; it just ruins the whole fantasy."

I stand up and gather Mat into my arms; he instantly brings his fingers to my hair and curls them tightly into a fist; "I've said it before Bruce and I'll say it again we now all know why you're single...or maybe you're the guy Helena is seeing? Yeah it all makes sense now, the constant talking about her; yeah I'd say you're hooked." I

ts Bruce's turn now to splutter and stutter, vehemently denying any knowledge and muttering something about 'old lady sex' and 'gross to even think about'. I start to rummage through my closet for clothes for today, I'm still preparing for my surgery and I need to pack up the last of my stuff from the penthouse; it's not gone on the market yet and by the prices the agent has given me it's gonna be empty for a while yet.

"Last night was weird..." I groan and pull my head out of the closet; stepping over Mat and avoiding his toys; he freaked the last time Alfred accidently trod on his bear; he just would NOT stop for ten minutes.

"What was weird? Did you say something to Stephen, did you freak him out?" Bruce stretches on the bed and pauses from flicking through the channels; over a hundred channels and there is still nothing on.

"Relax I said nothing to lover boy; your relationship is safe...But yeah I mean I went out last night, just checking everything was ok and I came across one of the Joker's guys," I panic; my eyes dart from Mat to Bruce; "Did anything happen, are you ok? Did you see him there?"

"See that's what was weird, he wasn't there, no one else was there just me and this guy and I know he was one of the Joker's guys with the clown mask but he took a few hits at me; I started back at him and then he just upped and left. It's like he knew where he was hitting me and he had a reason for hitting me there; it wasn't anywhere designed to especially hurt, that's whats confusing me. Alfred told me to watch myself and keep Gordon informed."

"Weird," I echo Bruce's words; nothing from last night gave anything away as to what Jack has been planning, I'm in the dark as much as Bruce is.

"Yeah would be good if I had some way of getting in touch with him or someone who knew him..." I can feel his dark eyes studying me as I stare at the TV; the shapes have no meaning to me, just blurs.

"It's a shame that you don't then isn't it? You could always ask Gordon to get some undercover guy in there, that is if the... Joker doesn't figure him out."

I try to keep my voice neutral as possible I really do, but I know it's gone up a few levels and I sound like I've been sucking on helium. Bruce shrugs his broad shoulders, going in for a sip of my coffee his lips curling in disgust at the coldness; "I don't know what we're gonna do, he has been quiet for now but I still don't trust him. You still going to the apartment today?"

I nod, considering, "Yeah for a couple of hours, I'm taking Mat with me then I might see Jane today, it depends if her mom's having Riana or not."

"Riana can come here you know, I mean sure last time she did colour in part of the white wall because it looked too boring but I suppose we gotta get use to it with Mattie boy in there."

I step back into my closet and pull off my top; "We have to get use to it? I didn't freak and claim my wallpaper was ruined! And who was it who asked how long it would take Riana to pay you back?"

"The wallpaper was bloody ruined! And I calmed down..."

I finish dressing and pick Mat's clothes up; "Bloody? God Bruce you hang around Alfred too much might be time to find some new friends! Oh and you only cheered up when Jane walked in with a new dress on and you thought all your birthdays' had come at once."

He sits up and takes Mat; wrapping his arms round his middle; "It was designer! I was admiring the design label, besides I keep my hands to myself when it comes to Jane. I have done since you got drunk and threatened to really, really kill me, proper kill me if I touched her."

I struggle with the squirming baby, blowing my hair out of my face and tucking whats left of it behind my ear; "You were scared of me Bruce? There's barely anything on me, I barely reach your shoulders and you're a superhero."

Bruce pokes me in the side, causing me to laugh and squirm out of his way; "Yeah but you had a fork in your hand at the time that was getting closer to my eye, I thought I'd take notice of that."

I laugh at the memory of it; life seems to be getting better, I've not seen James and it seems to be slowly getting better. But I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch, I'm not being cocky that everything will be ok; I'm just praying it will be.

"I'm gonna go and get dressed, I got some meetings I need to do and then me and Alfred need to get to work on the car. You take care ok? I'll give you a lift if you hurry" He reaches down and kisses my cheek, nudging Mat's cheek with his finger. "Bye Bruce, thank god he left huh?"

**Speed's POV**

_Take pictures; get back to boss, pictures, then boss._ Ever since Bozo had dropped him off he had been repeating the Bosses two orders to himself not wanting to let any detail slip. He wanted to make the boss proud, he hadn't been given much work lately and he wanted to impress, he's slower than the others; he knows that, his only use is his build, he has no brain (well, from what some of the guys say) and he can't even turn a computer on let alone figure one out. He snaps the camera when Wayne comes into view resisting the urge to wave at Maddie and go and see the baby; he hasn't seen him properly, the boss has pictures sure, but even then he only found out about them by accident so he can't tell the boss he'd seen them. And the boss doesn't really like them reading newspapers, 'puts ideas into some of these dicks heads' he once told him and Bozo, long before he kidnapped Maddie. Bozo had nodded and said something in agreement, Speed hadn't at the time understood but had muttered something before continuing with his cutting out; he liked to make sure the edges were straight and neat, the boss liked things to be good and done properly. Some of the other guys had already questioned the boss' interest in Maddie; that soon stopped when he had slit some guy's throat for commenting on some outfit Maddie had been wearing. The truth was the boss had been after her for some time; whenever she was on the TV he stopped what he was doing to stare at her, as though learning every trace of her. He had studied her intently, started to want to know her schedule, he hadn't know what schedule meant until Bozo had told him; then it was up to him and Speed to follow her. After a week they handed everything over; all those pictures, everything to the Boss and he had held them like they were solid gold, or at least his favourite knife. Then he had gone into his room, settled himself down in his chair, kicked off his shoes, put up his feet and read, he read them all night, paying no attention to him or Bozo, or anything happening around him. The only sound from him was the cracking of his knuckles or other body part or the scratching of his pen. Maddie was his new project, his new interest, his new vision of chaos.

Things hadn't started so well, he said he wanted to break her, '_break her break Gotham boys'_ he had reminded them. The others had laughed, interested to see what he would do, they even pressed their ears to the walls to hear if he was raping her; their tongues hanging out in their sick pleasure. They waited; nothing happened, some started getting bored, pushing themselves off from the walls they gave up and lit up cigarettes instead; starting their card games. But he and Bozo had waited at the bottom of the stairs, always on hand if the boss needed them. He had walked out of the room smiling, the camera in his hand, traces of his makeup gone from sweating and excitement. He was giddy for the remainder of the night; the TV switched on for the public's reaction; it didn't take long, the city in chaos, the cop terrified, pleading pathetically for his fiancés return. Oh how the boss had laughed, his head thrown back, tears of laughter pouring down his face, he had howled in excitement, talking about his 'pretty Gotham princess', winding the headband she had been wearing round his knuckles repeatedly; inhaling the scent ever so often. The next few days they barely saw him; he fed her, looked after her, talked to her; as though she was his guest and he was the eager host, desperate to please her. One day they heard raised voices, the boss throwing things around, Maddie's terrified cries; they had all rushed to their feet; the lucky ones having pressed themselves against the wall for front row seats; digging each other in the sides, gleefully exclaiming that 'the blonde bitch was gonna get it good.' They didn't know what had happened, the boss never said but as soon as it started it was over. Dwayne had told him and Bozo that he had seen them together in the bathroom, that the boss was holding her to him; him so tall and Maddie so small, that they looked so comfortable yet so wrong, that the boss had gone for him, dived into those pockets and one word from Maddie had stalled him, how he was so transfixed by her that he had barely acknowledge Dwayne. A change had come over the boss, he was aware of it and hated it, killed some guy just out of pure fun, he breathed heavily afterwards and dipped his fingers in the guys blood, his laughter manic. He remembered asking Bozo what had happened why the boss was so different, why he barely talked to any of them, his timed so consumed by Maddie. Bozo had smiled and said that 'he was just learning more about her' that he was 'interested in her and when something interests you, when it's so different from what you're use to, you just can't ignore it.' The boss slowly allowed him, Bozo and Dwayne to talk to Maddie, they were the only one he could trust, he had slapped them on the backs and told them to 'take care of his gal'. She was funny, they could all see why he liked her so much, why he allowed her into his life, she didn't treat him any different, he knew he wasn't the cleverest guy, but she talked to him all the same, an equal...a friend.

Then everything went wrong; Dwayne died and the boss shut himself off from everyone; he let no one if he could help it near Maddie, everyone was on edge, no one dared move, no one dared breathe. The cop came not long after they moved house; the boss dealt with him quickly; he had to leave Maddie behind, leave his baby behind, the baby Maddie had just dropped on him right when he was leaving. Now the boss wasn't just interested in Maddie; he wanted to focus on Bruce Wayne; he wasn't on the turn, he was up to something and when the boss had an idea it was best just to say yes and get on with it. So that's why he's here, hiding in alley ways and in cars trying to blend in; him a six foot something monster trying to be discreet. _Don't wave to Maddie...don't look at baby...don't do anything stupid..._The camera snaps shut, Maddie's hair flashes brown and she is gone.

**Maddie's POV**

I try to ignore him, I really do, I try so hard to pretend his not there; to look at Mat to talk to Bruce, look anywhere but at his face, but I can't...I whisper a constant mantra under my breath instead _'please go away, please not here, please leave me alone'_. After a while the words get mixed up, my voice slows down, I'm tired, so tired, how did it come down to this; how the hell did I end up here? I use to be successful you know; I use to be driven, have some sense about me, some practicality, I knew right and wrong, my schedule was safe; I did things a certain way every day; I went food shopping on Fridays, I did chores on Sundays, I worked every other day, every hour God sent just to have some normality; just to get away from him, from the life he built us. And now even dead he's still here, still taunting me, just making me look crazy this time. And that's what I am, I'm crazy, just one flipped out crazy stupid bitch who lets everyone control her, even a dead guy.

"I'm just gonna be a few minutes ok? Then I'll be back and drop you off at the penthouse then I'll pick you up later, we really need to find your proper car keys and everything...have you found them yet?"

I look to James, he holds them in his hands, my office key swings in front of me, leading me into a trance; "Maddie!" "No...not yet," I go to reach for them, my fingers curl around the keys and then they're gone; James smiles and blows me a kiss.

I turn to face Bruce, my hair loose fails in my face; "You, you take your time, we'll be fine." He nods and taps on the car roof, slamming the door.

"I said goodbye. I burnt the picture that keeps coming back to me, but you're still here! I did everything I could think of to make you go away! I just...I don't know what to do anymore!" I break down, I can't help it, he's here and I'm scared, I'm sad and I'm scared.

He leans forward; patting my leg, I flinch as he touches the bare skin; "Yeah, thanks for that, by the way, I looked damn good in that picture, my first picture as a cop and you've burnt it."

I bite irritably on my nails, my eyes firm on Mat, his face is the picture of confusion, his neck straining to see who I'm talking to; "you always took good pictures stop saying that you didn't, there was never one you didn't look good in."

He smiles, wafting his hand in my face, clicking his fingers; "I'm over here, start paying attention."

"This isn't real, is it? It's just one big joke and I'm just gonna close my eyes because it's like that moment in the morning when you first wake up and you're still half asleep and everything seems...weird and not right and that you're still dreaming even if you see pigs flying past your window that things are possible, dreams feel true and anything is possible even this. And that for that one moment before waking up everything just seems so real, I can touch you, really touch you and your real, you're not dead, you're here with me and I didn't kill you and you didn't die and leave me alone...But then the sun hits you and you wake up and everything becomes clear..."

He looks at me, his fingertips brushing my hair; "Why do you think you're alone?" Always cut straight to the point my James.

"Because, I never see Jack, I can't handle staying alone with my baby, I'm falling apart and I'm scared I won't make it. I'm scared I'll wake up and I'm dead and I'm stood next to you and you've won and I'm not sure I can survive this type of pain. I though death ended life but this..." I gesture between us, "This is going on forever and I don't see the end...I really don't."

He leans back, groaning as he does so, "I came here today to generally freak you out, spook you a bit, demand that the next time he comes near you, you threaten to kill him, but instead you do this and I've got no choice but to help you. Cause of I don't I'll only be back tomorrow and you'll still be all sad looking at me with bambi eyes which you know I can't stand; remember I even gave you a little tap last time you decided to pull that shit on me."

I look at him, my expression saying it all; "A little tap? You cut my eyebrow open, I had to have three stitches and I blamed a crazy homeless guy who doesn't exist. How can you say it so casually? The things that you did, what you said? I never got that."

He observes me and slowly, almost like talking to a child who needs to understand the rules; "Cause I can, cause I could and cause I wanted to...you were pretty fun; Jane when we dated was so boring in fact we didn't even date it was a week long fuck fest and look how that ended. No you, you were good, I saw something in you and I wanted it. What you gonna do Mads, kill me?" I take it in, frozen in this too big car, in my black clothing, my arms tightly wrapped across my chest in an invisible strait-jacket, my heart beating rapidly, legs tensely crossed as I ask myself once again;_ how the hell did this happen?_

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**A/N**

**Ok as it ended slightly on a loose end I'm gonna try my hardest to have this next one out really, really soon. Promise. Once again thank you to those who have remained sticking by the pain in the arse that is me... now I've gotta be off to once again try and un stick my computer keys; there was an incident with a glass of wine...and later on chocolate...and sweet and sour sauce. Let's just say my laptop has taken a battering and needs my nursing. Until later!**

**Much love**

**Feels-Like-Paradise **


	16. Notice Me, Hear My Cries

**I have an announcement to make...Joker drum roll please... after only 14 or so chapters in I've had 101 reviews exactly already! My last story ended on 106 reviews and this story is nowhere near finished. I'm so thankful to you all, everyone who has reviewed, added to their alerts, their favourites...I think a Joker party is what you all deserve! I'll be breaking out the tequila and crap food tonight to celebrate! This new chapter I brought back a much wanted face...no not Helena I thought you all needed a break...I promise! Thank you once again and give yourselves a pat on the back from me! You've made me one extremely happy, excited writer. Now I've rambled too much so on with the story! I brought this all out early as a treat for you all! Bon appetite! **

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**Chapter 15: Notice Me, Hear My Cries.**

I'd have lived being on my own; without a guy without the problems men and relationships bring, Bruce has always said I would be happy being one of those rich, eccentric old ladies. People always laughed when I said this; would tell me what a waste it would be and when I met James they told me I would soon be eating my words. It's not like I would have been happy alone, but what I never said to Bruce or any of them was that I was scared; what happens when it all falls apart and you're left there crying into a bowl of Ben and Jerry's surrounded by your girlfriends and snotty tissues. I'd have still stayed on my own if things with James had worked out differently; if he just left one day and never came back, I would have left it at that, nursed my wounds and gotten on with life; climb the career ladder and drove home laughing in my car. But things never go the way we plan, why do plans even exist if they rarely work out? Have you ever been in love? On one hand it' so beautiful but on the other it's so horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other person, wanders into your life... Sometimes by accident but sometimes they seek you out; they go out of their way to be near you, to talk to you, to do anything to make you laugh, make you smile, make you feel things. Then you notice the changes; small at first but believe me they're there. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, or just look at you, look at you in a way that's comforting yet freaks you out at the same time...its tender, it's warm...its love. And then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages; it can sometimes be a one side thing; then what do you do? Sit there and stalk the poor guys every actions, just because he didn't return your love? Because he didn't see in you what you see in him? It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter tearing holes into your heart. It hurts. It's painful. Its yearning. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love...ok I _hated_ love.

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Hours later I've still not moved or have done any work; I lie on my back, wide awake, my fists clenched by my side, staring up at the ceiling, laying immobile on the bed. Through the walls, the noise sounds loudly; something slams again, in to the wall, against it? Either way it's impossible to block out; my heart beats rapidly as I sit up; Mat lies asleep, spread eagled in a travel cot against the wall; a smile small playing on his lips, the occasional laugh escapes his lips. After waiting a few seconds, seconds that feel like hours, I swallow hard and take a few steps to the doorway, following the crack of light beaming from its edges. The living room is deserted, that much I'm sure of and when I think I've imagined it, that it was just noise from outside, the sharp sounds from the bathroom echo my panic and amplify my fear. I urge myself forward; silently moving towards the sound; my body pressed into the length of the wall like a cat burglar. Again I swallow hard, trying to dislodge the fear from my throat. My heartbeat now pulsates in my ears; I curse myself for not bringing at least a weapon with me, or at least something to defend myself with. _Maybe I should just go back to my room, back to my room, get Mat and just run...what if that's what they wanted? Separate me from Mat? This is stupid I'm going back to my room._

After several seconds of silence; I pluck up the courage, my hand extends towards the door handle and I push it down; my head peeks around the corner and in through the doorway of the adjacent room. I could almost pass out from relief; relief at the familiar purple trench coat, the tattered brown shoes, the wild hair.

"Jack?" His back cracks as he leans up from the sink, dirty water sloshes everywhere and he grins widely at me, teeth bared.

"Hey there doll! Sorry to drop in on you like this but I thought it was time to check in. Gotta keep the missus happy and all."

I raise an eyebrow at his current state; the wilder than usual hair; the shirt un-tucked from his trousers, the waistcoat hazardly done up.

"How did you know I'd be here? You almost killed me I thought someone was in here!"

Someone...more like James, more like the monster in my dreams, my nightmares that never goes away no matter how hard I pray and plead for forgiveness. He grins, flicking the water from his hands, grabbing hold of a towel and patting his neck and bare face dry.

"Sorry about that, I got here before you, got fed up of waiting on Wayne to finish up, so I thought I'd come on ahead. Besides if anyone had been here before me I'd have taken care of them for you doll...is the er kid here?"

He's talking so fast even he is tripping over the words and thoughts pouring out of his mouth; he's excited about something, something has happened that I'll only find about on the five o'clock news. I walk over to him, taking the towel and dabbing his skin, more careful than he was doing previously. He nods at me, impatient for my answer, "Yeah I have actually, he's asleep in the bedroom, I could go and get him if you want? He needs to wake up now, his already been asleep too long."

He nods eagerly, tiny flecks of water fall from him to me, he grins boyishly at my face as I swipe away some of the excess water; "Sorry doll, I'll finish cleaning up in here."

I pick up Mat, holding him close as he sleepily rubs his eyes, his head shoots up at the noise from the bathroom, no matter where he is Jack can never be quiet and Mat will always take notice. With our back to us Jack quickly re apply his paint; the effect is quite entrancing, the black making his eyes bolder, the white paint so different to the olive tint in his skin. His eyes follow us in the mirror; taking in Mat's growth, his curls so like his, his tongue once again traces his lips like his father constantly does. The water is still in the basin and Mat reaches for it; I lower him gently to it, Jack watching, confused, not use to his behaviour. He smiles as we watch Mat splash in the water; his laugh echoes through the almost empty bathroom, Jack reaches towards him, looking to me for my permission. I nod and he strokes Mat's hand, Mat reacts and turns; I bit my lip as Mat reaches up to Jack's face; Jack naturally recoils, water splashing over us all, he remains undeterred, he reaches up again; his fingers trace his father's face, the marks he leaves behind look like tear tracks on Jack's face, the red slightly faded on his most jagged scar. I stand transfixed at the scene unfolding in front of me as Mat puts his hands up, grasping for Jack.

"What..." Jack clears his throat, nervously fingering his collar, "What does he want?" I laugh at his tone, you would have thought I was handing him a piranha.

"He wants you to hold him, you can if you want?" Without answering he sighs deeply, holding his hands out awkwardly towards his son, Mat dives eagerly into his arms, once again reaching up to his face, wanting nothing more than to play with his new toy.

I stand behind Jack; stilling his neck movements as Mat touches his face, I'm actually surprised he's even letting him slightly touch him, he still gets nervous around me when I touch his scars, I get the feeling that even I shouldn't be allowed to touch him there; like it's forbidden. I watch as he smiles slowly; bringing his hand up to touch Mat's; their fingers curl together and Mat's head falls against his father's, Jack's other hand grips Mat's curls, inhaling his scent. I feel like I'm intruding on their moment just by being here, I have all the moments in the world with Mat alone, Jack always has me around when Mat's with me.

"His gotten bigger, I remember holding him when he was born, he was so small back then, kinda like my gun," I laugh, Mat's head shoots up and he grins at us both; our mix matched family.

"He's strong, his like his dad," I stress the word 'dad' heavily; I want him to know I think of him as Mat's dad.

Jack lifts his hand up, Mat mimics him; resting his hand against his father's their differences highlighted when Mat's hand barely makes an impact on Jack's larger hand. I stroke a wet curl off Mat's face, he frowns and clings closer to Jack; only met him a few times and already he doesn't want to let him go.

"You're good with him, he still doesn't settle right with some people it's only really me, Bruce and Alfred. He even freaks out near Jane and Riana and they're always round him."

Jack laughs, pride etched on his face, "Is that so huh kid? Weird that, especially when my old man was about as nurturing as a steak knife."

I'm unsure whether or not to laugh; his brought up his mother before and always speaks highly of her, his dad? No, everyone's heard the stories of his scars and how he always says he hates his father, I'm not going to press his buttons in that area. I'm too busy watching father and son to notice Jack's stare on me; I raise my eyes to meet his and lean up; our lips graze softly and for once Mat stills in his actions.

"I've missed this..." he looks at me, as though expecting me to carry on, "Me and you, I've missed this, seeing you and not being with you every day it's something I still can't get use to."

"We never got the chance did we? We couldn't love each other in my world and we couldn't love each other in your world. I take you to my place and I you could get kill; I come into your world and your brother's more likely to bitch slap me all the way to Arkham than serve me dinner."

I could almost cry at the unfairness of it all; I hate this, we're under each other's skin and nothing is shifting, other people get to love who they want, they get to go out and act like a normal family, me? I have to hide my family away from prying eyes, like I'm ashamed or something. Jack makes a noise of disgust and I look down; Mat is slowly chewing on Jack's shirt, the drool covering the best part of his cuff. I laugh and dab at the mess; Jack holding Mat at arm's length as though guessing what he will do next.

"He er makes a lot of mess I take it?"

I roll my eyes, talk about pot meet kettle; "SO? He's acting no different to his father."

Jack grins; part of his lips showing and I wipe the other side gently, kissing his lips gently, nuzzling my cheek against his. He mutters something into my neck and I pull away, he groans at the loss of contact.

"I said what are you doing here? Now bring yourself back over here." He mentions with his finger and I laugh, wrapping my arms around him and Mat.

"I need to pack up the last of my things before this place goes up for sale, I didn't want to leave anything here."

He nods and settling one last kiss on my forehead he pulls away; "Come on then doll, I may as well make myself useful while I'm here."

I follow him through the living room; both his and Mat's eyes are the size of sauces as they look around; "So how much is a place like this worth?"

"Oh you know about a million or just over, Bruce gave me it before I got engaged, Jane lived with me for a while."

He nods, ignoring the part about my engagement and instead puts Mat down in his cot; his bottom lip sticks out as he threatens to cry; Jack moves away holding up his hands; I reach into my bag and pull out some of his toys and move his teddy closer to him; the panic for now is over. Jack spreads his arms out wide; "Where do we start then doll? You could fit the whole of my hideout in this place."

I laugh at the exaggeration and pull a box out, I through it at him and naturally he catches...with one hand of course. We work in silence for a few moments; until I see him stop; his shoulders hunch and his breathing heavy.

"Jack?"

I put my hand on his shoulder and he spins round; holding tightly onto a photo frame. I prise it out of his hand; ignoring his dark look. It's an old photo; that much is clear; I look younger, Jack can see that yet it's not me he's pissed about; it's James. One of his hands holds my face whilst the other is out of sight; my head is tilted back; a woollen hat pulled tight around me; gloves on both our hands.

"It's an old photo, I've got others around here as well that you'll find."

He stares at the photo, "Huh..."

He moves around me and walks out of the room, I curse silently, aware of Mat's accusing eyes on me. I run my hands through my hair; unsure of my next move, Jack saves me any bother when he strolls back into the room; the large bin tossed effortlessly over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" He ignores me and slams the bin down, Mat jumps and nervously giggles, jack shoots him a reassuring glance.

I stand still as I watch Jack toss the photo into the bin; the only sound is the glass shattering. He picks up another and gestures for me to go nearer; "Here take this, I don't see much point in you keeping them...unless of course you want to?"

I smile at his hesitation; despite his relaxed nature he does still worry about some stuff. I take the frame out of his hand and following his slapping gesture I throw it into the bin, laughing in relief as the glass shatters, splintering across James' face.

"See, isn't this better? You want a fresh start here it is doll."

He throws me another frame and we both toss two in at once, until at last they're all gone, I turn to him smiling; "That was actually fun," he laughs and bows to me.

Before he can act I cross the room to him; kissing him fiercely; he stumbles not expecting my actions and we both crash onto the bed; me on top.

"Big bad Joker caught off guard, I never thought I'd live to see the day!" He laughs and nips at my lip; shocking me as he rolls us over, in control as always. "Who's laughing now Maddie?" his voice is deep and husky, it sends chills through me. We kiss again and he sends a hand out to my side; pushing himself closer, we break apart when his phone rings.

"Ignore it," I whisper, kissing him again. The phone rings off then instantly rings again, he looks at me and groans, rolling off me and pulling his cell out.

"What?"

I sit up, pulling my knees to my chest, watching him; "Yeah I'll be there as soon as I can, dumb fucker probably got himself lost or something." He ends the call and turns to me, most of his makeup gone.

"Something's happened with Speed, Bozo's freaking out, I told him his probably just late, he takes his time, always takes his time."

Jack doesn't seem bothered so I relax; Speed is his guy, his friend he should know when to be worried. He pulls his coat on; crossing the room to Mat he bends down and ruffles his hair; muttering some unheard words. He straightens up and sits on the edge of the bed; pulling my knees down so my legs lay flat; he caresses my skin gently as though expecting tears.

"I'm sorry ok, I wouldn't normally do this but I need to check things out. Will you be here later?"

I shake my head, "No, I'm pretty much done, thanks anyway Jack. You have things you have to do and I understand. I'll see you soon?"

He nods, biting on his lip; "Look I don't know if you're doing some silent treatment, pissed off woman thing but I do wanna stay and I will see you again doll..." he looks back at Mat; "Both of you, ok?"

I laugh and nod kissing him for the last time; he stands and grabs a fallen knife; winking at me. "What will happen when Mat's older? How will you be able to see him then?"

He stops and turns to me, his eyes sad; "We won't. He'll freak and run away and you...you'll be married to your new cop with another three kids and a big dog."

Thinking I have no reply he moves; I practically throw myself off the bed to reach him; I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold them their; he stops and leans back.

"I don't want that, I don't want Stephen, I admit I like him ok, he's a good looking guy and I would be crazy...crazier not to notice..." he goes to pull away, the muscle working in his jaw, "But he isn't and never will be you, he could never give me what you give me or do any of the things you've done for me."

"What are you doing to me? You stop me from killing my men and trust me some of them deserve it, I'm not doing half the things I want to do, I can't think about nothing but you and the kid it's a distraction that I don't need... but it's something I crave. What are you doing to me?" He asks this last part seemingly to himself, his face still hidden from my view.

"It's because I love you," I trace his jaw, caressing his adam's apple, "and you love me."

He nods, kissing my fingers, his phone sounds again and he grunts in acknowledgement. "You should go, I'll be fine here."

He turns to me; waggling his fingers before leaving, his coat billowing behind him, then he's gone. I wrap my arms around myself; cold at the sudden chill, like the loss of his presence has drained all the heat, all the energy out of the room. I laugh when I hear the knock at the door; I pick Mat up, taking him with me.

"I think daddy may have come back, should we go and see baby?"

"Jack I thought you said you had to leave?"

"Hello Maddie," I stop in my tracks and smile; Karen hovers nervously in the massive hall; looking a mere speck.

"Hi Karen, how are you? Come in don't let me make you stay out there. How are you doing since Mac?"

I invite her in and put the lock on the door; showing her the way to the sofa; she sits down and leans towards me; taking Mat's hand and smiling at him, Mat in a seemingly good mood smiles back.

"I'm really well thanks, we had the funeral, we didn't invite many people, it was a simple ceremony, we had him cremated and well that was it, he's currently hanging out in my top drawer, I have no idea what to do with him."

I laugh, feeling guilty at my absence "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for it, if you would have said I would have gone with you if you needed me."

She holds her hands up to stop me, "We both know people hated him, I wasn't going to invite you when you have your own problems. My mother looked after the kids and I took them to the beach afterwards, they don't seem to miss him, they don't ask questions so I'm happy if they're happy."

I look at her, this selfless woman, who deserves so much more than the crap she's had thrown at her and I could almost laugh, my problems seem small in comparison.

"How are the kids?" She smiles, her face brightening; "They're doing so good, if I knew this is how they would be I would have taken a hit out on him. They smile, they laugh, they make as much noise as they want and I never get tired of it; I love it. Billy he's talking more, his come on so far, I'm proud of all of them, they're finally coming into their own and I'm so glad."

"I'm glad, I really am, I know this sounds bad but he deserved it and you all deserve to be happy and now look at you, you look great."

She pats her newly cut hair and smiles; "We're moving out of the Narrows, for being such a dick he had money so we're gonna stay with my mom while we find a new place, the girls want separate bedrooms so that's something I gotta look into. I'm sorry about James' ceremony, I should have said something before but I didn't want to bring it up."

At the mention of his name I expect him to appear; I look around, for now he is kept at bay. "It's fine, I got by, I've got Bruce and Alfred and Mattie here," I jingle my leg and he laughs, clapping his hands.

"Was he the one?" I frown, not understanding where this is leading.

"Was he the one who hurt you? Who caused you to know and understand my pain? If he was I'm glad, I'm glad they're both dead and you should be too, at least our children can have a life without fear."

"But what if it was better if he was here?"

She smiles and nods to Mat, "Then he wouldn't be this happy little boy, he would have picked up on his anger and your fear and he wouldn't be like this. You don't need him here; you're doing a great job."

I look down at Mat, he senses my look and leans back, smiling at me, I trace his hairline and he leans into me, sighing happily.

"See, you look at him and tell me his not better off without James?"

I nod, mustering a smile, "I need to get back anyway! You're busy and my mother is probably threatening to cut the kids out of her will."

We walk to the door and she turns and roots through her bag before handing me some paper; "This is my mother's place, just incase you want to keep in touch, go for a coffee or whatever."

"That'll be good, I'm free pretty much most of the time, I don't do the shifts I use to at the hospital so I got a lot of time on my hands, but I'd love that. You have my number right?"

She nods and exhales; "I'm gonna make my kids proud Maddie, we both are."

I smile, I can't help it; her positivity is welcoming; I wave her off and she enters the glass lift, I step back in the place I once call home and smile, looking around at the large space; even with me, James and Mat here there would still be plenty of space. I loved it to begin with but now it's cold and way too big, way to empty...it needs energy and love.

"She may be making her kids proud but how will you with Mat?"

I look at him; in my space, my life, my home, it was never his it was always mine. "I'm trying to, I'm getting my job back on track, I'm feeling better, I'm starting to..."

"Shut up, all I'm hearing is your excuses; you can't make him proud, you couldn't make me proud and obviously I'm a pretty easy guy to please."

_You disgust me. Shut up, just shut up. _

"You've always been a disappointment; our relationship was pretty much over, you were screwing up at work, what did you have? You were getting sloppy at work, I told you all them extra hours wouldn't do you good but you wouldn't listen even though I said. Then you got that guy killed...heart transplant wasn't it? And what surgery are you doing soon?"

He ponders, raising his eyebrow as he remembers; "Oh right a heart transplant! Well it's another dead body you can add to your last. Well done Madeline."

He claps his hands, slowly so slowly, but I can hear every clap vibrate round my ears, louder than the last. He suddenly stops and thinking he has gone, I open my eyes; I startle as he stands in front of me; grinning down.

"Put the kid down..."

I shake my head, clenching him close... "Put. The. Kid. Down...NOW!" I jump and do as he says; Mat relaxes instantly.

"Can you touch me, like how you use to? Can you feel it when I touch you? You've never said what you feel..." As though to test I stretch my fingers and touch his warm skin; I smile and relax at the familiar feel.

"We use to be so good Maddie, so, so good. I could have given you all of this, all you had to do was drop the gun, leave the freak and come home with me. That's all I wanted."

I nod, too exhausted to argue; maybe that was all he wanted, maybe he would have let Jack go? "Do you still love me? I love you babe, I will always love you, even after what you've done to me." He taps my cheek; "Well do you? Do you still love me?"

I don't need to think about it, not even a little; "Yes."

* * *

**A/N: Ok I once again have left it on a crap ending where you want to tear your hair out and demand I wrote more...but trust me I know what I'm doing and all isn't what it seems! I'll hopefully have the next one out fast as well, but once again guys thank you, thanks for all the PM's and to a certain lady also known as Foxotr who is always there to make me laugh and shove me in the right direction! But you wanna know something? You guys are all bloody brilliant and I should be the one worshipping you. You can tell I'm very pleased ha. Until next time!**

**Much love and Joker kisses**

**Feels-Like-Paradise**


	17. The Darkest Night

**Hi guys; I told you this one would be out soon and here it is! I thought I owed it to you after the ending from the last chapter. The flashback scene here is from when Maddie started out as a doctor; when you read on it makes sense. Thanks again for the reviews and everything; they are the perfect birthday present! Cheers!**

* * *

**Chapter 16: The Darkest Night**

What goes around comes around. You're going to get what you deserve. Karma. It snakes up behind you and forces you to look it in the eye; it's not being unfair, it's not singling us out. It's there to even the score, to let us know we can't get away with everything. Sooner or later karma will find us all; as long as karma exists the world will change; it's always there to be taken care of. You wrong someone and karma is always there to even things out; to remind you that there is a positive and negative to everything that we can't expect to do as we please to others and not feel the force of it in return. I use to think for every life I saved karma owed me; if anything bad happened I would turn the air blue; question why I wasn't being rewarded. If one good turn deserves another then surely one bad turn equals the same?

* * *

**(Flashback)**

He wasn't lying when he said I killed a man; the operation had gone well, so well in fact that I'd gotten cocky; I was so confident in my abilities as a surgeon that I was ignorant to his after care. I left him alone with an intern; a young girl who didn't know any better and he died. He died with some young girl who was so scared, who tried so hard to save his life but couldn't, so that she quit the next day. I did that. I killed that man and I let that poor girl be haunted by his death. The Chief didn't blame me; insisted to the board that I wasn't to blame, that it couldn't be helped, that I did everything I could and more. A blood clot was the official cause of death; he was prone to blood clots and I knew this; I sat there time and time again telling his family he was in safe hands, that he would be ok, that I could to the procedure in his sleep; and his son, his beautiful little boy had tugged on my hand and said thank you to me. And I smiled, tickled him under the chin and told him I would see him tomorrow for the operation; that within a month he would be able to take that trip to England. I cleaned up, tied my hair back, put on my lucky cap and scrubs, told his wife she would see him soon and I entered that theatre so proud and confident. I left it feeling the same; told his wife it had all gone well and she should go home and rest, I would be there all night. I left half an hour after her. Told the intern to just stay with him and page the Chief if she needed help; that staff would always be on hand if she needed them; but none of them would have known what to have done it they had to open him up; it was my idea, my operation, my guy. Thirty missed calls; thirty and I ignored all of them. Looked at the look on James face and turned my phone off the second it had gone off. I sat there and ate, laughed at James' stories, held hands with him, kissed him, laughed with our waiter, took my time getting home. We had been on each other in an instant; I was high on another successful operation, drunk on the appreciative looks he was giving me. Afterwards I slept for an hour before throwing on my dress and finally turning on my phone. It was only until the last attempt that she left a message; _please come and help, he's dying, there's blood everywhere, I don't know what to do, please help me._ I left there and then; not even waking James to tell him what had happened. I had been drinking but for once that hadn't mattered; I got there in record time; his wife wasn't even there yet. His room was a mess from the struggle to save his life; she had been all alone; too scared to page anyone else; I had told her she could rely on me. He was pale; pale and still. Such a waste of life, so much more he could have done and could have been. I didn't notice her until I heard the crying. She was crouched in the corner of the room; shaking yet not crying, they had stopped. She looked at me then, with those empty eyes, taking in my sex hair and expensive dress; the heels in my hand; she looked at me and mouthed something, I had stepped closer, crouched down to her level, taken her hand in mine.

"I tried, he just didn't respond at all. I forgot everything you told me. I couldn't get hold of you and I was too scared to call for help. I didn't know if that would take too much time up so I tried on my own...The Chief is calling his wife."

I couldn't look him in the eye; him a dead body, who wouldn't look me in the eye and question me, I couldn't look at him, couldn't id him, even though his wife asked me, I couldn't do anything. Instead I went to the nearest bar and drank anything I could get my hands on; walked home in the rain, glass in the pavement cutting my feet. James was awake by then; had been for hours; he looked at me in disgust; my bedraggled hair, my crumpled dress, my face stained with tears, the alcohol tainting my lips.

"I screwed up really bad James, I screwed up and I don't know what to do."

He had sat there and listened afterwards he stood in front of me; gripping my wrist so I would focus; "You best find a fucking way out of this; or we're finished. And for the life of me I don't know who else would put up with you and your shit. You disgust me. Look at you. You're a fucking mess. You're disgusting."

He pushed by me; nudging me to the side with his shoulder; disappeared into the bathroom and slammed the door. I couldn't even call Bruce; for four days I had sat in that room; wearing the same clothes, sat in the same spot. I hadn't showered for four days. The dress I wore started to stick to me in the heat, the smell so bad since I hadn't changed in four days. I lost my appetite and all my energy. The shades were drawn and my heart was closing up. I sat in bed listening to the same message over and over.

_"Doctor Wayne? This is Amy Collins; I want to invite you to my husband's funeral if you can make it? If not I understand; I know you're busy but my husband thought so highly of you; you tried you're hardest in the end to save him, we both knew it could have ended like this. He knew all the risks; I've been to the hospital and they said you've not been in for a while, please don't blame yourself, I..." _

My finger pressed the 'play' button constantly, her voice echoed through my apartment, implanted itself in my brain, my memory.

Her name was Marie. His name was Andrew. She was twenty two. He was thirty three. His wife was thirty two. His son, Harry was three. I killed him and I may as well have killed her.

* * *

_"Do you still love me? I love you babe, I will always love you, even after what you've done to me." He taps my cheek; "Well do you? Do you still love me?"_

_I don't need to think about it, not even a little; "Yes."_

He smiles and inhales deeply; his fingers continue to stroke my cheek; the other touches my thigh; I can feel him; every stroke every whisper of breath; he's here.

"But what was it that we had? I don't even think it really was love. I did to begin with but I really don't know..."

He interrupts me; his stance defensive, his tone pleading, "No, you're confused that's all, whatever you're going through it's not helping you, you've had a tough break but that doesn't mean you can ruin this for me. You should be glad knowing I could still love you. Look what you did to me. Look!"

I look, the blood is there in an instant; stretching across his white shirt; I stumble back, desperate to get away from the blood; he lunges forward at the same time; grabbing my hand and pressing them into his bleeding stomach.

"Feel, this is your handiwork, feel what you did to me, what that little bullet did. What your stupid actions did to me! Even if I had lived what would you think would happen? We could have gone to your fucking therapy sessions again? No, I'd have let everyone see the real you, no hiding behind Bruce now, oh no even he couldn't save you from me."

"Go away James. Please just do me this one favour and go away."

I hear his cruel laughter and then...nothing. I look at my hands; recoiling from the blood, I run to the bathroom; the happiness and laughter that happened here only mere moments ago is banished; in its place is my fear. I scrub madly at my hands; the water turns blood red, I grab the flannel, scrubbing my skin until it's red raw from the effort. Satisfied that it's gone I sit down on the toilet lid; my head in my hands; pulling at my hair; it's all a mess; just one big fucking mess.

"Keep it together Maddie, keep it together, you've been doing so well, come on. Get to the hospital. Get. To. The. Hospital...Now, come on."

I urge myself to stand up; my face is pale and my eyes red rimmed; I tap my face in order to give myself more colour; satisfied I pick up Mat and hold him close; his hand scraps gently on my back as though soothing me.

"Come on baby lets go."

I almost slip on the envelope that has been shoved under the door, weird it wasn't there before; I open it; pulling a single picture of Mat out. I frown, I don't get it; did Jack leave it? I look closer; the picture has been drawn on; Mat's lips stained red, his head coloured in green, the words 'like father, like son' written repeatedly around him. I look down both corridors, as though expecting whoever it was to jump out and shake my hand, I'm suddenly aware at how dark it is here, how open I am to attack. I don't take the lift; that's what they could be expecting, instead I run as quickly as I can down the stairs; clutching hold of Mat, who laughs with every bounce, all a game in his mind. I strap Mat in and shaking I sit in the driver's seat; my head resting on the steering wheel.

"You sure you should be driving?"

"I thought I told you to leave me alone? Why can't you for once just let me be?"

"Miss Wayne?"

I look up; the watchman looks at me, his hand resting on the car, his face concerned, a look I am all to use too.

"Sorry Mitch I'm fine yeah, I just needed to...just needed some time. It's this heat, it's getting to me."

"If you're sure..." I nod, realising too late how eager and fake my actions are.

"I have to go, gotta go and keep busy, bye."

I pull away without hearing his response, I instead look into the rear view mirror; he's still standing there, I'm not surprised, the whole city will soon known I'm cracking up if I'm not careful. Abbey and a few other nurses and doctors I know are crowded around reception when I get there; Jane among them. I hold up my hand and Jane smiles, heading towards me.

"Hey Mads, how are you doing? You're a little early; I think Mr Taylor's family are still in there with him."

I hand Mat to her, today he seems to be fine with going to anyone.

"I know, I finished up at the apartment early then I decided to just come here. I need to sort out and look over his file before I see him anyway; could you look after Mat for a while? I'll be an hour I think tops."

"Of course I can look after the little man; I've got some juice here for him. Are you still on for me and Riana coming round afterwards? She's looking forward to seeing you all."

I completely forgot about that, it was only this morning I was telling Bruce as well; "Yeah sure that's fine, I've already told Bruce and Alfred and they're cool with it, I think Alfred said something about juice and cookies for Riana as well."

Jane tuts at Mat and he smiles, pointing to Abbey who is pulling faces at him; "She'll be getting fat, won't she Mattie?"

I laugh; Riana has inherited her father's ability for eating whatever and still being a good size. I head towards my office, my fingers reach for my white coat, they brush instead the coldness of the door. I shut the door fully; checking the floor, then the drawers, I'm almost about to give up when I see it laid over my chair; my name tag pointing downwards.

"I could have sworn..."

I always put my coat on the back of my door at the end of a shift; always, no questions asked. I have done since I started here and even if I was in a rush I always put the coat there; it's easily found that way. My desk looks different as well; the photo of Mat is laid down flat; I pick it up and straighten my desk; flicking on my computer, it becomes hard for me to swallow when I look at the open word document;

_'I know what you did, you can't hide from me."_

No one else can get into my office; no one else has the keys, why would anyone want to come here. The only person who knows what I did is Jack...why would he be behind this?

"It's too much..." my head jolts at my page going off; I grab the file I need and pray my face doesn't betray me. I look in my mirror and fix a smile to my face; it falters slightly and I try again; that'll have to do. I lock the office door behind me; I'm taking no chances now.

"Doctor Wayne! Doc I need to talk to you!" I groan as I hear Chris's voice; he stands in front of me; effectively stopping me from moving.

"Listen I've tried to get on board with other specialities ok? I've been peed on by five different kids with Jane, helped snap bones back into place and looked at brains with tumours the size of my fist. But that's not me; I want in on your surgeries, I want your help."

His eagerness; it reminds me of me when I first started and use to trail Doctor Alan around; begging and pleading for any surgery, giving him any help he needed, sucking up to him every chance I got.

"Ok, I'll give you this chance ok? But don't screw it up; you do as I say when I say, ok?" He nods, grinning at me, I flash him a quick smile and look pointedly at him; he leans further back and matching my brisk walk, walks beside me.

"You may as well start now; I'm just going through the last part with Mr Taylor before his operation which is scheduled for this Friday. You can scrub in then if you want also." I knock on the door and he opens it for me, I smile and we step into the room.

"Mr Taylor Hi, I'm sorry it's been so long but we're here now, we've got the heart, it's gonna happen."

He's rigged up to monitors; they've been part of his life for months now, different hospitals day in and day out, until now that is, now I get to repay old debts and finally do right.

"Hi Doc, still can't believe its happening. I may even get to see my kid's graduation at this rate."

I smile and hand the file to Chris; "This is Doctor Harte, he will be the intern on your case if at one time I'm not around feel free to ask him anything and he'll do his best to help you. All your tests have come back clean so we're just waiting until we can start the procedure. Do any of you have any questions?"

I nod at his wife "Mrs Taylor yes?"

"Doctor Wayne can he have music in there with him? I want him to feel completely calm and at home, is that ok?"

"Yeah that should be absolutely fine; people have done it before so we can do it for you. If you have any concerns please let me know."

They both look to each other, until he clears his throat; "I er I've heard people have this operation and they die, nothing against you doc but I just want to know my chances." _Nothing against you...how little he knows._

"Erm Mr Taylor this procedure is perfectly fine, as with all surgeries there are obviously risks which as you know I've been through with you before; your body could reject the heart, your blood could clot, you could bleed out. I'm telling you know that I will make sure that you will be fine, you'll be able to go to that graduation and do what you want."

He coughs; clutching his heart, his wife is there in an instant, holding his free hand. "Thank you doctors, I suppose I'm just nervous I mean I'm the one who'll be knocked out but still...I'm nervous."

"Don't be, like Doctor Wayne said she's been through everything with you, she knows what she's doing. You're looking at the best here." I turn in surprise at Chris; his barely spoken two words since we got in here but I like what I hear.

I shake both of their hands and wait for Chris to do the same; I crane and look at Mat; Doctor Franklin, the neurosurgeon is dangling his stethoscope in front of him; they all laugh at his happy responses.

"He's a cute kid, how old is he now?"

"Just over six months now, you did good back in there; you were firm but friendly with it, good job. I'll be interested in how you do in the OR."

He smirks and looks pleased with himself; "Thanks and Franklin said I wouldn't amount to anything, I'm gonna prove him wrong. I'll see you then at the surgery? You're going now right?" I grasp his hand and give my thanks and goodbyes once more, before heading to reception.

"Maddie, you have the sweetest boy!"

"You should see him in the morning," I joke to Abbey before looking to the receptionist, Laura.

"Hi Laura has anyone been in my office lately? Cleaners or anyone else, anything like that?"

"No and I've been here mainly all the time, why has something gone?"

"Maddie?" I can feel them all staring at me, I'm in a panic; is this what James felt? The panic, the fear of someone following him, the forever looking over your shoulder?

"Thanks, Jane let's just go." I smile and take Mat; eager to get out of there and go back to sanctuary.

Riana, Jane's little girl is the spitting image of her father, I can tell, I know where to look, what features to look for, no one else knows but me, even if I hadn't know I would have been able to tell. She chatters away to Mat in the back; he holds her hand and she shows him her recent drawings; her writing still shaky and uneven.

"Mommy who's is Mat's daddy?" Jane's movements next to me still and she looks at me before turning around to address her daughter; "You remember sweetie, you've seen his pictures. He's in heaven with the angels remember?"

She nods, satisfied for now and reassumes her swinging of the legs; her chatter to Mat gets quieter. "Sorry about that Maddie, she asked me once and I didn't know what to say..."

I look at the kids; they're too engrossed in Riana's pictures to notice; "its fine, she's your kid she's bound to be asking questions soon, it's just preparing me for when Mat wakes up one day and starts asking questions."

"Have you heard from him?"

"Mommy!" We both jolt at the urgency in Riana's voice; "What, what is it?"

The little girl bites her lip, playing with her plait; "Who's my daddy?"

We pull up and I unbuckle myself, desperate to get inside and away from all the questions; "I need the toilet, can you get Mat for me?"

I surprisingly have to unlock the door; Alfred and Bruce must still be busy; I trail upstairs to my bathroom as ungrateful as this sounds it was easier at the apartment; the amount of stairs in this place is enough to kill me off. My bedroom door is wide open, once again I knew I closed it over; I edge closer, my bad slightly raised, I peer around the corner; clenching tight. My bag drops to the floor; Jack stands there covered in blood, I rush to him, my heart in my mouth.

"Jack what happened? Where are you hurt? Let me see" His arms curl around me; crushing me close, I move back slightly, his hold remains on me, I can't see where he's hurt.

"It's Speed," he explains finally, his voice dead, "his been shot."

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**A/N: I figured that because I've updated so fast I get let off on leaving it on another cliff hanger...perhaps only just! I've already decided Speed's fate...you'll just have to be patient (insert evil Joker laugh). Thanks again for your support in my story!**

**Feels-Like-Paradise**


	18. Lay Your Hands On MeLet Me Be Healed

**Hi everyone my nets been down for a while so I couldn't get this out until today. Speed's fate is revealed in this chapter and I won't say too much but...read on! There's a little note at the bottom explaining my nonexistent knowledge of a certain scene. Thanks! **

**Chapter 17: Lay Your Hands On Me...Let Me Be Healed. **

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Survival, it's a basic human instinct; we all want to fight for life, for the chance to do more. Survival of the fittest, the food chain, the lonely deer and the hungry lion. Fight for life... Fight for other people's chance for life. In life there are choices we must make. Good or bad. Wrong or right. Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. That's the important choice; who lives and who dies, who are we to decide who lives and who dies? Sadly it's not always in our hands; sometimes it's just people's times. But that doesn't mean that we didn't want to help, that we truly did everything we could to prevent this, that death is part of living. The dead can't hurt the living after all...can they?

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'_His been shot...' 'His been shot'... _

'How is he?" My voice is dreamy and soft; like I've woken up from a dream. Jack looks at me, the blood covers his face; finger prints evident on his already marred face.

"His er his hurt real bad, I can normally take care of things like this but I don't want to touch him incase I make it worse. He's in a lot of pain, I didn't know what else to do; can't take him anywhere, people know he's with me."

"What are his injuries?"

Jack looks unsure, his brow tightens, "Bozo managed to get a quick look at him, said that his arm looked the worse and he thinks he got one in the leg too, Speed wouldn't let any of us touch him or go near him, we couldn't check, I don't know how bad it is."

_Leg...arm,_ so many vital arteries so many chances he could easily die. "Do you want me to come and look at him; I don't have any surgical equipment..." Jack interrupts, his curls bounce; "Yeah that would be good I've got stuff at the house, knives and pills and whatever you need I can get it."

"Ok, Jane's here I need to let her know," I pull out my phone, typing a quick message to her; soon enough I hear her footsteps on the stairs, her voice calling out to me.

I turn to Jack, his shoulders are hunched, he looks like the life has been beaten out of him; "I'll be back in a second ok? You just stay here; I promise I'll be back."

"Jane," she turns towards me, her mouth opening in surprise, I check myself, blood has transferred from Jack to me, this looks bad, I realise.

"It's not mine Jane," She looks at me wearily, moving slowly towards me; "Then whose is it Mads?"

Before I can open my mouth, the bathroom door creaks open and Jack appears from the corner of my eye, Jane stills, her mouth dropping open. I ignore her and turn to Jack; he leans casually against the door frame, as though daring her to comment on his presence.

"Hey Janey," he drawls, his hand lazily flips in the air; Mat does the same in response, eager to see him again.

"Maddie you're kidding me right? What is he doing here? If Bruce comes back..."

"He won't come back, he isn't due back for a while," Jane, I step forward; holding my hand over her mouth as I hear Alfred calling us. _Great timing as always..._

"Please don't say anything, just say I had to do something at the hospital, ok? I'll explain everything later."

"Doll, we need to go now." I let go of Jane's mouth and grab for Jack's outstretched hand, he turns towards my bedroom, I look back at Jane and Mat, they both look confused, Jane scared.

"We can just drop down from the balcony in your room; it's not far down, I'll go first and catch you ok?"

I eye him nervously; it's alright for him to say he's well over six feet while I'm just over five foot, a small drop won't seem so small to me. He pulls open my window, swinging his leg over, he takes my hand and guides me through, we step out onto the balcony and look down; he pulls me to him, roughly kissing my hair.

"It'll be alright, it's easy ok? I'll go first and I promise I'll catch you, no messing." The distaste must still be on my face for he turns to me, gripping my face harder than usual in his hands.

"Look I just said I'll catch you, I won't let you fall, I'm a man of my word. I f I wanted to throw someone off a building I'd go find the Bat. Trust me ok?"

I nod, he grips me tighter and I wince but quickly reply "Yes I trust you, just do it."

He kisses me roughly before dropping out of my sight; I wince, expecting to hear a thud follow by screams of pain; instead he stands on his two feet, grinning...show off. I swing my leg over the side, positioning myself over the railing; he nods at me yelling encouragement to me. _"Just do it for Speed, come on..." _I jump, half expecting him to leap to the side and laugh, giggling at his own joke, laughing at my broken body; instead I feel a pair of strong arms and the familiar smell of burnt clothing.

"Told you I'd catch you," he sounds smug, I'm just glad he did catch me. He lowers me to the floor, waiting a second for me to steady myself before he grips my arm and pulls me away from the Manor.

"How did you get here?"

He nods to a van with blackened side windows, a bald man no older than thirty hangs out of the window, seeing Jack he quickly throws the half finished cigarette out the window, before leaping out to open the van.

"Johnny, Maddie, Maddie, Johnny. Johnny keep your eyes on the road and not my girl got it?"

The guy stutters at Jack's orders, "Now open the door for the lady; where's your manners Johnny boy?"

He moves quickly, gesturing to me when he opens the other door for me to get into. Jack props his feet on the dashboard, nodding towards Johnny; "let's go, gotta sort that dumb ass out."

He sits hunched; chewing on his dirt filled nails, muttering to himself and occasionally barking out orders for Johnny to drive faster. I sit in the back, my hands clasped, ever so often I can feel Jack's eyes on me, I catch him once and offer him a smile, he nods, Johnny's eyes remain on the road, obeying Jack down to the last 't'. I can tell we're getting close when the houses get further apart and the trees thicker; we finally pull up to an old building; it looks practically condemned.

"Johnny you sort things out outside, get everything moved and get Pegg's help if you need in it. Don't bother me unless you need to," the last part is hinted at a threat; Johnny seems to know this and nods; pulling a heavy looking box out of the van.

"Come on, come on," Jack is impatient now more than before; he taps his feet and pushes me towards the house.

I wait for him to come in, the house looks like something out of an Edgar Allen Po novel; the dimly lit corridors and the flickering lights, all give off a sense of forbidding, fitting the mood graciously I suspect. Even from the ground floor I can hear the low moans of Speed; I gingerly start walking up the staircase, Jack right behind me, his breathing rapid.

"We gave him something to help ease the pain; I don't know if it helped, I didn't want to keep pumping him full of pills."

I stop, towering over him for once on the higher step; "What pills did you give him?"

He looks at me anxiously, "Some painkillers, that's all we had, Bozo checked them before and said they were fine...they are ok aren't they?"

"They should be fine," I reply flatly, "if it helps him then I see no reason why you shouldn't have given him anything." He looks relieved as though fearing whatever they had given him might have killed him off.

He points towards the room with his thumb, "He's alive though, that's a good sign isn't it, he can't be dying can he?"

I hesitate, trying to find the correct words, he sees this and grips my elbow, the leather from his gloves stick to my skin, "Don't, don't do that. Don't cover anything up; if he is dying I should get to know."

I try and shake him off, this side to him I don't like, but his grip, if possible tightens, "I don't know without looking at him, his in pain naturally but what damage there is I don't know."

He glances down at his hand, quickly dropping my arm and merely carries on walking, I follow his coat tails, the moans and soft whispers of men get closer. He taps on the door, Bozo opens the door at Jack's knock and draws us in, I find myself dawdling, as if sensing Jack looks back and his fingers capture mine, pulling me close to his side. Bozo is white faced with lack of sleep, his eyes red rimmed from his efforts.

"How is he?"

"For a while there we thought he'd gotten better, he even sat up and started joking with us, but then he got paler, we brought him some food up and he couldn't keep any of it down."

He turns to me now, his face hopefully, "But he'll get better though, maybe we shouldn't have given him anything to eat, he probably can't after being shot, he probably just doesn't feel up to it."

All eyes are on me, James was right, Bruce can't help me all the time, "You're right his been through a lot, he shouldn't really eat at all, but he may be able to later, something light though."

Jack turns to the other men in the room, I've never seen any of them before and they all eye me with the same curiosity, "Get out, go and do whatever, tell Pegg to stay with the van incase I need him to get anything."

They all nod and step away from the bed, I half expect them to bow to Jack, instead they walk past us, eyes down. As soon as the door is shut I turn to Speed. The bed sheets are soaked with his sweat and blood; he lies there tossing and turning, white as death, his teeth chattering.

"Speed..." he turns to the sound of my voice, whimpering as he tries to get off the bed.

I go to his side, gripping his large hand, "I'm hurt real bad Maddie..."

"I know Speed, but I'm gonna try and make it all better ok?" He nods and groans; the action too much for him.

Bozo and Jack hover at the end of the bed, Jack eyeing his injuries. "He won't tell nobody who did this to him, says it all happened too fast and he saw no one."

Speed moans at Bozo's words, his eyes dart from side to side, he's lying.

"Can you both go and get me some hot water and a towel for him please?"

Obediently they leave the room and I continue to fuss over Speed, smoothing the hair away from his face. He gripes my hand, his eyes struggling to focus on my face.

"I ain't feelin much hurt no more Maddie. Pain's gone. Bad sign ain't it?"

"Yeah but I'm gonna help you Speed ok, I'm not gonna let you die and if I do you can come back and haunt my ass. But you don't get to die yet ok?" He smiles and giggles, attempting to clutch at his arm and leg.

"Now that they've gone out of the room are you gonna tell me who really did this?"

"Don't know." I huff at his answer, here's me thinking he was the easier one.

"You don't know?" He shakes his head, his lips pressed firmly together.

"I'm gonna need to look at your arm and leg will you let me?" He looks from his arm to me and then back again, finally, with shaking arms he shows me his arm. I peel away the sleeve of his top as gently as I can; he hisses in pain as he shirt catches, pulling at the delicate skin, he clenches his good hand.

The door creaks open, Jack and Bozo carrying the water and towels, bringing them over quickly when they see his arm is bared.

"How bad is it?" Jack asks his voice low so that I have to strain to hear.

I tilt Speed's arm, the blood gushes out of it, trickling down his arm to my hand. I lay it down carefully; he goes back to cradling it, his bright eyes trailing my next actions. I peel open his trouser leg where the bullet has ruined the fabric; this bullet is embedded in his skin; it's not so far in; this will be easier than his arm.

"Here," Jack pushes the needle into my hand, unseen by Speed. I glance down, the anaesthetic I'll need to use later; I can't risk him just being calm on those pills.

"Can you do it?" I step away from the bed, Jack and me walking to a corner in the room while Bozo wipes blood and sweat off Speed with the towels.

"His leg looks like the easiest option, I could do that first, his arm will need more doing to it, it's in pretty bad shape," seeing the look on Jack's face I add quickly, "He won't lose it, he is very lucky though, how did this happen?"

At once he looks guilty, I start to fear what he's up to, "He was just doing a job that's all, he screwed up not me so don't look like that."

His outburst stings us both; I recoil slightly but say nothing, understanding he is upset, concerned at Speed's fate. He distracts himself, taking off his gloves, throwing them carelessly over his shoulder.

"Do you have anything I can use? Any tweezers, needles, thread?"

"I set some up in the other room, didn't want him seeing them and freaking out again. His already punched one of my guys for going near him, what would he do if he saw them?"

I nod, point taken, "I'll need to wash my hands and make sure everything is sterilised."

"Bozo, we'll be back soon, you keep with him ok? Anything happens to him, he freaks out or gets worse, we'll be in the next room."

Jack turns to me, holding his arm out for me to hold onto; I put my fingertips gently on the material of his shirt. He pushes my hand further to him when we step out the door.

"I can hardly feel you." I look to him; his still painted face is messier than usual, the black completely gone from one eye, Speed's blood drying on his neck. He takes me into the other room, his room and locks the door behind us, resting against it.

"Its ok to be worried Jack, I'm not gonna judge you."

He practically snarls at me, I flinch, but refuse to back down, "I'm not worried, I'm not, he took the job knowing there would be risks. It's not my fault, not my fault at all."

I ignore him, stepping to the table where everything has been laid out; he moves behind me, resting his hands on my waist, I turn to him, "You should care, look at who you are, I'm sure you're not winning best friend of the year award any time soon, yet Speed still stands by you, he always has. At the end of the day we all want someone to have our backs and Speed has yours no questions asked, no matter what you tell him to do for some reason, someone other than me has stuck round and taken your crap. So this thing that you're doing, where you pretend not to care, quit it. He's in there right now scared and afraid that his let you down. He picked and chose you as his friend, when you do that, when you've chosen that person you tend to stick close by, no matter how much they get hurt and in your job I'm sure that's a lot. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, like Speed and Bozo; those are the ones worth keeping, and sure sometimes close can be too close, he may annoy you, he may ask too many questions, he may not be the fastest guy or the cleverest but sometimes that lack personal space; it can be exactly what you need."

I expect him to go mental, start saying I don't understand anything especially him, but he doesn't, he smiles and gathers me in his arms, his head on my neck, standing close, like how we first did.

As if reading my mind he mutters into my neck, "Do you remember when I first did this? You yelled at me for walking in on you and I just stood there, you looked so beautiful, I couldn't believe in when you let me touch you, you were scared but you still let me; why? Why did you let me start this with you?"

I pull away and stroke the side of his face, near his eyes, "It was the look in your eyes, you looked as freaked as I did. I thought you were gonna hit me, but you didn't, you kidnapped me and yet you looked after me. I didn't expect to last an hour let alone the night, you freaked me out and you still do but I guess I like it. You make me feel good."

He rubs his face along mine again, nuzzling into me; "I love you," he whispers, as though even I'm not suppose to hear him and knowing him like I do, I know he has to be in a good mood to say that, in the right state of mind to even think it.

And I knew then in that moment, that I was going to do it. When you loved someone, you put their needs before your own, even this, my first 'operation' in over a year, the thing I was fearing the most, I would do for him.

"I should clean up," I say, knowing we couldn't hang around here forever, that Speed needed me, but what if he died what would happen? Sweet, funny, clumsy Speed, the glue in the Joker's gang.

"Can you inject him with the anaesthetic? I'll be out in a minute."

He squeezes my hand once more and turns his hands out; I drop the needle in his open palm. I grab the bottle water and pour it over my hands, grabbing the equipment I do the same, ensuring no surface is left untouched. I grab my headband that was wound around my wrist and pull my hair away from my face, I stare at myself in the cracked mirror, dragging my fingers down it I breathe in and out to calm myself. It doesn't work...what if I see James; what if I freeze up, what if I forget everything? I dry my hands, the click of the door indicating Jack behind me.

"You ok?" I shake my head, "No, no I'm not," I turn to him, pointing towards Speed's room, "that's Speed in there, what happens if he dies? I can't...if he dies... I can't."

He kisses me hard, I wipe my tears furiously away, "You'll do good in there, this is your job it's what you're good at. And yeah it's Speed but look at him, shot twice and he's still alive, hell if it had been any of the other's I'd be asking you to check over a dead body. I'll be there as well, any time you need me, I'll be there, you won't be alone."

I smile and nod, nervously re-doing my hair, "You know just what to say to make a girl feel special," he laughs and starts to wrap up the things, with his spare hand he takes hold of me again.

Speed is still, the anaesthetic is working well, his eyes open and Jack jerks, "You're keeping him awake?"

"I don't want to chance anything, if I put him under he may not wake up again, there's all kinds of risks, he can't feel a thing."

"Hey Speed, I'm gonna start with your leg ok? You won't feel anything I promise."

Bozo passes me some latex gloves and I smile in thanks. I take the knife, it's shaped almost like a scalpel, I start cutting into the skin, attempting to ease out the bullet, I glance up at Speed, Bozo is covering his mid section so he can't see what I'm doing, his eyes meet mine and I nod, looking back down. It's much longer the bullet than what I originally thought, I have to cut further. Eventually I get the bullet, flicking it out gently in my hand. I hold it up to the light, handing it to Jack. I douse his leg in alcohol, trying in vain to make sure no infection can get in.

"What now?" Bozo asks, craning his neck to look at the wound, "I have to stitch him up, then get on with the arm, how you doing Speed?"

"Finee," I look up at his slur, his eyes are still focused, it's a good sign. I thread around the broken skin carefully, Jack was right, this is my thing, this is what I do.

"I've done it, I've done the leg, see Speed it's done." He smiles, raising his thumb, we all look at each other and grin, startling when Speed's hand drops to the bed, his eyes rolling back into his head.

"Speed, Speed?" I rush up to his face, listening to his breathing, Bozo taps him urgently on the face and he coughs, spluttering for air.

I lean back, "Oh my god..."

Jack laughs behind us, slapping his thigh, even Bozo smiles, "Dammit Speedy we thought you were a goner then."

"Not...not so lucky...boss."

"He must be feeling better," Bozo smiles, "He's cracking jokes."

"I still need to do your arm Speed," I turn to Bozo and jack, "Can you hold him down, make sure nothing happens, any sudden movements could happen and I don't want him to get hurt on the knife."

They position themselves either side of me, Speed attempting to watch all of our movements at the same time. I grimace at the mess, dousing it once again in alcohol, searching for any partial fragments.

"I can just sew this back up, there's nothing in there, nothing else I can do, this one you'll need to keep an eye on." I sew it up, grabbing some material to make a make-shift sling for support.

"It's done he's gonna be ok," I turn to Jack, "I actually did it, his not dead!"

He grabs me and picks me up, "You did it, what did I tell you I fucking knew you could do it!"

He spins me and I laugh, clutching onto him with my bloodied hands; Speed smiles weakly and Bozo, the exhaustion catching up on him merely slumps next to the bed, his face the picture of relief.

Jack puts me down, still holding onto my hands, "See boys this is why I brought her, didn't I tell you she was the best?"

I laugh at the pride in Jack's voice, I did it, I can actually do this, for the first time in a while I feel confident in my abilities, no James, no freak out, it's like the world wanted me to succeed.

"He'll need plenty of aftercare though guys, he won't be able to get out of bed for a while and that arm could need therapy afterwards. He's lucky that I could take care of him here, how it didn't do more damage to him or kill him..."

Jack looks triumphant, the stress erased from his face, "That's cause whoever did this is a fucking amateur and Speed is the luckiest bastard in the world," he turns to Speed, thankfully refraining from hitting his good arm, "Aren't ya Speedy? Nothing can take this man down; he'll be sorted in no time, back to business in a month I give it."

Speed raises his good hand, waving off Jack's boasting the relief that Jack is no longer mad at him is immense, "Bozo let the rest of the guys know."

I wipe the sweat off my face, eyeing Speed up I know something isn't right; I need to get him alone while he's zonked out of his brains. I wipe some blood off Speed, he smiles gratefully, I soak the cloth in the small amount of water that's left, feeling a nudge on my hip I look at jack, he takes the cloth off me, cleaning Speed himself, gently dabbing at his wounds. I smile and stand back, crossing my arms and observing the scene in front of me, he looks at me like he's doing the most natural thing possible.

"What? You're covered in blood, don't wanna mess him up again so I thought I'd help, it's no big deal."

"Who did this to ya Speedy?" Once again he doesn't answer; Jack inhales deeply and just nods, continuing to clean the blood away.

"Jack can you go and get some more water please for my hands? I'll just clean everything up here," Jack frowns at Speed, not wanting to leave, "I'll be here with him, we'll be fine."

He leaves and I casually start packing things away slowly, his movements are still sluggish, I smile to myself. "So Speedy, remember when I asked if we were friends?"

He opens his eyes and nods, slower than normal, "Yeahh..."

I sit down on the bed, taking his large hand in mine to clean, "Well friends tell each other the truth don't they? So if I ask something do you promise to tell me the truth?"

"Sure, Maddie... friends..."

"Who did this to you?" He turns his head away, focusing instead on the dirtied wall, "Speed, look at me."

He turns his head slowly to meet mine, biting on his bottom lip, "When I asked you for help last time to leave, you didn't want to, so I think you owe me a favour. Now who did this to you?"

He jerks his head in the direction Jack headed off, I'm alarmed to see the tears in his eyes, "He'll get hurt..."

"No Speed, he can take care of you all, just please tell me, I won't say anything to him I promise." I snap my fingers in his face to re-focus him, "Speed, who shot you?"

He groans, "Sam, Sam hurt me."

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**A/N: As if I could let Speed die! No I'm no doctor; I can't even draw a straight line yet cut one into a person, so the operation scenes may not be so detailed and believable but it's pretty much what is basically done. Reviews as always will be appreciated, thanks for reading!**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	19. Screaming Into The Dark

**You've had quite the wait for this chapter and once again I apologise, uni work is taking a lot out of me and it obviously has to come first, I don't fancy waitressing for the rest of my life while my friends are driving round in fancy cars. And yes Speed does get better to those who emailed me to ask, if I killed off Speed it would be like killing off Bambi...no way could I do that! Enjoy this! **

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**Chapter 18: Screaming Into The Night. **

Nightmares becoming a reality; it sounds like something out of a Freddy Krueger film. Nightmares are darkened dreams, they scare us into believing they're real, that the demon chasing after us will get us, that there's no waking up. Dreams can become a reality, we can get the dream job we always wanted, find the love of our lives, endure lifelong happiness. If dreams can coming true can happen so can nightmares, ask anyone and they will tell you the same; life can be a living nightmare. A life filled with terror, threats around every corner, not being able to breathe in your own skin, nor being safe in your own home; doesn't sound like it could be possible does it?

* * *

"_Sam..." "Sam..." "Sam..."_

My grip loosens on Speed's hand, the bile rises in my throat and I swallow nervously.

"Maddie, promise don't tell...you said so, don't tell him."

I try to talk, I really do but my words catch in my throat, I'd forgotten about Sam, actually forgotten about him.

"Why..." I cough trying hard not to show my worry in an attempt to ease Speed, "Why did he do this to you Speed?"

He starts twisting the fabric of his shirt in his good hand, his gaze anywhere but on my face. "He got me when I weren't looking, too scared I guess. He told me something, after he got me bad, he told me."

"What did he say?"

Speed's face raises to mine, his expression sad and remorseful, "He waiting for you...said watch your back."

I slam my hand over my mouth to stop my cries from coming out, Speed tries to shift towards me and I back away from him, hitting my side on the table, I barely notice the pain, Speed's words keep echoing in my head...how could I forget him? What he did to Dwayne, how could I think he'd just left? My mind starts turning, he was helping James, which means he told James everything; which means he knows about me and Jack all of his guys do, about our son, what else could he know? What is he going to do to me?

"Speed, what else did he say?"

He shakes his head, I move towards the bed, shaking him, ignoring his injuries, "Speed I know that you're not all there, I get that really I do, but I need to know what else he said."

"Said...said no one will help you, you're alone, he got you."

He eyes me nervously as I release him, I clench my fists and try to remember how to breathe, "Maddie, you be ok, he can't get you, you got your brother..." he yawns and his eyes flutter closed. _Oh shit..._

"Maddie, you both ok doll?"

I didn't even hear Jack open the door, I plaster a smile onto my face and face him, his frame takes up most of the door, no slipping by him for me.

"Yeah I'm good, Speed's sleeping now, the drugs should wear off soon and he'll wake up when he wants."

He grins, strolling towards me, "You ok? You did so good doll, his alive thanks to you. Seeing you do that..." he trails off and smirks suggestively at me.

"Speed said..." He nods at me, "Speed said what? Did he tell you who did this?" _"Maddie, promise don't tell..." _

I can't, I can't get Jack involved in this, he won't die because of me, Speed almost joined Dwayne I can't let anyone else.

"Speed said thank you, for cleaning him up earlier, his glad you're not mad."

His eyes trace my face, I smile nervously at him, not wanting him to guess the truth, instead he shrugs and nuzzles his face against mine, I cling to him, breathing in his comforting scent. His stomach rumbles and we break apart he grins, scratching at his stomach and gesturing with his thumb to downstairs.

"Guess I should eat something huh? Think the boys have pizza down stairs if you want some doll? You gotta eat something after all of that work doll."

"I'll cook for you," he smiles, "I'd appreciate that but it means cooking for the rest of my men, they don't take too kindly to food being put in front of them and being told no."

I shake my head, "No, I meant I'd cook at the manor for you, you can come in the way we left. Bruce and Alfred are gonna be out tonight. It's just gonna be us...and Mat."

His eyes light up, then he looks at Speed's still form, he snores gently, "He'll be fine Jack, Bozo can stay with him and you can leave when you need to."

_Please don't leave me on my own. _

He points to his face and bloodied clothes, "What about these? Gonna look funny walking round that place looking like this, won't be able to touch anything doll."

He notices my fallen face and sighs, cupping my face, "I'll come if you want me there then I'll come. Hell whatever you cook has to be better than the crap I eat here."

He crosses the bed once more and leans down over Speed, satisfied he stands back up, grabbing his coat. "You er have to wait outside for a second doll ok? I need to do something with the guys, I'll be quick ok?"

I shiver slightly when we leave Speed's room; Jack notices and rolls his eyes, stopping to put his coat over my arms.

"The doors just there don't move away from it. You do and I'll have to ruin your pretty little face if any of these guys get their hands on you."

I stand shivering in the cold, pulling Jack's coat closer to me, I wince removing my hands from his pockets, examining the cut on my finger. I gingerly feel around, removing a small blade from the pocket.

"Oh yeah should have warned you about that, you're lucky you found one of my smaller ones, any other pocket and I'd be the one operating on you, although I didn't expect to be giving that to you and freezing my ass off."

I laugh, looking nervously around the woods whilst Jack finds his keys, all the shadows look like Sam.

"Jack, Jack come on."

He flashes his keys to me, muttering about 'impatient women.' I squint and look at the figure stepping out of the shadows; it raises a single hand at me, slowly waving. I close my eyes and look again, it's gone.

"Come on doll, not to push you but I'm pretty hungry, watching you sort out Speedy was er tiring."

"I'm coming," I look back into the shadows again, willing for the shape to come back, for a sign that I'm not going mad, that the signs are real, though as usual nothing appears.

Jack slams his hand down on the horn and pushes the door to my side open, "You planning on coming sometime tonight?"

I climb into the car, hands shaking as I do so. I look to Jack as he drives, there's fresh blood on him, saturating his shirt and waistcoat. I catch his eye and nod towards the blood.

"What happened back there Jack?"

He rubs at the side of his face, avoiding my eyes, "Jack, what happened are you hurt?"

My fingers reach towards him and I touch the spot closest to me, I startle when his hand closes around mine, we remain like that for a moment before he kisses my hand and releases it.

"That guy the driver," "Johnny?" He frowns at my interruption, looking bemused, "Yeah him, whatever. He saw the way I looked at you, saw us together, he would have said something to the rest of them, I had to er quieten him."

"You killed him then," I refuse to look at him, staring straight ahead, avoiding him, he grunts and the van jolts to one side as he breaks, I cling to the side of my seat, finally looking at him.

"What the hell was that Jack?"

He swerves his body towards mine, grabbing my face and tilting it back by tugging on my hair, "Listen here doll, this is what I do, you know that ok? I'm not gonna change even for you, it's too late, I don't expect you to like it but I had to do it, be damn grateful it wasn't Speed I finished off."

"Stop saying that..." he pulls my face closer to his, his breath hot.

"You've got me acting soft in front of them, he saw how we were, how's it gonna look if anyone else catches on? Huh? The mob, someone else who wants my head on a platter in front of them, it's not gonna happen; you and the kid are separate to that part of me. I can't let the two of you mix, look what happened tonight, I kill anymore of my men and I'll only have Speed and Bozo left."

He nips at my neck when I don't answer, I wince and nod my head, "Ok, I promise I won't say anything else, I just don't like that side of you...the killing part. The makeup the clothes, the hair I've gotten use to...I just can't."

He taps me on my nose and I wiggle it, he laughs and slaps my knee, "You've got all of me, no separate parts here doll. Oh and its war paint not make up, I'm not a girl."

I laugh and trace his inner thigh, "Oh I know you're not a girl Jack, that's one thing I am sure about...very certain about actually, think I would have noticed something wrong by now."

"Maddie, if you ever want us to get back you're gonna have to finish that later," his voice is strained and barley controlled.

I get closer to the bulge in his trouser, he nods and grunts, jerking his hips, I let him for a second before kissing him softly and then pulling away from him, folding my hands over one another.

He glances down and scowls at me, "That's it, you get me going like a horny kid, I'll just sit here and wait..."

"You should learn to keep it in your pants," he grins and ruffles my hair slightly.

"Where is Brucey tonight then? Out saving the world? Or screwing some supermodel?"

I grin, tilting my head to him, "He's busy at Wayne Enterprise, Alfred goes with him to keep him company and make sure he's actually doing work."

He looks at me, scanning my face, before nodding to a billboard of Bruce, "You look nothing alike you know? I can't see any of you in each other, Bozo looks like his brother but you and Brucey look nothing like each other."

"What's that suppose to mean?" I'm on the defence now, I hate this types of comments, innocent so they may seem.

He holds his hands up, keeping the car straight as we near the manor, "I'm not answering when you're giving me that look, I'm shaking in my shoes."

I laugh and relax my face, "There, didn't realise I was scaring the scary Joker."

"Scare me? I don't think so doll" he points towards himself, jabbing his chest hard, "Jane's still here, how we gonna get passed this one without twenty one questions?" he nods looking at her black SUV, pulling in near the side of the road, careful not to be seen.

"You just go up the balcony like you did before, I'll talk to Jane."

"I'll er see you in a minute then doll." I grin and kiss him before leaving the van; he follows close behind me, glancing back occasionally.

"I'll be two minutes ok? Just wait for me to come upstairs."

I open the door as quietly as I can, the chatter of Riana greets me, I let out the breath I was holding in, nearly jumping back through the door when I see Jane.

"God Jane can you warn me in future? I swear people are trying to kill me off tonight."

"What happened? Why was he here, did he hurt you?" I can almost laugh, Jack hurt me?

"His friend was hurt; he wanted my help so I gave it to him. The guy who was hurt is a sweet guy, I wanted to help out and no he didn't hurt me, he wouldn't hurt me."

Jane gripes my hand, "Maddie he is capable though, look what he did to James he killed him."

I glance to the side, the guilt mounting up, "Maddie? He did kill James right?"

Mat's wail over the monitor saves me and I head upstairs, "Maddie, I'm here ok, if you want to talk, I'm just a phone call away and you know where I live. I just love you so much that I worry, just stay safe and if that means being with him then do it."

My eyes sting at her 'acceptance' of me and Jack, if more people could be like her... "Thanks Janey, I'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

"Oh yeah, big operation tomorrow Maddie, we'll all be there for you, I gotta go now before Riana gets too tired. Oh and Alfred just called in to get some food or whatever I can barely understand him but he said they'd be back late and his sorry he can't cook dinner with you tonight."

"Ok thanks Janey, take care sweetie, give Riana a kiss from me."

By the time I reach the top of the stairs, Mat's cried have gone, I edge my way to his room, stood by the window showing him the moon is Jack, his waistcoat and shirt gone, so blood doesn't transfer from him to Mat.

"Good looking guy aren't cha? Take after me don't ya kid?"

Mat gurgles in response, grabbing at Jack's dancing fingers.

"Nah, you're stunning, it's all your mom kid, I tell ya. She's got me wrapped round her finger and you've got her wrapped round yours..."

I have to strain to hear the last part, so quiet is Jack, "and mine, you got me good and proper kid, I don't see you much Mat but you're still mine, got that? You're not that Cop's or any other dicks, you're mine."

"I don't think you're suppose to swear in front of a baby right Mads? Or is that what people do these days," I don't even look at him, "Shut up James, leave my family alone for tonight please."

"Good job tonight, for once you didn't fuck it up," I stop and smile at him before I push open the door, both of my gorgeous men turn their heads to the noise, Jack relaxes and Mat smiles, before returning his focus to his dad.

I lean my head on Jack's shoulder and look down at Mat with him, "He's a good looking kid isn't he; we er did good didn't we?"

I laugh at his cockiness before nodding in agreeance, "I think we did, he still has your eyes."

As if to show off, Mat raises his eyes to Jack's, the exact shade of his own eyes. Jack stares for a moment before settling a kiss on Mat's head before passing him to me, "You er got a shower somewhere in this place doll?"

"Yeah sure, use the one in my room, you know where that one is, it'll be easier."

Mat yawns and rubs his eyes, trying in vain to keep them open, "Let's put you back to bed baby, as much as I love you, mommy wants a night with daddy."

I lay him back down, wrapping the shirt around him, "you know it's a good job you don't talk, let's keep this between us ok? No need to tell Uncle Bruce or Alfred anything do we?"

He gurgles slightly in response, "no or Uncle Bruce won't be a happy bat will he?"

He smiles and falls asleep, shattered, "ok baby I can take the hint."

I lean down and kiss him, wiping a tear off his cheek, "I won't let Sam get you ok? As long as you're safe, that's all that matters."

I close the door quietly behind me, Jack's clothes are strewn everywhere on my bedroom floor; the shower bursts into life and steam curls up from under the door.; Jack sings in the shower and occasionally giggles, I laugh myself and shut the door behind me, leaving him to it. I'm going to make Spaghetti Bolognese, after a quick root through the cupboards and fridge I realise I was suppose to go shopping today and this appears to be the safest choice. It's more peaceful in the kitchen for some reason than anywhere else in the house; it gives me time to think, time to gather my thoughts. I mix the tomatoes and mince together, it's a quick and easy meal, I even remember making it myself the first time; the mince was overdone and the spaghetti soggy but Bruce and Alfred had grinned and bared it, even cleaning their plates while I had a mouthful in the kitchen, spat it out and downed my glass of wine. Thankfully my cooking has since improved; I slice up some crusty bread, this is mainly for Jack, I scoop a larger portion onto his plate, leaving some more behind in the pan.

"Smells good doll, didn't know you could cook as well, I've picked right with you haven't I?"

I flick a stray bit of spaghetti at him; he dodges out of the way and it sticks to the floor, I point at it with my fork, "you can clean that up later you know, the 'old guy' as you call him won't take kindly to it."

He pulls out a seat and immediately starts digging into his food, I raise an eyebrow, he must be hungry to be eating my food.

"Tastes good doll," he talks with his mouth open, showing me the remains of spaghetti and chewed up mince, I grimace and turn away, shaking my head.

He finishes way before me and eyes the remaining food hopefully, I sigh and push back my chair, scrapping the rest of the food onto his plate, he tickles my arm gently as I turn from him.

I pick apart at my food, before pushing it away, "Can I ask you something?"

He looks up from his plate, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, "Sure thing, whats up got something on your mind?"

"Have you found Sam yet?"

He finishes his meal and pushes the plate away from him, "I'm working on it doll, just working on other things right now...why?"

I laugh at his evasiveness, "By other things you mean me?"

He nods, downing his water, before smacking his lips together, "Gotta help my woman out, he was a dick Maddie, it's about time people knew, why are you so scared?"

_Oh Jack if only you could know._

_"_I'm just...it's a lot to take in you know? It's not like I'm used to this kind of stuff anyway... it's just a lot of focus on me that I don't need."

He groans and gets out of his seat, shockingly my mind has just registered that he's shirtless, he crouches down behind my chair, massaging my shoulders, " You don't need to be scared of him, his gone, it's not like his here right now is he?"

I resist the urge to scan the room and check the rest of the house; instead I lean back into his hands, enjoying his clever fingers. His lips get closer to my neck; they linger there, tracing my neck up to my ear.

"Come with me."

I don't hesitate to agree, he takes the lead, walking is up the stairs before stopping outside Mat's bedroom door.

"Shh" he whispers, he peers into the room, his eyes obviously use to the dark, he nods and pushes me into my bedroom.

I sit on the edge of the bed as he closes the door behind us, I feel unsettled as though this is his room. He turns and stalks towards me, kneeling down and tracing my ankles with his fingers; he works his way up, getting closer to my thighs, "So soft," he mutters, I set my hands on his shoulders, feeling his battered body.

I eye a new cut and stroke it gently, "aww fuck Maddie," he groans, shoving me as gently as he can on the bed.

"Lift up," he orders me, I support myself using my back and he pulls down my pants, "I want to see all of you now."

I nod and sit up helping him ease off my top, he pulls me close rubbing my back, I guide his hand to my bra strap, he takes the hint and pulls the straps down, his kisses all over my breasts and pushes me back down, "I want to touch you," I moan, trying to reach down to unbuckle his trousers.

He laughs and pulls away from me, remaining straddled to my lower body. He slowly unbuckles his belt, his eyes never leaving mine as he slowly teases me. He pulls his trousers down slowly, going as far as they can go in his position.

"Kiss me," I order him, pulling him to me by his hair, he complies and manages to kick off his pants, they hit the wall opposite.

He pulls away and I stare confused, "Get on top," he rolls me onto him and I lower myself onto him, I can't take it no more. I look down at him; his body is outlined by the moonlight, his head thrown back in pleasure, his teeth biting down on his lip, his eyes shut tight; the black circles around them smudged from perspiration. My hands move from his shoulders to his hips; his eyes snap open as if sensing danger and he smiles up at me; throwing his head back again when he thrusts harder. "Keep doing that," he pants, gripping onto my hips, "just there, right there."

I grip onto his shoulders, panting more; he scratches my back, groaning as I move slightly faster.

"Maddie," he grunts and his head falls onto my shoulder, I follow suit afterwards and cling to him as I try to catch my breath.

"Every time, every time with you is better than the last," he brushes my hair away from my face, his fingers knotted in my hair.

He rolls me to the side, wrapping me in his arms, crossing his legs over mine. "Thanks for tonight I mean it, with Speed and everything, if I dint know you he'd be dead by now. It's only thanks to you he's alive."

I shift as much as he will allow me, cradling his face in my hands, "its ok, Speed's great it doesn't matter what he does, what any of you do, I couldn't see him die."

"I'm glad," he kisses my forehead and yawns; "You need to sleep Jack."

He nods into my head, rubbing his face along my hair, Mat sighs over the monitor and I feel my own eyes drooping, for now everything can be forgotten.

**Joker's POV**

It's late by the time he wakes up, rubbing the sleep and paint form his face he glances at the clock; 1:45am. Rolling over he tries to get back to sleep, after five futile minutes he gives up and swings his legs out of the bed, looking for his boxers, locating them he slips them on, his trousers landed in a dark corner of the room; his shirt and waistcoat remain in the bathroom. He splashes his face with water and glances into the mirror, he looks more rested now, hell he hasn't had a good meal for a while, that is until tonight. The door to the bedroom eases open and he drops the towel into the sink, the door was left slightly ajar and he peers out. Well, well if it's not a Batman... _right as always Jacky boy...score one to you. _The Bat hovers over Maddie before Wayne pulls of his mask, checking over his sister he clearly concludes she's fine. He picks up the mask and leaves the room, not seeing the clothes flung in any direction. He could almost laugh with glee; instead he dresses quickly, roughly smearing paint onto his face, leaving the bathroom and bumping into Maddie.

"Jesus doll! Don't do that creeping thing I thought it was someone else."

She smiles and steps out of the way allowing him out of the bathroom, he scowls and pretends to rub his heart. She shakes her head and grabs his hand, leading him back to bed; he stands in front of her once again, smirking down on her.

"Tell me about Bruce, what does Brucey do?"

His question catches her off guard, she laughs nervously and fiddles with her sex hair, "You've just finished having sex with me and you're thinking about my brother?"

He laughs, noting how right she is, "I'm serious doll, what does Brucey do to get so many cuts? Hmm, cause I know he does something else than supermodels."

She's looking worried now, like her families dirty little secret is about to be revealed, "Bruce is Bruce, you know he has his toys that he plays with and sometimes these toys are married and have husbands or whatever that fight back. Jack what's the matter, why the sudden interest in Bruce?"

Honestly she's worse than Speed for lying and he is bad, "You know you're a crap liar Maddie when you want to be doll, real crap," she looks insulted, shaking her head to dispel his words, he stands up to allow her to move. "

I don't know what you mean; my brother doesn't do anything but what you read about in the papers or whatever. Just stop asking so many questions."

She crosses the room and turns the light on, the light floods into the room and they both blink trying to get use to the sudden brightness, "We said we wouldn't lie to each other anymore! Come on Mads we both know who he is I just want the... satisfaction of hearing you say it that's all," before she can move he backs her up against wall, putting his hands either side of her.

"Don't play games with me ok? We can't let Mattie get bad habits can we? Tell me who Bruce Wayne is."

She starts to stutter, looking for all the world guilty, "My brother is..." he nods at her, "uh huh, my brother is..." He lifts her chin to look at her face; he smiles encouragingly, "My brother is Batman..."

He pushes himself away from her, "I knew it I fucking knew it! This is just so rich!"

She grabs at his arm, her face set, "Jack, I'm not joking, you hurt him in any way I will hate you forever. If you do it in self defence or you're inches away from death then I get that but don't go looking for trouble. And don't make me pick sides."

He growls and walks back over to her, slamming her against wall, "Listen, I've known this for a while and er I haven't done anything to Batsy...Brucey, you remember that. I have feelings for you, not Brucey so if he does step one toe out of our little agreement Maddie I will go for him, brother or no brother I'm gonna want to fight back. I'm only leaving him alone out of love for you and Mat...this has nothing to do with him. Though he pisses me off just once and I'll kill him."

"Ok..." He prises her lips apart, "Louder I didn't quite catch that."

"I said ok Jack, but please just don't hurt him or let any of your other guys."

He ponders for a moment before an idea pops into his head, "I've made my promise but it's not gonna stop him for beating on me is it? Now I meant everything I said to you, but let's face it he probably will try to kill me the next time we meet, just be glad he didn't see me here."

She nods and he touches her bare forearm, "I should leave now, I go back to sleep and Brucey will find me in here for sure. You take care of yourself and the kid ok?"

"Yeah sure, take care Jack...will I see you soon?" He smiles, the smile parents reserve when their children say something stupid, "In this job doll it's not possible, I don't wanna make promises I can't keep...but I will promise I'll see you and the kid soon.

" His mouth curves into hers, tracing the line of her lips with his tongue, her hands come from her side to his biceps, he squeezes her side and leaves the way he came in, no more goodbyes.

**Stephen's POV**

"I get any phone calls just tell them I'm out in the field and I'll try and get back to them later, don't tell them where I am just say I'm out, even if it's my ma don't tell her ok?"

Charlotte nods and turns towards her desk, "I'll see you later, take care of yourself out there Stephen."

He raises a hand to the side of his head and mock salutes her; she laughs and waves him off before reaching for the phone. It'll take about an hour to get to the town where Sophia now lives with her new boyfriend, maybe an hour he'll be there then probably over an hour to get back and tell Gordon everything he finds out. Almost an hour later he reaches the town where she lives, the houses are grand and he lets out a low whistle when he sees the houses get bigger. Charlotte told him her house number was seventy two, which means he has a fair way to go yet. The houses become further apart alone here, they also if possible become larger, Sophia's new boyfriend is a landscape architect; which explains the house. He squints and shields his eyes from the sun as he tries to decipher the house number, he turns off the engine and steps out, badge on show should he need it. He is dimly aware of a pair of eyes following him from behind the blinds, they flick closed and an older woman steps out of the screen door.

"Ma'am Hi," he flashes her his badge, she takes a moment to scrutinise it, before smiling at him and offering up her hand, "I'm Detective Stephen Roberts, I'm here to see if Sophia is here? She's not aware I'm here it's a personal matter I came for."

"I'm sorry young man but her and Mr David's had to go to the village to see his mother, they usually do a few days every month."

He swears silently under his breath, "Official police business is it?" He looks up and nods at her, she licks her lips, "Well if that's the case I wouldn't want to get in the way, I'll tell you what I'll write down the directions, it's only fifteen minutes away, you should be there in no time."

He smiles as she searches her flower apron and brings out a small pad and pencil, "Here it is she's very popular this week I must say. She rarely gets any visitors, not even family, it's always Mr David's who does, that's why I was so surprised."

He nods, folding up the note wanting nothing more than to get to his destination, get what he came for and go home. "Handsome young man he was shame about the scars, but people these days, all kinds of accidents happen, still he was polite enough."

"Scars, he had scars?" She nods, glad to share the gossip, "Yes on the sides of his mouth, two I think, very awful looking but he didn't seem to mind them."

"Ma'am can I ask you what he looked like, anything particular you can remember about him?"

She thinks, scratching at her grey hair, "Now come to think of it, he did have strange hair, green I think it was, I wasn't shocked though, I've seen a young girl round here with bright pink hair, it's what young people do these days..."

"Was he wearing a suit, a purple suit? Did he have makeup on?"

"No, no suit or makeup, he had normal clothes on, slightly white around his hair line though to think of it... why what's the matter with him?"

She twists at her apron, her lined face worried, "I told him where she was, he said he was a cop too, showed me the badge and said he needed questions answering on an old case...I thought nothing of it...Is Sophia ok?"

"No it's fine, I remember now I did send another guy down, but that was for a different case, nothing to worry about ma'am. I should go, thanks for the help, really it's been a pleasure."

She looks hesitant, glancing back at his car, "If you're sure...I could get you some iced tea to take on the way?"

He swallows his throat dry, "That would be great thank you."

She smiles and hurries as fast as she can back into the house, "I'm Mrs Gant by the way, Trudy Gant, I'm their next door neighbour," she points to a white washed house, complete with blue window shutters.

"Well thank you Mrs Gant, it's been a pleasure," he gives a final wave and sets off, only stopping when he disappears from her view. Scars, green hair, remains of white paint...the Joker was here as always one step ahead of them in his game, another piece of the puzzle he has set before them. If Sophia were dead it would have been in the news, an ex cop she may be but she's still a cop all the same. She's in the garden when he gets there; she's dressed for the heat in a blue sun dress, talking under her breath as she pulls another weed from the garden.

"Now there's a sight I never thought I'd see, you gardening."

She straightens up, turning around slowly at the familiar voice, she smiles and walks over, he gets out the car and they stand in front of each other, neither quite ready to embrace. He refrains from staring at her bruised cheek and cut lip.

"You're looking good Stephen, how are you?"

"I'm fine, you're not looking so bad yourself, this pace is great, you've moved up from Gotham that's sure."

"I guess i have," a beat passes between them, "Not to sound rude but what are you doing out here? Pretty far from Gotham I guaranteed that."

He looks around, noting the swing chair in the yard, "Can we sit down? I really need to ask you some questions that only you could help me with."

She gestures for him to go first and picks up her sun hat, sitting down next to him and placing it in between them, widening the space.

"What's up then Stephen?"

"I found these pictures attached to my chair at work, they're the scan pictures of your injury when you cut your side... the Joker let them for me."

She flinches at his name and self consciously rubs at the bruise on her face, "Why would he do a thing like that?"

"I visited your house and Mrs Gant said you had a visitor a few days back, he matched the description of the Joke. His been leaving clues around about James and Maddie, so far it's not looking good for James."

She laughs, an empty hallow laugh, "Why would you care his dead isn't he?"

"Yeah his dead, doesn't make much difference to the Joker. You're original report of your accident was some drunk cut you in the street and you managed to stagger home to call an ambulance. Is that correct?"

"Stephen it's me you don't need to talk to me like some victim or whatever, but yes that was what happened."

He opens the folder he brought with him, looking at the correct highlighted part, "So I looked back at the case file the Joker left me, I didn't work your case so I didn't know what happened, made for very interesting reading actually, but we both know it would have been impossible for that to have happened. There would have been a blood trail leading to your apartment and there was none, just traces in your apartment."

She's agitated now, her face frowns in displeasure, "Maybe someone cleaned up after me, I mean Jesus I don't know Stephen! The other cop believed me."

"Harrison was two weeks away from retirement; I don't blame him for being eager to finish his last case. So you're telling me someone cleaned up a trail of blood where it would have ended at your front door and no one came to see if you were ok? Sophia people are dying because of this, Maddie almost died and so did you, if you'd been any longer calling the ambulance, if you'd waited then you'd be dead. Something's happening and the Joker won't give it up, he directed me here and if I go back empty handed he'll do more, it'll get worse, he'll have the whole city on its knees for this."

She breathes deeply, looking into the distance, "He came here, forced his way into the house, slammed the door into my face actually, made me tell him about James, told me to tell you what I told him. Said if I didn't he'd come back for me, told me he knew where I lived now, where his mom lives, said I couldn't get away from him. .."

"We had an affair me and James, that much you know, but I got pregnant, one stupid mistake, his fault but he made it mine, I wanted to keep it he said no, left me alone to get the abortion, surprised he actually paid for it. I wanted to tell people, Maddie deserved to know what she was dealing with by marrying him, that's when he cut me, smashed his beer bottle against the table and cut me. Pretty impressing stitching, he certainly thought so when he came to visit me."

He can't help it, his eyebrow raises and his mouth drops slightly, "Oh yeah he visited, to tell me to keep my mouth shut and if I thought that was bad he could show me worse. Told me to leave the force and Gotham and not come back, that if I told Maddie anything at all, then he'd give me another cut to match this one. He actually gave me a little taster, pretty good don't you think?"

She raises her palm to his face, a slanted 'J' for James is carved into the tender skin, his head swims with the information, "I saw you, at the funeral, I saw you at the back, why did you come if you hate him that much?"

"Why anyone else would go, to find closure. Didn't make me feel any better actually, but he had a way of making everything your fault, so charming one second then the devil himself the next. I'm glad the Joker is doing this, it makes people know."

"What..." he clears his throat, swigging more iced tea, "What if it makes it worse? What if people turn against us?"

She shrugs, "Not really my problem Stephen, but if you're worried I don't think it will, sure people will be pissed but their expectations of the force in Gotham are hardly high."

"Sophia, where are you?"

Her head shoots towards the house at the sound of the man's voice, "If that's it I should go, I've not much else to say, but I'm here if you need me and I'm guessing Charlotte gave you my number."

He gapes at her, "How did you know?"

"That woman cannot keep her mouth shut, still it's done now."

She leaves without saying anything else, as she steps on the porch she turns to him, "Oh he said something else, he told me it's not the end, he won't stop until you tell everyone what James was like...he knows he hurt Maddie doesn't he?"

He nods not wanting to reveal anything about Maddie to her, he knows what he has to do, he slides open the other envelope when he is satisfied Sophia is no longer looking, he didn't just find one envelope in his office, another, propped by his computer had been left there. The writing was different, looped and quite formal; if he could hazard a guess he'd say a woman wrote it. It was another set of pictures, this time of James' crime scene, a copy of Maddie's testimonial attached to it alongside a picture of James. He knew he had to go back to the crime scene, the pictures where telling him to go back, go over what happened, a new set of eyes, he didn't know who sent this, who went into his office and found the files on the bottom pile on his desk, but he knew he had to look closer at the night that James died. With a tugging feeling at his gut he knows all is not how it seems.

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**A/N Note: This is quite possibly the longest chapter I've done, but after all the great reviews I receive I think you all deserve it. Thanks for reading and those who have added me to their favourites, everything is appreciated! I hope you all like this chapter and fingers crossed the enxt one will be out soon!**

**Take care guys!**

**Feels-Like-Paradise**


	20. Stand By Me

**Thank you for being so patient, uni work has been getting on top of me and I've been working hard to get it down to a reasonable level. I've already written some of the next chapter so hopefully I'll have that out soon as well...enjoy!**

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**Chapter 19: Stand By Me. **

We have obstacles we need to overcome, things we must do in life to help us think we're ok, that we did good. The problem is we're human; we want to push ourselves, be the best we can be, be better than the next person who comes along. As humans we can get a little too confident with these thoughts; the ending doesn't always turn out great, we can't skip off into the distance holding hands, stories like that don't come true. That's all they are; stories. Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier. The ones that start in dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. I'm not saying life always turns out like this; I'm not being a pessimist. I'm just giving out the facts. No matter what happens don't get comfortable. Don't get cocky. Don't think you're invincible.

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**Bruce's POV**

_He heard the gunshot, it was loud, so loud that it sounded over his own heartbeat, the fear pulsated around him. He urged himself to move on, to go to the noise, ignore the screams of pain that he realised came from him; he ran, faster than he had ever done before, so fast he felt he were flying, literally flying. Someone was crying from behind the closed door, gasping for breath, their voices low, almost at a ghosts whisper. He pushed on regardless; the blood already pooling at his feet, sticking to his boots. She lay in his arms, gasping for breath; her hair was once again blonde, dyed red at the ends from the blood. His hands were placed over hers, his voice whispering terms of endearment and reassurance to her. "Maddie..." his voice shook, yet neither of them turned. Her head rolled to the side and the other man shook, his screams of anguish hurt his ears, the paint that usually adorned his face was gone, replaced by blood; Bruce clenched his eyes shut. He tried again his voice louder this time, "Maddie!" He whirled around when someone shook him, she stood behind him, smiling, the blood still spreading, her hands damp with blood. "You can't save me, you can't save everyone Bruce."_

"Maddie!" he inhales as though drowning, completely alone in his room, even the baby doesn't stir from his screams.

Another nightmare, worse than the others, so much worse and his scared now more than before; he needs to stop, needs to relax, but how can he when they seem so real? When it's his own blood, his sister who is dying, who blames him for everything? He needs to spend more time with her, when she was gone he'd see her everywhere and now he barely has anytime for her. He has since found out its common for people separated from someone they love to keep seeing that loved one amongst strangers; something Alfred said was to do with the recognition units in our brains, seeking out the person constantly, needing their presence. These cruel tricks of the mind lasted only a few moments, but it was long enough to feel with physical force how much he needed and still needs her. Coping with these dreams are getting harder, he's losing sleep over them, losing time during the day thinking about them, Maddie teasing him, asking who the lucky girl was; telling him she'd never seen him so quiet. He calls her on her phone sometimes, even when he knows she won't be able to answer; he craves the need to hear her voice, to talk to her even if it's just her voicemail. His mother once told him he didn't have much to say until she was born, then he had a sister to talk to and he never stopped. He doesn't want to stop now. If he did and she was gone again, he'd lose a part of himself. The part of him he'd miss. It's a one way conversation, one he knows he should be having with her; he just can't bring himself to form the words. And now she's doing this operation, it's so soon, too soon, he'd rather she start small, perhaps assist in an operation but she never does things by halves. He settles back down into his pillow, kicking himself free of his sheets, he'll take her away, somewhere hot to celebrate her being home and Mat's birth; they've both been too engrossed in other things to be able to have a real family holiday. He needs to change that, he nods, feeling better, but at the same time he can still hear her voice, still see the blood. Taste his own fear.

"_You can't save me..."_

**Stephen's POV**

According to old records, the building was once an old an hospital, turned apartment block, until someone with more money than sense turned the residents out into the cold one winter and broke through plaster and beams until at last the mansion stood once proud. Now against the cold backdrop of the day, it looks cold and unwelcoming; the once grand building is now boarded up and shut away from the rest of the world by the wrought iron gates. Mid after-noon and already the pavements are almost deserted; it's too cold to be out for no reason. He walks purposely up to gates, rubbing some of the ice off the padlock, he can see why the Joker picked this place, it's the perfect building; even local teenagers don't go anywhere near it. However when the Joker took it over it did still have some degree of its former splendour, until the local mobs got their hands on it. He walks on towards the place where Maddie was found, his gloveless hands stinging with the cold. Once, hundreds of bouquets lined the gates for James, some lay half buried in the snow for months afterwards. He read some once, fingering the damp cardboard; looking closer he'd actually realised most of them were for Maddie. His shock must have registered on his face as Gordon had told him many had been thinking of the worst; the floral tributes were thanksgiving for Maddie's safe return. News of people surviving in Gotham rarely happened; to hear of a survival was cause for celebration, it brought the community closer, made them think life wasn't so bad. And now, nearing two years later, nothing remains of the incident, it's like it never even happened, of course since the Joker they have to replay every moment; the moment Maddie was found, seeing James dead, the after effects, he is re-living them all. The inside is damaged from an old fire, yet in some places work has been done, obviously by the Joker's men, the walls have been fixed in an attempt to stop the place falling apart. Gingerly he climbs the stairs, tracing what he imagines to be Maddie's steps, did her fingertips grip this banister? Did she grimace as she tried to avoid the crumbling, broken parts of stair? He glances down at the notes; walking down to the last room, the bloodstains remain on the wooden floor, the splatters of blood on the peeling walls. He tries not to imagine Maddie being here, did he ever leave her in this place, this room alone? No one would willingly choose to come to this place. He doesn't want to do this; he doesn't want to be here, he'd rather be the coward this time; bury his head in the sand and leave it there. He scours the notes, Maddie's testimonial and places the first yellow marker down, he steps back a few paces and places the next down, continuing to do so until he puts the third marker down.

"Joker stood here, Maddie there, James here..."

He steps into the position where the Joker would have stood, raising his hand in a mock gun gesture, he shakes his head.

"No, not that would be impossible... unless."

He drags his feet, passing the blood, the spot where James fell and stands in the final place, he raises his hand once again and almost as if he was the one to do it, he shoots at the exact spot, imagining James as he falls. They never asked, no one thought to read over what Maddie had said, that things never added up, they accepted the answers they wanted to hear and moved on. How is he supposed to move on from the truth?

**Maddie's POV**

"How are you feeling about today, you sure you can go through with it?"

I purse my lips at what I imagine to be Bruce's nonexistent faith in me. He jiggles Mat up and down on his knee; I watch them both, threading the thread and needle through the tender chicken breast, practising one last time before my operation. He hasn't stopped looking at me all morning, it's un-nerving and now, given my mood, annoying.

"Of course I can, if I wasn't would I be doing do?"

Bruce scrutinises me, still without missing the tiniest detail, the darkened look on my face, the sharp intake of breath; I avoid his stare and continue with my work, he sighs and shifts Mat to the other knee.

"Call me after you finish then ok? Then I'll take you out to dinner if you want?"

I shake my head, smiling as I finish the stitch; "I'm staying at the hospital tonight, whatever happens I'm not leaving him on his own, his wife had to go back home, she won't be able to get back until tomorrow so I said I'd look after him."

"Come on Maddie, how many doctors are at this hospital? Surely you can leave; they know you've had Mat so they should be ok with letting you go."

The bin lid slaps against the wall as I flip it open, Mat whinges slightly as he hears the loud noise, Bruce soothes him before he starts crying, "I said no Bruce, just drop it, you can come and see me that'll be fine, just don't expect me to come home with you."

He shrugs in an easy going manner, not rising to take my bait, "If you want, I'll bring Mat if it isn't too late." I relent, cursing myself for my foul mood, "Maybe if it isn't too late, you'll be ok putting him to bed?"

He turns Mat so he faces him, bobbing him up and down, "We'll be fine, won't we matter, we will...oh god!"

I turn around, expecting Bruce to have dropped him; instead I burst out laughing at the patch of vomit on Bruce's sleeve, Mat lets out a burp and grins.

"That's what you get for doing that when his just had something to drink."

"Yeah, but still this is a part I didn't sign up for! Can you imagine James doing it?"

At the mention of his name we both still in our movements, "Maddie I'm sorry I wasn't thinking, you know me sometimes I open my mouth without thinking."

"It's fine Bruce; we can have that dinner tomorrow night if you want?"

He looks relieved and continues to mop at his sleeve; "Yeah I'd like that, just me and you ok? We should start spending more time together, like we use to."

_Before the Joker came along and James died... _it's what Bruce wants to say, what we both know is true but neither will admit it. I leave Bruce to clean himself up, I'm calm, since Speed I know I can do this, the threat of Sam is, for the moment in the back of my mind. I open my jewellery box and trace the gold cross, it's old, the metal no longer shining, it was once my mothers.

"Please let me be ok..."

I close my eyes and squeeze the necklace, shutting the box shut I turn my back on the past, shutting out the memories.

"Maddie, you ready up there? Stephen's asking to see you!"

"Tell him I'll be down in a minute!"

I've not really seen him since our 'date' so him coming here doesn't really surprise me; he probably thinks I've been avoiding him. I meet Bruce as he is about to leave, Mat in one hand and in contrast a briefcase in the other.

"He's in the living room, said he just wanted to see you before the operation...don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

I laugh and shoo him away, walking into the living room Stephen has his back to me, I stall at the site of the official looking folder in his hand.

"Hi Stephen how is everything?" He shifts the folder from his hand to behind his back, his smile barely reaches his eyes, "I'm doing ok thanks Maddie, i really need to talk to you, I know you're gonna be busy for a while so I thought we should talk now, you know sooner rather than later."

"Ok sure," I sit down expecting him to join me, instead he remains standing, as though trying to keep as physically far away as possible.

He raises his folder and I zero in on my name on the front, a hand clutches at my heart; "Maddie I know this is difficult but I need to talk to you about James and the night he died, I know we're been through this before but something has come to my attention."

I look around, anywhere but him; "Ok sure, what do you need? I already gave a statement to an officer the same week I came back here...back home."

"I checked it over, please don't ask me why but I did, I went to the scene and I know what happened. I..." He stops, looking at me in distress, "I know you were the one who shot James, from your witness statement it would have been impossible for him to have been shot by the Joker. The bullet went through the abdomen and out the back, the only person who could have made that shot was you. I know why you would have lied, what's been happening lately...with the Joker and what James was like...I don't blame you. I've had cases where women have walked free after killing their abusive partners... this isn't your fault..."

I interrupt him, refusing to listen; "I er... I'm fine with James... We were fine...What...what happens now?"

He stares at me, I steel myself for his next words; "I'd read you your rights, arrest you, take you down to the station and we'd go from there."

My mind is oddly calm; though the rest of me, my heart included is beating irregularly against my ribs, my breath is short and laboured; I shiver violently despite the fire. He grabs at my hand, finally making contact with me, at first I think it's to restrain me, then in the same instant I notice his thumb circling the back of my hand, his comforting me.

"That's what I would do if I wasn't your friend, instead I'm going to pretend this never happened, I'm gonna burn this file and have it just disappear, this is the only copy. Then I'll walk out of here and let you carry on with your day, we won't mention this again and just go on with our friendship like nothing ever happened."

I'm stunned by his compassion, I always heard he was good with victims' families, that he was hands down the best guy on the force, I just never realised it until now.

"Why, why are you doing this?" His fingers go to mine, he loosely loops his longer fingers through mine, I grip onto them, marvelling at his skin.

"I know what he was what he did and if it was up to me I'd have killed him too, I don't need to hear you say what he did to you; I already know too much and that's enough for me. I care about you more than I should do, I know we couldn't happen again...I know you don't feel the same way, that you never will but what I feel for you, I can't ignore it... I've tried to for years I've tried to but it's not...it's not happening. I'm not gonna use this as blackmail, I'll burn it right here right now and I won't mention it to you or anyone else, not even Gordon."

He stands up and burns the file, we watch the flames flicker and cover it; I kneel next to him and capture his hand into mine. "

You've always been there and I really do love you but I don't want to build up your hopes, I'm with someone and its serious and maybe it will work out maybe it won't but for now I'm in it for the long run, and I think he is too. And I really appreciate this, you could lose your job over me and I won't forget this, you're one of the few people I trust right now and one of my only true friends and I really need that."

He nods his head hanging; "I hope he treats you better than James did or I ever could, you must be sick of cops now right?"

I laugh and hug him, "I'd offer you a lift to the hospital but I need to get back and see Gordon, I really want to see you soon though."

One of my tears falls onto his finger and I watch, entranced while he licks it off, "You're so good for me."

"But I'm not right for you, huh?"

I shake my head, "Some I think what it would have been like if we'd carried on, but I knew James would never have allowed it, he'd have hurt you..." Stephen scoffs, he always was bigger than James, "and he would have hurt me."

He looks up, staring into my eyes, listening to my confession; "I couldn't have let you get hurt, what you've done for me, I swear I will never forget and if you ever need anything I'll do it for you. You even need a kidney I'll give you one of mine," he laughs, his dimples showing, making him look younger than his years.

His cell goes off and he glances at the caller id, "I need to go, but I meant every word of what I said, you need me and you know where I am."

I watch him go, sitting back on my heels, the door slams shut and I walk over to the window overlooking the driveway, he stands with his back to me and I watch as he puffs in the cold air. I make the decision there and then, the cold air hits me and I wince; I tap him on the shoulder and he snaps his phone shut, I lean up and gently kiss him, hsi mouth moves to mine and I still for a second, tasting mints and inhaling his aftershave. I pull away, mouthing 'thank you' as I turn and leave him. I poke the ashes in the fire place; how and why he went back to the scene I don't know, I've not been there myself and as far as I know neither has Jack. He meant every word he said and I meant everything I said. It wasn't just James who had his affairs; I did too. The difference between me and James...he never fell in love.

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**A/N: I know, my endings are always leaving you hanging, but what can I say I love the drama! I'm thinking about writing the rest of the next chapter as I write this, it'll definitely be out sometime this week...and thanks to those still reading The Deepest Cut, it makes me so happy! And good news happened to me...I got Britney tickets! (Not that you're interested but I'm so bloody excited! God I'm that type of freaky fan, I need to chill out and stop rambling) As I'm in such a good mood scratch that first bit the next chapter will be out tomorrow! **

**Love,**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	21. Sweet Surrender

**New chapter! I've worked my fingers to the bone to get this out today; I said I would have it out so voila! The first Maddie's POV, is a flashback to how she was after the guy died who had the heart transplant...if that makes sense! Enjoy the new chapter!**

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**Chapter 20: Sweet Surrender**

Temptation; even the word itself sounds forbidden. It brings to mind Eve and the apple, we all want what we can't have. To us mere humans the word forbidden; makes it even more enticing; we want it more, we do what we can to claim it as our own. There's something thrilling about gaining something we can't have; we covert it, hide it from everyone, our little secret. Once we have it we can't let it go; it's in our system, we find ourselves wanting more, we didn't think we would, once you have a taste of it, it leaves you craving more. And you feel the pull of temptation over and over again.

**Maddie's POV **

I was alone for four days, I don't know where James went in that time, probably to Sophia or some other woman, I didn't know. I didn't care. All I knew was for the first time in a while I was hurting, really hurting and he wasn't there. He didn't care; not once had he picked up the phone to see how I was, secretly it made me glad that he wasn't here, that he finally meant it this time. The doorbell rings, my mind barely registers it, it rings again, the finger pressing down hard on it. I look to the door, if it was James he would have a key, I place my palms on the bedspread, using it to heave my tired legs up. I use the peephole and Stephen stares up and down the corridor; his finger rose again to press the button.

"Maddie I know you're in here, I won't leave until you open this door. Just please, if you won't talk to anyone else at least try talking to me."

I slid the lock along the door and turned the handle, he had his hand raised still, wet all over from the rain.

"Thank you, can I come in?" I nod, stepping to the side, opening the door wide.

"God the weather's bad out there, they said on the news this is the worst summer in forty years." I look at him, unimpressed, "I er guess you don't wanna talk about the weather then huh?"

I find my voice, I hadn't spoken to anyone for a while, my throat felt like it had closed up; "Why are you here?"

He steps forward, taking off his coat and looking for somewhere to put it, "I came to see if you were ok, James hasn't said much and I know his been sleeping in his office or round his mom's lately so I wanted to check in on you. Thought I'd cook you something too if you were up to it?"

I stare at him once again, idly looking at the puddle of water growing around him, "You should take a shower or a bath too Mads, it'll help you relax."

I raise an eyebrow, "Not to say you smell but it'll help you a lot, trust me on this one. I'll cook us dinner too if you like?"

My thoughts go to food; I actually hadn't even thought to have ate much lately, just whatever was nearest to me and didn't involve too much walking.

"Yeah sure, that'll be fine; I doubt there's much food in though."

He smiles, rolling up his shirtsleeves to reveal his arms, I swallow deeply and look away; "My mom could make a meal outta anything, trust me if there's anything edible in here I'll find it."

I laugh and he looks at me, as though he couldn't believe the noise came from me; "There's that smile, been waiting a while to see it."

He looks at me awkwardly, "Do you erm need any help with clothes or whatever? I'll put your dress in the wash and get you some sweats to wear, if that's what you want?"

I nod, then I remember James had to help me on with my dress, someone's gonna have to help me out of it, "My dress needs undoing at the back, it's a stiff zip."

His eyes seem to double in size as he gets my meaning; that I want him to touch me, but he steps to me regardless, his smooth hands graze my skin as he tugs the zipper down.

"Is...is that ok?"

His hands remain on my bare back, almost without realising his starts to caress my skin. I nod my head and turn to look at him, he looks at me for a moment before staring at his hands, still making circular movements on my back.

"Do you need me to do anything else?" I face him, his arms circle me now, "No, this is good."

I reach my hands up to his chest; he's still soaking wet; "Looks like I'm not the only one who could use a bath."

He laughs at my double meaning, before bending his head down closer to mine, "James is crazy to leave you here alone."

"You're here though," I kiss him first, it takes him no time at all to react, his lips move against mine as though they've been starved for months.

We break apart and I push his arms away from me, he frowns and reaches for me again, I shake my head and instead pull off my dress; he catches on and moves towards me again, I relish the cold air against my skin, the dress finally off. I grasp at his shirt, undoing his buttons one by one, he shrugs it off when I've finished, I push him towards the bedroom, towards James' bed. He gets the hint and grabs at my thigh, I wrap the other around him and he carries me in there, kicking the door open. He lays me down in the centre of the bed, staring at me all the while, his breathing heavy with lust and anticipation.

"Come here, Stephen," he closes his eyes when I purr his name; I reach up and pull him down to me, pulling at his belt.

He lays naked on top of me, his arousal obvious; I sit up slightly and undo my bra, he pulls it away from me and kisses my breasts, his fingers falling to my underwear.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I nod, kissing him again; I need this I need to feel something other than revulsion for myself. He pushes into me and I grasp his shoulders, he waits for a second before moving, it's not sex for him, sex would be us both using each other, it would be wild and involve scratching and biting. This is different, it's like he's going as gentle as possible, putting my needs and care before his own. His eyes never leave mine, I close my eyes once and he kisses them gently urging me to open them.

"Look at me while we do this, I need to know you're here."

After he finished, I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him into another kiss; he kept whispering "oh god" over and over, like he couldn't believe what had happened. He started kissing alongside my neck, nibbling on my ear, he found my tender spot quickly and I moaned his name loudly as he sucked on it again. He doesn't fear leaving marks for James to see; it's almost as though he's warning him off, showing him what we just did. We stayed there for a few moments more before he pulled out from me, suggesting he cook us something while I showered, in the shower I scrub my skin until some of it started to bleed, until I felt the grim and dirt leave me. He stayed until the next morning, I woke to see him staring at me, his chin cradled in his hands, he urged me to go out that day, see Bruce and Alfred; visit Jane at home. The next day he took me to the hospital and that night I swore this would just be a two day thing. We went a day without seeing each other; in that time James had moved back in, pleading that he didn't mean what he had said, that work was catching up on him and didn't I understand he was going through a hard time as well?

I tried to stay away I really did, but they'd been a party at one of Bruce's hotels for cops and their families. James and many others had made their way through bottles of whiskey within hours, while I tried to stay away from Stephen, not look at his face, avoid staring at him. I went to go to my room, he followed me and grabbed me by the arm, silencing me with a kiss, we had stepped into the elevator, still kissing. I didn't dare bring him into mine and James' room, I needn't have worried, that bed wasn't slept in that night. Instead he caressed my skin and body all night, told me over and over how special I was, how beautiful I was, how much he had wanted me for so long. He held me while he slept and I had slipped out of his embrace and dressed, staring at him while he slept. He could have anyone, why had he picked me? I wasn't foolish enough the second time round to think that, that would be it. We saw each other whenever we could; the nights when James was working late, when he was conducting his own affair with Sophia. While Sophia meant nothing to James, the difference was that I was falling for Stephen, big time. I loved how he smiled, how he gestured when he spoke, how he got so animated, his passion for his work; the intensity in his eyes when he wanted to concentrate on something. He had already told me he loved me, that he would go wherever I wanted if it meant us being together. I wanted to, God knows I did, I was just so scared, scared of James, scared every month when I imagined my period was late, it never was of course but my mind was going into overdrive. For James; Sophia and the others were just sex, maybe that's what it should have been with me and Stephen, but it wasn't we talked, we laughed, we made plans. We only stopped when he asked me if I would ever leave James for him, that he was tired of being on the sidelines, that he couldn't stand the thought of James touching me, sharing my bed. I couldn't leave James outright so I tried to push him away, hoping he'd soon get sick of me, he never did, was too blind or too ignorant to care. We had sex once last time before he left; I woke up in the on call room at work alone, with only his shirt next to me. I understood then that he'd given up on me, on us, that I would never leave James for him, that he was sick of being the dirty 'mistress'. I thought what we had you couldn't top, until I met Jack, after that I knew what me and Stephen had was nothing; while we loved each other I wasn't in love with him enough, he loved me more than I did him. We were both caught up in the thrill of what we were doing, Stephen finally getting what he wanted and me having someone other than James to come home to. Despite this we moved on, became friends, never once did he touch me intimately again, nor did he ever try to. His eyes though held a different story; he was always watching not in a creepy, obsessed way but in a yearning manner. For a while my eyes reflected his own, I craved him desperately, dreamt of his touches, pictured I was with him and not James. It made me feel as bad as James at the start, I did something worse than James, I fell in love.

**Joker's POV**

He had to admit it worried him when Maddie had started asking questions about Sam; to be honest he thought she would have long forgotten about him. It's not like he was even anything special, yet he wanted revenge, he wanted him to pay for what he did to Dwayne, for bringing the cop to him and for ruining everything he had planned for him and Maddie. He scowls as he lifts up his shirt to reveal the shoe impression, Bats, or should he say Brucey had been in a particularly bad mood that night.

_The kick had sent him sprawling to the ground; he didn't even have to look to see it was his favourite Bat. Instead of whipping out his favourite knife he merely grinned, knowing the mere sight of him was enough to piss the Bat off. _

_"Bats, come on now, can't a guy even take a walk without you getting up in his face?" _

_"You don't belong out here; you belong at Arkham with the rest of the monsters." _

_He had feigned shock and dismay, "What me Batty? Even after I've been so graciously helping you lately you still don't like me, I'm hurt Bat's really I am." _

_The Bat had picked him up off the floor and had held him close; "You don't know anything, this is a game to you, you don't want to help, you just want to see people burn." _

_He had thrown him at the wall when he had giggled at his little speech, he had lain there, spluttering for breath and clenching his side, shaking his head like a wild dog; "Oh Bat's we both know what I'm doing and who it's for. We both want her to be...in good hands should I say?" _

_The Bat had raised his hand before the recognition of who he was talking about finally got through to him, he had lowered his hand, "Why, why do this?" _

_He'd shrugged, ignoring the pain in his ribs before standing up fully, "Why not? You'll know more soon enough, just like I know." _

_Then the Bat left then, took off without a backward glance, "You're not going soft on me are you Batty?" He half expected the Bat to turn back around and knock him about some more, instead he ignored him, leaving one very pissed off, bruised Joker._

He was lucky he hadn't gone further, he couldn't have laid there like a dog all night just taking the Bat's hits. He knows he promised Maddie, but he also said he would fight back if things got serious; he was no use to her or the kid dead. Speaking of Maddie, he wanted to surprise her, turn up at the hospital and watch her do the operation, relax her a little, show her she still had what it takes. Speed was getting on good as well, the work Maddie had done was perfect, Speed had lain sullen in his bed for a while after Maddie had left, muttering 'tricked' under his breath before shaking his head in annoyance. Whatever Maddie had pumped him full of; it was certainly doing the job. The water drips everywhere as he rubs it into his face, ensuring the paint is completely off. The hospital scrubs are his size; according to Bozo at least, he pulls them on, cursing at the tightness of the top. He sneers at his reflection, complete with a mask he'll fit right in with the other doctors. If he could look at himself now, he'd laughed and kick his ass; disguising himself just so he can see someone. _But she isn't just someone is she Jacky? You love her! _Normally he would disagree with that niggling voice in his head, but it was true and as much as it annoyed him, how out of character it was for him, to love and care for her. Life, his mother use to say was full of surprises, he can't remember what his reply was, he was of the age where he probably just grunted in response. He often ignored her towards the end. He takes only Bozo with him; the others need not know what he's up to; he can't afford to kill more men. The dusk has brought the chill of darkness; he wears his gloves and trench boat only for the journey there.

"Get some more medication for Speed if you can, pain killers and whatever else you can get," Bozo nods, focusing more on the icy roads than his words.

He huffs, settling down in his seat, the chill of the outside air still hangs around them.

"One of the guys broke the heater in here boss, it's not been working since yesterday."

He bites his tongue to prevent him from moaning at Bozo, it's not his fault, his patience has of late been at its best, how long it will last even he doesn't know.

"I'll get some dressings as well Boss; Speed needs those old ones taking off soon' they're starting to smell."

He wrinkles his nose, he has a strong stomach but the smell of bloodied, ruined flesh is something he doesn't even want to know about, let alone be in the same room as. His nervous, without the feel of a knife in his hand; it's annoying him even more to feel Bozo stare at him.

"Spit it out Bozo, what's the matter?"

"TJ called earlier on when you were getting dressed, said the cop turned up at the old hideout, he was in there for a while, then he went to the manor to see Maddie."

His not troubled by the news; cops go rooting around all the time; though it still annoys him like hell that he keeps sniffing round Maddie, guys like a dog with a bone.

"You worry too much Bozo, everything's fine; Maddie can do her thing and I'll see if she wants to sneak out for a bit."

"You're right boss, gotta be more like you huh?" He laughs and slaps his thigh; Bozo letting out a rare smile.

Yet still his answer doesn't ease Bozo, instead he just nods his head and leaves it; Bozo usually does get withdrawn round this time of year; it's not long after the death of Dwayne. He doesn't usually like to dwell on these things; instead he refocuses his mind on Maddie. He knows deep down he knows that she would never cheat on him; but even a man like him can have insecurities, even though she chose him it's still hard for him to wrap his head around. He'd never doubt her love; he just can't see what she sees. The fear he has is that she'll soon come round to everyone else's way of thinking; that's something he could never handle or bare. Oh no, he doesn't let go of the things he possesses.

**Maddie's POV**

"Chris can you get me another set of scrubs please? Mine have gone again, probably the cleaner taking them."

He finishes pulling on his own scrub shirt; much to the joy of the surrounding nurses; "I'll be as fast as I can doc."

I roll my eyes at his little nickname for me, he's a good guy, he knows a lot more than he reveals. I smile at the memory of the note pinned to my desk, 'good luck', that's all it said but it was enough to know that Jack is looking out for me. I make my way to the OR, tying a mask around my head, slipping my feet into the overshoes I pull on my protective gown.

"Can someone tie this up for me please?"

Another doctor moves behind me and ties up the gown, I go to move away when they pull me back; I turn around and although his face is covered I know instantly by the eyes that it's Jack.

"Couldn't pass up on this opportunity could I doll?"

He winks at me and I thank God I have my mask on so no one can see me.

"Thank you for coming," the person who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can stand by us when we need them the most; when we're scared and needing reassurance; that is the person everyone needs in their lives.

"Doctor Wayne, we're ready for you in here."

I nod towards Chris and Jack squeezes my hand; noting my need for his ever calming presence.

"Can someone switch on the music for him please? Let's save a life ladies and gentlemen."

A chorus of claps echo through the room and Jack looks at me with pride; the music playing in the background makes me calmer as I begin the first cut, I work slowly, I need to ensure everything is perfect, this chance for a new heart only comes up like once in a blue moon; I can't screw this up.

'Maddie...Maddie."

I grunt in annoyance at the persistent voice; "can you wait a second please while I do this? I told you I don't want anyone talking at this point."

Chris looks around us, looking from one person to another, they mirror his confusion, his eyes holding Jack's for a second too long.

"Doctor Wayne, no one said anything."

I look up properly now; "Well someone must have said something..."

I look down at Mr Taylor; "Hi Goldilocks."

I wince at James' face, walking back sending medical equipment flying everywhere. I clench my eyes shut and hold my hands up to my ears as the radio starts skipping the music; sending the voice shrieking. Loud noise fills the run and I groan; trying to block out the sound.

"Doctor Wayne he's bleeding out!"

Jack is the first one by my side; he lowers my hands from my ears and nudges my chin to look at him.

"Maddie what's wrong, what happened? Come on Maddie don't do this."

I look past him to the Chief; he stands with his hands pressed against the glass in the room above us; staring down at me, when I don't move, he pushes himself away.

"Doctor Wayne I can't stem the flow!"

"Come on Maddie, whatever it is don't let it screw this up." I

look at Mr Taylor's face; it's back to normal, his life machine beeps as his heart rate drops. I push Chris out of the way, pumping the new heart in the chest myself.

"It needs to be give a kick start sometimes, so you have to massage it, don't grip it or it'll never work."

Chris nods, the calm coming back into the room, the Chief comes through the door, clearly expecting pandemonium; instead he sees the heart, the heart rate increases to a steady pace.

"Maddie, you ok to finish up in here?"

I nod, ensuring everything is in place before I can close him up; I make the last stitch in his closed chest and Jack breathes a sigh of relief beside me; his hand clenches my side.

"You can erm...take him back to his room ok Chris?"

"Sure thing Doctor Wayne," he tilts his hand in salute at me, clapping me on the back.

"Good job Doctor Wayne, glad to see you back," it's almost as though the last fifteen minutes didn't happen, like the slate has been wiped clean from everyone's memory.

The Chief meets me in the washroom; he nods at me, his arms folded as he waits for me to throw my bloodied gown and gloves away.

"Good job Maddie, you froze up there for a second but you went ahead and finished it. You earned this procedure and you made damn sure you didn't let me down."

"Thanks Chief, the lack of sleep must have caught up on me; I just wanted everything to be perfect."

He passes me a towel, acknowledging Jack when he enters the room; "just make sure you get enough sleep next time, I don't want any accidents in the future. Clean up and go home Doctor Wayne, I'll see you tomorrow."

I smile and turn to Jack; he slowly pulls off his mask, revealing his face, lined with worry; "Maddie what the hell happened in there? What got you spooked huh?"

"You won't believe me, I don't believe this is happening so why should you?"

He steps closer; looking around to make sure no one can see us. "I'd believe whatever you tell me."

"I still see James, I saw him just then and I see him pretty much all the time now. It's not right, it's not normal and I'm scared that something is seriously wrong with me but I'm too scared to ask for help incase they take Mat away from me. God Jack I can't even move out of the manor because I'm too scared to be really on my own with him incase I freak and anything happened to him."

He remained patient throughout my whole rant, his hands never lax on mine. "You haven't been taking anything have you doll? Been give anything weird?"

The thought that someone could be drugging me scared me even more; it never even crossed my mind.

"No, I don't think so, it's either me, Alfred or Bruce who cooks and they wouldn't do this to me."

He sucks on his cheek, "you're too trusting you know that? I'm not blaming either of them but it's true, you are."

I open my mouth to argue but he holds his fingers up to my lips; "you're too sweet and trusting, sure the world holds its doors open for you and you walk through smiling, thinking it will always be this way, that people will never have any other motive, but I'm here to tell you they do. "

"I don't know what to do anymore..."

He's staring at me and I can't meet his eyes, his right I let anyone in, I just can't pin point who I can't trust. He roots around in his pocket for a few seconds, pulling out a case of pills; "Take one of these a day, just trust me on this."

I look at the label...antipsychotics; so I'm crazy now huh? That's what people think of me, even Jack?

He holds me head in his hands, his breath cold on my face; "wipe that look of your face doll, I'm not trying to say anything, these are temporary until you can face going to your brother or one of these guys here and telling them whats wrong."

"I'm just scared Jack and it's getting harder not to see you..." he crushes me to him, I dissolve into him, not seeing the door open and then shut.

**Bruce's POV**

He wouldn't normally sneak back into the operating rooms; but he saw all of the others come out, asked the Chief how it had gone and where Maddie was and he couldn't wait to see her any longer. He heard just her voice; at first he thought she was singing, he was going to nudge the door open and join in; until he saw the blonde haired man.

His face was obstructed from view but he clearly heard Maddie's words; "I'm just scared Jack and it's getting harder not to see you..."

The man pulled her into an embrace; they melted together like old lovers, their bodies moulding together. He closed the door silently; not wanting to disturb the private moment, he was so sure Maddie and Stephen were...this now proves just how separated he is from his sister and in that instant he would have done anything to have held her hand again, anything at all, just once, just for a few seconds. Anything.

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**A/N: See I kept my promise to have it out tonight! I really hope this didn't disappoint and thank you for all the reviews and any new readers; welcome! I really hope to have the next one out soon and I hope people are still enjoying my story. Thanks for being so good to me even though I do go on a bit!**

**Take care,**

**Feels-Like-Paradise.**


	22. Danger Hides Everywhere

**This chapters a little dark and has some scenes in it which aren't pretty; if you don't like such scenes I suggest you picture a naked Joker whilst skim reading over them! There's not much in the way of Joker/Maddie in this chapter but this is all needed for the story...I give you chapter 21! **

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**Chapter 21: Danger Hides Everywhere.**

The world is a dangerous place to live; it's full of dark corners, evil people and not knowing who to trust. You should never turn your back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. You can't pretend it doesn't exist; it always will until you face up to it.

**Gordon's POV**

Another day, another death in Gotham. Stephen had made the phone call to him, telling him the body of a young woman had been found and they needed him. So far he had learnt that she had been found in Gotham Park, the rest of the details Stephen said he would spare him until he arrived at the scene. The younger man's parting words had been, "skip breakfast." His stomach was now churning at the possibilities of what could be awaiting him. He hurries over to Stephen, who stands by the police catering truck, a burning cup of coffee in his hand.

"Hey Gordon, get yourself a hot drink, I think you'll need it. And brace yourself: it's not a pretty sight."

He winces, the hot liquid burning his throat, "when is any murder in Gotham pretty? Is it a Joker vic?"

"I don't think it is; the face is in too good a shape to be a Joker Vic... well it's in better shape than what it could be. A group of teenagers found her on their way to school this morning. They were cutting through the park; it's a shortcut to their school, suppose this wasn't what they were expecting when they woke up this morning."

He looks around the now hectic park; "where are the kids?"

Stephen squashes his cup in his hand, throwing it skilfully into the trash; "They gave their statements this morning, the two girls were pretty shook up, we let them go as soon as their parents came this morning. They're only fourteen; one of them has just moved here, not the best welcoming."

The black coroners van draws into view; the new morgue technician, Andrew Morgan, raises his hand in welcoming, the team do the same.

"I've never seen anything like it," Stephen mutters to him, he nods towards the cornered off area of the park.

"Is she fresh?"

Stephen shakes his head, "hard to tell really, I'd say no more than a couple of days, but don't quote me on that, I'm sure Morgan will give us a better timeline. What do you think to him anyway?"

He shrugs, he doesn't yet know the man, but as long as he gets the job done, "seems decent so far, took over from doc well, I've had no complaints about him as yet. Should we get over there?"

He tosses the rest of his coffee in the trash; it's lukewarm and pretty disgusting, he wouldn't give it to a dog let alone a human. They make their way down the narrow lane to get near the river bank; a white forensic tent already has already been erected, paper-suited scientists and cops milling in and around it. A large box of paper suits, masks, over shoes and rubber gloves is brought over to them, they each suit up. Sarah Travis, a forensic expert, comes out of the tent, looking at him and shaking her head.

"It's awful in there Gordon, I won't be eating breakfast and that's for sure. She hasn't been killed on site; someone brought her here and set her up. By the looks of it there isn't much forensic evidence; maybe we can come up with more when we get the body to the lab, until then she's all yours."

They both offer their thanks and out of nerves he adjusts his mask, following Stephen into the tent.

"She's been badly beaten, her neck is almost severed, God knows what it will be like when we go to move her."

Morgan points to the upper part of her body, the skin marked; "She's got abrasions all over her body; her hair has been recently dyed, it's hard to tell what she looked like before this."

A rookie cop turns away and hurries out of the tent; he barely looks up.

"How long has she been here?"

"I'd estimate time of death between two or three days ago, she's lost a lot of blood, reason her skin is so white."

He's impatient now and jerks his head outside; "Morgan can I have a word please?"

They step outside, drawing the tent cover over, "God what animal did this to her? This isn't a Joker job; we have to have another sicko out there."

"The cuts aren't surgical; whoever did this doesn't have any surgical skills. The knife was slightly jagged, but give me more time and I'll know more, I'll do the full autopsy tonight if all goes well."

It will take a while, he knows that but still there is the urgency for the want of more details, the tent flaps open, his team comes out, Stephen leading them, even he looks shaken up. By the time he discards his suit, the others are already heading up to the car park. Already a gathering of spectators has gathered on the road. Their view is in perfect alignment with the position of the victim; the killer wanted their victim to be found quickly. He could even still be here; the thought chills him and he steps aside to let the body bag holding the young woman move by him.

By the time he gets back to the office a large white board has already been erected; Stephen stands in front of it, dictating what should go where. He moves to stand in front of them; the group instantly settles and Stephen flips open his notepad. "

Okay let's get started, we need to find out who the victim is. We'll get photos out, see what the papers come up with, but so far no one has a clue who she is. Morgan will take prints but whether they come back with something is anyone's guess."

Stephen raises his hand, "will the body be ready for us to look at tonight?"

"Morgan reckons yes, told us to give him a while to get the basics done, but we can go down there in a couple of hours. Until then we go through missing person files, we check out the area in which she was found, see if there's any witnesses."

Three hours later and the missing person search had yet to yield any results. None of the residents of the riverside houses had seen anything suspicious, not even an unknown car. The area was not well lit; the lights had blown and nothing had been down to replace them, so their killer could have come and gone undetected. What they did know was that a man walking his girlfriend home had passed the area at three and had seen nothing; therefore their killer had deposited the body between three and six. The message finally arrives for them to go to the morgue; leaving the rest of the team he and Stephen set off for the first findings.

"Time of death is now two days prior to the find, as I said before she wasn't killed at the site, you will find I doubt anything there. The head was very nearly separated from the body, this was done out of complete anger and rage. She has severe bruising to her back, wrists and ankles, her wrists and ankles have markings on them, which I would say were from a wire."

Morgan holds her hand carefully in his, gesturing to the wound, "The skin on the right wrist has been cut down to the muscle, she must have struggled in an attempt to free herself. It would also appear she has numerous blows to certain parts of her body, they look like they were made from a weapon of some sort, my suggestion would be a bat."

"Shit Gordon, some of this looks like the Mac Dawson case..."

He takes his glasses off, his eyes never leaving the young woman, "I'm not so sure it is he'd want us to know it was him. This is sick yes, the Joker no, we're looking for someone else."

Stephen nods towards the woman, pointing to the cut to her throat, "Who else do we know is sick enough to do this? It won't take much even in Gotham to narrow it down."

"Have you ever seen anything like this before?"

Morgan smiles at Stephen's question, he's from Chicago, compare to Gotham the murder count may as well be nonexistent.

"I'm afraid it gets worse gentlemen. There are multiple lacerations to her forehead, a quarter inch deep abrasion to the side of her nose and the bridge. Multiple fractions of the skull are visible; her nose is in bad shape, her left cheek bone is severely bruised, her eye very swollen. It looks like someone has made a patchwork quilt out of this poor woman; she has literally been stabbed and slashed almost everywhere, a piece of flesh is missing from her thigh. There are multiple criss-cross lacerations to her arms and legs; her back has also been injured."

Morgan pulls the lower section of the green cloth back and points to her stomach; "On her stomach are the words 'eye for an eye', spelt wrong but they've been carved into here nonetheless."

Gordon draws the sides of his mouth down in distaste, "was she alive when these wounds were inflicted?"

"I'm afraid so, she must have gone through untold agony and pain; they were done to ensure she went through much pain. Cause of death the cut to the throat."

"What could have caused the cuts to her body?"

"Hard to say, perhaps a pen knife, either way it was nothing surgical."

Morgan turns his attention to the side of her head; gently he rolls it to the side, "took quite a blow to her right temple here, just above the ear."

Stephen moves to take the picture; taking the close ups as required. Morgan waits until Stephen steps to the side, then, drawing back the hair he points to a dark circular bruise, blood crusted around it.

"I'd say it was a blunt, round shaped object, about the size of a small coin. I couldn't hazard a guess as to say what it could be; the area around it is too messed up to even tell. It went in quite deeply though as though her face was smashed against it, it wouldn't have killed her but it would have rendered her unconscious."

"Have her prints been taken?"

"Yes Stephen, I sent them off to the lab, should be back with you soon enough. There were no fibres or hairs on her, she's been scrubbed clean; you're guy is hiding his tracks well. The tips of his fingers are rubbed raw; she has almost a disinfectant smell to her."

Stephen sets a hand down on her head, picking a strand of thick brown hair up, "her hair doesn't look like it's meant to be brunette, looks like it's a crappy dye job too, did she do this?"

Morgan smiles, "well done for noticing detective, her hair was red, dyed brown, look at her eyes gentlemen and tell me what you can see."

They both look into the woman's eyes as Morgan prises them open, Gordon is the first to notice.

"She has coloured contacts in, brown right?"

"Exactly, someone went to great lengths to hide her true identity and disguise her."

Stephen elbows him in the side as the doctor's back turns, "she look familiar to you Gordon?"

He nods, "looks like Maddie Wayne with this get up."

He turns now to Morgan, "Morgan what height is the victim?"

"Five foot four, she also weighs about nine stone, very small woman wouldn't have taken much to have subdued her. I'll take the dye and contacts out and see what we're left with. Get her picture circulated, pretty young girl like this someone should be missing her."

"When you've finished can you call me? Tell me what she looks like without all of this, with some luck she may have a record. Anything on her clothes, anything to suggest who she may be?"

"Clothes are on the table Gordon; I'll walk you through them."

A large black handbag and its contents lay spread out on the table, "no purse or anything to id her with, the killer must have kept them. There's three different colours of lipstick, two of which are different shades of pink, the last and more interestingly is red..."

"Why is that so interesting?" Morgan continues smiling despite Stephen's interruption.

"The red doesn't match; it's a very deep red, not a common choice for a young girl to wear. We also found an address book, has many male names in it; the last entry was 'Oliver, meet at 7.30 pm'. That was the last thing she wrote; it could be a possibility your victim was on the game."

"So it may not be related to Maddie at all this case?"

Morgan nods, "possible, it's not common for young women to change their appearance, could be she dyed her hair just hours before her death but then again this looks fresh, like it was done just moments before her death. He could have done it to make it harder to identify her. Now for the clothes she was wearing."

They move to the end of the table, the clothes are spread out neatly. "Black tights, many rips in them either done on purpose or when she was being hurt, you can never tell with fashions these days. Her underwear was missing; the bra however was not, its pink expensive, looks brand new. The skirt, denim looks pretty old, there's some holes in that too. The blouse is of the same quality as the bra, the tag is designer; all in all I'd say we have a mixture here, two different types of women; yet the same person."

Stephen moves forward, picking up the address book; "did you find any drugs in her?"

"Actually no, she was clean, no needle marks or anything else to suggest she was on anything. Small amount of alcohol found in her system though not enough to make her drunk, the last thing she ate was bread."

Stephen braces himself on the table, waiting until Morgan is out of ear shot; "it'll take forever I'm guessing to get the dye outta her hair, why don't we just use the computer? Take away the brown hair dye, contacts won't be any problem clear up her face and see what happens?"

He nods, they need a break in the case and fast, "sure, you do that while I finish up here, I'll be back up soon."

He turns to face the young woman; walking over to her he strokes the hair away from her face, taking the picture. "Someone out there knows what happened to her Gordon, you'll find out soon enough..."

Morgan risks a look at him, "she does look similar to Miss Wayne, the hair, the eyes. I'd warn her if I were you Sir; she could be in grave danger if this is a message."

**Stephen's POV**

"Take this part away from here; hair looks like it should be longer... dark red hair, green eyes."

"Stephen you almost done?"

He waves his hand in the general direction of Gordon's voice, "pictures almost done, got her original features up now."

They gather around the computer screen, without the dyed hair and brown contacts she looks like a different woman. Her face now re-created with no imperfections.

"Take away all the blemishes and marks and she was beautiful," Gordon murmurs beside him.

The young woman's face was indeed pretty; her natural dark red hair once hung past her shoulders, her face had not fallen to the ravages of drugs; instead she was unmarked, her eyes a bright green. Without the dyed hair and fake contacts she looks nothing like Maddie, the only similarity is the height between the two women.

"A record came up for her boss, Morgan was right she was on the game. We've had her in here a few times, last arresting officer was James."

Gordon remains silent beside him, he finally speaks. "I know her; she was on the game like Morgan said. Her names..."

**Sam's POV**

She was pretty, better than the other prostitutes he'd seen around; she looked like she didn't belong and even now that's what he wanted her to be like...to be like her. She didn't look like her though, red hair and green eyes, she couldn't look less like her if she's tried. She'd seen him around as well, he'd built up her trust over the past few weeks, during those weeks his plans were coming together; this, his final warning of what he wanted to be done. The cop hadn't done anything and boy was he pissed; he wanted results and got nothing. She'd been so easy to get, he only had to wave her over and she'd ran eagerly to him; like a puppy returning to its master.

"Hi Sam, how have you been?"

He'd just smiled at her questions, taking her to a secluded area; to others warning signals would have started, instead she just sat there, talking away, unaware of her fate.

"What do you want me to do to you?"

He'd smiled even more at her, manoeuvring her head towards his pants; he leaned his head back as she unzipped his pants, before she could go any further he reached down, hitting her head against the gear stick. She'd slumped forward, the indentation already marking her skin. He'd taken her to the house; tying her wrists back with wire, her feet with rope; then he'd waited for her to wake up, examining his tools ever so often, reciting what the Joker had taught them all 'drag it out boys, sometimes the best kill is well worth the wait.' So he'd waited until she woke up, her head had slumped forward, her long hair hiding her face and her view of him and her whereabouts. She'd raised her head then, jerking at the wire, screaming in pain as it cut her wrists, she looked at him, terrified, hoping she'd been dreaming.

"Hey there girl, I was wondering when you'd get your ass up. Probably shouldn't have hit you so hard when we were in the car, let's have a look at that."

Her instincts had kicked in then; she'd flung her head from side to side, head butting him in the process, he'd grunted in pain; backhanding her across the face. She's gasped in shock, her makeup ruined by her tears; he'd reached out wiping her face, his nails scratching the skin.

"Please Sam, please let me go, I haven't done anything wrong to you! Please, my mom and dad will be looking for me; they'll know I'm missing!"

He'd ignored her; instead he'd stoked her hair, noting the length and the shades of red. "Too long to be like her's, hair colour needs to go as well."

"Please, I only do this because I need the money. Ask anyone and I don't have much money if that's what you want. I have my family!"

Her crying had annoyed him by then; he rounded on her, pulling her hair back; holding on tight.

"What would your family think if they knew what you did?"

Her tears didn't stop; the mascara ran down her face; he'd relented, softening his face. He'd caressed her face, tracing her features, her eyes, her hair.

She'd nudged his hand with her face, "please Sam, let me go, I won't tell anyone."

His hand had gone to her hair, checking the length; she'd looked at him, her eyes suspicious.

"Too long, especially now she's cut her's. Don't worry though we can change that."

He'd walked away, leaving her alone in the dark.

"Change what? Sam where are you?"

She'd hung her head again, pointing towards her feet, she didn't realise he was behind her until she felt the first cut. She'd screech slightly in pain, he'd clutched onto her hair, dangling it in front of her.

"Oops, guess I nicked you with my knife, but it had to be done Amy, it won't work unless I did that to you."

He'd scattered her hair around her, teasing her; "this is just practise, what I want to do to her is so much worse. You should feel lucky Amy."

She was still whimpering, he'd gotten annoyed, hadn't really thought it through and had dug into her thigh with his knife, twisting it deeper into her. She'd screamed, rocking backwards and forwards in her chair, trying desperately to free herself. He'd sliced along her thigh, he hadn't meant to start yet; but the crying, oh God the crying had grated on him. The blood had spread over both of them; soiling their clothes.

"Why?"

He'd dug his fingers into the wound, twisting them, "why? You match her, those others girls haven't got anything on you and her. If you think about it in a way you win!"

Her cried had silenced by then, he'd left her for a few days, coming in on and off to hurt her some more, he got better each time. Everything he'd heard from the Joker he'd put into practise. Funny really when you think about it; everything the Joker had taught him he was now using against his whore...it's a strange world.

Afterwards the blood was everywhere; perhaps the neck he could have cut less, he was worried that when the time came to move her, the head would fall off but luckily for him it hadn't. And now as he stands watching the cops find her body he knows it won't be long. She can't run and she can't hide forever.

**Joker's POV**

A box of fucking tablets; she wanted his help and he gave her tablets, like she was like him; or one of those doctors at Arkham, pumping him full of crap that made him slow, make him not think straight, lose his concentration, walk around like he was a fucking zombie or something. The look on her face, the whole, suffocating situation was too much for him to handle. Now, sat here on his own, he realises how cruelly neglectful of her he'd been. But the truth is he doesn't know how to behave; having someone rely on him, love him and want his help is alien to him. Practically ran away from her, left her to it, probably made her feel that small by doing what he did.

He tries in vain not to think of her, but he does, of course he does. He sees all of his Maddie's; blonde Maddie, her hair was so bright, so beautiful, that he'd sit there for hours playing with it while she slept, cursing himself for being so weak, so pathetic around her, but then she'd do something, or even look at him and he'd forgive her. Maddie fiddling with her hair when she was nervous, tearing at the skin of her lips when she was reading, her laugh, oh God her laugh; it was so innocent, so infectious. Then last night in bed, he remembered the warmth of her body against his, the way her body curled against his; the nape of her neck where he would often stroke tenderly. All of those Maddie's are his. It kills him to say that; be someone he thought he'd buried a long time ago, the memories of the old Jack are slowly coming back; his life before he was the Joker.

He twists the pictures closer, for a while just looking at these pictures where enough, he could be near her and not ache to touch her; and now it takes him all his strength not to go the Manor and take back what is his. He never thought he'd have kids, he never wanted one, his job and life doesn't make room for a kid. Mat...how long does he even have with him? Not too long before he starts screaming every time he sees him, starts asking mommy why daddy is such a freak, why he has the scars. He rubs the back of his hand against them, the red paint looking more like blood.

She'd called him a miracle; '_almost seven billion miracles walking around in this world Jack and we have one of them.' _

He'd referred to him as an 'accident', she's laughed and told him to stop being negative, that 'surprise' was better. He hadn't stopped; muttering about condoms and that he could never control himself around her, she'd hugged him affectionately, laughing as he moaned like some old man.

'_Some people just get carried away in the moment, but I don't regret him...do you?' _

She'd bit her lip, chewing nervously as she waited for his answer...of course he regretted it; he couldn't be there for her, for them, what kind of miracle was this? He'd gone to say that, but then he caught the look on her face, the necklace she had on spelling out 'Mat', he'd teased her about it sure, but she'd just said it was so he was closer to her heart. He'd taken each part of her in, bit by bit, the glow surrounding her, everything and he'd nodded, told her what she wanted to hear...what he wanted to tell her was 'I'm sorry', sorry he could never properly be there, sorry he had ruined her life; threatened her world. He knows what could happen and he's sorry. So sorry.

**Maddie's POV**

I sway gently on the porch swing, leaning against the head rest; my eyes on the full moon. It's still warm enough to be outside; the chill of the night has yet to set in. I'm still riding high from last night's operation; the adrenaline is a rush for me. Lifting my arm, I outline the circle of the moon with my fingertips. The weight of the operation had pressed on my shoulders for weeks; on that evening I'd chopped cucumbers, celery and lettuce for a salad. I'd sat down at the computer, going over last minute things when it felt as though two beefy, muscular arms had reached from the monitor and pressed their hands down on my shoulders, compressing my lungs so I could no longer grasp a breath. Now it's over, I can cross that off my list; I can think clearly, but the threat of what almost happened won't go away. It's almost as though the Chief has refused to remember what happened; that the whole operation was smooth from the word 'go'.

"Hey Mads, it's getting cold out here, I thought I'd bring you this."

I turn towards Bruce, or rather the blanket in front of Bruce. I smile and pat the space next to me; inviting him to sit down. He spreads the blanket over us, I lay my legs down over his legs; he tuts but doesn't remove them. The garden is lit up with white fairy lights, I'd hung them on the tree branches one Christmas and they'd been left up since; the effect is quite spectacular. "

You think you'll ever get rid of these Uggs? They're falling apart," he tugs gently on my shoes and I prop them into view.

"They're comfy, it's nice to put these on after wearing heels for most of the day and besides I love them."

He laughs and rests his head against my shoulder, "Alfred's inside I invited him out but he said it was too cold. You can take the man out of England..."

I laugh and pull the blanket closer, "this is nice, just me and you. We rarely get time with each other now a day, its good."

"Yeah it is Bruce, even though we live in the same house."

He nudges his head at my teasing, "I'm serious, we should take that holiday soon. I've been going on about if for long enough. Mat's a little bit older now, he'll appreciate it more."

"God, can you believe he's almost one? It seriously only seems like yesterday I found out I was pregnant..." and only months ago I was still with Jack, locked up from everyone else yes, but I was still with him.

"I know; he's so big now, so happy; he's a good kid, the best. Speaking of the best, the penthouse will go up for sale tomorrow, or do you have any plans for it?"

"I got some plans for it, I'll do it tomorrow though, it's too late now."

"Are you going to let me in on your plans? Or like the time you smuggled your rabbit into school, will I find out then?"

"It was a little funny though Bruce, you have to admit!"

His lips purse trying not to let the laughter out. It reminds me of a bottle of Coke, the giggle bubbles bound to escape soon enough.

"Four months," he says softly, I look at him, puzzled, "four months what?"

"Four months until Mat is one; I've been counting down on the calendar. Its four months exactly tomorrow."

I look at him shocked, I hadn't even realised, instead I bite my lip and keep it to myself. "I thought he was going to speak today and I know it isn't the time yet, but he keeps trying. He makes this little baby noises, you know?"

"I...I don't know, he doesn't do that in front of me."

He presses on my hand, some form of comfort I suppose, "he'll do it soon enough, it's just cause you work now and I spend most of the day with him. I've taped some of it; we can watch it if you like?"

"Yeah sure, I'll watch my son try to talk on a tape instead of being here for him."

"Maddie," he sighs twirling my hair in his hands.

"You'll hear him soon enough, I reckon he'll be talking and walking in no time, like his mom."

I relax against him again, holding his gloved hand in mine; "how's things with Stephen then? You pair dating or not, or is there someone else?"

"I'm not dating anyone Bruce, just figured I'd play the field a bit."

I miss the look on his face; disregard the tension in the air, his fingers tighten around mine. My hands turn numb.

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**A/N: Trust me, all of this is relevant, right down to the morgue scene, it all fits in to where this story is heading. And trust me, it's heading somewhere, but you'll have to all carry on reading and reviewing to finding out where! I don't know how many chapters are left to go, but this story will be finished... and perhaps they'll be more to come! Oh the hints I drop! Anyway before this note becomes another part of the story I'll end it there.**

**Take care,**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	23. Reading Between The Lines

**A/N: This chapter...for ages it just hasn't been working for me, I literally have deleted so many versions of this, but now I'm happy to post it! While I'm here does anyone actually read these author notes properly? I mean I could say anything like I'm not really a woman; I could be a 50 year old convict writing this from prison...should anyone be reading this I'm not. I am actually a woman; perhaps I've freaked you all out now and should shut it before my neck goes further into the noose...on with the chapter merry readers!**

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**Chapter 22: **

A story always starts with a beginning, it's happy at first; the sunshine remains forever golden it touches everything; the bad is always airbrushed over, its existence gone. Bruce would lay with me at night when we were children, not long after our parents died, and he would read to me. When he went to school it was only then I learnt he had changed the stories; made even the saddest stories have a happy ending. He hid all the bad things in the world from me; he would do anything for me. One summer it was so hot he took all the ice cream from the freezer and melted it together in a bowel; telling me it was a summer soup, we ate it all summer long, until he had to go back to school. I'd send him letters dosed in lemon juice, making Bruce swear he would never let anyone else see; I was eight, he was fourteen. He would do anything for me, but would I do anything for him? I use to think so, that I would cross the world for Bruce, if it meant he was ok. We were so close; then everything went wrong, the world turned, too fast for me to understand, people changed, Rachel died, Bruce was sad, so sad and I was in bliss. "I want to see things how you see them, I want to see the world how you do." He'd laughed and taken my hand, lead me onto the roof, "this is how the world really is doll", he'd laughed at the explosions of colour, and I'd never seen his face so animated. "This is my business, my work, look how the city falls onto its knees at one man's work." He was intoxicating, his draw more powerful than Bruce's; we found a quiet place where no one could reach us; the noises were our own, we were complete. He'd do anything for me; I have never told him about the man with paint for skin, it would lead to our separation; and I didn't want to be more alone than I already was.

**Maddie's POV**

Despite the snow and slippery pavements it only takes me mere minutes to find Karen's house. I pull my scarf closer, huffing out clouds of white air; I was stupid to go out without gloves today. Bruce always use to tease me about how I use to wear warm clothes during summer and barley anything during winter; no matter how much Alfred and Bruce would cajole me or bribe me with sweets or a new doll if I put that extra layer on. I didn't tell anyone I was going here; ever since that young woman was murdered police have given people an unofficial curfew; Stephen told me that it didn't seem to be a random attack; he didn't go into detail and nor did Bruce, but it's been enough for even me to hurry home. The crowds around me, moving as quickly as I do, despite the movement around me, the amount of people I feel someone watching me. I feel his glare on my body; his movements speed up when mine do, the cold air feels like ice water as I push my way through people. I swerve, changing direction, joining a larger crowd of people I see a large wooden bench. My legs feel like I'm wading through treacle as I collapse on it; legs still jittery and breathing hard. I watch the shadow in the alley way, until it becomes nothing more than part of the wall. I skirt around the paths; avoiding at all cost the entrances to the alleyways, ensuring I stay in the middle away from grasping hands. There is nothing to be afraid of...I repeat the words Alfred used to me when I was younger; not much seems to have changed now; I'm still terrified, still wanting the comfort of a reassuring voice. "There's no monster under the bed"... but I know his real.

I hear the laughter of her kids before I see Karen; she raises her hand and, picking up Billy she unlocks the door.

"Maddie Hi, what a nice surprise, you've caught me at a good time; I've actually took a break from packing."

I take off my hat; shaking the snow from the lower parts of my hair; she settles Billy down and he immediately grips her leg and pulls himself up; I swallow the jealousy and grip my hat tightly instead.

"I can't stay for long Karen, Bruce has gone out and I think I've only got an hour left before his back."

She nods, understanding my dilemma, "the reason I've come here is because of this," I fish the key out of my bag, placing it on her open hand.

She looks from me to the key and then back again, Billy mimics his mother, "thanks Maddie, but I don't think this is mine."

"It is now, it's the key to the penthouse, I wanted to give it to you, you and the kids."

She stares at me open mouthed, even Billy stops his actions, "Maddie, no I can't take this from you! That's your house, and anyway I could never afford a place like that."

I hesitate, questioning if I'm doing the right thing, if she thinks it's a charity case, "the money doesn't matter to me or Bruce, I talked to him about it and he thinks it's a great idea. Don't worry about me; me and Mat are staying with Bruce for pretty much the foreseeable future."

Instead of answering she pats down her hair, offering me tea instead. I should be offended, thinking she is ignoring me, instead I smile and nod, following her into the dingy kitchen. The linoleum on the floor is torn, exposing the cold concrete underneath. But despite these imperfections, I notice every surface shines; chipped china gleams, hand-me-down saucepans shine through the rust.

"This is, this is unexpected Maddie. My husband left me nothing in his will; any money he did leave was soon taken to pay off his debts. Last week I had drug dealers threatening to kick down my front door because he owed them money. This," she points between the space between us, "This is a miracle. It's taking someone I barely know to help my family, my mother left Gotham to live in France with her new toy boy so I don't have anything."

She turns her back on me for a second, her shoulders judder until she squares them and pours the tea, I can't help but notice how proper she is; with cups and saucers, a jug for milk and a matching tea pot.

"There's going to be no more fights, no needles in the garden, it's all yours."

She glances again at the key, "you've been good to me Madeline Wayne, no matter what you think you're a good person."

The next day there will be pictures of us embracing outside her flat; they'll call me her 'hero,' how I've once again saved another part of Gotham. The story barely scratches the surface.

**Stephen's POV **

"It's right through here," they step gingerly through the mass of dirt and rubbish on the floor of the old building, staying close to the side so not to disturb any evidence.

"Where did you find it?" Gordon's voice is quiet, as though keeping it at a respectable volume.

"It's right down here sir, the old owners left the place like this so I come in every now and again to clean up, check up on the place. I came here this morning to do my rounds as normal and found the writing."

Gordon shines the flashlight into the darkened room, the metallic stench of blood fills the air, narrowing his eyes, he squints into the dark; the overturned chair, the puddle of blood, the restraints and even more frightening, the blood stained writing on the floor.

"What does it say Stephen?"

He steps closer, edging around the blood, "an eye for an eye."

The old man speaks up, clutching his cap, "I thought it was just kids, you know? They break in here sometimes and mess the place up, but then I looked closer and saw it was blood... and well I called you guys."

Gordon murmurs his thanks to the old man, stepping up to the bare wall, the blood staining the walls forever.

"It's spelt wrong, the 'e' is missing for the 'eye', replaced with an 'I', I think whoever did this could be illiterate."

"Stephen I don't think this is a Joker case, why would he go to such lengths to disguise someone to look like Madeline just to hurt them? The man never makes any sense but even this would be out of order for him."

He knows the hopelessness Gordon feels is written all over his face, the case has so many twists and turns its beginning to feel impossible to right them.

"We know it's all linked to Maddie, but why would anyone want to hurt her? Even the mobs don't go anywhere near her and now we get the call finding our crime scene? She was tortured and murdered for a reason, what are we supposed to tell Bruce Wayne? There's someone out there who wants to murder his little sister? Forget it! He'd have our badges and our heads for keeping this from him."

Gordon raises a hand through his hair, wincing as he eyes the blood, "the bodies keep piling up, I think Bruce Wayne will have more to say if his sister joins them."

"What are we suppose to do Gordon? How can we find this guy without hurting Maddie? We know nothing; we have no motivation, no nothing!"

He rips his arm away from Gordon's, stalking over to the other side of the room, "I care about her too, she doesn't want me to, but I do. How am I supposed to look at her and pretend everything's fine when in reality she could die? We need constant surveillance around her, but how do we explain that without telling Wayne that we don't know who we're looking for?"

Gordon inhales, without him even saying another word he knows they're both picturing Mathew, Maddie's little boy, what would life be like for him without her? Amy Price's family have to live with the knowledge that they'll never see their daughter, sister and granddaughter again, never talk to her, never share another Christmas with her... how could they allow this to happen to Mathew?

**(Later...at the Manor... ooh I sound dramatic)**

Her words grate on me as I clench my hands together; the pain from my nails stings me only momentarily before I clench them again. The baby sits in her lap and I wince as he sees me move, his cries increasing when he sees me move away.

"Shush shush now Mathew, you're mommy will be back soon."

I lock myself in the pantry; pawing desperately through the jars to get my vitamins; I sink two at once, swallowing them with some wine. I'm craving the need to feel better; to stop wanting to claw at my skin, to rip my entire face off, to be someone new. He never tries to talk in front of me, never attempts to do anything; my failures as a mother are becoming more apparent to me each day.

Each day I'll come in from work and Bruce will greet me at the door; telling me he blew Alfred a kiss or pointed, rolled over properly, "we'll watch the video I took Mads; you should see how good he is."

Every day I have to remind myself I chose this; I wanted out of the Manor, but I didn't want out of my son's life. Time is something you can never get back; no amount of videos or pictures can make up for lost time. I could almost laugh at this situation; here I am twenty eight years old and locking myself in a cupboard, away from the big bad world... if I didn't know any better I'd laugh. Mat giggles, obviously Bruce or Alfred is home, and like me Helena rarely gets a smile out of him. I heave myself up off the floor, cursing myself as I hit my head on the corner of the shelf; wincing I press down on the delicate area, rubbing it gently. My actions knocked my bag over, the contents spill onto the floor, I scoop used pens, torn fragments of paper and eventually my purse up, I tug the picture hanging out of my purse, expecting to see Mat. Instead I turn it over in my hand, it's crisp, well used and clearly well loved; my old picture of James. My mind races with the possibilities; I knew I tore the picture up, a torn picture cannot be put back together; picture perfect. A past memory flickers through my mind, of Helena handing out these pictures to anyone who cared; I never kept a spare, I had no use for one. My jaw clenches, the muscles tighten as my walk becomes more purposeful. She's still sat at the kitchen island, Mat in his high chair, I slam the picture down on the table, she looks at it, her expression uninterested.

"What's it doing here Helena? I got rid of the one I had in my purse, so why the hell is it in my purse?"

At my raised voice, Mat's bottom lip trembles and he pouts, his arms reaching for anyone.

Helena goes to him, holding him uncomfortably close; "really Madeline, you're scaring the baby. How should I know why the picture is there, maybe you didn't rip it up?"

I tear my hands away from my face, hitting the photo hard with my hand, my fingertips sting at the contact.

"No, I ripped it up, stop calling me crazy, I'm not crazy!"

She flinches from my outburst, forcing Mat's head on her shoulder, "shush James, shush."

I inhale sharply, "what, what did you just call him?"

Her mouth forms an 'o' and she looks around helplessly, "Mathew, I called him Mathew, of course I did."

I shake my head slowly from side to side, stepping closer to Mathew, "don't you dare stand in my house and lie to me! You called him James, I know what you said, he isn't James he's my baby!"

Before she can resist I grab Mat out of her waiting arms, I turn and run, desperate to distance myself.

"Madeline, I really think you need to calm down, you're imagining things."

I carry on walking, knocking into Alfred as I turn a sharp corner; he steady's me with his hands, gently grabbing me.

"Where's the fire Miss Maddie?"

I turn and point towards Helena, jerking my thumb at her, "her, ask her!"

My breathing is laboured, it sounds as though I've ran a marathon; in reality I'm just pissed. "Maddie, what happened?" I ignore Alfred until I reach my destination, the soft glow of the winter sun highlight the yellow paint in the nursery.

"The picture of James I had in my wallet I ripped it up; I didn't want it and now I look in my purse today and it's in there again!"

I clench Mat closer as Helena forces her way into the room; "and I told you I had no idea what it was maybe you should rest? I think the more appropriate question should be why are you ripping up pictures of James? Care to answer that, why you're acting psychotic?"

Alfred shoots her a look as he steps closer to me, his hands stretched outwards. I eye him nervously as the tears burn my eyes, Helena walks further into the room.

"No!" I move in front of crib, guarding Mat, "not you, I said no!"

"Miss Madeline," I ignore Alfred, still crying I feel Mat's hands clasp mine through the bars of his cot.

"Mads," at the mention of my pet name I look up, "let me look after Mathew you rest and then Bruce will be home before you know it. You just rest or even go out with Jane, get yourself out of the house."

I nod, holding my arms around me, Alfred sighs and edges close to Mat, and I grab Alfred's hand, startling him.

"His not her baby and he's not James."

He nods, smiling at me, I can barely look at them as they walk out, Helena lingers for a second, biting her lip she walks out; "go away Helena."

She gasps, her footsteps halter, "what do you mean?"

I turn to her, griping onto the rails, "just get out, if you know what's good for you, just get out."

"Madeline, I meant no harm, you know that..."

My laughter cuts her off, "he isn't yours, his mine and whatever you're thinking, stop it; I mean it."

I meet her eye, "I'll be back soon Madeline," she turns, her heels clicking on the floor as she walks off.

Bruce's car pulls in, let them say what they want, I'm beyond caring. I look out onto the balcony; the same one I jumped from with Jack; my hands itching, I open the window, sliding it as quietly as I can to the top.

"I er think you should have someone to catch you when you get out there doll, that's usually how these things work."

He pulls slightly on my hair, his chest resting against my back.

"She called him James," I mutter, like a sulking teenager to a parent.

"I er didn't catch that part, heard you telling her to leave. Gotta say I'm impressed, about time you told her."

He sighs at my unresponsive nature, "About yesterday and the pills..." now I do focus on him, I flip my finger against his scarred mouth, his tongue flicks nervously out, hitting the edge of my finger.

"I don't care Jack, I really don't care."

He jerks me, I forgot how fast he is, his eyes darken, his whole body radiates anger, "you should care, I er tossed what you said aside like it meant nothing. It meant something to you for you to bring it up."

In an attempt to break free, I try and straighten my legs out, he presses himself closer to me, there's no passion between us this time. Only madness.

"You better start paying attention and looking after yourself, you don't do that you lose the kid ok?"

My head rolls to the side, I'm desperate not to look at him, hear his words.

"Don't...don't say that to me."

His hands cup my face, he strokes my hair gently, "why, you need to hear it from someone, everyone else is too busy tiptoeing around you not saying what they're really thinking."

A sob breaks from me, my face presses forcefully against the window pain, yet I feel no pain.

"Come here doll," he coos at me, steering my face towards him.

"Why are you here again? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

He stiffens at my question, before, very slowly, pulling himself away from me, his eyes soften.

"You won't help yourself doll, so I'll have to do it for you."

"I gave Karen my old apartment, he needs it more than me, so I gave it to her. Did you see that news report about that dead woman; I saw the police files; they're saying she looks like me..."

He raises an eyebrow at my rambling, I don't stop, my thoughts are racing, my mind turning. I trace his shirt with my fingers, the patterns swirl together and I lean closer; captivated.

"She called my psychotic...mad sounds nicer doesn't it? Psychotic sounds scary doesn't it?"

Mad sounds simpler; the Mad Hatter, it sounds playful; there is no playful light hearted story book image for psychotic. Madness we can relate too, an emotion at an intense level, that doesn't bubble over. Psychosis is way out there; be like that you are shunned, locked up in Arkham with doctors asking you how you feel every day.

"You're er, you're not doll, trust me I should know."

I look at him, his eyes lock onto mine, "then why am I feeling like this? Even you don't have the answer Jack."

He swings my legs round to wrap around his waist, he twirls my hair around in his hand.

"These things take time doll and for you I've got all the time you need."

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**A/N: Trust me, everything that's happening with Maddie will soon be revealed and I hope you all like what's in store, as they are plenty more twists and turns in this story. The scene with Gordon and Stephen is the murder scene of where the young woman from the last chapter was killed. Thanks again for being so patient and welcome new readers! **

**Until next time,**

**Feels-Like-Paradise**


	24. I Can See No Other Way

**Hello people reading my story, if there are any out there still. (I am hiding my head in shame, or in my pizza whichever is more fitting.) Sadly it's been a while since I last updated, life has been happening and unfortunately this means that I've been unable to update as quickly as I would like to. I really would like to apologise to those who have waited so long for this update, but thank you for returning! **

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**Chapter 23: 'I Can See No Other Way.' **

We can all feel emotion, each and every one of us can. It hurts; when people we love are in pain, when we're in pain. We all have our demons, the skeleton in the closet that hangs there every time we open the door. The dark shadow over our bodies, that no matter how hard we run, how far we go, it remains with us; like a jacket stitched to our backs. We may fight as much as we can for those people; but the truth is sometimes people can't be helped; sometimes they're too far from the surface and more closer to the demons who are crying out for new blood, the chance to cling to someone new.

**Bruce's POV**

When she was younger Maddie, like all good looking teenagers found her first love; he broke her heart after a month and like all big brothers, he felt the need to protect her; to find this boy, this low life and make him pay. It was jobs like that which made the big brother role easier; a few well chosen words aimed at the boy coupled with his towering height soon had him regretting the day he messed with his sister. Now she is older, now they've more than a few extra lines of age between them, the job is getting harder. Now Maddie can take care of men who break her heart, his role has diminished to nothing more than a few anxious calls in the background. Except, now she needs him he realises the truth; he is stuck fast, the deals, the bargaining with God, to anyone who will listen have faded away to sickening anxiety. God becomes nothing more than a distant memory, someone who can only offer advice, who can only extend a loving hand near the end. His powers as an older brother have dwindled to still impotency; lately he has been re-living their parent's deaths. Grief becomes harder to swallow. He can't lose Maddie too.

**Helena's POV**

"What the fuck do you mean, she threw you out?" she flinches against the torrent of spit erupting from the man's mouth, he of course notices and steps closer.

"She was upset, it's going too far, I can't get to her now It's too much, what you're doing, what we're doing it will kill her."

He grins, so reminiscent of the Cheshire cat, that lazy wide mouth smirk she has become so accustomed to.

"It's too late now love, the plan is in motion and there's no way you're getting off."

She goes to interrupt him, he silences her with one look, "and if you even go to the police, if I hear anything that I don't like," his eyes glance towards the gun display on the wall, "well I won't be accountable for my actions will I?"

He leaves in a flurry of stale stench and instant relief is necessary. She fumbles with her glass, spilling the whiskey slightly over the side, her hands shake; the result of far too many pills. The bay window allows the winter sun to filter heavily into the room, the sound of Maddie laughing from the kitchen used to be a familiar sound this time of year. Time often changes those around us, but events are often pushed, twisted into how we desire them.

"Everything we do is necessary," she used to believe his words, everything he used to say, how he dangles James in front of her like the broken part of her heart.

And now she sees how the roles have changed; how wrong he is and that Maddie truly does not deserve this pain, but that the word of a mad, drunk old woman will not make her see the light. Seeing first hand the devastation Maddie is going through is more of a wakeup call than a bad hangover; her hair may be darker, but the length is now the same, the same thick hairs James use to twist through his fingers. The grief of James' death cuts deeper everyday; she can't let Mat go through the same.

**Maddie's POV**

The picture twists in the hands, the sharp edges slice my fingers, I sigh deeply yet not from the pain. This picture is new, the one 'lost' from my desk, strange isn't it how lost can end up as stolen. I shift in her seat more, the ticking of the clock echoing my impatience; her shift will be over soon I memorised Jane's timetable as much as I did my own. Bruce always accused me of being so quick to start a fight, so bad tempered at times that he would often walk out of the room we were in just so he could leave me to simmer on my own; so he did not become the object of my rage. The handle turns and I straighten, the picture remains face down.

"Hey Mads, I thought we were meeting later?"

I tap the edge of the photo, my lip turns into a sneer, and this is not the person I wanted to become; "no something came up."

She frowns until I dangle the picture idly from my fingers; her face registers shock, despair then something else, anger?

"Why..." she clears her throat, her hands stuffed into her pockets, "why do you have that?"

I look at the picture, as though only realising its content, "oh this? You mean the picture of my fiancé that used to be on my desk? That I have since found in your desk? I have no idea... Janey."

Her arms fold at this, the picture I keep at a safe distance, "I must have found it and picked it up by accident, I probably meant to give it back to you later, why do you care so much anyway Maddie?"

I lean forward, "It's not just a picture and I have every right to care, it was mine he gave it to me, what gives you the right to be taking my things anyway?"

Her attempts to grab my hands fall flat, I push myself closer to the wall, she chews her lip "Mads you shouldn't care that I took it, it's because I wanted to have something to look at, you get the right to mourn him in public, what do I get?"

I shake my head, the wild curls brush down my back "you hated him, you always said..."

"And I do hate him but so do you; you should do anyway. What happened that night when James died? Why do you always look so guilty?"

I still hold the picture of James, my fingers stroke the curves of his face "I have every right to be feeling this way, you don't get to because you meant nothing, he was planning a family with me not you. He wanted me and our babies not you or Riana! You wanna know why he hated you coming round? Cause he couldn't stand looking at the mistake that he made, he didn't want either of you, yet you kept shoving Riana down his throat."

She laughs, flat and empty. "At least I had his baby, unlike you trying to pass Mat off as his! God anyone with half a brain can tell Mat isn't James!"

Her outburst stills me, she smirks, pouncing on my weakness, "yet everyone can tell that Riana is James' daughter, I had his baby and you could never stand that, though God knows you tried. All it took was one night for me to get pregnant with Riana; you tried for years with him."

She thinks she has me beaten, but even now I hold the winning card, "I'm proud of who Mat's father is, what was James? Even now whenever I see him his the same pathetic guy he always was. I'm glad killed him," her eyes widen, I'm so sorry.

"What do you mean you killed James?"

"The gun was there and I did it and I know your mad but I'm suffering more than you could ever know..."

"Get out," she snaps, even now James she is so mad at you for dying, for what you did to her.

I nod, too wary, too scared of what else I may say, instead I push the photo to her, our finger brush and I have the urge to hold onto her, to erase these past moments, but I can't, the damage is done. She doesn't wait for me to leave before she starts crying, I didn't want to sever our friendship, all around me people were suffering, I couldn't let Jane suffer too.

**Joker's POV**

'Like father like son, soon you'll be gone!'

The writing is childish, uneven and shaky; if he didn't know Speed like he does he would point the finger of blame to him. This writing is different; at least Speed attempts to write neat, no this person gave no thought except to the contents of the note.

"Sam, what am I gonna do with you huh?"

Never bite the hand that feeds you, that's what he drummed into his men; the ones who couldn't be trusted would soon be disposed of.

"Should have got rid of him straight away..." too late for that now though, damage is done and it's him he wants.

Shrugging off his jacket he notes with a twinge of sadness the tear tracks tainting the fabric. Normally tears would be welcome, a sign his doing the job well; but these are Maddie's tears, her tears should be locked away. Now he knows someone is deliberately trying to hurt his family, his sadness turns to hatred. He will find them.

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**A/N: So Riana is James' kid, and if you've skipped parts of the story and didn't read that then shame on you! I hope you all (if there's any of you left), liked this chapter, the next one I'll be hopefully getting out soon, which will have more answers to your questions in it. Oh and FYI the next chapter? It's gonna be a big one! Is someone after the Joker? What's happening to Maddie? What's up with Helena? What will Jane do? Well only I know, unless I've been hacked... or get drunk and email yous the entire plan, (oh yes, unlike our mutual friend Mr Joker, I've a plan for this story!) then no ones getting to know anything (even you cough Foxotr cough). Thanks again for reading and keeping patient with me when I deserve a good arse kicking! **

**P.S I'm listening to Florence and the Machine Shake it out as I write this, why am I telling yous? It's a damn good song; I can guarantee yous will all be throwing some shapes out. And if not, well I didn't write the song, just this chapter... which I will take the blame for if it's crap. **


	25. Demon On My Back

**This is a big one folks! To use a phrase borrowed from my nana; 'the shits gonna hit the fan!'Now questions may be answered but as you all should know by now, nothings gonna be straight forward, there WILL be more twists and turns, but that's what I'm here for; to entertain and make you scratch your heads! Anyways on with the story and I really hope you all enjoy it, thanks for the reviews/alerts and favourites that you've all done for me (but remember! There's no such thing as being too shy to review, wink, wink). **

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**Chapter 24: Demon On My Back**

The human body can only stand so much before it breaks down. Even the most strongest of people can get knocked down and never be the same again. Sometimes when you have a problem it's hard to deal with it yourself, it's hard to even think about it, to express how you feel. So we hide away, we bury our hurt and put on our mask, face the world even though it's a strain even to get up in the morning. They say a problem shared is a problem halved, but what if by confessing our hurt, our sins, what if it hurts those around us? Separation from those we love sounds like the worst thing to do, but ultimately we're just saving them from our fate. It's always darkest before the dawn.

* * *

**Stephen's POV**

Telling the parent's of your victim that they're never coming home again, how sorry you are for their loss, is hard. Amy Price's parents are two faces that no matter how hard he tries, he will never forget their anguish. Which is exactly why he needs to warn Bruce Wayne before Maddie meets the same fate; how is it right, how can he see her son without his mother's fate etched across his face? Maddie always told him the truth, granted some things shouldn't be shared, but she has never once knowingly lied to him, especially if it meant he would be in danger. The detective side of him argues constantly with the other side of him, the side that is desperate to protect Maddie, to chase away the shadows that darken her path. Even as an officer of the law he knows that not everyone can or wants to be protected, but sometimes there are lines that must be crossed, no matter what your training tells you.

"Stephen, what's troubling you?"

His head jolts at Gordon's voice, the case has stripped the colour from Gordon's face, and now every time they see each other, his face old and grey, is still newly shocking.

"We should tell them what's happening," he doesn't need to explain, Gordon is far too experienced, knows him too well to question him.

"On one hand we should, I'd want to know if someone wanted me dead, God knows it would save a lot of stress," "but on the other hand we don't know who it is we're looking for."

He points to Gordon as he finishes his sentence, the silence stretches between them.

"We knew Amy was working the streets, maybe we should go and talk to some of the girls? See if anyone new was hanging around, if anyone had threatened them."

A heartbeat passes. Gordon looks at him, hopeful.

"You do know some of her friend's right?" A silent plea.

"A few of them, one of them Sasha, came with her 'boyfriend' to help us ID the body, I could talk to her..."

Gordon nods and turns, intent on leaving, "who would we ask if Maddie died?"

Even though his back is turned, Gordon's attention remains on him, "who would help us ID her? Who would come with Bruce and Alfred to ask us why we didn't see this coming?"

Gordon hesitates for a moment, then shakes his head.

"There was a case a while back remember, about that woman who was getting stalked? We didn't know who her stalker was until she decided to take it into her own hands and kill her ex boyfriend. Turns out it wasn't him, how can we let Maddie go through that constant paranoia, not knowing who to trust or who to turn to? This could undo her even more than telling her, the manor is like a fortress Stephen, if she's safe anywhere it's there."

He reaches his hand out to touch Gordon, just to feel something solid, something safe, Gordon however remains unreachable.

"The regret of what we're doing will come back to us..." another nod, "but some things are meant to be kept to yourself, there is no other way Stephen. Go and talk to Amy Price's friends, see if we can get a lead then go home and rest, I'll see you tomorrow."

**(tea break!)**

"Here you go," he places the steaming cup of hot coffee in front of Sasha Gray, she greedily accepts the mug, sighing as her hands make contact with the burning mug. He stays silent as they add milk and sugar to their drinks, Sasha's eyes finally meeting his.

"I've been thinking more about her lately, me and Amy shared a flat, she wanted to stop I said we should go for one more week. So stupid..." she trails off and he allows the quiet.

"I came here to ask you if Amy was worried about anything. If she had any old or new clients who made her feel threatened, if she'd been sent anything?"

She swallows deeply, her teeth burrow into her lips.

"No there was no one, she rarely went out and when she did it was the same guys. The last time I saw her she got into a car with this guy called Sam I think his name was. Never heard his last name, she never asked and I never wanted to know, it's not usually something we need."

He stills, another dead end, another list of possibilities. "Tell me about this Sam guy, what was he like?"

"Fine, he never hit her or anything, always tipped her extra. He started hanging around about a few months ago, no one else really ever saw him."

An eyebrow rises, "how come you never saw him?"

"I saw the back of him once, but that's it, she used to just go over to his car, he never needed to get out."

"So she never had any complaints about anyone?"

Irritation passes between them and he's aware of her violent past, scolding himself as he flinches from a woman smaller than him.

"No, if she did she would have told me, she told me everything; I knew every detail of her life. If she was upset she would have said, the only time I knew that something was wrong is when she didn't come home."

The coffee is suddenly not so appetising, his mother's words come back to him 'you can never let go of the past.'

His yearning desire to help Maddie could be the hindrance he has been desperate to avoid.

"Here's my card Sasha, if you can think of anything if you find anything, let me know please."

She scoffs, no one else matters but her friend, "please, more women could die, don't let what happened to Amy happen to anyone else."

Worrying is a human action; anxiety, fear its all relative. The bruised feeling after you can't help another seems crushing; we all want to defeat the demons.

**Maddie's POV**

The words were hard enough to say, the letter; putting the words onto paper was harder still. Somehow, long before this moment I knew I would have to do this; for me this is my insurance, my last chance to explain everything, to gain my redemption, for her to understand even if she doesn't right now. This is my last precious gift to her; she needs to know how I feel about her, that I was never truly mad at her, that I never blamed her for anything. The letter sealed and finished I head to my car for another day of work; my annoyance is increased when I open my door to see the car seat slumped against the wheel.

"Bruce, seriously? Why can't you just put it in the back?"

Without caring much, I shove the seat into the back, cursing again as I barely reach the wheel, damn Bruce and his messing around with my car. "I don't have time for this Bruce." I pull into my usual spot; having an earlier shift than normal I'm for once not unsettled by the empty parking lot. I hear the woman before I see her; her soft whimpers expand in the quiet air. I move closer to the barrier; her white hands clench the bars.

"Hey, hey!"

She doesn't move, instead she leans further to the edge, the blood drips onto the floor from her hand.

"Your hand is bleeding, come on step back over the rail and I'll help you."

I look around desperately for help and swing my legs over the railings, she twitches and cries harder.

"Can I see your hand please?" She nods, placing her hand into mine, I uncurl it, desperately checking for blood. There's no injury.

"I can't see where the blood is coming from."

She speaks for the first time, I feel her eyes glare into me.

"Try the stomach Maddie," the cold feeling returns to me.

I look up, already knowing who to expect. James grins back at me, waving his hand in my face.

"Stop it, stop it now!"

"Maddie no don't do it!"

The Chief runs over, his body hitting the railing vibrates into me. My body shakes more.

"Come over the edge please don't do it," I interrupt him, clinging onto the side, searching the empty lot for a site of James.

"Can you see him, can you see James? I can feel the blood on me!"

He shakes his head, "no, Maddie we're totally alone up here you have nothing on you, just give me your hand and I'll pull you back over and we can go somewhere safe."

The tears feel ice cold against my face, I paw them away. "No go away! I'm not crazy, but I see him all the time and it's so hard to ignore it."

Hands grasping, he tries again, "I know, but Maddie we need to get you off this ledge think of your son ok, he needs his mother."

I nod and turn around slowly, grasping onto his hand he pulls me back over the edge.

He looks at me, eyes reflecting the look I've seen so many times. "I think we need to talk..."

**(Chiefs office)**

"Maddie what happened out there?"

I look down at my folded hands, ignoring the fact that Jane's office is mere doors away from this one.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me," I look at him and he nods, nudging the bottle of water to me.

"I saw a woman on the edge of the car park, I went over to her and she was bleeding, I wanted to help her so I climbed over and I looked at her hand and then I saw James. I know it's not him but it feels real; I wasn't trying to jump, if hasn't come that far yet, but I'm scared that it will and no one will be around to catch me when I fall. I see and feel him everywhere and I know that's not right, I know I shouldn't be seeing my dead fiancé but I do."

"Maddie how are you feeling?"

The moment to stop lying is now.

"I feel like... I'm moving in slow motion. Like I'm moving in slow motion and everything around me is hazy and hard and I just wanna go back, to when things were normal... when I wasn't poor crazy Maddie looking like I'm about to jump off buildings with her... her dead fiancé who she keeps talking to. But I am, so I can't change anything; it's too late. And I'm.. just stuck. And there's all this pressure cause everyone's hovering around me waiting for me to do something or say something or flip out or yell or cry and I can't I have to be perfect cause it's expected of me; everyone has a part to play in life and is this mine, Bruce never had the same pressure on him but I do. And for a while I was happy to be propped up and wave and smile at people and do whatever it is that I'm supposed to be doing if it will make everyone feel more comfortable... but I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be this person. I don't know who this person is. And I'm scared that because of what is happening my son will be taken off me and I know there are people out there who want that. Before I was fine, really fine, and now... I thought I was a doctor, a good doctor, because for a while it was the one thing I knew how to do; but I'm not that person anymore. I thought I was but I'm not, so I quit. I can't do this anymore. Please don't tell anyone what happened; the way they would look at me I wouldn't be able to take it."

His hands meet mine, I've never held them before and I'm fascinated by the texture of his skin, the tightness of his grip as though he still feels like we're back on that edge.

"Maddie it doesn't have to end like this; I won't accept your resignation you go and get better, not just because you're a surgeon and a damn good one but because you're my friend ok? You get better and not for Bruce, or me or your son but for you. If there's anyone who deserves to be happy it's you."

I was expecting more; a few accusations, an appearance from James maybe thrown in for good measure.

"Thank you, I'm sorry I let you down."

"Maddie..."

I wave and turn to leave, this is where it's got to; losing my job, losing my bosses respect for me, it can't get much worse... but we all know it's possible.

Instead of emptying my locker I place the letter behind the photo of me and Jane, somewhere she'll find it. My insurance, my life line.

**Bruce's POV**

"I thought we'd have chicken tonight, nice and simple if you're off out again tonight Sir."

"That'll be great Alfred, make sure to leave some out for Maddie, she freaked the last time we didn't."

Alfred winces at the memory and they both exchange a small, guilty smile.

"She seems better now doesn't she? I know the whole thing with Helena is still ongoing but it may do Mads some good to stay away from her, she's just being reminded of James. She just isn't sharing much still, with me or Jane, any of us."

Alfred sighs, turning his attention from the food, "sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in Master Wayne, where the only person who can judge is you. Everyone judges Miss Maddie, she's been in front of the cameras since before she was born, it's always been unsettling for her."

"Yeah, well..." He slams his hand down on the vibrating phone, grinning at the possibilities of who it can be; instead he is surprised to see Jane's name on the screen.

"Hello Jane, what's the matter?"

**Maddie's POV**

"Alright I can handle this; everything is going to be fine."

I turn the key into the ignition again; the car splutters and moans, but once again refuses to start. I practically hit the roof when my phone goes off; hands shaking I slide the cover up; freezing as James' name shows.

"Hello?"

"Maddie, Jane called me and said you'd quit the hospital, where are you?"

"Hey, Bruce I can't talk right now...I think I'm lost."

I run my fingers through my dishevelled hair more, a vain attempt to soothe myself.

"Maddie just stay where you are ok? I'll come and find you; do you have any idea where you could be?"

"I don't really know but I can't start my car and... and this day just really sucks, I can't..."

The panic reflects in both our voices; I feel sick and Bruce doesn't sound far behind.

"Maddie don't do anything ok just stay put."

I hold the phone away from my ear; his voice sounds so far away, difficult to hear.

"Hello?"

"Maddie, can you hear me?"

I tap my fingers against the steering wheel, "um, look I... I quit my job and can you guys please come and get me?"

"I'll try ok, just lock the car door and I'll find you soon... Maddie?" His voice cuts out.

"Bruce? Bruce please I'm really scared... I."

The battery on my cell dies completely, great timing as always. I throw my phone down on the floor and rest my head against the wheel, trying to remember how to breathe.

**Bruce's POV**

He paces back and forth; his usual calm exterior for once forgotten.

"I don't know where she could be, she didn't sound right Alfred, I don't know what to do with her."

"Master Bruce if you will I believe I know where Miss Madeline could be. During the call I heard the sound of many trucks that amount of trucks in one place could mean she is near the Bridge."

"I need to go to her, if you're right that's a bad area I can't let anything happen, you stay here with Mat, and I'll go and get Maddie... she will be alright, won't she Alfred?"

He winces at how weak he sounds; not at all like the man who protects an entire city and her people. "Of course Master Bruce, bring her home."

**Maddie's POV**

The hand gently brushes my shoulder, fingers tangle in my wavy hair. The voice is unlike the soft caresses.

"Maddie when you just gonna do it huh? I mean how many more people have to die for you? Your parents died, your fault, and then Bruce left- your fault, then Dwayne died once again Maddie your fault, I think we can see a pattern merging here. The bridge is just up there; go on go, just run!"

I pull on the handle, throwing myself out of the car, looking back to see the usual smirk adorning his face; the whites of his shirt dripping in blood.

**Bruce's POV**

Luckily for him he is Bruce Wayne; anyone else speeds that fast they'd spend the night in a prison cell then the next morning in front of the judge. Luckily he knows car and even more luckier he brought his sister's car; he can recognise it anywhere. It's almost with relief that he sees it, he pulls behind it; empty. He slams the car door shut, frowning against the sun.

"Maddie no!"

**Maddie's POV**

"It's okay, there's no need to be afraid. You know what you have to do. It's the best thing. The best thing for everyone. It's something you should've done a long time ago. Jump. Just fucking jump Maddie."

I shake my head pitifully, there's no use in even arguing.

"I don't want to. I don't want to leave Mat."

His impatient, his tone becomes more desperate, his pace quickens.

"Yes you do, he'd be so much better off without you, you're a murderer, a person like that can't raise a child."

I turn to look him in the eyes, my hands out in a desperate plea.

"This isn't me; I'm sorry for killing you, please stop it now, please! There I said it, I said that I killed you and I was sorry please just go!"

"Maddie no!"

His voice calls to me, If the situation wasn't so bad I would laugh at the site of Bruce climbing; desperate not to fall; I make the snap decision before James can react and run.

"Maddie come back here now!" I throw myself into Bruce's arms; blocking out James' threats.

"Maddie, its ok I've got you its ok, everything will be fine. Let's get you home."

**(Later... ooooh!) **

I hold Mat, marvelling at the fact that for once he is still, not desperately reaching out for someone else, but here with me. Bruce knocks lightly on the door, pushing it open when I answer.

"What went wrong at the hospital Jane said the Chief just told her you wanted time off? I thought you said you were ok to go back? Maddie please tell me; if you're struggling we can help, we can all help. If you need to talk to anyone, then cost is no object. I'll get the best doctors out there if that's what you want."

I hold my hand up, before returning it to stroke Mat's curls; he stirs; letting out a soft yawn.

"Stop talking ... I mean it ... there is nothing to talk about. There is nothing to discuss."

He nods his head, liar.

"It doesn't sound like there's nothing to talk about, you've quit the job you once loved and I found you on a bridge..."

I turn Mat away from him, away from what I've become.

"And I told you there was nothing to discuss did you not hear me? You're hearing what I'm saying but you're not listening."

"Ok so nothing is wrong you keep telling yourself that, maybe soon you'll believe it, because I don't."

_I told you he wouldn't believe your lies forever Maddie. _

_"_Can you please... please, just get out? I want to be alone with my son."

He reaches for me, I'm unreachable.

"I can help you, we can all help you, you're just pushing us away, and I know something's going on Maddie. I want to know whose shirt that is that Mat sleeps with, I know it's not James'; you know it's not James' just stop with the lies."

"What are you talking about? I think those whacks you get to the brain hurt you more than what you think."

He towers over me, like my own judge and jury.

"James liked the designer stuff, that's custom made, I saw it I just want to hear you say whose it is, because I think I know. I just don't want to believe it."

"Know what, you don't know anything that's happened."

He scoffs his features harsh; looking at me like I never wanted him too.

"Really? I know a lot more than you think I do. I know that shirt is the Joker's; my question is what else are you hiding?"

I continue to stare at the floor, lost in my own thoughts and world. A world where I could confess. I continue to stare at the floor. Then, even without meaning to I look at Mat and then back to the floor. It was a natural reaction, but that little look gave everything away.

"Maddie...Maddie no. He can't be his son, Maddie, Mat can't be..."

We both stare at Mat, at the features of Jack we both know so well.

"He has his eyes...he has Jack's eyes and you know it, you've seen them."

"Jack, so he told you his name and then what, you just started sleeping with him? What was it not good enough for you that he kidnapped you; you had to sleep with him?"

As I suspected, his revulsion just keeps coming.

"Stop...stop talking like I've done something bad, I have done no worse than you, but no you always get away with it Bruce. This pedestal that you and everyone else put me on he didn't see me like that, he sees people and he saw me. I know it's hard for you to understand but I kissed him maybe once and then it was me who went to him...first. It was me who went to him, not the other way around."

He moves further away from me, distaste. Hurt. Pain.

"Why, when you know he has killed so many people, he doesn't care about the people he kills! He killed Rachael! They're just toys and pretty soon he'll do the same to you and Mat and I'll be damned if I'm letting anything happen to either one of you! He kills everyone who gets close to him; I could show you police file after police file of people he's killed and tortured Maddie."

"He may have killed people but he could have killed me and didn't; he could have killed our son but he didn't, his seen him you know."

Terror. Shock.

"The guy at the gallery that was him, the business guy at the hospital after I had Mat that was him. You're so blind by what you think you know of him that you will never understand what I feel for him...what we feel for each other."

He goes to walk out of the room, I am desperate.

"_Say anything, anything at all," I urge myself_.

"He knows who you are," he turns around, "he knows who Batman is, he knows all about you and he hasn't done anything. Yet you have, remember the last time you came up against him? He barely fought back, he didn't fight back much because of me; because I told him I would hate him forever if he hurt you bad."

He shakes his head. No. The last time he was this disappointed I'd snuck out the house to go to a party when I was younger; I never wanted to see that look again.

"I...I need time to think. Who are you Mads?"

Silence is so freaking loud. An explosion in space makes no sound... at all.

**Joker's POV**

"Sam is becoming a problem gentlemen," he should have admitted it sooner, but as they always say; better late than never.

Speed puts up a shaky hand; he's doing better lately; the wound supposedly doing well.

"Speedy?"

"Boss, I thought he would never come back? You've got guys everywhere and we've not seen him anywhere... he disappeared good boss."

He rolls his eyes and tuts, his tongue sneaking out to lick his dry, cracked lips.

"He can't stay hidden forever now can he? Think of it as a game of hide and seek boys. Sammy is hiding and we gotta go and hunt that little rat out. First one who brings him back gets a surprise."

The newest recruits look excited; the chance to please him is always welcomed.

"You all remember what he looks like, can't be too hard to forget, got a face only a mother could love eh boys?"

They laugh louder than he does, desperate to please, only Speed and Bozo stop when others carry on.

"Enough!"

One word and they quit yapping; he runs a hand against his neck; the old paint crumbles off.

"Find him and bring him to me. If you boys want a happy Joker," they each look nervously at each other, "then you'll get him for me."

"Boss?" He rolls his eyes, forcing a sickly sweet smile on his face.

"Yes Micky?"

"What if we can't find him?" He titles his head, considering.

"I don't believe in failure, because even by saying you've failed, you've admitted you attempted. And anyone who attempts is not a failure. Those who truly fail in my eyes are the ones who never try at all. The ones who sit on the couch and bitch and moan and wait for things to drop into their laps."

He steps closer.

"The ones who question what I tell them, that pisses me off too."

Another step.

"Failure isn't what I'm asking for, he is one man; one man against you lot shouldn't be able to run for much longer. Find him. I don't care where you look or how long for, find him."

They nod, silenced.

"Good, now go," he looks at Bozo and Speed, "all of you."

"I won't be happy with anything less than what I want."

He turns away from them, turning the scarf between his fingers; "_she_ won't accept anything less."

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**A/N: I told you it would be a long chapter! I hope this has been a good one and you could keep up with the continuing pov changes, all vital I can assure you! I got it out later than I wanted but it's still here! Thank you for being so patient and sticking with me! You all deserve a Joker for Christmas! Until I post again!**

**Yours,**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	26. Seven Days

**A/N: *Looks sheepish*... Hey, remember me? I know it's been ridiculously long since I updated but things have been happening and well you know the drill. But the crap updating is now long gone! I've pretty much been trying to write the last final chapters (oh yes the final is soon in site, sob) as I want to be able to finally finish this story, I've so many ideas I want to share with you guys! So without further ado, here is my latest chapter, enjoy! (A cheeky review will never be sneered upon!) **

**Chapter 25: Seven Days. **

You can do a lot in seven days. God made the world in seven days. The world could end in seven days. People could die in seven days. Life is just a countdown; what happens at the end of those seven days is more or less up to us; but that small percentage, that's not down to us, that's the part we can't control, the part we're so desperate to keep hold of. William Shakespeare once said 'all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances.' Seven days to meet someone. Seven days to ruin a life. Seven days to lose someone you love. All it takes is a mere change in our routine and we're done.

**Day One. **

**Maddie's POV**

I set the pen down after finishing yet another letter; I didn't even do this much writing at work. It's still early, though when I knocked on Bruce's door earlier the bed was made and the aftershave smell had faded; he'd gotten up early just to avoid me. I was expecting things between us to be hard, for us to never fit right again; like when you rip paper in half and then try and slot it back to how it was, the edges may fit but there's still that gap in between them, the chance that the thing truce could be broken again. I hide the letters at Alfred's footsteps, sliding them easily into my bag and snapping it shut; the pills rattle and I stare at them for a moment before stashing them to the back.

"Morning Miss Maddie, how are you today?"

"I'm fine," he looks at me, "so Bruce told you whats happened then huh?"

He fills up the kettle, busying himself before he answers, I take that as a certain 'yes'.

"He mentioned what happened, what's been happening between you and the erm Joker."

"What do you think?"

He turns to me, mug in hand. "Coffee, tea?"

"Tea please," unlike Bruce or even me he is bidding his time, not rushing into a fight.

"Anything to eat?"

I gesture towards my empty bowl, he tuts and turns the toaster on, adding the pop tarts. I watch his every movement; he never falters under my intense stare, he turns to me occasionally and smiles, humming some tune I know I should remember.

"Remember when we use to eat these when you were younger and had, what is it you call it? Ah yes the munchies?"

I take a large, un-lady like bite, ouch. "Yeah..."

"You always use to do that too," I laugh, touching my now tender lips.

"When you were younger I think you'd gone into Bruce's room and took something, he soon learnt about it and you were trading insults and you said that 'once I turn eighteen, I can cut myself off from everyone and finally get what I want, which is to be on my own, once and for all, away from you!"

I fiddle with the crust, nodding at the memory, what I actually took was Bruce's new laptop...which I spilt soda on...twice.

"For me, family means the silent treatment. At any given moment, someone is always not speaking to someone else; it was the same when I was younger and it's now the same with you and Master Bruce, families always the same."

"Really?"

Alfred points to the same between us.

"We're passive-aggressive people,' he explains, taking a sip of his coffee. "Silence is our weapon of choice. Right now, for instance, you and Master Bruce not talking to each other is just another form of your childhood, perhaps a more major fight than back then but still, silence is golden. And common, especially between two people who are exactly the same."

I spin my cup between my hands, memorised by the liquid. "I think this is a pretty big fight, I've hurt him real bad, I don't see how me drawing stick people versions of me and Bruce with 'I'm sowry' underneath with cut it this time."

He considers this as he takes another sip. "'I think when someone else does something worse then you need people on your side, so when you're fighting with that one person, you've always got someone to turn to, who will take a step back and listen, get the facts."

I clear my throat, trying to swallow the upset.

"Coming together, falling apart. Isn't that what families are all about?" I nod, thinking of all the times we've fought; the tears we've spilt, the words we've exchanged.

"It was just one of those things," I explain, "You know, that just happen. You don't think or plan. You just do it."

He re-fills his coffee and then my tea, "I don't exactly have... experience in this particular area but I always try to be honest when I do something or when I plan or doing something, the longer you leave something the worse it gets."

"So you're always honest," it's a statement more than anything, in my whole life Alfred has never once lied to me.

"Aren't you?"

"No," I tell him. "I'm not."

"Well, that's good to know, I guess, you're being honest there; I'd say that's something."

"I'm not saying I'm a liar," I answer quickly. Raised eyebrows.

"That's not how I meant to say it, anyways."

"How do you mean it, then?" He looks to me for an answer, even Mat stops crawling to look too.

"I just...I don't always say what I feel, or what I'm going through, in this instance I guess I was scared of his reaction."

"Why not, surely leaving things would make it worse, make him more upset?" "

Because the truth sometimes hurts," I reply, guiding Mat with my hand towards Alfred.

"Yes," he replies. "But lies do also."

I nod to Mat, clinging to Alfred's leg, his face hidden. "Once you love something, you always love it in some way. You have to. It's, like, part of you for good. I can't imagine myself not having met Jack, it's like there would always be something missing, even if I was never fully aware of what it was, it would always be there."

He smiles. Acceptance.

"Everyone has their weak spot Miss Maddie; we wouldn't be human if we didn't. The one thing that despite your best efforts will always bring you to your knees, regardless of how strong you are otherwise. For some people, it's love, even with the wrong person; but love is always good, it's not a form of evil, it's a form of good. Others, money or alcohol."

"What was yours?" I almost dread asking the question.

"Mine was even worse, Math." I snort, dabbing at my nose with tissue.

"Seriously I could never get my head around it, you would come home with math's papers and I'd have to send you elsewhere, not that you ever needed it."

"How long will he be mad?"

Alfred shrugs, "could be a few more days yet, although something this big he would probably like to attend to straight away."

"Thank you for being here Alfred."

"Don't be thankful, I've been doing this since you were born, looking after you."

He bends down Mat; his hands uncurl; begging to be held.

"And now I will help you look after this one."

"Can you look after him for a minute, just while I go out? I'll be back in literally an hour?"

He pauses, his voice hesitant. "Is everything alright?"

"Of course, I just have some... business to attend to."

I walk into the bistro I chose to meet her in; the volume surprises me, "just a little place, off the beaten track", she had said. I see Abbey wave at me and I'm instantly reassured; same hair, same smile, same Abbey. It's comforting. I slide into the booth, taking time to strip off my hat and scarf.

"How are you Maddie? I heard that you were on leave, things with the baby ok?"

"Things are fine; I just need you to do something for me, and not to tell anyone else at the hospital, even the Chief or Jane."

She gulps her drink down. The waiter appears at my side; "no thank you, I can't find my purse, I must have left it somewhere."

"I'll get this for you Maddie!" She reaches into her bag, my hand stopping her.

"Really it's ok Abbey, I've just had breakfast with Alfred, I'm still pretty full."

"If you're sure?" I nod, rubbing my numb hands together.

"Of course, so what can I do?"

I hand her the packaging; "Can you check this out for me please, tell me what exactly it is?"

She takes it like I'm handing her the Holy Grail itself; "absolutely, I'll get onto it straight away."

I lean back; I want to be wrong... I need to be wrong.

**Joker's POV**

He kicks the dry ground with the edge of his worn shoe; it's been so long since anyone's been back here; tended to this plot of land. Bozo however, has made sure the earth around the cross and the grave is neat as a grave can be.

"She better have gotten the note, swear if she hasn't he'll be..." he never gets to finish the threat; Maddie appears through the dense trees, her coat wrapped tight around her.

He pulls her into a hug, their bodies pull tight against each others.

"It's been a while since we've been here."

"Sure has doll, I just wanted to meet you somewhere no one would think to look for us."

She nods towards Dwayne's cross; "I still think about him sometimes, it's strange to think he's dead... I don't like it."

"No one likes it doll, hell his better off down there than we are up here."

She turns her ears as far into his coat as she can, blocking his dark words.

"Why do you still like me?"

He hadn't meant to say it out loud, just slipped out, can't blame it on the drink this time round.

"I don't like you, I love you." Of course.

"Why do you think?"

He wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her back into his arms. Closer. Not enough.

"So," she says. "Tell me."

"It doesn't matter, anyway, why you like me."

"No?"

"Nope." His hands are in her hair now, and she leans in, not able to totally make out his face, but his voice is clear, close to her ear.

"Just that you do."

"Everything will be ok" she whispers.

It was the first time in a long time that he didn't believe a word she says.

"It will."

He wants to tell her about Sam, of course he does, but he doesn't want to spoil it, the heavy burden he has, he must keep to himself. He'll tell when Sam's found and dead; one word can change the world.

**Maddie's POV**

I walk back in to the Manor; Alfred nods upstairs to me, 'Bruce?' I mouth, again he nods. His back is to me, his hands tracing the mirror frame, the pictures I have stuck into it.

"It's been a long night."

"Aren't they all?"

He laughs, turning to me finally, "I guess so, especially for some more than others."

I feel like a stranger in my own room, our eyes meet and Bruce's snap to the floor, his hands held out helplessly.

"I came to say... I want... I forgive you, for everything."

If I was a fool, which I'm not, I would have readily accepted that, but I know two things and one of them is Bruce doesn't forgive and forget.

"No, see I know you Bruce, you don't forgive me; you may think you do but really you don't. I fell in love with someone you and this entire city hates; and you should be mad, you wouldn't be you if you weren't; but don't be fake like them Bruce and pretend you're ok with me because you don't know how to talk to me right now, and look! You don't... you can't even look at me. You're so angry that like mom did with dad you think the only way you can deal with me is to say you forgive me and what... we pretend it didn't happen? We pretend my son isn't his but he looks like Jack every day and even you can't deny this; and I don't want you to, my son should know where he came from. Bruce look at me," he glances at me, focused on the centre of my face.

"It happened, and you don't forgive me, you don't look at my son and you keep avoiding me."

A look passes on his face; a look I use so often at work that I recognise it instantly. It was like looking in a mirror.

"You're right, I don't. But how am I supposed to act? He is evil; like a dog he could turn on you anytime he wants to. I don't see how you can love him, you may think he loves you but that isn't love; a man like that doesn't know how to love."

My grief turns into anger; he thought a man like James could love.

"He does I've felt it; we love each other and he loves Mat he may not say it but that isn't him and I don't want to hear it all the time; it's just enough to know he does. He can't say stuff like that; he went through crap we could only ever dream of; he finds it hard to show love but that doesn't mean he doesn't love me. You keep acting like I'm gonna leave Gotham and run off with him or become his partner in crime; it's not gonna happen Bruce; I'm staying here, whether you want me or not. I know you wish I had never met him but if I hadn't would Mat be Mat without those eyes? Or the way he laughs at weird things on the TV like its normal? Just because people do bad things, doesn't mean they are bad people."

"You knew the truth about him all along Maddie," he moves to the door now, "that's all that matters, you knew and you didn't tell me."

My voice becomes uncharacteristically serious. "You'd have said things you would have regretted. And you would never have been able to un-say them."

His eyes water. "Like now?"

It's so quiet, I can hear my own breathing, loud in my ears. Outside, the wind hits the glass panels, waves throwing themselves against the glass and then pulling themselves away. I think of everything being washed away, again and again. We make such messes in this life, both accidentally and on purpose. But wiping the surface clean doesn't really make anything any neater. It just masks what is below. It's only when you really dig down deep, go underground, that you can see who you really are.

**A/N: This chapter is a link to the next chapter, so while it's fresh in your minds I'll be bringing the next one out pretty damn soon and not to toot my own horn but it's gonna be big my friends. Thank you so much for all the reviews etc, we've passed my last reviews for my first story by miles and it's all thanks to you guys, you are literally the best! **

**Until we meet again!**

**Feels-Like-Paradise. **


	27. Is This What You Wanted?

**A/N: What's this you see, another chapter? Why yes it is! Thank you for still being with this story, you guys seriously are amazing. This chapter is for all of you. And what's this? Ah Mr Joker also said that you should press the review bottom at the bottom of the page...wouldn't argue with the man! **

**Chapter 27: 'Is This What You Wanted?' **

Some things aren't meant to last forever. All things must eventually end; like a good film, a song, even life must end. We can't run from it; you know the drill, there's just no point. I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, there are opposites everywhere; strength and weakness, good and bad, you can't have light without dark and you can't have love without loss. There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is.

**Day 2. **

**Maddie's POV**

It's times like this; when the Manor is quiet, when times are changing that I miss the company of Bruce; his easy going nature and his ability to make me feel like I'm needed in somewhere other than the hospital. In this time alone, you're left with your thoughts; the reality of what's happening, what has been done and what needs to be done. The floorboard creaks. I don't need to turn around. It's the inevitable.

"You miss me? I know I've been gone a couple of days but I deserve a break too now and again."

"Go away, for once just leave me alone, please just respect what I'm asking you and go!"

He stands in front of me, causing me to tilt my head back to look up at him, the light behind him casts light on him; he looks like an angel, a fallen angel. He shakes his finger at me, as one would a badly behaved dog. _Bad girl, look what you've done now._

"You didn't answer my question. I missed you, but hey I've got good memories to take away haven't I? Remember when we first met? Remember how good it felt, that someone actually loved you? I remember that one every day. I also remember you killing me that one I can't..."

"What's wrong with me? Something has to be wrong with me you don't just start randomly seeing your dead fiancé unless there is something seriously wrong with you."

For once James is quiet, thoughtful even.

"What, not gonna talk now, it's now you decide to shut up, what you couldn't have done that sooner? Is it something bad like a tumour or something on my brain or what because I honestly don't know, and I know I'm a doctor and I've spent years seeing people like this but there's always a story with it but I still don't know."

He's silent. Fear prickles my skin into a thousand goosebumps, fear closes my throat.

"But you deserved to die, I admitted I killed you and it's still not enough to make you go away. I lost my job and could lose my son because of you. But you deserved to die, after all you put me through you deserved it. It could have been so much worse; Jack could have killed you and he wouldn't have just killed you he would have tortured you, so be damn grateful it was me who picked up the gun that day and not him. Just please answer me what is wrong with me? What have you done to me?"

For once there is no mirth, no anger in his eyes...instead there's almost sadness?

"Why do you think it's me? This isn't real Maddie, I'm dead we both know I died, you saw it happen. There's nothing wrong with you so stop thinking there is and start thinking like a doctor not some scared little girl."

I lower my hands onto the bed, palms down, steady.

"See that's the thing James I am some scared little girl, I'm all alone and it's just you constantly in the background, making me feel like you always did."

"Can I carry on, that is when you've stopped interrupting?"

I flick my hand in his direction.

"Yeah sure knock yourself out, after all it's just me talking to myself right? Suppose it doesn't matter which one of us goes first."

He kneels down in front of me; his hands clasp my knees.

"There is nothing wrong with you and it's not me coming back from the dead in some weird Dawn of the dead kind of thing. Don't be so trusting of other people, don't listen to other people unless you know deep down that what they say is right. Look to those who you keep close to you, you might find your answers there, cause right now, this is all I can do for you."

He laughs, soft, so soft. "Guess that was deep coming from me huh?"

I choke on my crying and look down at him, my hands hesitantly on his.

"I loved you so much, so much it hurt me, I wasn't your dad James, I was never your dad yet you treated me like I was, you treated me no better than the people you arrested, I gave you everything yet it was never enough for you; you were always so jealous and so mad. I loved you so much I thought someday it will get better; someday you will change and then everything will be ok, I kept telling myself that for five years. It broke my heart to see you love others. You use to bring me so much pain for no reason at all; why, I want to fucking know why James?"

Fingertips meet. Hands trace. Peace.

"You weren't my first girlfriend, there were so many before you didn't matter if they were whores or whatever they still came before you. Then one day I saw you on the news you were with Bruce and that was it I wanted to..possess you, make you mine. Bringing you home was the first time I saw my old man happy, I couldn't let that go, you do understand don't you? I had to mark you and make others know you were mine, but that still didn't stop him..."

His nails dig into my skin.

"It didn't stop Stephen loving you or Bruce. It didn't stop Bruce taking you away from me. You always went off together you always had your own thing and I was jealous. You could have had me but you chose Bruce."

I sit there for a moment, studying each of us, taking in James' haunting gaze, the way he cocks his head slightly to the side. When I got to my own face, I find myself staring at it, so bright, with dark all around it, like it is someone I didn't recognise. Like a word on a page that you've printed and read a million times, that suddenly looks strange or wrong, foreign, and you feel scared for a second, like you've lost something, even if you're not sure what it is.

"Your phones ringing."

"Huh?" I realise he's right, and while I scramble for my cell he leaves me.

"Hello?"

"Hello Maddie, it's Abbey from the hospital, I got the test results back on the so called vitamin pills you gave me."

Stunned.

"Although the bottle does say vitamins and some of them are there was two other drugs in the bottles you gave me. The first was a sedative; the warning on the labels of such a sedative states that such side effects include drowsiness and poor concentration."

"And the other one?"

_I trusted you._

"The other was a form of hallucinogenic, although this was modified. It can cause the taker to have worse hallucinations than before; they appear even more human and life like, so much so you think they're simple part of your everyday life. But here's the thing I found out; like I said it was modified; it seems this pill can cause the images to be those of guilt..."

I am startled into parrot-like repetition.

"Guilt?"

"Yes mental tortures, frightening visions and major paranoia. So for example if the person taking this has immense feelings of guilt about, say a certain person that person will appear to them as though they never left."

"She planned it all, wanted me weak... get me out of my mind."

"Maddie?..." I don't need to see her to hear the sympathetic voice, her eyes will be going everywhere but my face, searching for the nearest exit. I put the phone down, letting it drop to the floor.

"Helena."

**(Showdown!)**

"Miss Madeline, now this is a surprise. Miss Helena's in the sun room, should I take you..."

"No, its fine thank you, I'll go."

I leave the old woman behind me, my fury not letting her anywhere near me.

"Madeline! I knew you'd come round soon, though if you called I would have had some refreshments made. Rose? Rose!"

I sit down, rattling the pills in her face.

"She won't be coming, I doubt she'll be bothering us, she seemed to think something was...wrong with me."

She leans forward in her seat, hands twirling the large diamond.

"And I suppose something is wrong with me, though you'd know all about that would you?" "

I... I have no idea, what the situation is... If you'd have let me come round lately maybe I would."

I shake my head, rolling the pills around in my hand.

"I take my baby to the toilet, how desperate is that?"

She nods, mute.

"I'll have to tell him though wont I? Why I'm always in his face, why I can never let him out of my sight, why I'm always scared of everything. He'll hate me cause I won't be able to let him go, I'll have to tell him why I'm such a freak and I'll tell him it was your fault."

She acknowledges me, her voice low.

"I really have no idea what you're saying to me, but you have no foundation for these accusations!"

"I've spent most of my son's life not being there for him, being too messed up on these pills that you've been feeding me. Sedatives, hallucinogenic, sound familiar?"

Her tongue darts out to lick her lips, lapping at the frosted gloss.

"I trusted you so much and I actually loved you. But all along you were trying to kill me and take him away. My boy, I've missed everything. Bruce was there for him, every smile, every laugh, when he first crawled, everything; he has been there."

"You've been busy with the hospital and for that you can't blame me... you can't blame me for anything."

I rattle the pills again, a silent reminder.

"I've not bonded with him at all, so I'll explain to him why I was never there, why its Bruce's voice in all the home videos. I can't make myself feel better, I've tried to but I couldn't; I just see you with him and I can't think of anything else. I know what I did was wrong and I get that, if I were in that position and it had been Mat I would want revenge, I don't deny you that."

She leans back, smirking; "so you've admitted it?"

"But we all know what James did to me and what Baron did to you so don't tell me he didn't deserve it. I let you love Mat even though he isn't yours to love. Now I've said what I came to say and I meant every word, but I mean this more; stay away from my family."

She's becoming flustered, her hands reaching for anything.

"How would you feel if someone killed Mathew? You would have done the same as me and more, I am just protecting my son and his memory."

I nod, pretending to consider.

"Don't you dare bring him into this, he will not turn into anything like James or even Baron. I don't care what you do now, move for all I care, tell people you can't bare to look at Mat without seeing James, just go."

Her hands release the pearls at her neck, her face white.

"You're being unreasonable I can't leave James!"

"What about James? You didn't care for him when he was alive, so why bother now?"

"Madeline now that's not fair!"

"Isn't it? The way I see it you're as bad as Baron, at least he was honest about it."

Her hands reach mine; the drink and god knows what makes them shake.

"Maddie please you knew what he did to me!"

"And look what you did to me and James! You never cared about him, even when he was small you cared about one person; you."

She shakes her head, grasping at my arm.

"Oh and let's not forget money. James waited his whole life for you to care, I blame you for the way he turned out."

Strands of her hair are coming loose, she looks scared; she should be, for once I am thinking clear.

I lean into her face; "leave us alone," I glance down at her hand on mine, "or I'll tell everyone."

**Sam's POV**

She's so close he could touch her if he wanted, instead he stay hidden, watching the exchange between the two women. Maddie does have a bite, and he must confess, he didn't think she would ever figure them out. Now that she has someone has to take the blame... it won't be him. She turns as soon as she sees him, wiping her face on the back of her hands; he curls his lip in distaste at the site of her.

"We have got to stop! I can't do this to her anymore, it's gone too far! You heard what she said! Please, stop!"

He holds her to him, soothing her back, his pulls away from her.

"Of course you can stop," she smiles, watery.

"But I will never stop, there's a problem I need to get rid of; two actual."

Her eyes widen at her meaning; she stumbles back, landing on the floor, he laughs; too easy, way too easy. He leans over her; his grip tightening on her neck; she soon stops struggling; her eyes go dead, her legs limp.

"Stupid bitch, should have listened."

**Maddie's POV**

"Come here little baby," Mat gurgles with delight as I crawl round the table chasing him.

"Ohh wait there, mommy has to answer her phone, cause a lot of people want to talk to mommy, don't they?"

"Hello?"

"Maddie, it's me Stephen."

I lean my elbows on the table, pretending to grab for Mat.

"Hi Stephen, what's up?"

"Maddie we're up at Helena's house..."

"Oh yeah?"

"Maddie, Helena... there's no easy way to say this but Helena, she's been murdered."

Even Mat stands to attention.

"She's what?"

"Her maid found her, she's been strangled, we just got the call. I'm so sorry, Rose said that you'd seen her today as well."

I nod, then realising he can't see me I answer properly.

"Yeah I did she was fine when I left and I didn't see anyone else there."

I look into the garden, squinting against the winter sun.

"Stephen, I'll talk to you later."

Sam. He waves at me, the dark shadow following me has finally merged into real, solid flesh. I back away.

"Mat, Mathew?"

I pick him up and rush to the door; locked. I run up to my bedroom; glad that I put Mat down before I looked up. I touch the red liquid, paint thankfully.

'Not just yet.'

I rest my head against the words, tears blurring my site. Not just yet but when?

* * *

**A/N: And we finish another chapter! What do you guys think? Helena finally get hers? This story is my baby and it's getting close to ending, I'm feeling a little sad! The next one will be out pretty soon, it's getting close! Thanks again for reading and giving me your opinions!**

**Yours,**

**Feels-Like-Paradise.**


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